# Geez, I'm 34 and I have a question about sex. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 17, 2005, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geez-im-34-and-i-have-a-question-about-sex/304253 "2005-05-17T16:10:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![FinnAgain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/finnagain/32/12500_2.png) [@FinnAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FinnAgain)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2005, 10:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geez-im-34-and-i-have-a-question-about-sex/304253/41 "2005-05-19T10:06:08Z")
Goddess damnit! End the tryst **if** necessary. I swear, I can’t post or preview for shit tonight. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2005, 10:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geez-im-34-and-i-have-a-question-about-sex/304253/42 "2005-05-19T10:17:24Z")
> [@Sattua](#): > > Not even gonna get _that_ out of me. Once upon a time, a lover gave me a funny look and said “stop calling me God.” Not a peep from me since then. Oh, wuvly! I had an anglo bf who drove me nuts because he’d get pissed if I started saying stuff in Spanish. He’d stop, get off and start yelling. Kind of hard to Relax And Enjoy if you’re having to watch your ohDioSSSSSSSes 😛 so of course we didn’t last much. Anything said in bed falls into two categories: - nonsense noise - instructions/requests The “make love to me” can be treated as either nonsense noise or an instruction to go down the path marked “slow and sweet”. ---
**Author:** ![LurkMeister](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3da27b/32.png) [@LurkMeister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkMeister)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2005, 12:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geez-im-34-and-i-have-a-question-about-sex/304253/43 "2005-05-19T12:47:23Z")
[minor hijack]Nava, your story reminds me of one time I was experimenting with (gasp!) cybersex. I had gotten together with a woman from Mexico whose English was better than my almost non-existant Spanish. I found it interesting to have her “saying” things like “OhDioosss” and “maaassss, maaaasss” and calling me Papito (IIRC).[/minor hijack] ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2005, 12:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geez-im-34-and-i-have-a-question-about-sex/304253/44 "2005-05-19T12:50:16Z")
> [@devilsknew](#): > > Frickum Frackum! Argghhhh… The jaded people we have here! > > I hate to get on my high horse here, but the selfishness and general indifference that people display in this sport fucking thing seems to belie some genuine issues. Why must intimacy and intimate speak or an utterance of something a bit more tender be a turn-off or off limits? How can one disconnect themselves and sterilize this act of emotion so thoroughly? > > I believe this bespeaks genuine guilt and loathing and a conflict over your intentions. You want the sex but you don’t want the responsibility. Well, this act has deep meaning no matter how you try to rationalize it. There are consequences for the fucker and the fucked. So you better stop it with the casual sex bullshit…there is no such thing. > > And **Urban Chic** and **Belladonna** I believe that you are cruel and heartless. Why would you laugh or get creeped out at someone’s heart felt request and feelings during the most intimate act? Has sexuality become so barren of meaning that it’s no more than a bodily function to you and on par with pinching one off??? [gentle mod chiding]Just a little over the top for IMHO, don’tcha think?[/gentle mod chiding] ---
**Author:** ![Tixenfleaz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e9a140/32.png) [@Tixenfleaz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tixenfleaz)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2005, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geez-im-34-and-i-have-a-question-about-sex/304253/45 "2005-05-19T15:52:49Z")
(Slight Hijack) In somewhat the same vein, what are some Doper opinions on passionate kissing while having sex with an FB? In my own encounters, maybe 3/4 of my FB’s were into it, while the rest certainly were not. Does that jibe with everyone elses experience? Or am I committing a FB faux pas? (Slight Hijack) ---
**Author:** ![TellMeI\_mNotCrazy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tellmei_mnotcrazy/32/3419_2.png) [@TellMeI\_mNotCrazy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TellMeI_mNotCrazy)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2005, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geez-im-34-and-i-have-a-question-about-sex/304253/46 "2005-05-19T15:58:16Z")
IMHO, it isn’t good sex if there isn’t some good kissing. Hell, that’s half the fun, in my opinion. I’d be a little puzzled by someone who was comfortable having sex with me, but not kissing me. To me, that would be bizarre. ---
**Author:** ![Tixenfleaz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e9a140/32.png) [@Tixenfleaz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tixenfleaz)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2005, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geez-im-34-and-i-have-a-question-about-sex/304253/47 "2005-05-19T16:18:30Z")
> [@TellMeI'mNotCrazy](#): > > I’d be a little puzzled by someone who was comfortable having sex with me, but not kissing me. To me, that would be bizarre. Glad to hear it. I thought it was a bit strange myself. I can get around it, but it still kind of detracts from the experience. ---
**Author:** ![vetbridge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5e925/32.png) [@vetbridge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vetbridge)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2005, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geez-im-34-and-i-have-a-question-about-sex/304253/48 "2005-05-19T17:02:52Z")
> [@SHAKES](#): > > This last one in particular, I was EXTRA carefull with. If you would care to scan and post your copy of the contract (white out any names or such) and we can evaluate your level of caution. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![flight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbce88/32.png) [@flight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flight)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2005, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geez-im-34-and-i-have-a-question-about-sex/304253/49 "2005-05-19T18:34:18Z")
> [@belladonna](#): > > People actually use that phrase? How embarrassing for them. People say crazy shit during sex. One time I called this girl “Mom.” ---
**Author:** ![jimpatro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b9e5f3/32.png) [@jimpatro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jimpatro)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2005, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geez-im-34-and-i-have-a-question-about-sex/304253/50 "2005-05-19T18:36:25Z")
**TellMeI’mNotCrazy** > [@](#): > > IMHO, it isn’t good sex if there isn’t some good kissing. Hell, that’s half the fun, in my opinion. I’d be a little puzzled by someone who was comfortable having sex with me, but not kissing me. To me, that would be bizarre. This has been an issue with several partners, FBs and SOs. It was a matter of distraction. The kissing was hot and heavy during foreplay and up to being on the verge. Then any other stimulus besides genital contact would hinder completion. I’m just sayin’. ---
**Author:** ![devilsknew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4da419/32.png) [@devilsknew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/devilsknew)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2005, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geez-im-34-and-i-have-a-question-about-sex/304253/51 "2005-05-19T20:04:05Z")
I am a Psychotronic Love Commando, defender of Eros, huntsman of Venus sent to restore the Temple of Love. Aphrodite is tired of your profanity. You rape her everytime you have sex without Love. But seriously… Look, I’m not some prude about sex or anything…far from it. I am just a bit taken aback and continuously dispapointed by what I see as the continous reduction of sex, as opposed to its elevation. I hate to see Love and its natural component sex, diminished. Sex is sacramental and imbued with great power as the act of procreation. It has an emotional component by default, it is the highest emoter…passion, ecstacy, pleasure. You cannot divorce yourself from sexual emotion with indifference or an artificial agreement… much strife lies here. So harden yourself if you must, take the natural Love component out of sex, profane the act and remove it from sanctity all you wish. Quantity is not quality. Sex without Love is masturbation. Reduce it to the base animal act if you can… never feel, never commit. It’s a lonely path and unfulfilling. Enter the Temple and get yourself right. Oh, and **matt\_mcl** as far as I’m concerned, sex without Love is limited potentiality by definition. ---
**Author:** ![Loopydude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e56c9b/32.png) [@Loopydude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loopydude)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2005, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geez-im-34-and-i-have-a-question-about-sex/304253/52 "2005-05-19T20:34:10Z")
> [@devilsknew](#): > > I hate to get on my high horse here… Mm-hmmm. :dubious: This jaded fiend says do her. Oh, and ask her to lay off the mushy talk if it freaks you out. ---
**Author:** ![vetbridge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5e925/32.png) [@vetbridge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vetbridge)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2005, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geez-im-34-and-i-have-a-question-about-sex/304253/53 "2005-05-19T20:38:49Z")
> [@devilsknew](#): > > Sex without Love is masturbation. Let me be the first to say, aint nothing wrong wif dat! ---
**Author:** ![devilsknew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4da419/32.png) [@devilsknew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/devilsknew)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2005, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geez-im-34-and-i-have-a-question-about-sex/304253/54 "2005-05-19T20:43:13Z")
> [@vetbridge](#): > > Let me be the first to say, aint nothing wrong wif dat! Yea, but what’s the point? ---
**Author:** ![UrbanChic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/9dc877/32.png) [@UrbanChic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UrbanChic)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2005, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geez-im-34-and-i-have-a-question-about-sex/304253/55 "2005-05-19T20:55:44Z")
> [@devilsknew](#): > > But seriously… > > Sex is sacramental and imbued with great power as the act of procreation. It has an emotional component by default, it is the highest emoter…passion, ecstacy, pleasure. You cannot divorce yourself from sexual emotion with indifference or an artificial agreement… much strife lies here. > > So harden yourself if you must, take the natural Love component out of sex, profane the act and remove it from sanctity all you wish. > Quantity is not quality. > Sex without Love is masturbation. > Reduce it to the base animal act if you can… never feel, never commit. > > It’s a lonely path and unfulfilling. > > Enter the Temple and get yourself right. What? Are you really buying this stuff? I mean, I can dig if you’re not into fuckbuddies–they’re obviously not for everyone. But what’s all this business about masturbating on a lonely path to the love temple? Oh, sorry. I meant Love Temple. It may seem unfulfilling _to you_, but it sure as heck wasn’t _to me_. You don’t seem to be getting that, though. > [@](#): > > You cannot divorce yourself from sexual emotion with indifference or an artificial agreement Stop it. Stop telling people what they can’t do. Not everyone operates within your sexual paradigm. ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2005, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geez-im-34-and-i-have-a-question-about-sex/304253/56 "2005-05-19T21:04:52Z")
> [@devilsknew](#): > > I am a Psychotronic Love Commando, defender of Eros, huntsman of Venus sent to restore the Temple of Love. > Aphrodite is tired of your profanity. You rape her everytime you have sex without Love. [Hold up there, honey! How about a quick chat with the goddess herself before you take her name in vain?](http://www.pantheon.org/articles/a/aphrodite.html?esc) (Seriously, mate, get off it. Sex means whatever the participants want it or believe it to mean.) ---
**Author:** ![The\_Weird\_One](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7bcc69/32.png) [@The\_Weird\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Weird_One)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2005, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geez-im-34-and-i-have-a-question-about-sex/304253/57 "2005-05-19T21:13:16Z")
> [@flight](#): > > People say crazy shit during sex. One time I called this girl “Mom.” :eek: That beats me. One time I growled during sex. Completely unintentional, I swear. To his credit, he let me finish before he started teasing me abou tit. Er, about it. 😃 > [@Sattua](#): > > Not even gonna get that out of me. Once upon a time, a lover gave me a funny look and said “stop calling me God.” Not a peep from me since then. That’s awful. I love listening to the person I’m having sex with. I wish my bf would vocalize more. > [@SHAKES](#): > > I was more or less trying to figure out what the hell it is I’m doing that leads these women to believe I wanted something more. I mean if I would have known from the word go that they were going to get their feelings all hurt over this deal, I never would have done it. (At least I like to think I wouldn’t have.) I find casual sex a tricky proposition, beyond a one-night stand. If I like the guy I’m having sex with, then my emotions tend to get carried away. If I don’t like the guy, I don’t want to have sex with him. My solution is to avoid having sex with guy friends that I’m going to get too attached to if we have sex. Unfortunately, a lot of women (I used to be one of them) think that if you can snag the guy through sex, you can lure him in to a more meaningful relationship. Manipulative? Why, yes, extremely. This is why most of my friends are guys. ---
**Author:** ![vetbridge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5e925/32.png) [@vetbridge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vetbridge)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2005, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geez-im-34-and-i-have-a-question-about-sex/304253/58 "2005-05-19T21:39:55Z")
> [@devilsknew](#): > > Yea, but what’s the point? Duh…pleasure. Ideally mutual. _checks to do list_ 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Dunderman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecb155/32.png) [@Dunderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunderman)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2005, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geez-im-34-and-i-have-a-question-about-sex/304253/59 "2005-05-19T21:43:11Z")
> [@SHAKES](#): > > I feel like such a teenager. You mean you’re not? Aren’t you the teenaged guy who’s always talking about how hot Paris Hilton is? ---
**Author:** ![Loopydude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e56c9b/32.png) [@Loopydude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loopydude)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2005, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geez-im-34-and-i-have-a-question-about-sex/304253/60 "2005-05-19T21:49:30Z")
> [@Sattua](#): > > Once upon a time, a lover gave me a funny look and said “stop calling me God.” Not a peep from me since then. Awright. I wasn’t gonna, but I just gotta. I _swear_ this is true. So I was going down on this woman, which I do with great enthusiasm, and after bringing her to an absolutely screaming climax she moans, pants, and blurts out “You are a GOD!” Now, this is _not_ something I get told very often. Never, actually, before or since. You should have seen my head pop up from the Altar of Venus when I heard that? “What?” I said, in pure disbelief. “Did you call me…a _god_??” I probably should have just let that go completely, but you have to understand my overmastering astonishment. Poor girl. She’s lying there on her back in, you know, that position, me staring at her in wide-eyed amazement, while her post-coital brain unscrambles. “Uhhhh…I said ‘oh my god’ I think.” “No, you said I was a GOD! Hah!” “Get over yourself.” She then proceded to return the favor, and hit me back with “What, I’m not the goddess, now?” And with 100% po-faced earnestness I replied “You’re better, even!” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geez-im-34-and-i-have-a-question-about-sex/304253.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geez-im-34-and-i-have-a-question-about-sex/304253.md?page=4)