# Gentlemen of the SDMB - do you use a penis beaker?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-of-the-sdmb-do-you-use-a-penis-beaker/670900
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion
**Created:** [October 10, 2013, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-of-the-sdmb-do-you-use-a-penis-beaker/670900 "2013-10-10T18:11:05Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 2
### Author:  [@Meatros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meatros)
#### Post date: [October 10, 2013, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-of-the-sdmb-do-you-use-a-penis-beaker/670900/21 "2013-10-10T18:57:52Z")
> [@Mangetout](#):
>
> Never heard of it. Please don’t anyone assume this is a British thing on the basis of one dubious example.
Hm…You are protesting might hard here… Let’s see some pics of your nightstand, post haste!
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### Author:  [@corkboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/corkboard)
#### Post date: [October 10, 2013, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-of-the-sdmb-do-you-use-a-penis-beaker/670900/22 "2013-10-10T19:05:55Z")
Um, no. But we do engage in a bit of clean-up. Whichever one is on top when we’ve both tapped out will reach over to the closest nightstand for the box of tissues and hand a couple to the other, before using a couple on their own slimy bits. In either case, a few swipes with a couple tissues does the trick. We’d rather do that than slime the sheets.
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### Author:  [@gwendee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gwendee)
#### Post date: [October 10, 2013, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-of-the-sdmb-do-you-use-a-penis-beaker/670900/23 "2013-10-10T19:12:57Z")
> [@Leaffan](#):
>
> (Note to self: Do not have a mouthful of water while browsing this thread)
This note should be fore everyone, not just yourself. For my part I had a tiny plastic cap from a glue bottle gently grasped in my lips. I nearly swallowed it when I read this:
> [@muldoonthief](#):
>
> I often have a glass of water on the bedstand since I occasionally wake up in the middle of the night with a dry mouth. The repercussions of confusing this with a penis beaker are too disgusting to consider.
> [@corkboard](#):
>
> Um, no. But we do engage in a bit of clean-up. Whichever one is on top when we’ve both tapped out will reach over to the closest nightstand for the box of tissues and hand a couple to the other, before using a couple on their own slimy bits. In either case, a few swipes with a couple tissues does the trick. We’d rather do that than slime the sheets.
Apparently I’ve been doing it wrong for a lot of years. I don’t really get slimy. Whatever I do get is manageable on my next trip to the bathroom, but I don’t need to run right in there to “get it off get it off get it off me!”
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### Author:  [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)
#### Post date: [October 10, 2013, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-of-the-sdmb-do-you-use-a-penis-beaker/670900/24 "2013-10-10T19:13:49Z")
Um, no. We employ a girl whose job it is to clean up Mr Winkie after he romps. Isn’t that typical? (Western Pennsylvania)
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### Author:  [@Sattua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sattua)
#### Post date: [October 10, 2013, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-of-the-sdmb-do-you-use-a-penis-beaker/670900/25 "2013-10-10T19:18:08Z")
Happily we live in a house with more than one bathroom, so the dilemma has never come up.
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### Author:  [@DoctorJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DoctorJ)
#### Post date: [October 10, 2013, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-of-the-sdmb-do-you-use-a-penis-beaker/670900/26 "2013-10-10T19:33:15Z")
I prefer an Erlenmeyer flask.
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### Author:  [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)
#### Post date: [October 10, 2013, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-of-the-sdmb-do-you-use-a-penis-beaker/670900/27 "2013-10-10T19:34:49Z")
> [@Meatros](#):
>
> What…The…Phuck…
>
> No, no penis beaker here.
>
> Ew, imagine waking up in the middle of the night, dieing of thirst and not being clear headed. You see a shimmering beaker of liquid to quench your dry throat. As you start to swallow… you realize…oh god what have you done…
Just pour it on your face and chest instead and pretend that you really like it.
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### Author:  [@MikeF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MikeF)
#### Post date: [October 10, 2013, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-of-the-sdmb-do-you-use-a-penis-beaker/670900/28 "2013-10-10T19:40:30Z")
Graduated cylinder here.
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### Author:  [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)
#### Post date: [October 10, 2013, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-of-the-sdmb-do-you-use-a-penis-beaker/670900/29 "2013-10-10T19:47:29Z")
> [@Thudlow\_Boink](#):
>
> Do people actually use the word “beaker” for anything outside a lab setting?
_Beaker Beaker, hello good buddy, you got your handle on?_
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### Author:  [@delphica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/delphica)
#### Post date: [October 10, 2013, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-of-the-sdmb-do-you-use-a-penis-beaker/670900/30 "2013-10-10T19:50:28Z")
Just in case you haven’t, it’s worth it to click through the link (or remember when you get home to click through) because the comments are absolutely priceless. I was laughing like a crazy person after a friend shared this.
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### Author:  [@chacoguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chacoguy)
#### Post date: [October 10, 2013, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-of-the-sdmb-do-you-use-a-penis-beaker/670900/31 "2013-10-10T19:50:31Z")
I prefer a [Hotsy](http://www.hotsy.com/Deferred-Payments.aspx/Hot-Water-Pressure-Washers.aspx?Cid=543).
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### Author:  [@lorene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorene)
#### Post date: [October 10, 2013, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-of-the-sdmb-do-you-use-a-penis-beaker/670900/32 "2013-10-10T20:03:18Z")
I’m trying to imagine my husband’s reaction if I suggested he dunk his penis in a glass of water after sex. 😕
Actually—I’m trying to imagine MY reaction. Nothing in or on either of us is so bad that we need to cleanse immediately. That’s kind of insulting.
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### Author:  [@Meatros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meatros)
#### Post date: [October 10, 2013, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-of-the-sdmb-do-you-use-a-penis-beaker/670900/33 "2013-10-10T20:08:27Z")
> [@Hypno-Toad](#):
>
> Just pour it on your face and chest instead and pretend that you really like it.
You are an evil person - I laughed and now my cubical mates want to know what’s so funny.
What am I supposed say?
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### Author:  [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)
#### Post date: [October 10, 2013, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-of-the-sdmb-do-you-use-a-penis-beaker/670900/34 "2013-10-10T20:14:08Z")
> [@Thudlow\_Boink](#):
>
> Do people actually use the word “beaker” for anything outside a lab setting?
Yes - specifically, they’re talking about a plastic drinking tumbler, like this:
[http://www.positivemediapromotions.co.uk/400ml-plastic-beaker](http://www.positivemediapromotions.co.uk/400ml-plastic-beaker)
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### Author:  [@want2befree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/want2befree)
#### Post date: [October 10, 2013, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-of-the-sdmb-do-you-use-a-penis-beaker/670900/35 "2013-10-10T20:16:55Z")
> [@Meatros](#):
>
> You are an evil person - I laughed and now my cubical mates want to know what’s so funny.
>
> What am I supposed say?
Oh, never mind, just a funny sex thing I’m reading about on work time. 😉
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### Author:  [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)
#### Post date: [October 10, 2013, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-of-the-sdmb-do-you-use-a-penis-beaker/670900/36 "2013-10-10T20:19:37Z")
> [@Meatros](#):
>
> Hm…You are protesting might hard here… Let’s see some pics of your nightstand, post haste!
I can’t even understand how a cup of water is going to be very useful in that situation.
We just have an extra large towel that we throw across the bed and lie on - then there’s no hurry to deal with cleanup. Once we’re done snuggling and getting our breath back, one uses the bathroom, then the other, then the towel goes in the wash basket.
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### Author:  [@snowthx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snowthx)
#### Post date: [October 10, 2013, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-of-the-sdmb-do-you-use-a-penis-beaker/670900/37 "2013-10-10T20:24:41Z")
> [@DrFidelius](#):
>
> Um, no. That’s what sheets are for.
Whaddyamean sheets? That’s what curtains are for!
Or, discarded undies at least.
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### Author:  [@StrangerThanFiction](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StrangerThanFiction)
#### Post date: [October 10, 2013, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-of-the-sdmb-do-you-use-a-penis-beaker/670900/38 "2013-10-10T20:35:03Z")
Anybody else using a test tube for this?
No?
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### Author:  [@Incubus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incubus)
#### Post date: [October 10, 2013, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-of-the-sdmb-do-you-use-a-penis-beaker/670900/39 "2013-10-10T20:40:14Z")
Wow, I guess we’re slobs; we are the kind of couple that argue about who gets the lay in the wet spot after sex. Then about who contributed the most amount of ‘fluid’ in the wet spot. My wife’s chief complaint is that we have sex on ‘her’ side of the bed most of the time, leaving her to lie in the wet spot, and she’s constantly trying to nudge me over to the left so I get stuck with the party favors at the end 😛
Yeah we’re gross.
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### Author:  [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)
#### Post date: [October 10, 2013, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-of-the-sdmb-do-you-use-a-penis-beaker/670900/40 "2013-10-10T20:46:39Z")
> [@Meatros](#):
>
> Hm…You are protesting might hard here… Let’s see some pics of your nightstand, post haste!
That’s a scary, fascinating proposition - everyone post a picture of your nightstand!
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