# Gender divide? Feminist Overkill? (I'm not sure what to title this thread) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 23, 2010, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gender-divide-feminist-overkill-im-not-sure-what-to-title-this-thread/526077 "2010-01-23T04:33:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2010, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gender-divide-feminist-overkill-im-not-sure-what-to-title-this-thread/526077/61 "2010-01-23T19:20:47Z")
> [@astro](#): > > While it is true than _some_ people go into bars with the intent of engaging in a political debate, you can usually spot them easily as they are they are sitting by themselves at the bar poised for a rhetorical challenge. Do you go to bars? ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2010, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gender-divide-feminist-overkill-im-not-sure-what-to-title-this-thread/526077/62 "2010-01-23T19:21:48Z")
> [@astro](#): > > I’ve found that most people who love to do this are professional attention whores. As opposed to people who love to inject their silly opinions about what “most people” do or don’t go to bars for? As I recall, the OP wasn’t directed to you. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2010, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gender-divide-feminist-overkill-im-not-sure-what-to-title-this-thread/526077/63 "2010-01-23T19:24:08Z")
> [@DianaG](#): > > Their way of being nice sucks, and how will they improve if not given proper correction? Well, since your way of being nice is the only proper way to be nice, the only solution is to publicly execute them. If you don’t like the way they are nice, don’t hang around them. If encountering people with different ways of being nice is too much for you, then stay home. IF you think that anyone, who offends you in any way need correction, then you’re the one with the problem. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2010, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gender-divide-feminist-overkill-im-not-sure-what-to-title-this-thread/526077/64 "2010-01-23T19:27:07Z")
Well, my way of being nice isn’t to be a condescending prick. And yes, I’m firmly of the opinion that condescending pricks need some correction. You, of course, are welcome to hang out with people who are condescending pricks to you, if that’s your thing. ---
**Author:** ![Revenant\_Threshold](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f1d935/32.png) [@Revenant\_Threshold](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revenant_Threshold)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2010, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gender-divide-feminist-overkill-im-not-sure-what-to-title-this-thread/526077/65 "2010-01-23T19:29:12Z")
> [@Zebra](#): > > If you don’t like the way they are nice, don’t hang around them. If encountering people with different ways of being nice is too much for you, then stay home. > IF you think that anyone, who offends you in any way need correction, then you’re the one with the problem. That’s illogical. The intent of the gentlemen in this situation seems to have been to get in nice with the OP. Apparently the means by which they attempted this seems not only to have been a failure with her, but would be a failure with a significant amount of the women who’ve offered their opinions in this thread. If their intent is to be nice - really, to avoid as much as possible causing offense - and yet they mistakenly do cause offense, is it not in their best interests to discover that they’re failing? I mean, if not, then they’ll just continue to stick with this approach, and continue to fail. Honestly, if my means of attempting to pick up people in bars was a failure, I think being told that it’s my style of attempt that’s the problem would be of considerable interest to me. ---
**Author:** ![Polerius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/d78d45/32.png) [@Polerius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polerius)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2010, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gender-divide-feminist-overkill-im-not-sure-what-to-title-this-thread/526077/66 "2010-01-23T19:30:57Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > After maybe 45 minutes, before leaving to go do important guy stuff, one of the men said to me, and this is as close to an exact quote as memory will supply me, “Politics aside, you have a lovely body.” Imagine it was the other way around. That is, some hot guy is talking to a woman in a bar about politics and they have a good debate on the issues, disagreeing on several points. Before she leaves, she tells him “Politics aside, you’re hot!” I don’t think the guy would mind, or think she is objectifying him, or think she is minimizing his debate points. Of course, the situation likely is different for women, given the expectations society has from them. But, if you think the reversed situation wouldn’t be too bad, maybe you can see why those guys may have thought that what they were doing wasn’t too bad. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2010, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gender-divide-feminist-overkill-im-not-sure-what-to-title-this-thread/526077/67 "2010-01-23T19:39:37Z")
Honestly, if I were to say to a guy I just met “politics aside, you’re hot”, you can rest assured that what I mean is “you’d be cute if you’d just shut up”, so… yeah, it’s that bad. ---
**Author:** ![Polerius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/d78d45/32.png) [@Polerius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polerius)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2010, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gender-divide-feminist-overkill-im-not-sure-what-to-title-this-thread/526077/68 "2010-01-23T19:54:11Z")
> [@DianaG](#): > > Honestly, if I were to say to a guy I just met “politics aside, you’re hot”, you can rest assured that what I mean is “you’d be cute if you’d just shut up”, so… yeah, it’s that bad. Maybe it’s a difference in communication styles then. Most men are more direct about what they say, with no hidden layers or meanings. If I had a very interesting discussion with a hot girl on politics, and we had different political views, and at the end I said “politics aside, you’re hot” it would mean exactly that. It would not mean that I think she is stupid. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2010, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gender-divide-feminist-overkill-im-not-sure-what-to-title-this-thread/526077/69 "2010-01-23T19:58:34Z")
If I said, as a female, “Politics aside, you’re hot.” it would mean that I was more focused on their physicallity than anything they said or debated. As a matter of fact, it would undoubtedly mean I didn’t much care at all about our conversation, except in a “Yeah, we had one, can I move on to kissing you?” sort of way. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2010, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gender-divide-feminist-overkill-im-not-sure-what-to-title-this-thread/526077/70 "2010-01-23T20:02:45Z")
> [@Polerius](#): > > Maybe it’s a difference in communication styles then. Most men are more direct about what they say, with no hidden layers or meanings. If I had a very interesting discussion with a hot girl on politics, and we had different political views, and at the end I said “politics aside, you’re hot” it would mean exactly that. It would not mean that I think she is stupid. (Generic) you can’t just completely ignore context and history, though. There’s a lot more baggage to ignoring a woman’s intellect and focussing on her body than there is for doing the same to a man (and I don’t think doing it to a man is that great an idea, either). ---
**Author:** ![Salem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8c91f0/32.png) [@Salem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Salem)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2010, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gender-divide-feminist-overkill-im-not-sure-what-to-title-this-thread/526077/71 "2010-01-23T20:26:35Z")
> [@astro](#): > > But hey it was great a OP for you. You get to advertise what a formidable take no prisoners intellect you are, and also how cute “important” people think your body is. Well done! This, in ALL CAPS. How much had you been drinking? Does it occur to you that those trite comments from the gentlemen were likely his way of saying, “Really, could we just end this discussion, I’m really not that interested in talking to you about xxxx.” Any phrase along the lines of “I guess we can agree to disagree” is a way to politely end a particular discussion, not an invitation to continue debating the same issue. Sounds like you were taking the conversation/debate a lot more seriously than the people with whom you were speaking. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2010, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gender-divide-feminist-overkill-im-not-sure-what-to-title-this-thread/526077/72 "2010-01-23T20:39:52Z")
> [@Polerius](#): > > Imagine it was the other way around. That is, some hot guy is talking to a woman in a bar about politics and they have a good debate on the issues, disagreeing on several points. Before she leaves, she tells him “Politics aside, you’re hot!” That would seem like a strange thing to throw out at the end of the conversation. If two people are flirting, it’s not at all peculiar to say, “You’re cute,” but if we’re talking about the weather, politics, or Vikings vs Packers, and then you end the discussion with, “I like your body,” my thought is, “What conversation were you having, and why is that how you chose to end it?” And seriously, the milkshake comment was creepy. Sounds like something a 10th grader would say. > [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > (Generic) you can’t just completely ignore context and history, though. There’s a lot more baggage to ignoring a woman’s intellect and focussing on her body than there is for doing the same to a man (and I don’t think doing it to a man is that great an idea, either). Correct. ---
**Author:** ![Chicken\_Fingers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Chicken\_Fingers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chicken_Fingers)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2010, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gender-divide-feminist-overkill-im-not-sure-what-to-title-this-thread/526077/73 "2010-01-23T20:42:53Z")
It sounds like what the guys said to her was the equivalent of someone saying to them, “You’re pretty articulate for basketball players.” ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2010, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gender-divide-feminist-overkill-im-not-sure-what-to-title-this-thread/526077/74 "2010-01-23T20:46:34Z")
> [@Salem](#): > > This, in ALL CAPS. > How much had you been drinking? Does it occur to you that those trite comments from the gentlemen were likely his way of saying, “Really, could we just end this discussion, I’m really not that interested in talking to you about xxxx.” > > Any phrase along the lines of “I guess we can agree to disagree” is a way to politely end a particular discussion, not an invitation to continue debating the same issue. Sounds like you were taking the conversation/debate a lot more seriously than the people with whom you were speaking. I’m glad to see you know more about what they wanted to talk about than someone who was in the conversation. I suppose you may be right, and they did not want to discuss politics despite talking about politics for almost an hour, making no attempt to change the subject, and asking my opinion on several political figures and topics. Maybe when they asked me if I felt the MA Democratic defeat was a direct referendum on Obama, I should have said, “Instead of answering your question, I’m just going to giggle, because this is a conversation you do not wish to have, even though you’re having it.” ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2010, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gender-divide-feminist-overkill-im-not-sure-what-to-title-this-thread/526077/75 "2010-01-23T20:54:22Z")
I also like how a couple of guys are dismissing your complaint because you’re attention whoring. Sounds awfully similar to the guys in your OP who were dismissing you for other reasons. Next time you start a thread, make sure you’re not doing it just to compliment your own body and mind now. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2010, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gender-divide-feminist-overkill-im-not-sure-what-to-title-this-thread/526077/76 "2010-01-23T21:03:49Z")
> [@faithfool](#): > > I also like how a couple of guys are dismissing your complaint because you’re attention whoring. Sounds awfully similar to the guys in your OP who were dismissing you for other reasons. Next time you start a thread, make sure you’re not doing it just to compliment your own body and mind now. :rolleyes: The funny part is I don’t even claim to have a nice body or be smart. I wasn’t stating, “Hey, I have a lovely body” (primarily because I don’t), I was asking, “Is it off-kilter that I took offense to those comments?” I was never claiming any truth to said comments. Furthermore, is there some gender divide going on here? My male friend who I was with thought it completely innocuous, but the female I spoke to about it said she would have been offended. What gives? ---
**Author:** ![velvetjones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/5f9b8f/32.png) [@velvetjones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/velvetjones)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2010, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gender-divide-feminist-overkill-im-not-sure-what-to-title-this-thread/526077/77 "2010-01-23T21:27:52Z")
None of us can say what the intent of the person who made the comment was. Maybe he meant to be condescending. Maybe he just wanted to tell you that you looked hot. Who knows. We can guess. We can speculate, but none of us knows what he meant. So your choices are, be pissed about it and stew over it or forget it. Ultimately, you’ll be happier if you forget it. To quote someone who I can remember at the moment “would you rather be right or would you rather have peace?” ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2010, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gender-divide-feminist-overkill-im-not-sure-what-to-title-this-thread/526077/78 "2010-01-23T21:39:37Z")
Jesus Christ, I’m over it already. I posted that I don’t even care anymore somewhere upthread. Hell, I don’t even remember their names, even though I was reminded by my sports-obsessed friends many times, but I still think the questions “Are these offensive statements?” and “Is there a gender divide between how these statements are perceived?” are valid questions, even though I’m long done being pissed about it. ---
**Author:** ![Taomist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@Taomist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taomist)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2010, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gender-divide-feminist-overkill-im-not-sure-what-to-title-this-thread/526077/79 "2010-01-23T21:46:19Z")
Yep, he was a jerk. Yep, you made a mistake in expecting differently in the first place. You don’t find trout in herring barrels. ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2010, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gender-divide-feminist-overkill-im-not-sure-what-to-title-this-thread/526077/80 "2010-01-23T21:53:28Z")
Guy here. Maybe you’re right about the gender divide. To me, it looks like the debating was over, he had to leave, and he wanted to leave on a good note and pay you a nice compliment. It was his way of saying “Even though we disagree, I don’t think you’re a bad person. I can still admire your looks and see you as a woman instead of a political side I disagree with” If he had just left things at the debate, it would have simply been a ruined night of partisan bickering. Both of you would have left hating the other person for being an obtuse political hack. By paying you a compliment suited to the venue, he wanted to say that there was no hard feelings and all is forgotten. Nothing wrong with that. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gender-divide-feminist-overkill-im-not-sure-what-to-title-this-thread/526077.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gender-divide-feminist-overkill-im-not-sure-what-to-title-this-thread/526077.md?page=5)