# Gentlemen, are you "holding"? With which hand? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 9, 2015, 6:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-are-you-holding-with-which-hand/722045 "2015-06-09T06:51:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Mister\_Rik](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mister_rik/32/491_2.png) [@Mister\_Rik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mister_Rik)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2015, 6:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-are-you-holding-with-which-hand/722045/1 "2015-06-09T06:51:44Z")
So! I’ve been meaning to post a poll about this for a while, and now I’m finally getting around to it. I am right-handed. I do almost everything important with my right hand. Except hold my dick. That’s my left hand’s job. When I pee, I hold my dick with my left hand. When I masturbate … left hand. This is somewhat inspired by a conversation I had with a boss I had 25+ years ago; he was telling me about his divorce from his first wife, and an argument he had with her lawyer, in which he said, “My right hand is a better woman than she is, and I’m left-handed!” I’ve held my dick in my left hand for as long as I can remember. To me, this makes perfect sense from a logical point of view. My right hand is my “detail” hand. Anything complicated, from what I do at work, to what I do at home, my right hand does it. But my left hand is my “gripping hand”. My left hand holds whatever my right hand is working on. So it holds my dick, and my right hand has nothing to do with that. I’ve found I can’t masturbate with my right hand. It just doesn’t work, and I feel like I’m cheating on myself. So, poll! Do you “hold” with your main hand or your offhand? Poll to follow. ---
**Author:** ![Toxylon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f05b48/32.png) [@Toxylon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Toxylon)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2015, 7:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-are-you-holding-with-which-hand/722045/2 "2015-06-09T07:57:46Z")
I’m basically right-handed, but have been turning more and more mixed-handed as I’ve aged. Never given it much thought, but I definitely do everything concerning my dick with my left hand. As a teenager, masturbating, I learned that my left hand felt better than my right. Now I couldn’t use my right even if I wanted to. ---
**Author:** ![Arrogant\_B\_st\_rd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/cdc98d/32.png) [@Arrogant\_B\_st\_rd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arrogant_B_st_rd)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2015, 10:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-are-you-holding-with-which-hand/722045/3 "2015-06-09T10:35:48Z")
My right (main) hand. But I rarely jack off with my hands. My penis isn’t all that sensitive. I need additional stimulation. My thighs, scrotom, perineum, and anus needs to be stimulated also. Humping a pillow usually does the trick. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2015, 11:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-are-you-holding-with-which-hand/722045/4 "2015-06-09T11:10:59Z")
I’m “ambidickstrous.” I hold it with my right when peeing, masturbate with my left. ---
**Author:** ![JVDaly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/edb3f5/32.png) [@JVDaly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JVDaly)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2015, 11:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-are-you-holding-with-which-hand/722045/5 "2015-06-09T11:14:46Z")
I’m a righty all the way. Except when I pee. Then I use a snooker rest. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Stainless\_Steel\_Rat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_stainless_steel_rat/32/5727_2.png) [@The\_Stainless\_Steel\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Stainless_Steel_Rat)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2015, 12:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-are-you-holding-with-which-hand/722045/6 "2015-06-09T12:12:57Z")
I actually had to go pee to see how I did it (hey, it’s not something I have given a lot of thought to) Eat: Left Write Right Drink: Either hand Masturbate: Right Pee; either Right or Both. ---
**Author:** ![BobLibDem](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boblibdem/32/3149_2.png) [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2015, 1:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-are-you-holding-with-which-hand/722045/7 "2015-06-09T13:01:22Z")
What, nobody is claiming to require two hands yet? ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2015, 1:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-are-you-holding-with-which-hand/722045/8 "2015-06-09T13:09:16Z")
> [@BobLibDem](#): > > What, nobody is claiming to require two hands yet? Damn you, I WAS, until some Joker upstaged me. Curses, foiled again! ---
**Author:** ![Ulf\_the\_Unwashed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Ulf\_the\_Unwashed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ulf_the_Unwashed)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2015, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-are-you-holding-with-which-hand/722045/9 "2015-06-09T18:05:53Z")
Besides catching a ball while wearing a mitt, the only things I do with my left hand are four moves in mumblety peg: Forehand Backhand Fists Cow horns I do not masturbate and play mumblety peg at the same time, incidentally. ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2015, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-are-you-holding-with-which-hand/722045/10 "2015-06-09T18:15:06Z")
I am the same as the OP. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2015, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-are-you-holding-with-which-hand/722045/11 "2015-06-09T18:22:46Z")
Both. It’s heavy! ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2015, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-are-you-holding-with-which-hand/722045/12 "2015-06-09T18:42:34Z")
I pee with my left dick, and jack off with my right dick. Being privileged to live in a home with indoor plumbing, I can use either hand with either dick, given that I can always wash up immediately afterward. ---
**Author:** ![Peanuthead](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peanuthead/32/360_2.png) [@Peanuthead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peanuthead)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2015, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-are-you-holding-with-which-hand/722045/13 "2015-06-09T20:44:52Z")
Neither. I just have one of my many concubines hold it for me. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2015, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-are-you-holding-with-which-hand/722045/14 "2015-06-09T20:49:53Z")
> [@Peanuthead](#): > > Neither. I just have one of my many concubines hold it for me. 😃 :smack: I forgot about my ball washers! Like Lewis Black, I hired a personal ball washer, but because mine were so enormous, I hired one for each. So they take turns, but each needs both hands. ---
**Author:** ![thelurkinghorror](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7c8e57/32.png) [@thelurkinghorror](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thelurkinghorror)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2015, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-are-you-holding-with-which-hand/722045/15 "2015-06-09T21:42:39Z")
You ipsi-junk people are weird. And a majority/plurality! People make fun of Americans for switching your fork hand, but I ask whether you all switch your mouse hand when googling goatse. And then you go clean up using your gross hand. > [@Ulf\_the\_Unwashed](#): > > Besides catching a ball while wearing a mitt, the only things I do with my left hand are four moves in mumblety peg: > > Forehand > Backhand > Fists > Cow horns > > I do not masturbate and play mumblety peg at the same time, incidentally. And [my definition of mumblety peg](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Knife_game) involves the moves: Stab. Stab stab. Stabbity Stab. and Lance Hendriksen-style stabstabstabstabstabstabstab. ETA: Oh my, Ulf’s name is telling! :eek: ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2015, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-are-you-holding-with-which-hand/722045/16 "2015-06-10T15:35:08Z")
I voted both my real answer and the last one, because I like to take advantage of being able to have multiple choices. Did the other 12 do the same, or do we have that many ambidextrous people here? ---
**Author:** ![corkboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@corkboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/corkboard)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2015, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-are-you-holding-with-which-hand/722045/17 "2015-06-10T17:38:30Z")
I never masturbated with my left hand until I discovered online porn. Now I use both interchangeably. ---
**Author:** ![Hail\_Ants](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/dc4da7/32.png) [@Hail\_Ants](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hail_Ants)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2015, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-are-you-holding-with-which-hand/722045/18 "2015-06-11T13:25:50Z")
Just like to say, ignorance fought with this one. I would never have guessed in a million years that a large percentage of guys ‘hold’ with their non-dominant hand. And of course, in a million years I would never have thought (or wanted) to ask! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Mister\_Rik](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mister_rik/32/491_2.png) [@Mister\_Rik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mister_Rik)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2015, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-are-you-holding-with-which-hand/722045/19 "2015-06-12T01:44:26Z")
> [@Hail\_Ants](#): > > Just like to say, ignorance fought with this one. I would never have guessed in a million years that a large percentage of guys ‘hold’ with their non-dominant hand. And of course, in a million years I would never have thought (or wanted) to ask! 😃 Part of the reason I started thinking about this was related to scissors and pencil sharpeners. Yeah, scissors and penises in the same conversation probably doesn’t go down very well. But … the point is that many products are designed with the assumption that the user is right-handed, since right-handers are in the majority. And one of those products, like scissors and pencil sharpeners, are commodes. Almost every single commode I’ve ever used has been set up with the flush handle on the left. They are designed with the assumption that the male user is right-handed and must be “holding” with his right hand. It’s the same reason that the hot water knob on your sinks are on the left. Before indoor, running hot water, there was only one knob on a sink - the cold water knob, and it was on the right to cater to right-handed people. But I’m a professional cook, and, as such, germs are constantly on my mind, for food safety purposes. And I realized that I am having to flush with the same hand that was just holding my dick. Well, I don’t _have_ to; I could use my right hand. But instinct and muscle memory rule, and I flush with my left hand, while realizing that I may be transferring any “dick germs” to the handle. ---
**Author:** ![Spiderman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiderman/32/230_2.png) [@Spiderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiderman)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2015, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-are-you-holding-with-which-hand/722045/20 "2015-06-12T02:44:58Z")
> [@carnivorousplant](#): > > Damn you, I WAS, until some Joker upstaged me. I don’t think a magnifying glass in one hand & tweezers in the other is what he had in mind. :o [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-are-you-holding-with-which-hand/722045.md?page=2)