# Gentlemen of the SDMB - do you use a penis beaker?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-of-the-sdmb-do-you-use-a-penis-beaker/670900
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion
**Created:** [October 10, 2013, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-of-the-sdmb-do-you-use-a-penis-beaker/670900 "2013-10-10T18:11:05Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Cinnamon\_Imp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cinnamon_Imp)
#### Post date: [October 10, 2013, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-of-the-sdmb-do-you-use-a-penis-beaker/670900/1 "2013-10-10T18:11:05Z")
There’s a thread on post-sex clean-up that’s been doing the rounds in the UK, best summarised here - [possibly greatest thread in Mumsnet history. NSFW](http://www.buzzfeed.com/tomphillips/the-best-of-the-amazing-penis-beaker-debate)
So… leaving aside the likelihood that the Mumsnet OP was trolling, have you or your SO ever used a penis beaker afterwards?
---
### Author:  [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)
#### Post date: [October 10, 2013, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-of-the-sdmb-do-you-use-a-penis-beaker/670900/2 "2013-10-10T18:20:08Z")
Not gonna click the link at work, but I have no idea at all what it is.
So I’m gonna guess … no,
---
### Author:  [@Cinnamon\_Imp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cinnamon_Imp)
#### Post date: [October 10, 2013, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-of-the-sdmb-do-you-use-a-penis-beaker/670900/3 "2013-10-10T18:23:15Z")
Okay, the OP of the mumsnet thread stated:
> [@](#):
>
> We have a dedicated post-sex cleanup area on the bedside table. A box of tissues, a small bin, and a beaker of clean water for temporary cleaning/dunking while the bathroom is occupied by me.
>
> Apparently our penis beaker is strange and not the done thing.
>
> Does everyone else just lay there in a sticky post coital glow until morning? Really?
Hope that helps 😉
---
### Author:  [@DrFidelius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrFidelius)
#### Post date: [October 10, 2013, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-of-the-sdmb-do-you-use-a-penis-beaker/670900/4 "2013-10-10T18:25:24Z")
Um, no. That’s what sheets are for.
Are the Brits so prissy about bodily fluids that they do this, or is it just this individual?
---
### Author:  [@Cinnamon\_Imp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cinnamon_Imp)
#### Post date: [October 10, 2013, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-of-the-sdmb-do-you-use-a-penis-beaker/670900/5 "2013-10-10T18:27:45Z")
The thread consensus seems to be just that individual. But we believe US-ians to be more hygiene obsessed, so I thought I’d see what the opinions were here 😉
---
### Author:  [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)
#### Post date: [October 10, 2013, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-of-the-sdmb-do-you-use-a-penis-beaker/670900/6 "2013-10-10T18:28:00Z")
Hmm, no. After Madame P. is finished with me I can usually barely exert myself to find the pillow, let alone engage in obsessive hygiene.
---
### Author:  [@Musicat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Musicat)
#### Post date: [October 10, 2013, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-of-the-sdmb-do-you-use-a-penis-beaker/670900/7 "2013-10-10T18:28:08Z")
Never heard of this. But it started me thinking…how about a micro-bidet for bedside fastidiousness?
---
### Author:  [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)
#### Post date: [October 10, 2013, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-of-the-sdmb-do-you-use-a-penis-beaker/670900/8 "2013-10-10T18:31:52Z")
I often have a glass of water on the bedstand since I occasionally wake up in the middle of the night with a dry mouth. The repercussions of confusing this with a penis beaker are too disgusting to consider.
---
### Author:  [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)
#### Post date: [October 10, 2013, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-of-the-sdmb-do-you-use-a-penis-beaker/670900/9 "2013-10-10T18:32:10Z")
Ok, now that I understand … no.
---
### Author:  [@Meatros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meatros)
#### Post date: [October 10, 2013, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-of-the-sdmb-do-you-use-a-penis-beaker/670900/10 "2013-10-10T18:33:20Z")
What…The…Phuck…
No, no penis beaker here.
Ew, imagine waking up in the middle of the night, dieing of thirst and not being clear headed. You see a shimmering beaker of liquid to quench your dry throat. As you start to swallow… you realize…oh god what have you done…
---
### Author:  [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)
#### Post date: [October 10, 2013, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-of-the-sdmb-do-you-use-a-penis-beaker/670900/11 "2013-10-10T18:34:05Z")
God, no.
---
### Author:  [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)
#### Post date: [October 10, 2013, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-of-the-sdmb-do-you-use-a-penis-beaker/670900/12 "2013-10-10T18:34:20Z")
> [@muldoonthief](#):
>
> I often have a glass of water on the bedstand since I occasionally wake up in the middle of the night with a dry mouth. The repercussions of confusing this with a penis beaker are too disgusting to consider.
This.
And no.
---
### Author:  [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)
#### Post date: [October 10, 2013, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-of-the-sdmb-do-you-use-a-penis-beaker/670900/13 "2013-10-10T18:35:59Z")
Yes.
In the sense of “that’s my nickname for your mom.”
---
### Author:  [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)
#### Post date: [October 10, 2013, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-of-the-sdmb-do-you-use-a-penis-beaker/670900/14 "2013-10-10T18:36:28Z")
For hygiene sake, best just to have sex in the shower.
---
### Author:  [@TreacherousCretin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TreacherousCretin)
#### Post date: [October 10, 2013, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-of-the-sdmb-do-you-use-a-penis-beaker/670900/15 "2013-10-10T18:45:28Z")
I have no interest in anything called a “penis breaker.”
---
### Author:  [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)
#### Post date: [October 10, 2013, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-of-the-sdmb-do-you-use-a-penis-beaker/670900/16 "2013-10-10T18:47:07Z")
(Note to self: Do not have a mouthful of water while browsing this thread)
---
### Author:  [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)
#### Post date: [October 10, 2013, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-of-the-sdmb-do-you-use-a-penis-beaker/670900/17 "2013-10-10T18:47:51Z")
[this is what it looks like to wipe off the honeydew with a penis beaker.](http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/beaker-gif.gif)
not sure I’d want to see that look of terror beside my bed. pass.
---
### Author:  [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)
#### Post date: [October 10, 2013, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-of-the-sdmb-do-you-use-a-penis-beaker/670900/18 "2013-10-10T18:48:19Z")
Never heard of it. Please don’t anyone assume this is a British thing on the basis of one dubious example.
---
### Author:  [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)
#### Post date: [October 10, 2013, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-of-the-sdmb-do-you-use-a-penis-beaker/670900/19 "2013-10-10T18:50:32Z")
Do people actually use the word “beaker” for anything outside a lab setting?
(And yes, I include [Muppet Labs](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beaker_(Muppet)).)
---
### Author:  [@AnthonyElite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnthonyElite)
#### Post date: [October 10, 2013, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-of-the-sdmb-do-you-use-a-penis-beaker/670900/20 "2013-10-10T18:51:24Z")
A beaker? A BEAKER? Unless you have some sort of Bill Nye fantasy roleplay going on, you’re doing it wrong. And then again, even if you have that fantasy, you’re doing it wrong.
Most times after? A towel designated for the purpose, a shower if it was a long session.
Also: you can’t wash up in the bathroom while she is in the bathroom (assumed doing number 1) afterward?
[Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-of-the-sdmb-do-you-use-a-penis-beaker/670900.md?page=2)