# Gentlemen, I have a question for you. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 2, 2000, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-i-have-a-question-for-you/13564 "2000-02-02T19:11:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Jo3sh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a587f6/32.png) [@Jo3sh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jo3sh)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2000, 4:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-i-have-a-question-for-you/13564/41 "2000-02-04T04:55:00Z")
Okay, I was sure the rest of you gentlemen would bring this up, but it appears it’s left to me… Warm weather appears to increase the need to (adjust). This seems to be due to two factors: 1. The dangly bits dangle more. 2. The sweat factor. Nothing like sweaty underwear to make a guy need to (adjust). * * * A committee is a lifeform with six or more legs and no brain. ---
**Author:** ![Nutty\_Bunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/d07c76/32.png) [@Nutty\_Bunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nutty_Bunny)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2000, 5:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-i-have-a-question-for-you/13564/42 "2000-02-04T05:02:00Z")
Jo3sh: > [@](#): > > Nothing like sweaty underwear to make a guy need to adjust. …and then smell his fingers? Come on, fess up! * * * “Cliiiiiiffffff!!!” ---
**Author:** ![Satan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Satan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satan)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2000, 7:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-i-have-a-question-for-you/13564/43 "2000-02-04T07:32:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by Ayesha: > > \*\*Uh Satan, > > Isn’t that something another member of this board who shall remain nameless should be doing for you ?\*\* Sorry, ut I refuse to have another member touch my member. Not that there’s anything wrong with it… * * * Yer pal, Satan ---
**Author:** ![suiyobi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8e8cbc/32.png) [@suiyobi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/suiyobi)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2000, 8:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-i-have-a-question-for-you/13564/44 "2000-02-04T08:38:00Z")
i’m a gurl and i spit when necessary-- like when i’m in the park, running hard from a guy adjusting his balls. haven’t you ever built up excess saliva when running/jogging, as a champing horse would? and if you come from an allergen-rich region, you know phlegm isn’t a sign of illness. to sum up: spittin’s okay as long as you don’t spit on me. ---
**Author:** ![Valerieblaise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@Valerieblaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Valerieblaise)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2000, 10:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-i-have-a-question-for-you/13564/45 "2000-02-04T10:07:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by suiyobi: > **i’m a gurl and i spit when necessary-- like when i’m in the park, running hard from a guy adjusting his balls. haven’t you ever built up excess saliva when running/jogging, as a champing horse would? and if you come from an allergen-rich region, you know phlegm isn’t a sign of illness. to sum up: spittin’s okay as long as you don’t spit on me.** Capitalization, correct spelling and good grammar are okay, too. Look into them. * * * “I’ll tell you a secret, baby - maybe you can’t do better - gotta settle for second best” - the Judybats ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2000, 10:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-i-have-a-question-for-you/13564/46 "2000-02-04T10:47:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by suiyobi: > **i’m a gurl and i spit when necessary** ## Nah. Too easy. **Coldfire** * * * _ **"You know how complex women are"** _ - Neil Peart, **Rush** (1993) ---
**Author:** ![Jo3sh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a587f6/32.png) [@Jo3sh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jo3sh)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2000, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-i-have-a-question-for-you/13564/47 "2000-02-05T03:17:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by Dewaholic: > \*\*Jo3sh: …and then smell his fingers? Come on, fess up! > > \*\* Nope. Once was enough on that particular experience. Back when I was but a wee lad. Well, comparatively, anyway. When I need to adjust, I tend to do it in a discreet manner. I never, never, never put my hands in my pants in public. * * * A committee is a lifeform with six or more legs and no brain. ---
**Author:** ![suiyobi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8e8cbc/32.png) [@suiyobi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/suiyobi)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2000, 8:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-i-have-a-question-for-you/13564/48 "2000-02-06T08:12:00Z")
c’mon, what did i misspell?-- gurl? would you have preferred grrrrrrrrrrl?-- i may spit, but at least i don’t make stupid mean-spirited remarks, so take a flyin’ leap into the bbq pit, ya tosser! * * * the hog squeal of the universe is coming from my modem! ---
**Author:** ![WallyM7](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b5e925/32.png) [@WallyM7](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WallyM7)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2000, 6:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-i-have-a-question-for-you/13564/49 "2000-02-07T06:49:00Z")
Even though it’s very late in the thread, I offer this pearl of wisdom: What everybody said. I gotta turn down the volume. The applause is deafening. * * * I don’t have to do drugs to mess up my head. I went to Catholic school. ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2000, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-i-have-a-question-for-you/13564/50 "2000-02-07T00:26:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by suiyobi: > \*\*c’mon, what did i misspell?-- gurl? would you have preferred grrrrrrrrrrl?-- i may spit, but at least i don’t make stupid mean-spirited remarks, so take a flyin’ leap into the bbq pit, ya tosser! > \*\* Easy now, my dear suiyobi. No mean-spiritedness was intended. I did not refer to the incorrect spelling of the word “girl”. I took a part of one of your sentences, quoted it out of context as to make it appear a stepping stone to a rather sexual remark, and then actually decided against it by saying it would be to easy. The above description constitutes a certain form of **humour**. Please, oh _please_ flame me because of my bad sense of humour! * * * **Coldfire** * * * _ **"You know how complex women are"** _ - Neil Peart, **Rush** (1993) ---
**Author:** ![voltaire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voltaire/32/313_2.png) [@voltaire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/voltaire)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2000, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-i-have-a-question-for-you/13564/51 "2000-02-07T00:51:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Capitalization, correct spelling and good grammar are okay, too. Damn those pesky commas! They always seem to jump out of place. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![suiyobi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8e8cbc/32.png) [@suiyobi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/suiyobi)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2000, 5:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-i-have-a-question-for-you/13564/52 "2000-02-07T05:24:00Z")
wha-- i wasn’t even talking to you, “coldfire.” actually, if anyone had picked up on my own particular attempt at “humour,” i doubt my spelling, syntax, conformity to strunk & white, &c. would have merited any notice. why does _any_ poster bother to correct another on the basis of something so trivial? whether intended or not, a possible typo is not usually a life-or-death difference in one of these rather lighthearted discussions. to recap: GET OFF MY DICK! 😃 * * * the hog squeal of the universe is coming from my modem! ---
**Author:** ![Sentinel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/fbc32d/32.png) [@Sentinel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sentinel)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2000, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-i-have-a-question-for-you/13564/53 "2000-02-07T21:16:00Z")
\*\* Now, let me tell you the _REAL_ reason guys have to touch themselves.\*\* To assure themselves and anyone within the vicinity that they’re male. It’s kind of like a dog spraying hydrants to mark their territory. (Guys would do that also if they could get away with it.) It all started sometime back in the 70s, with the arise of integration and civil rights. I first noticed it in Black guys, who could NOT seem to hold a conversation without grabbing at their privates and I KNOW that they were not just adjusting their package, unless most of them had crabs and I doubt that. Shortly after, all of the jocks on the football team started doing it and as time passed, it seems to have become the thing to do among most active men. You REALLY see it on hard core Black videos – the hand goes down there even if they don’t grab. I mean, get into a conversation with a mixed group of jocks anywhere and it turns into a real crotch grabbing fest. It’s like they can’t speak unless they have their hand down there making sure their wieners are still attached. When I was in school and college, guys discretely adjusted themselves, but now days it seems like they want to advertise to the whole world that they got a penis. I keep waiting to start seeing them going into corners and pissing on the wall to mark their spot. I never have had the urge to fondle myself in public, but then, I was brought up in a different generation. ---
**Author:** ![Ayesha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c0e974/32.png) [@Ayesha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ayesha)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2000, 4:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-i-have-a-question-for-you/13564/54 "2000-02-08T04:55:00Z")
suiyobi, If you want to fight with Coldfire, please take it to the pit. Oh, and please make up your mind about which sex you are. Girls (gurls to you) do not have dicks. Just thought I would share that with you. * * * Ayesha ---
**Author:** ![suiyobi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8e8cbc/32.png) [@suiyobi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/suiyobi)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2000, 9:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-i-have-a-question-for-you/13564/55 "2000-02-08T09:07:00Z")
ayesha: "wha-- i wasn’t even talking to you, “coldfire.” " and what part of 😃 don’t you understand? why not flame “coldfire,” since _he’s_ the one who seems to desire such treatment? maybe you should go back and read both flames that followed my first post on this board, and then reread my replies; i have the right to defend myself-- i most assuredly did not attack. or is this your way of kidding? 😕 * * * the hog squeal of the universe is coming from my modem! ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2000, 10:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-i-have-a-question-for-you/13564/56 "2000-02-08T10:09:00Z")
Honey, as explained, that was _not_ a flame - it was a joke you did not get at first. Believe me, when people on this board start flaming you, you WILL know 😉 Anyways, welcome aboard. With a little more use of the Shift key (it’s to the left of the “Z” and to the right of the “/”) we just might enjoy your posts 😉 (Another joke! Really!) * * * **Coldfire** * * * _ **"You know how complex women are"** _ - Neil Peart, **Rush** (1993) ---
**Author:** ![suiyobi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8e8cbc/32.png) [@suiyobi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/suiyobi)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2000, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-i-have-a-question-for-you/13564/57 "2000-02-08T19:40:00Z")
coldfire, sweetie, i hate to sound like a broken record, but go back and read what i posted: when i said i wasn’t even talking to you, i meant it-- no offense. i got your joke and made absolutely no comment about it.-- remember what you _didn’t_ write-- you weren’t giving me any petty shit about perceived spelling mistakes, someone else was, and he/she was the first to respond to me; later, i decided to take the opportunity to respond to such mundane criticism in a general way, i.e., "…typo…GET OFF MY DICK 😃 " then, mother of irony, ayesha scolds me for fighting with you. so my reaction was 😕 ain’t mad atcha-- never was 😃 ## now do you get it? the hog squeal of the universe is coming from my modem! ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2000, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-i-have-a-question-for-you/13564/58 "2000-02-08T23:37:00Z")
I get it, sweety. (Satan will post his inevitable **“Get a room!”** comment now 😃 ) Now look down and study your keyboard. Locate the key that says “Shift”. Press it down whilst typing the first character of a sentence 😉 (In this respect, one orangecakes per MB will do, IMHO…) * * * **Coldfire** * * * _ **"You know how complex women are"** _ - Neil Peart, **Rush** (1993) ---
**Author:** ![Satan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Satan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satan)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2000, 7:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-i-have-a-question-for-you/13564/59 "2000-02-09T07:28:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by Coldfire: > > **(Satan will post his inevitable “Get a room!” comment now 😃 )** Oh sure. Take all the fun out of it for me… * * * Yer pal, Satan [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-i-have-a-question-for-you/13564.md?page=2)