# Gentlemen, I have a question for you. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 2, 2000, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-i-have-a-question-for-you/13564 "2000-02-02T19:11:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Sealemon88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c68b51/32.png) [@Sealemon88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sealemon88)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2000, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-i-have-a-question-for-you/13564/21 "2000-02-02T21:29:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Oh, and another thing—you always see guys reaching into their panmts to adjust their naughty bits—but when YOU try to reach into their pants to try and help, they get all huffy about it! You must be adjusting the wrong guy’s packages. Either that, or you’re confusing “huffy” with “heavy breathing”. 🙂 * * * You say “cheesy” like that’s a **BAD** thing. ---
**Author:** ![jab1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ee7513/32.png) [@jab1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jab1)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2000, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-i-have-a-question-for-you/13564/22 "2000-02-02T21:41:00Z")
We should do a study. Get 100 men who wear boxers, 100 who wear briefs and 100 who wear no underwear and so who does the most hoisting, scratching and adjusting and rearranging. Also, we should also get 100 men who wear kilts or robes or dashikis or loin cloths or some other non-pants form of attire and see how they compare to the men who wear pants. And perhaps we could study men at nude beaches to see if they ever adjust themselves at all. Ladies, have you ever gotten a good look at your SO’s testicles when his member is in a relaxed state? The twins _move_, entirely on their own, quivering and turning and sometimes seem to be trying to break free from their fleshy container. No wonder they itch sometimes! As for the size, well, sometimes it’s because the guys _thighs_ are too big. Everything else in his pants is of regulation size. But not always. 😉 * * * \>\< DARWIN \> \_\_ **L\_\_\_L** ---
**Author:** ![mouthbreather](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a698b9/32.png) [@mouthbreather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mouthbreather)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2000, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-i-have-a-question-for-you/13564/23 "2000-02-02T22:08:00Z")
> [@](#): > > The twins move, entirely on their own, quivering and turning and sometimes seem to be trying to break free from their fleshy container. Huh? I’ve known my nuts for 27 years and I dont think they’ve ever turned on me. There’s Cold mode (nonexistant), warm mode (hanging free), and inbetween…but no quivering or turning. ---
**Author:** ![Chef\_Troy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2000, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-i-have-a-question-for-you/13564/24 "2000-02-02T23:01:00Z")
I can’t believe I’m the first guy in line to be adjusted by Eve after she made that remark above! I put on some sweats with an elastic waist to help you out, eve honey. (holds out waistband, turns head and closes eyes) * * * Live a Lush Life Da Chef ---
**Author:** ![Satan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Satan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satan)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2000, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-i-have-a-question-for-you/13564/25 "2000-02-02T23:33:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Can some of the male members of the board help me understand why some men have to tough, grab, and/or adjust thier genitalia > in public ? My member would answer this, but I’m too busy touching and grabbing it for it to speak up. I’ll ask it later… * * * Yer pal, Satan ---
**Author:** ![inertia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/d07c76/32.png) [@inertia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/inertia)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2000, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-i-have-a-question-for-you/13564/26 "2000-02-02T23:39:00Z")
Ayesha: > [@](#): > > …male members… You said male member huh huh huh Jab1: > [@](#): > > Ladies, have you ever gotten a good look at your SO’s testicles when his member is in a relaxed state? The twins move, entirely on their own, quivering and turning and sometimes seem to be trying to break free from their fleshy container. No wonder they itch sometimes! It sounds like you’ve put a lot of work into this. I don’t wear underwear and I’ve cut the bottom out of my pockets. It’s a virtual ping-pong game down there so I never have to adjust myself. ---
**Author:** ![Pooch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/dbc845/32.png) [@Pooch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pooch)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2000, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-i-have-a-question-for-you/13564/27 "2000-02-02T23:50:00Z")
I adjust my ‘package’ for the same reason as I adjust my tie. It’s aesthetic and I like to get it to hang just right. ---
**Author:** ![Vestal\_Blue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/5e9695/32.png) [@Vestal\_Blue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vestal_Blue)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2000, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-i-have-a-question-for-you/13564/28 "2000-02-02T23:57:00Z")
> [@](#): > > **I don’t wear underwear and I’ve cut the bottom out of my pockets. It’s a virtual ping-pong game down there so I never have to adjust myself.** But you only use one ball in ping-pong…Hmmmm 😉 * * * VB The ways of cats and little girls are mysterious. ---
**Author:** ![fuzzy-wuzzy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b38774/32.png) [@fuzzy-wuzzy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fuzzy-wuzzy)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2000, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-i-have-a-question-for-you/13564/29 "2000-02-03T00:29:00Z")
I started reading this thread at work and I had to stop. Everyone was rushing to my desk to see what the devil I was laughing at so hard. I finished reading it at home. You guys have got to stop…this is one of the funniest threads I’ve seen…almost as good as the secret agent one. * * * “Do or do not, there is no try” - Yoda - Intern to El Presidente Self-Righteous Clique \* ---
**Author:** ![manhattan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manhattan/32/7_2.png) [@manhattan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manhattan)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2000, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-i-have-a-question-for-you/13564/30 "2000-02-03T00:35:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by fuzzy-wuzzy: > \*\*…this is one of the funniest threads I’ve seen…almost as good as the secret agent one. > > \*\* Which segues nicely into the **real** reason we do this. I’m not supposed to tell, and they’ll probably kick me out of the Guy’s Club[sup]TM[/sup] for saying it, but what the heck. It’s code. You see, when we spot a particularly attractive woman, it’s considered polite to let the other guys know whom to look at. There is an extremely complicated set of signals we send using our crotches that communicate where the woman is, what she’s wearing, her best features, etc… Kind of like the third base coach of libido. ## **Ayesha** , you say 10 men signaled in your presence? Hmmmmm. Livin’ on Tums, vitamin E and Rogaine ---
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2000, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-i-have-a-question-for-you/13564/31 "2000-02-03T00:44:00Z")
You can’t always make it to a discrete corner, when your pants start rubbing you the wrong way. It can really hurt when something is in the wrong place and you have to walk. I especially find it painful when it slips down into my shoe when walking. * * * I’m only your wildest fear, from the corners of your darkest thoughts. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2000, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-i-have-a-question-for-you/13564/32 "2000-02-03T01:13:00Z")
Fall to your knees, ladies, and give thanks to whatever power you recognize, for you will never know the discomfort of being out on a hot day and having your scrotum stick to your leg. ---
**Author:** ![DoctorJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctorj/32/2904_2.png) [@DoctorJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DoctorJ)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2000, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-i-have-a-question-for-you/13564/33 "2000-02-03T01:38:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Do guys who adjust all the time have bigger packages than guys who don’t adjust as often? Well (adjust), I’d have to say that’s probably true (adjust). It makes sense (adjust) that the bigger (adjust)packages would more easily (adjust)get into an uncomfortable (adjust) position. At least (adjust)that’s my experience. Dr. J (adjust) ---
**Author:** ![elelle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f0a364/32.png) [@elelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elelle)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2000, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-i-have-a-question-for-you/13564/34 "2000-02-03T01:50:00Z")
At least American guys are a bit discreet in their public ball-hustling. In Italy, guys do it and stare straight leeringly at ya. And then call ya a bitch when you look away. ---
**Author:** ![handy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5a626/32.png) [@handy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handy)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2000, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-i-have-a-question-for-you/13564/35 "2000-02-03T02:55:00Z")
drlucy, it seems the bigger it is the less need to adjust. As for why guys grab themselves, most of the time they are checking to see if its still there. ---
**Author:** ![Nutty\_Bunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/d07c76/32.png) [@Nutty\_Bunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nutty_Bunny)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2000, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-i-have-a-question-for-you/13564/36 "2000-02-03T04:03:00Z")
Let’s revisit the ‘spitting’ issue for just a moment, shall we? Is it like a cat marking it’s territory? I just don’t get it. Whenever I ask a man why they do it, the answer is something like, “Well, I’ve got phlegm.” and my response is usually, “If you’ve got _that_ much phlegm, shouldn’t you see a doctor?” Am I wrong or are men just more phlegmmy than women? * * * “Cliiiiiiffffff!!!” ---
**Author:** ![Milossarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Milossarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Milossarian)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2000, 4:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-i-have-a-question-for-you/13564/37 "2000-02-03T04:47:00Z")
I think there is an underlying connection between member-adjusting, spitting and other disgusting male habits – we men are generally more pragmatic than women. Think of all the time you ladies spend putting makeup on your face … think about how twisted that is! It’s your FACE! It isn’t good enough the way it is? A guy would never think like that. Ditto for high heels. A guy would say, “Gimme sum’in comfterbul fer my feets.” So, a guy has some genital relocating to do to regain comfort? He does it. He needs to spit? He does it. I’ve even done the thing where, you need to blow your nose and you don’t have a kleenex and no one’s around and you press one nostril shut and … Well, anyway. Don’t want this to become another 1,000-post “Guy Thread.” * * * “You should tell the truth, expose the lies and live in the moment.” - Bill Hicks ---
**Author:** ![Freeze\_Frame](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Freeze\_Frame](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freeze_Frame)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2000, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-i-have-a-question-for-you/13564/38 "2000-02-03T05:04:00Z")
Once it is dicovered that the junk is out of place, it is tough to think about anything else in the world, other than returning it all into its proper alignment. If a guy is on the bus, and discovers that his stuff is misplaced, he puts it back. If he decides to wait till no one is looking, he suffers. who wants to suffer? But if he sniffs his hand afterwards, then he is pig! ---
**Author:** ![Ayesha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c0e974/32.png) [@Ayesha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ayesha)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2000, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-i-have-a-question-for-you/13564/39 "2000-02-03T17:15:00Z")
DoctorJ , That’s not adjusting, thats playing with yourself ! Oh yeah Chief, well take this, :eek: :rolleyes: 😛 Uh Satan, Isn’t that something another member of this board who shall remain nameless should be doing for you ? Manhatten I figured it was something like that. Milossarian, Now thats just nasty ! Eeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwww Freeze Frame, I know one man who does the sniffing afterward thing, and you’re right he is a pig. * * * Ayesha ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2000, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-i-have-a-question-for-you/13564/40 "2000-02-04T02:11:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by Arnold Winkelried: > **In public, I personally spit on my genitalia while pouffing my hair. I’ve met many interesting people that way.** Keep it to yourself, Arnold. * * * With magic, you can turn a frog into a prince. With science, you can turn a frog into a Ph.D, and you still have the frog you started with. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-i-have-a-question-for-you/13564.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-i-have-a-question-for-you/13564.md?page=3)