# Genital comparison shopping **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 13, 2002, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/genital-comparison-shopping/128205 "2002-09-13T02:01:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2002, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/genital-comparison-shopping/128205/21 "2002-09-13T14:20:24Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by bloomingpouf \* > \*\*Well Try these for size > > [http://www.neuticles.com/index1.html\*\*](http://www.neuticles.com/index1.html**) This product has been the subject of much acclaim; FHM described them as “the dog’s bollocks”. ---
**Author:** ![Earthling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/90db22/32.png) [@Earthling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Earthling)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2002, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/genital-comparison-shopping/128205/22 "2002-09-13T14:23:43Z")
A coupla more points: - The penis comes with its own independent operating system – Microstiff Woodows. It will often insist on starting the day with a morning wood, and will play _Start Me Up_ when the owner of a late-model vagina is nearby. - Speaking of which, once a vagina has been around the block a few times, it becomes much less desirable. The penis does not seem to suffer from the same problem – though, as mentioned already, the compact (and smaller) models are not very popular. [font size=1]I can’t believe I posted to this thread.[/font] ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2002, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/genital-comparison-shopping/128205/23 "2002-09-13T14:31:28Z")
There’s also the cross-platform option, of course. But while the attraction of installing a set that contains all of the ports and does all of the protocols is obvious, be aware that the nonstandard interface can cause a lot of connectivity issues. ---
**Author:** ![NurseCarmen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5daacb/32.png) [@NurseCarmen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NurseCarmen)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2002, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/genital-comparison-shopping/128205/24 "2002-09-13T15:00:17Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by xash \* > **i called up Microsoft.** Never, ever _ever_ buy your penis from Microsoft. Just the name holds negative connotations. May I suggest a chevy (like a rock) burker king (have it your way) or a Timex. ---
**Author:** ![Feynn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecb155/32.png) [@Feynn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feynn)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2002, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/genital-comparison-shopping/128205/25 "2002-09-13T15:18:01Z")
I can only speak as the proud owner of a marvelous penis and scrotum set. My parent picked them out for me before I was even born and I have had them now for almost 37 years. I have never had a problem with them at all, I understand that as some unit age the erection mechanism might start to give one some trouble but I also heard that if you use it regularly this is less likely to happen. I’m the kind of person that will make sure to get the most use out of an item to realize it’s fulll value. Putting the set up on a shelf to gather dust would just be a waste. I’ve seen quite a few of those breast-vagina combos and although I have never wanted one for myself I find them quite attractive. Some years ago I found a set that I felt I just couldn’t live without, it nicely compliments my penis-scrotum combo and it even came with a beautiful woman as a bonus. ---
**Author:** ![Texican](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ebca7d/32.png) [@Texican](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Texican)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2002, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/genital-comparison-shopping/128205/26 "2002-09-13T15:23:32Z")
On the other hand, I’ve heard Penis has the ability to think for itself and even make decisions for the owner; I’m not sure I feel comfortable with this feature – does Vagina do this as well? Vagina owners don’t like to admit it, but it controls thinking to an even greater degree than the penis does. There is an old saying of “give a girl an orgasm and she will follow you anywhere”. I’ve found it to be true. You should also take into consideration that the vagina comes with mandatory accessories like hormone fluctuations that can change your satisfaction levels on a daily basis, while penis owners generally encounter no such fluctuations. ---
**Author:** ![Patty\_O\_Furniture](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/96bed5/32.png) [@Patty\_O\_Furniture](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patty_O_Furniture)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2002, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/genital-comparison-shopping/128205/27 "2002-09-13T15:27:12Z")
It’s worth noting that the useful lifespan of a penis is much shorter than that of a vagina. The pump mechanism seems to wear out after 50-60 years, resulting in embarrassment & frustration for the owner. You also have to consider the removable cover option. I suggest leaving the cover off, since so many who have bought it end up getting it cut off days after their purchase. ---
**Author:** ![bloomingpouf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5fc32e/32.png) [@bloomingpouf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bloomingpouf)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2002, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/genital-comparison-shopping/128205/28 "2002-09-13T15:52:34Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mangetout \* > \*\*This product has been the subject of much acclaim; FHM described them as “the dog’s bollocks”. \*\* The Dogs Bollox??? How Limiting! I was most interested in the Made to measure options for the Neuticles, and not the Prêt-A-Porter collection they have on the website. I follow the Italian maxim that a Good man Cooks like a God and Screws Like a Bull. If I’m going to be test driving any convertibles he better be a good cook and have made to measure Neuticles that fit with the Italian sensibility! Made to measure??? Call the toll free number on this web page! > **[MERCHANDISE MART](https://neuticles.com/merchandise-mart/)** > > Neuticles Stress Balls Neuticles Frisbee Neuticles Earrings Neuticles T-Shirts Neuticles BaseBall Jersey Going, Going NUTS Paperback! Neuticles Ballcaps Neuticles Sun Visors Neuticles BBQ Aprons Neuticles Tote Bag Neuticles Keyrings And whilst your at it…a Neuticles Necklace – with one ball or two! I’ve just got the stylish base ball cap!!! ---
**Author:** ![symplicity](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df788c/32.png) [@symplicity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/symplicity)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2002, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/genital-comparison-shopping/128205/29 "2002-09-13T16:11:44Z")
[QUOTE] \*Originally posted by squeegee \* _Vagina_, Cons:[ul][li]Sit down to pee[/li][li]Menstruation[/li][li]Childbirth[/li][li]Prone to bladder infections[/li][li]Hysterectomy[/li][/ul] Mine has been great beyond belief. If you are unsatisfied with the appearance you may have cosmetic surgery to upgrade your model. To the list of cons here I offer you sitting down is optional! [http://www.restrooms.org/standing.html](http://www.restrooms.org/standing.html) and for child birth epidurals can be Very effective. Bladder infections have not yet cursed my version. There is nothing to be said in favor of the seeing red monthly. But back to the pros, there is that old joke that with one of these you can have as many of those as you want. Also (I just love mine!!) these can not only be wrapped in the material of your choice, you can also create different looks with something so simple as a different hairdo! ---
**Author:** ![Earthling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/90db22/32.png) [@Earthling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Earthling)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2002, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/genital-comparison-shopping/128205/30 "2002-09-13T16:36:24Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by AHunter3 \* > \*\*There’s also the cross-platform option, of course. \*\* Whatever you do, DON’T GET THE UNIX MODEL! But yes, you’re not stuck with the original operating system. VMS (Very Much Stiff) is nice, and PalmOS is good if you get lonely. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2002, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/genital-comparison-shopping/128205/31 "2002-09-13T18:10:45Z")
> [@](#): > > ## quote: > > ## Originally posted by Ringo So, are you getting them for yourself, or is this a Christmas present? > > This is quite an important consideration; the penis is much easier to gift wrap. Why should that be? It’s an irregular shape. You have to put it in a gift box. ---
**Author:** ![bloomingpouf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5fc32e/32.png) [@bloomingpouf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bloomingpouf)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2002, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/genital-comparison-shopping/128205/32 "2002-09-13T18:41:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by CalMeacham \* > \*\* > Why should that be? It’s an irregular shape. > > You have to put it in a gift box. \*\* No sticky tape - DUHHHHHHHHH! ---
**Author:** ![Bumbazine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bumbazine/32/362_2.png) [@Bumbazine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bumbazine)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2002, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/genital-comparison-shopping/128205/33 "2002-09-13T19:22:47Z")
I’ve had a penis for some years now and I’ve been pretty happy with it. (I got the telescoping model without the shrouding, BTW.) But I did have one irritating concern until I finally found this paragraph way in the back of the owner’s manual: _WARNING: Use of this device in conjunction with the optional vagina[sup]TM[/sup] device may result in extreme drowsiness. Do not attempt to operate heavy machinery after such use. Clean after every use. Keep out of the reach of children. If you experience pain, shortness of breath, or dizziness while using this device, STOP, consult a physician (unless, of course, that was what you originally had in mind)_ ---
**Author:** ![emulsified](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/emulsified/32/2915_2.png) [@emulsified](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/emulsified)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2002, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/genital-comparison-shopping/128205/34 "2002-09-13T19:28:07Z")
Hmm… I’d recommend treating yourself. Go ahead and get both. ---
**Author:** ![dorkusmalorkusmafia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dorkusmalorkusmafia/32/7266_2.png) [@dorkusmalorkusmafia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dorkusmalorkusmafia)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2002, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/genital-comparison-shopping/128205/35 "2002-09-13T20:07:18Z")
Symplicity said, “There is nothing to be said in favor of the seeing red monthly.” If it’s bleeding monthly, perhaps you didn’t have it installed correctly. Look for loose seems at the attachment area. If this is a problem with all owners of vaginas I would say there is likely a faulty seal in there somewhere that is causing this type of leakage. ---
**Author:** ![cher3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/da6949/32.png) [@cher3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cher3)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2002, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/genital-comparison-shopping/128205/36 "2002-09-13T20:26:36Z")
Did the salesman tell you that you could menstruate for just the price of a vagina? No, no, no. You need all sorts of fancy indoor plumbing for that. That’s where they really get you–on the installation. And if you want the offspring, you’re going to have to shell out for the complete penis kit, too. Or at least rent one. ---
**Author:** ![SpectBrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a87d85/32.png) [@SpectBrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SpectBrain)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2002, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/genital-comparison-shopping/128205/37 "2002-09-13T21:31:56Z")
If you’re considering an aftermarket penis you might want to wait for the next best thing… [http://www.newscientist.com/news/news.jsp?id=ns99992781](http://www.newscientist.com/news/news.jsp?id=ns99992781) Available now in ‘bunny’ size. ---
**Author:** ![Naz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/e99b99/32.png) [@Naz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Naz)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2002, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/genital-comparison-shopping/128205/38 "2002-09-13T22:19:55Z")
Texican said: > [@](#): > > You should also take into consideration that the vagina comes with mandatory accessories like hormone fluctuations that can change your satisfaction levels on a daily basis, while penis owners generally encounter no such fluctuations. As an owner of the vagina/breasts combo set, I can testify that this is true. However, I have found that these “mood swings” can be minimized by consuming large amounts of chocolate. ---
**Author:** ![LouisB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2002, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/genital-comparison-shopping/128205/39 "2002-09-13T23:42:30Z")
> [@](#): > > The pump mechanism seems to wear out after 50-60 years, resulting in embarrassment & frustration for the owner. An after-market manually inflatable penile prosthesis is available as an accessory. While the cost is exorbitant and the installation is accompanied by severe discomfort, the result is well worth the cost in terms of physical satisfaction and emotional comfort. As a collateral benefit, performance anxiety is totally aleviated. ---
**Author:** ![ZombiesAteMyBrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b4bc9f/32.png) [@ZombiesAteMyBrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZombiesAteMyBrain)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2002, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/genital-comparison-shopping/128205/40 "2002-09-13T23:53:01Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by bloomingpouf \* > \*\* > > No sticky tape - DUHHHHHHHHH! \*\* But it comes with a built in glue dispenser - make your own sticky tape!!! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/genital-comparison-shopping/128205.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/genital-comparison-shopping/128205.md?page=3)