# Generous to a fault? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 10, 2012, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/generous-to-a-fault/643599 "2012-12-10T15:07:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Foxy40](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a9a28c/32.png) [@Foxy40](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Foxy40)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2012, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/generous-to-a-fault/643599/21 "2012-12-10T22:40:15Z")
> [@ladyfoxfyre](#): > > Why don’t you be direct with him? The agreed upon amount was $20, he is asking for more money because he personally wants to buy a bigger present, and nobody else is obligated to spend to his comfort level here. He isn’t going to take the hint. You’re right and I feel like others that can not afford more money, may feel obligated as he is in somewhat a position of authority. I need to take care of this tomorrow. ---
**Author:** ![ladyfoxfyre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ad7895/32.png) [@ladyfoxfyre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ladyfoxfyre)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2012, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/generous-to-a-fault/643599/22 "2012-12-10T22:45:50Z")
Honestly, I get tired of getting hit up for money at work. I buy a secret santa gift, I have to pitch in for a bouquet of flowers on Boss’s day, and a Christmas present for my boss as well. It’s not like $15 each time this comes around is make it or break it material, but she makes probably 10 times what I do. I shouldn’t have to say “yeah $15 isn’t really in my budget this week” because it’s coercive to even ask me. If this guy wants to pitch in extra, let him. But he should not be pressuring other people to fork over more money because he wants to get in good with the boss by being a kiss ass. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2012, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/generous-to-a-fault/643599/23 "2012-12-10T23:55:57Z")
> [@Foxy40](#): > > Personally, I hate it too but it isn’t something management does. It is something a couple of staff members do. I would much rather they put a jar somewhere and let people donate what they can but it really isn’t under my control. Anything that happens at work is under the control of management. Just think of a counterfactual like “A couple of staff members go around and steal the lunch money of the rest of the employees. I hate it, but it isn’t really under my control.” Obviously, if everyone just LOVES the tradition, it’s no big deal. But if the tradition is a problem, that’s what management is for. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2012, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/generous-to-a-fault/643599/24 "2012-12-11T14:45:29Z")
> [@ladyfoxfyre](#): > > Honestly, I get tired of getting hit up for money at work. I buy a secret santa gift, I have to pitch in for a bouquet of flowers on Boss’s day, and a Christmas present for my boss as well. It’s not like $15 each time this comes around is make it or break it material, but she makes probably 10 times what I do. I shouldn’t have to say “yeah $15 isn’t really in my budget this week” because it’s coercive to even ask me. If this guy wants to pitch in extra, let him. But he should not be pressuring other people to fork over more money because he wants to get in good with the boss by being a kiss ass. I do too. Especially for boss’s day, which we are now obligated to celebrate. Can’t we just celebrate it if we like our boss? ---
**Author:** ![ladyfoxfyre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ad7895/32.png) [@ladyfoxfyre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ladyfoxfyre)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2012, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/generous-to-a-fault/643599/25 "2012-12-11T15:11:16Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > I do too. Especially for boss’s day, which we are now obligated to celebrate. Can’t we just celebrate it if we like our boss? I mean, it would be different if I got flowers from her on my birthday or something. But there isn’t any “makes 1/10th of what you make and is obligated to do what you say Day” where I get presents for being an employee. Why do you get presents for being a boss? I thought that’s what your massive compensation package was supposed to accomplish. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2012, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/generous-to-a-fault/643599/26 "2012-12-11T15:15:21Z")
I worked at a company which the VPs decided that it would be really cool for the employees to present the millionaire president [del]with a forced tribute[/del] tasteful gift, which has to cost a lot of money since millionaire presidents aren’t going to like gift bought at stores which his minions are allowed to shop at. I ran the Japan office and told them to fuck off, we weren’t at the Christmas lunch and they could buy their own damn gifts. OK, it’s not that bad, but forcing people to buy presents for the boss, even when there are generous bonuses, is in bad taste. That all said, hijacking a group gift is completely unacceptable. If Mr. Ass Kisser wants to purchase The Perfect Gift[sup]TM[/sup] by himself, let him do it, and let him give it on his own time. These type of things need to be nipped in the bud. ---
**Author:** ![ladyfoxfyre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ad7895/32.png) [@ladyfoxfyre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ladyfoxfyre)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2012, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/generous-to-a-fault/643599/27 "2012-12-11T15:20:18Z")
> [@TokyoBayer](#): > > OK, it’s not that bad, but forcing people to buy presents for the boss, even when there are generous bonuses, is in bad taste. I almost think it’s in worse taste to expect that part of your bonus money will be spent on it. It’s very rude to believe that you understand what another person’s finances will support, and even more rude to assume that they will use a gift in a certain manner which you have obligated them to participate in. It’s saying “I know you have the money for it, because you just got a bonus, so don’t try pretending that you can’t afford it”. So rude. ---
**Author:** ![Foxy40](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a9a28c/32.png) [@Foxy40](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Foxy40)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2012, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/generous-to-a-fault/643599/28 "2012-12-11T17:57:50Z")
> [@ladyfoxfyre](#): > > I mean, it would be different if I got flowers from her on my birthday or something. But there isn’t any “makes 1/10th of what you make and is obligated to do what you say Day” where I get presents for being an employee. Why do you get presents for being a boss? I thought that’s what your massive compensation package was supposed to accomplish. The head honcho does make sure my budget includes a 50 dollar gift card for birthdays and a cake but no one says he isn’t good to the staff. The point is that they shouldn’t be made to feel obligated because he is good to the staff. It is like thanking HIM for THEIR hardwork. What I did discover today is that two employees did not donate the full twenty because they simply were unable to and the “collector” put no pressure on them at all. The “ass kisser” told me that while he doesn’t mind being on the hook for his decision, he would gladly accept additional money from the “higher compensated employees” but wouldn’t accept any additional money from the support staff. How very generous of him. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![ladyfoxfyre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ad7895/32.png) [@ladyfoxfyre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ladyfoxfyre)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2012, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/generous-to-a-fault/643599/29 "2012-12-11T19:32:15Z")
> [@Foxy40](#): > > The “ass kisser” told me that while he doesn’t mind being on the hook for his decision, he would gladly accept additional money from the “higher compensated employees” but wouldn’t accept any additional money from the support staff. How very generous of him. Again though, it’s not his place to determine other people’s finances. He doesn’t get to decide who is compensated enough to contribute more and who isn’t. Just because people have higher salaries doesn’t mean they do not also have equally high debt. ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2012, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/generous-to-a-fault/643599/30 "2012-12-11T20:19:28Z")
I was thinking about this thread earlier. I don’t know about you, but I don’t spend sixty bucks on individual Christmas gifts, except to very close family. And if the $60 is only your contribution, I can only imagine what the total amount must be. So, **Foxy40** , would you be willing to let us know about how much money is involved in total, and what’s the “perfect gift” that your co-worker took it upon himself to buy? And I agree with those who say that you shouldn’t give gifts to your boss. (Except for the retirement gift that **Tamerlane** mentioned getting for his supervisor. That’s totally appropriate.) ---
**Author:** ![Hakuna\_Matata](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a88e4f/32.png) [@Hakuna\_Matata](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hakuna_Matata)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2012, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/generous-to-a-fault/643599/31 "2012-12-11T21:20:55Z")
> [@Foxy40](#): > > He only asks that it is made known the he purchased the majority of this gift. (How he expects that to happen is beyond me but knowing him he will probably just say it when the CEO opens it.) This man is a notorious ass kisser to the point that it is a huge joke around the office. Well that will be interesting. Unless your CEO is clueless he already knows this guy is a huge asskisser. And unless he is one of those guys who enjoys being ass kissed that will fall flat. I bet you can hear a pin drop when he announces ‘and I bought MOST of the present Mr. CEO!’ You have to come back and tell us how flat it fell when he says that. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2012, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/generous-to-a-fault/643599/32 "2012-12-11T21:23:14Z")
> [@Dewey\_Finn](#): > > I was thinking about this thread earlier. I don’t know about you, but I don’t spend sixty bucks on individual Christmas gifts, except to very close family. And if the $60 is only your contribution, I can only imagine what the total amount must be. So, **Foxy40** , would you be willing to let us know about how much money is involved in total, and what’s the “perfect gift” that your co-worker took it upon himself to buy? I agree. I spent $80 the other day on three children, and I was being generous, with two gifts each (one toy and one book for each child, is my rule). I love watching these kids open the gifts, so I don’t mind. Giving my boss a 60 dollar gift? The only one who gets a 60 dollar gift from me is my SO. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2012, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/generous-to-a-fault/643599/33 "2012-12-11T21:32:45Z")
Will all of you be there when the CEO opens his gift? That’s when all of you should mention to him that Mr. Asshole didn’t contribute any money to the needy family. Yes, I’m a troublemaker. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2012, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/generous-to-a-fault/643599/34 "2012-12-11T22:02:09Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > Why do you have to give $20 to the CEO? I hate it when I hear stuff like this. Gifts should never flow up, they should only flow down. That guy is making 10x what anybody on the floor is making.\ Agreed. > [@KSO](#): > > \ > With respect to the CEO, he’s a douche also, for not putting a stop to the gift-giving. All it would take is an e-mail saying he/she has appreciated the gifts in the past but they are totally unnecessary and that it would be preferable if people simply contributed a tad more to the charitable gift. The generous bonuses are great, but I would still bristle at being compelled to give some back to a guy making a boatload more money than I do even with the bonus. Also agreed. > [@Foxy40](#): > > Apparently I spoke too soon about him asking for more money. He informed me that he “demanded haha” more money from one of his coworkers and agreed to wait until bonus time. There was definitely a hint in that conversation that I might want to contribute additional monies as well. My only comment was about how nice it was for him to be so generous. When I read the OP, I thought that the Ass-kisser in it was the biggest jerk I’ve heard of this Christmas, then he managed to up the Jerk Stakes. Working at this company would leave a terrible taste in my mouth. I would find it very difficult to “donate” money for a CEO gift of any size, and knowing that someone is making the gift for the millionaire very expensive and completely stiffing the needy family would make me very angry. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2012, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/generous-to-a-fault/643599/35 "2012-12-12T01:00:49Z")
> [@Foxy40](#): > > Each staff member is asked to contribute 20 dollars which they did. The person in charge of the gift decided to **spend three times the amount he collected** since he found the “perfect gift”. He has not asked anyone to put in more money. He only asks that it is made known the he purchased the majority of this gift. Checking the math on this. If there are X employees and each gave $20, then there would be $20X. If there are 10 employees, then $200. Did the guy give three times the amount that the other employees gave, $60, or three times the total amount, $600? In the first case, it’s not true he gave the majority of the gift unless there are only three employees and in the second case, it’s a blatant attempt to get public spotlight on an expensive give for his boss. Either way, it leaves a sour taste in the other staff members. And yes, to answer the OP, spending money on sucking up to the boss while publicly dissing the poor is in poor taste, but one suspects he doesn’t care about it. ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2012, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/generous-to-a-fault/643599/36 "2012-12-12T14:11:24Z")
I think it would be amusing to go along with Mr. Asskisser until the gift is given, and then deny that he contributed anything at all for the gift. ---
**Author:** ![Foxy40](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a9a28c/32.png) [@Foxy40](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Foxy40)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2012, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/generous-to-a-fault/643599/37 "2012-12-12T14:37:59Z")
> [@Dewey\_Finn](#): > > I was thinking about this thread earlier. I don’t know about you, but I don’t spend sixty bucks on individual Christmas gifts, except to very close family. And if the $60 is only your contribution, I can only imagine what the total amount must be. So, **Foxy40** , would you be willing to let us know about how much money is involved in total, and what’s the “perfect gift” that your co-worker took it upon himself to buy? > > And I agree with those who say that you shouldn’t give gifts to your boss. (Except for the retirement gift that **Tamerlane** mentioned getting for his supervisor. That’s totally appropriate.) The gift cost a little less than a thousand dollars. It was a “collectible” signed photograph of a team/band/celebrity the CEO enjoys. (I dont’ want to be more specific although anyone at my office wouldn’t have any trouble knowing it is me writing this) . Personally I think the gift is stupid due to the “inscription” that is also on the photograph with the signature. The staff donated around 340 dollars which is what should have been spent including card and wrapping paper. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2012, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/generous-to-a-fault/643599/38 "2012-12-12T14:39:57Z")
:eek: :eek: I was going to just leave it at that, but he spent over $600 more than everyone else so he can get this amazingly kissass gift? Oh my freaking god. ---
**Author:** ![Foxy40](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a9a28c/32.png) [@Foxy40](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Foxy40)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2012, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/generous-to-a-fault/643599/39 "2012-12-12T14:49:33Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > :eek: :eek: > > I was going to just leave it at that, but he spent over $600 more than everyone else so he can get this amazingly kissass gift? Oh my freaking god. I honestly think he thought that it was SOOOO AWESOME that some of us would be throwing him another fifty or so. He expected to get stuck with a bit more but from his expression the past two days, I think he is probably getting a huge amount of grief from his wife. He isn’t even talking to me which is the biggest blessing of the scenario. ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2012, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/generous-to-a-fault/643599/40 "2012-12-12T15:01:26Z")
> [@Foxy40](#): > > The gift cost a little less than a thousand dollars. It was a “collectible” signed photograph of a team/band/celebrity the CEO enjoys. (I dont’ want to be more specific although anyone at my office wouldn’t have any trouble knowing it is me writing this) . Personally I think the gift is stupid due to the “inscription” that is also on the photograph with the signature. > > The staff donated around 340 dollars which is what should have been spent including card and wrapping paper. Thanks for the details. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/generous-to-a-fault/643599.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/generous-to-a-fault/643599.md?page=3)