# Genital comparison shopping **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 13, 2002, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/genital-comparison-shopping/128205 "2002-09-13T02:01:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![postcards](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8e8cbc/32.png) [@postcards](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/postcards)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2002, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/genital-comparison-shopping/128205/61 "2002-09-14T20:32:33Z")
Whatever your choice, don’t scrimp on the installation. Mine was factory installed almost 43 years ago, but within the first fifteen years there was some seperation between the abdomen and the scrotum; this led to the unpleasant situation whereas other body parts began slipping into the scrotum. I was one of those penis users that thought I ‘could deal with it’. Big mistake. I tried dealing with it till this past summer, then I had to go into the shop for an overhaul. And hey, the vagina isn’t the only item with reprodution capabilities. How do you think it starts? Better look into having someone disconnect the plumbing, otherwise you’ll need a raincoat whenever you go out to play. ---
**Author:** ![squeegee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/squeegee/32/14537_2.png) [@squeegee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/squeegee)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2002, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/genital-comparison-shopping/128205/62 "2002-09-15T00:23:49Z")
Hmmm, I see there’s a third alternative to _Penis_ and _Vagina_: the [**Cloaca**](http://www.factmonster.com/ce6/sci/A0812595.html). Utterly low-end. I think it’s for the birds. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2002, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/genital-comparison-shopping/128205/63 "2002-09-15T01:15:28Z")
> [@](#): > > If you want to use a penis with another person’s penis, or vice versa, you’re in for major problems. Nah, it’s only a problem for those who’ve failed to get the proper wiring. I think there’s a DIP switch or something you can flip for full P2P capabilities. ---
**Author:** ![Siege](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dbc845/32.png) [@Siege](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siege)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2002, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/genital-comparison-shopping/128205/64 "2002-09-15T01:42:15Z")
Actually, if you get the right model vagina, mood swings are optional. Also, steps can be taken to avoid monthly maintenance, however this is usually as a result of disabling the reproduction option. Please be aware that the vagina option does include wider hips as a standard feature. This may cause some users to bash their new hips against inanimate objects until they have adapted to this. As far as the breast options, it does have several uses besides lactation. First, I’m told some models do come with an Alternate Source of Orgasm option which may be beneficial. Second, depending on size and type of display, they can serve as a diversion/intelligence test. Finally, if you do decide to go with this model, please follow the manufacturer’s recommendations with regard to low temperatures and wind chill. If not heeded, pain may result. ---
**Author:** ![ZombiesAteMyBrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b4bc9f/32.png) [@ZombiesAteMyBrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZombiesAteMyBrain)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2002, 9:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/genital-comparison-shopping/128205/65 "2002-09-15T09:32:28Z")
Second, depending on size and type of display, they can serve as a diversion/intelligence test. Tell me more - as far as I can tell my breasts are not hot-wired into my brain the way most penises seem to be? Are there advantages to this modification and where can you get it done if it isn’t fitted as standard? ---
**Author:** ![NardoPolo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ecae2f/32.png) [@NardoPolo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NardoPolo)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2002, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/genital-comparison-shopping/128205/66 "2002-09-15T13:03:26Z")
While comparison shopping is important, I’d advise that you shouldn’t dally too long in making your decision. At least locally, people view their _penis_ or _vagina_ as status symbols. As petty as it sounds, I’ve found that when a new person is introduced, the first thing people notice is whether they are a _penis_ or _vagina_ owner. I can’t imagine what would happen if they met someone with neither. Come to think of it, in our offices we have four bathrooms: [ul][li]the executive washroom (very posh), [/li][li]the restroom for _vagina_ owners (a little roomier and with more sinks/mirrors, I hear), [/li][_]the restroom for penis owners (about average), [_]and only one small cubbyhole of a restroom (in the basement) that is available for _anyone_.[/ul]Like it or not, the _penis_ and _vagina_ seem to be status symbols. ---
**Author:** ![agentfroot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/779978/32.png) [@agentfroot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/agentfroot)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2002, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/genital-comparison-shopping/128205/67 "2002-09-15T21:36:50Z")
how about getting a set of each? THAT would be interesting - especially if you tried merging them. ---
**Author:** ![bloomingpouf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5fc32e/32.png) [@bloomingpouf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bloomingpouf)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2002, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/genital-comparison-shopping/128205/68 "2002-09-15T23:24:19Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by agentfroot \* > \*\*how about getting a set of each? THAT would be interesting - especially if you tried merging them. \*\* have you heard of anyone who has arranged a successful merger of this type? How would it work? Vagina - monday, wednesday and friday Penis - tuesday, thursday and saturday and you’d have a day of rest on Sunday - like that song “Never on a Sunday…” Holiday arrangements would have to be worked out on a strict rota basis - especially if you and a friend were sharing these 2 sets ---
**Author:** ![BlackKnight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/eb8c5e/32.png) [@BlackKnight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlackKnight)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2002, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/genital-comparison-shopping/128205/69 "2002-09-16T01:07:12Z")
I think your focus is too narrow. My choice is often accused of being too flowery, but I’m quite happy with my Pistil and Stamen. ---
**Author:** ![ZombiesAteMyBrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b4bc9f/32.png) [@ZombiesAteMyBrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZombiesAteMyBrain)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2002, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/genital-comparison-shopping/128205/70 "2002-09-16T01:11:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by BlackKnight \* > \*\*I think your focus is too narrow. My choice is often accused of being too flowery, but I’m quite happy with my Pistil and Stamen. \*\* Stay away from me - I’m really allergic to pollen!!! ---
**Author:** ![ZombiesAteMyBrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b4bc9f/32.png) [@ZombiesAteMyBrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZombiesAteMyBrain)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2002, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/genital-comparison-shopping/128205/71 "2002-09-16T01:27:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by BlackKnight \* > \*\*I think your focus is too narrow. My choice is often accused of being too flowery, but I’m quite happy with my Pistil and Stamen. \*\* Stay away from me - I’m really allergic to pollen!!! ---
**Author:** ![capacitor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e47774/32.png) [@capacitor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/capacitor)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2002, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/genital-comparison-shopping/128205/72 "2002-09-16T04:48:46Z")
One curious aspect of the penis is the random growth and shrinkage it undergoes several times a day. The growth/shrinkage ratio can be much as 4 fold. Vagina owners seem to fid this aspect fascinating. ---
**Author:** ![capacitor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e47774/32.png) [@capacitor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/capacitor)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2002, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/genital-comparison-shopping/128205/73 "2002-09-16T04:48:46Z")
One curious aspect of the penis is the random growth and shrinkage it undergoes several times a day. The growth/shrinkage ratio can be much as 4 fold. Vagina owners seem to fid this aspect fascinating. ---
**Author:** ![capacitor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e47774/32.png) [@capacitor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/capacitor)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2002, 5:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/genital-comparison-shopping/128205/74 "2002-09-16T05:40:07Z")
One curious thing about this board is the delayed double post. ---
**Author:** ![squeegee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/squeegee/32/14537_2.png) [@squeegee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/squeegee)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2002, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/genital-comparison-shopping/128205/75 "2002-09-20T01:46:51Z")
Hmmm, now I’m leaning towards a custom model: _Stamen_ with _Scrotum_, plus one _Breast_, centered. Why be a slave to fashion? Toddles off to shop for a nipple. Hmmm, hmmm. Regular, inverted? Regular, inverted? Hmmm, hmmmmm. ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2002, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/genital-comparison-shopping/128205/76 "2002-09-20T04:27:13Z")
Squeegee, I recommend LeGuin’s Gethen model. This unit combines a penis and vagina with very few drawbacks. However, the Gethen unit is only fully functional 3 days out of every 30. Overclocking the CPU will activate the unit. But this may cause damage. A full description is given in Left Hand Of Darkness. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2002, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/genital-comparison-shopping/128205/77 "2002-09-20T04:33:13Z")
I’m a proud Vagina owner, with a full set of accessories. I recently used my reproduction option, and found the experience very entertaining. ---
**Author:** ![ZombiesAteMyBrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b4bc9f/32.png) [@ZombiesAteMyBrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZombiesAteMyBrain)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2002, 10:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/genital-comparison-shopping/128205/78 "2002-09-20T10:39:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by squeegee \* > \*\*Hmmm, now I’m leaning towards a custom model: > > _Stamen_ with _Scrotum_, plus one _Breast_, centered. Why be a slave to fashion? > > Toddles off to shop for a nipple. Hmmm, hmmm. Regular, inverted? Regular, inverted? Hmmm, hmmmmm. \*\* looks like you want to start a fashion yourself!!! Let us know what you decide on. What size breast you thinking of? You’d have to redesign the “over-shoulder-boulder-holder” to suit. ---
**Author:** ![Caught\_Work](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/919ad9/32.png) [@Caught\_Work](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caught_Work)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2002, 11:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/genital-comparison-shopping/128205/79 "2002-09-20T11:13:47Z")
And you’ll end up looking like a cyclops. ---
**Author:** ![Sebhal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@Sebhal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sebhal)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2002, 1:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/genital-comparison-shopping/128205/80 "2002-09-20T13:05:06Z")
As a happy penis-owner of nearly 29 years, I can honestly say I have only two complaints: 1. Unpredictability I know that the inflation option sometimes kicks in when you least expect it. Worse, sometimes (so I’m told ;)) the inflation option _doesn’t_ kick in when you need it. 2. Aesthetics The penis option will occasionlly look respectable, but never attractive. The vagina/ breasts combo, though, seems to me to be curved in all the right places; superficially simple but quite beautifully complex in the details… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/genital-comparison-shopping/128205.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/genital-comparison-shopping/128205.md?page=5)