# Geez, I'm 34 and I have a question about sex. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 17, 2005, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geez-im-34-and-i-have-a-question-about-sex/304253 "2005-05-17T16:10:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2005, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geez-im-34-and-i-have-a-question-about-sex/304253/1 "2005-05-17T16:10:20Z")
Man, I can’t believe I have to ask this. I feel like such a teenager. I thought I had figured everything out by now. (this is kind of amusing actually.) Anyyway, so if you’re having sex with somebody and it’s supposed to be a “Friends with benifits”" type thing; In other words no real comitment going on between the two of you; S/he says in the throws of passion: “Make love to me.” Should you STOP right then and there (asuming you didn’t love him/her) and be like “Whoa, wait a minute. This is a casual thing, right?” Or do you just shrug it off and keep going? ---
**Author:** ![vetbridge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5e925/32.png) [@vetbridge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vetbridge)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2005, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geez-im-34-and-i-have-a-question-about-sex/304253/2 "2005-05-17T16:13:29Z")
Shrug it off. Figuratively. IME “make love” is just a term that people use just like “screw” “copulate” “mad monkey f@ck” etc. ---
**Author:** ![belladonna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9fc29f/32.png) [@belladonna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/belladonna)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2005, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geez-im-34-and-i-have-a-question-about-sex/304253/3 "2005-05-17T16:20:29Z")
People actually use that phrase? How embarrassing for them. Had it been me I likely would have said “sorry, that one’s not in my repertoire” or something equally cheesy just so it wasn’t hanging there, unchallenged. Ick, it creeps me out just thinking about it though, so I don’t envy you the experience. ---
**Author:** ![Random](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/57b2e6/32.png) [@Random](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Random)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2005, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geez-im-34-and-i-have-a-question-about-sex/304253/4 "2005-05-17T16:25:23Z")
> [@vetbridge](#): > > Shrug it off. Figuratively. IME “make love” is just a term that people use just like “screw” “copulate” “mad monkey f@ck” etc. Agree. ---
**Author:** ![Stark\_Raven\_Mad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Stark\_Raven\_Mad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stark_Raven_Mad)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2005, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geez-im-34-and-i-have-a-question-about-sex/304253/5 "2005-05-17T16:29:19Z")
> [@vetbridge](#): > > Shrug it off. Figuratively. IME “make love” is just a term that people use just like “screw” “copulate” “mad monkey f@ck” etc. Thirded. ---
**Author:** ![UrbanChic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/9dc877/32.png) [@UrbanChic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UrbanChic)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2005, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geez-im-34-and-i-have-a-question-about-sex/304253/6 "2005-05-17T16:29:58Z")
> [@](#): > > People actually use that phrase? How embarrassing for them. Heh. You damn near took the words out of my mouth. If someone said that to me, they might as well toss a bucket of ice down my pants. As to the OP, if it had been me and my fuckbuddy said that, I don’t think I could have kept from laughing. I’m a gal, though, so make of that what you will. Maybe you should broach the subject later, in sort of a joking manner. It’s always good to know where you stand in such arrangements and make sure things aren’t progressing into undesirable territory. ---
**Author:** ![Wallenstein](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b5a626/32.png) [@Wallenstein](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wallenstein)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2005, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geez-im-34-and-i-have-a-question-about-sex/304253/7 "2005-05-17T16:33:09Z")
> [@SHAKES](#): > > S/he says in the throes of passion There’s the key - if I took seriously everything my missus said during her more passionate moments I’d not only be looking at a looooong time in purgatory, but more than likely facing several federal indictments 😉 ---
**Author:** ![devilsknew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4da419/32.png) [@devilsknew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/devilsknew)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2005, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geez-im-34-and-i-have-a-question-about-sex/304253/8 "2005-05-17T17:55:45Z")
Frickum Frackum! Argghhhh… The jaded people we have here! I hate to get on my high horse here, but the selfishness and general indifference that people display in this sport fucking thing seems to belie some genuine issues. Why must intimacy and intimate speak or an utterance of something a bit more tender be a turn-off or off limits? How can one disconnect themselves and sterilize this act of emotion so thoroughly? I believe this bespeaks genuine guilt and loathing and a conflict over your intentions. You want the sex but you don’t want the responsibility. Well, this act has deep meaning no matter how you try to rationalize it. There are consequences for the fucker and the fucked. So you better stop it with the casual sex bullshit…there is no such thing. And **Urban Chic** and **Belladonna** I believe that you are cruel and heartless. Why would you laugh or get creeped out at someone’s heart felt request and feelings during the most intimate act? Has sexuality become so barren of meaning that it’s no more than a bodily function to you and on par with pinching one off??? ---
**Author:** ![jimpatro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b9e5f3/32.png) [@jimpatro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jimpatro)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2005, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geez-im-34-and-i-have-a-question-about-sex/304253/9 "2005-05-17T18:21:12Z")
In a loving relationship I’d vote for the intimacy of the utterance “make love to me.” And occassionally “FUCK MY BRAINS OUT!!” Depends on the level of passion at the time. And actually one could lead to the other. In a casual relationship, the one thing I wouldn’t want to hear is “I love you.” ---
**Author:** ![belladonna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9fc29f/32.png) [@belladonna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/belladonna)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2005, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geez-im-34-and-i-have-a-question-about-sex/304253/10 "2005-05-17T18:27:15Z")
> [@devilsknew](#): > > And **Urban Chic** and **Belladonna** I believe that you are cruel and heartless. Well, I believe that you are naive and self-righteous. Now that we’ve got that out in the open, wanna fuck? ---
**Author:** ![UrbanChic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/9dc877/32.png) [@UrbanChic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UrbanChic)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2005, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geez-im-34-and-i-have-a-question-about-sex/304253/11 "2005-05-17T18:29:57Z")
> [@](#): > > Well, this act has deep meaning no matter how you try to rationalize it. This act has deep meaning _to you_. Not everyone sees sex as some deep, emotional bonding. That doesn’t mean these people see it as a sterile act, either. There is a gray area, you know. Just because you don’t beleive in casual sex, that does not mean it doesn’t it exist. Obviously it doesn’t work for you. It’s incorrect to say it’s bullshit. While it’s somewhat true, I am cruel, heartless and evil (I know you didn’t say that, but I’ll give you a bonus), I just haven’t had sex with anyone who uses the term ‘make love’. I find it funny, partly because it’s so dated, but mostly because it’s foreign to my ears. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2005, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geez-im-34-and-i-have-a-question-about-sex/304253/12 "2005-05-17T18:32:32Z")
> [@devilsknew](#): > > Has sexuality become so barren of meaning that it’s no more than a bodily function to you and on par with pinching one off??? Pretty much. I blame MTV and Janet’s nipple. ---
**Author:** ![gfloyd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d2c977/32.png) [@gfloyd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gfloyd)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2005, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geez-im-34-and-i-have-a-question-about-sex/304253/13 "2005-05-17T18:49:18Z")
I don’t think it’s all that antiquated and I’m 19. To me, it’s just another euphemism and not at all akin to “I love you.” But that’s just me. ---
**Author:** ![devilsknew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4da419/32.png) [@devilsknew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/devilsknew)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2005, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geez-im-34-and-i-have-a-question-about-sex/304253/14 "2005-05-17T18:54:31Z")
I don’t wanna fuck… [CUE THE BARRY WHITE] But Baby, I’ll turn you out and make sweet, sweet love to you. I’ll cover you in red rose petals and massage you with sweet smelling unguents and oils. The smell of our tender passion will perfume your soul and the gods will dance naked in our LUV incense… I will caress your body and realize you like a blind man…remembering every curve, every smooth silken crevice and round, sightless but seen. I will write an epic poem immortalizing your climaxing visage…[/CUE THE BARRY WHITE] Ahhh…Fuck it… Sure, let’s fuck! ---
**Author:** ![Feydeau](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/df788c/32.png) [@Feydeau](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feydeau)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2005, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geez-im-34-and-i-have-a-question-about-sex/304253/15 "2005-05-17T18:59:33Z")
> [@devilsknew](#): > > I don’t wanna fuck… > > [CUE THE BARRY WHITE] But Baby, I’ll turn you out and make sweet, sweet love to you. I’ll cover you in red rose petals and massage you with sweet smelling unguents and oils. The smell of our tender passion will perfume your soul and the gods will dance naked in our LUV incense… I will caress your body and realize you like a blind man…remembering every curve, every smooth silken crevice and round, sightless but seen. I will write an epic poem immortalizing your climaxing visage…[/CUE THE BARRY WHITE] > > Ahhh…Fuck it… > > Sure, let’s fuck! So… How _you_ doin’? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/2bfe46/32.png) [@John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Carter_of_Mars)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2005, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geez-im-34-and-i-have-a-question-about-sex/304253/16 "2005-05-17T19:29:22Z")
> [@vetbridge](#): > > Shrug it off. Figuratively. IME “make love” is just a term that people use just like “screw” “copulate” “mad monkey f@ck” etc. Yeah, what **vetbridge** said. ---
**Author:** ![jimpatro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b9e5f3/32.png) [@jimpatro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jimpatro)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2005, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geez-im-34-and-i-have-a-question-about-sex/304253/17 "2005-05-17T19:55:29Z")
Some women will just not talk dirty in bed. That’s the best you’re gonna get out of 'em. ---
**Author:** ![UrbanChic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/9dc877/32.png) [@UrbanChic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UrbanChic)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2005, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geez-im-34-and-i-have-a-question-about-sex/304253/18 "2005-05-17T19:59:18Z")
You know, jimpatro, that’s a really good point. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2005, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geez-im-34-and-i-have-a-question-about-sex/304253/19 "2005-05-17T20:24:56Z")
> [@devilsknew](#): > > I hate to get on my high horse here, but the selfishness and general indifference that people display in this sport fucking thing seems to belie some genuine issues. Why must intimacy and intimate speak or an utterance of something a bit more tender be a turn-off or off limits? How can one disconnect themselves and sterilize this act of emotion so thoroughly? > > I believe this bespeaks genuine guilt and loathing and a conflict over your intentions. You want the sex but you don’t want the responsibility. Well, this act has deep meaning no matter how you try to rationalize it. There are consequences for the fucker and the fucked. devilsknew makes a valid point…but so do Urban Chic and Belladonna…plus with their advice you get laid. :eek: =8 😃 ---
**Author:** ![TellMeI\_mNotCrazy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tellmei_mnotcrazy/32/3419_2.png) [@TellMeI\_mNotCrazy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TellMeI_mNotCrazy)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2005, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geez-im-34-and-i-have-a-question-about-sex/304253/20 "2005-05-17T21:02:38Z")
If I were to say something along the lines of “make love to me” in a casual sex relationship, it would probably mean something more like “I don’t want it rough, or dirty, or kinky this time; let’s do it soft and sweet.” It wouldn’t mean anything beyond that - not an avowal of love or any other feelings. Just my two cents. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geez-im-34-and-i-have-a-question-about-sex/304253.md?page=2)