# Gender differences in message board behaviors? **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [July 18, 2009, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gender-differences-in-message-board-behaviors/503470 "2009-07-18T20:30:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2009, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gender-differences-in-message-board-behaviors/503470/1 "2009-07-18T20:30:16Z")
Few of us clearly state our gender when we post and yet readers often make some presumption of our gender state. Sometimes posters are (for reasons unclear to me) offended if they are presumed a male when they are female or visaversa. In [this Pit thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=11353049#post11353049) my gender was incorrectly presumed (being called an old hag and addressed as “lady”) by another poster and the response to my question of _why_ such a conclusion was made with such certainty (albeit mistaken certainty) got me thinking about whether or not there are identifiable differences in posting behaviors between the genders, at least in general trends. It seems to me that at least there are gender differences in who posts where. My impression is that GD, for example, attracts a larger selection of males, and that IMHO and MPSIMS are _relatively_ more female populated. Do others concur with that impression? If so why is it so? (I have my hypothesis but I’d rather hear others’ first.) And within a thread, or a board, do you think that females and males post in significantly different ways? Does the answer signify anything of greater import about our society? BTW, a humble request: anything snarky belongs back in that Pit thread, not here. Thank you. ---
**Author:** ![Jihi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jihi/32/17768_2.png) [@Jihi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jihi)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2009, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gender-differences-in-message-board-behaviors/503470/2 "2009-07-18T21:08:57Z")
FWIW I’ve tried to never assume that any specific poster is one gender or another based on where they happen to be posting at. One thing I have noticed is that I tend to have these little “characteristic profiles” that I unconsciously assemble for frequent posters and gender is usually a part of that. (Poster A is a man/woman, Liberal/Conservative, Gay/Straight, this one is a movie buff, this one over here likes baseball, that one over there is a comic fan etc…) Something else that’s interesting to me is that I do in fact have gender assignments for most people but as a long time reader of the boards I honestly couldn’t tell you how I originally came to those conclusions. For instance I knew your were a man, **DSeid** , before I read your OP but I don’t know if that’s because of how you post/where you post or if you indicated your gender at some point in another thread over the last eight years and I just mentally “checked that box” in your profile. As an infrequent poster with a gender neutral name I’m sure other people don’t know what gender I am either. It’s not really a big deal to me though. ---
**Author:** ![constanze](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f9ae1b/32.png) [@constanze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/constanze)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2009, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gender-differences-in-message-board-behaviors/503470/3 "2009-07-18T21:30:48Z")
We had a thread some time ago about how writers of books differ in their style based on whether they were women or men. The conlusion was that while there were some characteristics of a “typical female writing style and typical male style”, (more emphasis on feelings, different descriptions etc.) a lot of authors weren’t typical enough to pinpoint their genders (without other clues) and some authors even (purposefully or unintentionally) imiate the “typical” style of the opposing gender. I think the same applies to posts here: some are typically male / female, a lot are neutral, and some sound male though the poster is female and vice versa. I also notice (maybe culturally based) that I tend to assume posters gender based on their names, if the name isn’t neutral / meaningless to me. That, too, is sometimes a wrong guess. ---
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2009, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gender-differences-in-message-board-behaviors/503470/4 "2009-07-19T00:02:51Z")
So what exactly sounds typically male or female in MB post? (I can see a novel writing style to some degree, even though I’d be poor at identifying it myself, but MB posting seems like an even tougher nut to crack.) ---
**Author:** ![Syntropy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/65b543/32.png) [@Syntropy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Syntropy)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2009, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gender-differences-in-message-board-behaviors/503470/5 "2009-07-19T00:16:43Z")
Thank you for starting the thread. As I said in [this post](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=11353049&postcount=164): > [@Syntropy](#): > > I don’t see societally imposed behaviors or pressure to conform to those behaviors as being gender based necessarily; I do see how we go about doing it as different\*. Just my opinion, but from what I have observed\*\*, everyone wants to be accepted. Men approach this from a currency of respect while women approach it from a position of approval. Both are emotion based (in fact, I think everything we do is at its base emotional to some extent). While both can be gained and lost, ISTM that respect is a more direct approach while approval is more passive. Both draw arbitrary distinctions depending on the parties involved. > > I feel like I’m rambling to make a small point. Hope it made sense. > \*Please note: I am not espousing one over the other or calling either ‘bad.’ I do feel, though, that pretending the differences we do have don’t exist is just as destructive as stereotyping and over-stressing differences that may not be there at all. > > \*\*Again, I’m aware this is a generalization and merely my observation. I am not saying all men or all women fall under these broad categories. I don’t believe this is only true on message boards. ---
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2009, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gender-differences-in-message-board-behaviors/503470/6 "2009-07-19T00:28:16Z")
How would you differentiate looking for respect from looking for approval? FWIW, my take is that men are a bit more likely to engage competitively and women more likely cooperatively, but there is so much overlap that it seems pretty useless on a practical level. ---
**Author:** ![Syntropy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/65b543/32.png) [@Syntropy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Syntropy)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2009, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gender-differences-in-message-board-behaviors/503470/7 "2009-07-19T00:56:26Z")
I don’t think so. ISTM that approval requires more of a degree of feeling than does respect. Respect seems to be based on a progression of actions. I respect my boss. He’s consistent, his decisions and judgment are sound. Even if I disagree with him I still respect him. Approval seems based less on whether or not you (general you) like someone. There are people on this board that I don’t know well enough to like or dislike but I respect their opinions. ---
**Author:** ![Jihi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jihi/32/17768_2.png) [@Jihi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jihi)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2009, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gender-differences-in-message-board-behaviors/503470/8 "2009-07-19T01:21:41Z")
I gotta go with **Syntropy** on this one. “Respect” is more logical than “Approval” is. Respect is more about being able to support an opinion than simply expressing one. There are plenty of posters whose opinions I respect because I get the impression they have thought their stances through and have reached a reasonable conclusion. That doesn’t mean I agree with them necessarily. As a matter of fact… If I’m skimming a thread and I see their name I’ll specifically stop and read their post precisely because I know they’re likely to hold a differing opinion from myself, and I’ll want to know what they have to say on a given subject. Liking or approving of someone in particular is a more incidental occurrence. It comes through a process of reading their posts and getting a sense of whether they’re genuine or not and where they stand on specific issues and what there general temperament is like. Someone can get me to respect them simply by acting in a consistent fashion. But approval comes through familiarity and a sense of who they are as a person. If I like someone I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt if they say something asinine. But if I simply respect someone they still need to support themselves, otherwise they may lose that respect. I can respect someone without “approving” of them. But I can’t “approve” of someone without respecting them, if that makes any sense at all. ---
**Author:** ![athelas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@athelas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/athelas)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2009, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gender-differences-in-message-board-behaviors/503470/9 "2009-07-19T01:42:49Z")
> [@DSeid](#): > > FWIW, my take is that men are a bit more likely to engage competitively and women more likely cooperatively, but there is so much overlap that it seems pretty useless on a practical level. One quote I heard elsewhere seems to fit here: “Men try to win the argument in order to win over the group; women try to win over the group in order to win the argument.” ---
**Author:** ![Jihi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jihi/32/17768_2.png) [@Jihi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jihi)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2009, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gender-differences-in-message-board-behaviors/503470/10 "2009-07-19T02:22:04Z")
> [@athelas](#): > > One quote I heard elsewhere seems to fit here: “Men try to win the argument in order to win over the group; women try to win over the group in order to win the argument.” Women who are losing an argument turn to the closest person and say “What do you think?” Men who are losing an argument turn to the closest person and say “Fuck You!” I’m terribly sorry, I thought that was funny. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![XT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xt/32/456_2.png) [@XT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/XT)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2009, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gender-differences-in-message-board-behaviors/503470/11 "2009-07-19T03:30:06Z")
> [@](#): > > It seems to me that at least there are gender differences in who posts where. My impression is that GD, for example, attracts a larger selection of males, and that IMHO and MPSIMS are relatively more female populated. I don’t really go into IMHO or MPSIMS much, honestly, but my impression is that the majority of posters in GD are male. Maybe it has to do with confrontation…or, maybe it’s my own gender bias. Personally I don’t usually think of a posters gender when I’m reading or responding to them…it’s really the quality (or lack) of their posts not whatever sexual equipment they have (or the color of their skin or their religious views or lack of same) that I’m interested in. > [@](#): > > Do others concur with that impression? If so why is it so? Were I to speculate, I’d say that males are more confrontational…and, on this board I think GD is seen (rightfully) as the confrontational forum. As I said, I don’t really know about the other forums…I generally stick to GD or GQ, occasionally look in CS or the Game room, less frequently The Pit. I’m familiar with only a handful of posters on a regular basis. I don’t really have a mental picture of whether or not they are male or female, by and large, unless they have specifically stated which in the past (and assuming I actually remember, which would be a stretch). Another bias about posters besides gender would be…age. -XT ---
**Author:** ![Zoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/a4c791/32.png) [@Zoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zoe)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2009, 9:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gender-differences-in-message-board-behaviors/503470/12 "2009-07-19T09:03:46Z")
I’m amazed at how many male posters make generalizations about groups that imply that all of the group consists of males when it obviously doesn’t. For example, in a current thread in a discussion of Muslims, a male poster says that Muslims are promised that they will get to have sex with 77(sic) virgins when they enter paradise. No one remarks that at least 50% of Muslims aren’t interested in sex with a virgin. I see this assumption of maleness in male posts frequently, but I don’t see a parallel in female posts. ---
**Author:** ![Tabby\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Tabby\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tabby_Cat)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2009, 9:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gender-differences-in-message-board-behaviors/503470/13 "2009-07-19T09:35:09Z")
Generally, yes. Or at least, I think so. But on the other hand, I think the name of the poster also affects whether a poster is viewed as male or female, more so than the actual content of the post. For example, I’ve had quite a few people mistake me for being female, even though I think the typical style of my posts and the content of those posts are very “maleish”. ---
**Author:** ![tomndebb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b9e5f3/32.png) [@tomndebb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tomndebb)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2009, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gender-differences-in-message-board-behaviors/503470/14 "2009-07-19T21:12:36Z")
> [@Zoe](#): > > I’m amazed at how many male posters make generalizations about groups that imply that all of the group consists of males when it obviously doesn’t. For example, in a current thread in a discussion of Muslims, a male poster says that Muslims are promised that they will get to have sex with 77(sic) virgins when they enter paradise. No one remarks that at least 50% of Muslims aren’t interested in sex with a virgin. > > I see this assumption of maleness in male posts frequently, but I don’t see a parallel in female posts. That’s possible. Of course, there is also the possibility that the statement was so stupid and ill-considered that no one thought it was worth challenging . Only one poster responded to that, correcting some factual details without bothering to mess with the overall silliness. (And what sort of heterosexualist are you to presume that Muslim women would not enjoy finding 77 or 72 virgins awaiting them? 😃 ) ---
**Author:** ![Lobohan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobohan/32/79_2.png) [@Lobohan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobohan)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2009, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gender-differences-in-message-board-behaviors/503470/15 "2009-07-19T21:16:25Z")
> [@tomndebb](#): > > That’s possible. > > Of course, there is also the possibility that the statement was so stupid and ill-considered that no one thought it was worth challenging . Only one poster responded to that, correcting some factual details without bothering to mess with the overall silliness. > > (And what sort of heterosexualist are you to presume that Muslim women would not enjoy finding 77 or 72 virgins awaiting them? 😃 ) You know, dudes can be virgins too. On topic: I assume that anyone posting with authority in a Star Trek thread is male. ---
**Author:** ![XT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xt/32/456_2.png) [@XT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/XT)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2009, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gender-differences-in-message-board-behaviors/503470/16 "2009-07-20T03:12:00Z")
[QUOTE=Lobohan] On topic: I assume that anyone posting with authority in a Star Trek thread is male. [/QUOTE] The person I know in real life with the most encyclopedic knowledge of Star Trek is a woman, so, you might want to check your premise even there. 😉 [QUOTE=tomndebb] (And what sort of heterosexualist are you to presume that Muslim women would not enjoy finding 77 or 72 virgins awaiting them? ) [/QUOTE] For that matter, even heterosexual men may not want 77 or 72 virgins. I certainly don’t. Personally, I want the gods to grant me 72 30-40 year old, slightly plump females of questionable virtue… -XT ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2009, 12:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gender-differences-in-message-board-behaviors/503470/17 "2009-07-20T12:58:37Z")
> [@xtisme](#): > > For that matter, even heterosexual men may not want 77 or 72 virgins. I certainly don’t. Personally, I want the gods to grant me 72 30-40 year old, slightly plump females of questionable virtue… > > -XT And with kinks that are complementary to my own…😃 ---
**Author:** ![Lanzy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/74df32/32.png) [@Lanzy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lanzy)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2009, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gender-differences-in-message-board-behaviors/503470/18 "2009-07-20T13:47:37Z")
I Never read a post with gender of the poster in mind. In fact I rarely look at the name of the poster at all. The words are important, not who says them. ---
**Author:** ![Syntropy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/65b543/32.png) [@Syntropy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Syntropy)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2009, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gender-differences-in-message-board-behaviors/503470/19 "2009-07-20T13:58:51Z")
> [@Zoe](#): > > I’m amazed at how many male posters make generalizations about groups that imply that all of the group consists of males when it obviously doesn’t. For example, in a current thread in a discussion of Muslims, a male poster says that Muslims are promised that they will get to have sex with 77(sic) virgins when they enter paradise. No one remarks that at least 50% of Muslims aren’t interested in sex with a virgin. > > I see this assumption of maleness in male posts frequently, but I don’t see a parallel in female posts. First: I’m female. Second: In that thread I did [try to support my reasoning](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=11352655&postcount=160) for what I perceived to be a female poster vice a male poster: > [@me](#): > > > [@Dseid](#): > > > > And I have no interest in confirming or denying my gender to you (it is also of no consequence to this discussion), but, I do wonder, why, in this anonymous message board environment, have you concluded with such certainty what my gender is, and to my ear in such a condescending manner (“hag”, for example)? > > > > Really. I am curious. > > Fair enough question. One main reason. Your answers are mostly emotive and intuitive: > > your objection based on the hurt feelings of another > your insults are more passive aggressive than direct > your personal anecdote showing strong emotion over an occurrence from over 40 years ago > your attempt at using guilt and shame as a motivator (such as using groupthink/peer pressure: “Hey, guys! Syntropy says…”) > > While none of these stamp ‘female’ across posts, all of them together do imply it. > > Please note: I do not mean to imply men do not show emotion in their posts. They do. Generally however that emotion is conveyed in a different manner. The earmarks that drew me to infer that you are female are those I outlined above. If I was wrong in that inference I do apologize. As athelas pointed out women are more likely to attempt to include the group in castigation of an outsider or someone by whom they feel threatened while men are more likely to take a direct approach. In addition, most men are less likely to dredge up past hurts to use as an analogy for current disagreement which shows why the other person should be thoroughly ashamed of themselves and instead stick to logical points as to why the other person is an asshole and always will be. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2009, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gender-differences-in-message-board-behaviors/503470/20 "2009-07-20T14:14:49Z")
Gender (including my own) is incorrectly assumed enough that I’d look good and hard at any studies of gender-related writing style. What’s odd, though, is that I’ve noticed saying ‘You write like a man’ is often intended as – or assumed to be – a kind of compliment. I definitely know of women who make a point of disguising their gender on certain boards to prevent anyone from discounting their opinion or questioning their fandom (or soliciting nude pics). For the most part, on the SDMB, I think it has to do with ‘male’ or ‘female’ user names (though even then, I suppose it’s weird how we see some words as male and others female, beyond ‘[blank’s]Mom.’ I certainly won’t be assuming anyone whose username starts with **ms** is a lady anymore, that’s for sure.) On interesting incident on the Dope – there was recently a thread about a Doper teacher posting stuff online and several times posters referred to him as a ‘her’ and ‘she,’ despite evidence to the contrary. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gender-differences-in-message-board-behaviors/503470.md?page=2)