# Gentlemen of the SDMB - do you use a penis beaker?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-of-the-sdmb-do-you-use-a-penis-beaker/670900
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion
**Created:** [October 10, 2013, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-of-the-sdmb-do-you-use-a-penis-beaker/670900 "2013-10-10T18:11:05Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 3
### Author:  [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)
#### Post date: [October 10, 2013, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-of-the-sdmb-do-you-use-a-penis-beaker/670900/41 "2013-10-10T20:51:09Z")
Beaker? I hardly even know her!
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### Author:  [@TBG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TBG)
#### Post date: [October 10, 2013, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-of-the-sdmb-do-you-use-a-penis-beaker/670900/42 "2013-10-10T21:04:15Z")
Penis beaker? What the fuck?
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### Author:  [@Dervorin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dervorin)
#### Post date: [October 10, 2013, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-of-the-sdmb-do-you-use-a-penis-beaker/670900/43 "2013-10-10T21:24:42Z")
Argh. No. No no no no. Definitely not.
There are tissues, there is a towel. That’s about all that’s required. Sometimes a quick wipe-down with a damp cloth, if one of us feels like it.
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### Author:  [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)
#### Post date: [October 10, 2013, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-of-the-sdmb-do-you-use-a-penis-beaker/670900/44 "2013-10-10T21:25:02Z")
I have never heard of this in my entire life.
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### Author:  [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)
#### Post date: [October 10, 2013, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-of-the-sdmb-do-you-use-a-penis-beaker/670900/45 "2013-10-10T21:26:02Z")
I’m just glad to have been referred to as a “gentleman” in the OP. And, no. It hasn’t been a problem.
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### Author:  [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)
#### Post date: [October 10, 2013, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-of-the-sdmb-do-you-use-a-penis-beaker/670900/46 "2013-10-10T22:21:50Z")
Anyone use a power washer?
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### Author:  [@rocking\_chair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rocking_chair)
#### Post date: [October 10, 2013, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-of-the-sdmb-do-you-use-a-penis-beaker/670900/47 "2013-10-10T22:35:31Z")
i’m a bit amused by the fellow who has a “lucky bag” with popping candy. i just can’t figure out how you go about requesting your pillow friend use the popping candy for your pleasure.
beaker was not an item listed for the “lucky bag”.
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### Author:  [@dracoi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dracoi)
#### Post date: [October 10, 2013, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-of-the-sdmb-do-you-use-a-penis-beaker/670900/48 "2013-10-10T22:44:34Z")
> [@Incubus](#):
>
> Wow, I guess we’re slobs; we are the kind of couple that argue about who gets the lay in the wet spot after sex. Then about who contributed the most amount of ‘fluid’ in the wet spot. My wife’s chief complaint is that we have sex on ‘her’ side of the bed most of the time, leaving her to lie in the wet spot, and she’s constantly trying to nudge me over to the left so I get stuck with the party favors at the end 😛
>
> Yeah we’re gross.
You might be gross, but you’re not alone. 🙂
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### Author:  [@Snowboarder\_Bo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snowboarder_Bo)
#### Post date: [October 10, 2013, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-of-the-sdmb-do-you-use-a-penis-beaker/670900/49 "2013-10-10T22:50:40Z")
> [@Dervorin](#):
>
> Argh. No. No no no no. Definitely not.
>
> There are tissues, there is a towel. That’s about all that’s required. Sometimes a quick wipe-down with a damp cloth, if one of us feels like it.
Aye. I have a saying I’d like to share: True love is getting up after sex to get a warm, moist towel so you can clean off your lover.
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### Author:  [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)
#### Post date: [October 10, 2013, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-of-the-sdmb-do-you-use-a-penis-beaker/670900/50 "2013-10-10T23:04:43Z")
> [@Snowboarder\_Bo](#):
>
> Aye. I have a saying I’d like to share: True love is getting up after sex to get a warm, moist towel so you can clean off your lover.
And unless you follow with a blow dryer set on warm, you’re second rate.
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### Author:  [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)
#### Post date: [October 10, 2013, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-of-the-sdmb-do-you-use-a-penis-beaker/670900/51 "2013-10-10T23:18:01Z")
I guess this is the 21st century’s version of the “cum towel” that many people have kept by their bed. But I guess we can blame the “penis beaker” on those so-called metrosexuals who have reduced their eyebrows to a dainty remnant of their original shape. God forbid there should be a little mess (or hair) in their lives.
But in fact, my partner is my penis beaker, and never wastes a drop. I keep him because he’s so efficient.
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### Author:  [@Meatros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meatros)
#### Post date: [October 10, 2013, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-of-the-sdmb-do-you-use-a-penis-beaker/670900/52 "2013-10-10T23:30:47Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#):
>
> That’s a scary, fascinating proposition - everyone post a picture of your nightstand!
Oh no, you won’t get pictures of MY nightstand. I can’t let everyone know about my penis jug (because sometimes a beaker isn’t enough), my penis towelettes, my penis baby wipes and accompanying penis baby wipe warmer (let’s face it, a cold wipe isn’t ideal for such a special area), my penis flashlight (in case we are having a lights out affair), and who could forget my after coitus penis mini-fan that helps cool down the area in a gentle, yet non-jarring, way.
Penis you warmly,
Mr. Penis
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### Author:  [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)
#### Post date: [October 10, 2013, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-of-the-sdmb-do-you-use-a-penis-beaker/670900/53 "2013-10-10T23:46:38Z")
> [@Cinnamon\_Imp](#):
>
> Okay, the OP of the mumsnet thread stated:
>
> > [@](#):
> >
> > We have a dedicated post-sex cleanup area on the bedside table. A box of tissues, a small bin, and a beaker of clean water for temporary cleaning/dunking while the bathroom is occupied by me.
> >
> > Apparently our penis beaker is strange and not the done thing.
> >
> > Does everyone else just lay there in a sticky post coital glow until morning? Really?
>
> Hope that helps 😉
I should know better than to post in threads like this by now, but… I’m not sure I get this. Does spouse 1 lock spouse 2 in the bathroom overnight? If not, why can’t spouse 1 simply use the bathroom when spouse 2 has finished occupying it? And if yes, shouldn’t someone contact the police, or something (since I’m pretty sure locking your spouse in the bathroom is, indeed, very strange and not the done thing)?
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### Author:  [@Morbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morbo)
#### Post date: [October 11, 2013, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-of-the-sdmb-do-you-use-a-penis-beaker/670900/54 "2013-10-11T00:16:25Z")
I don’t know about you guys, but if I’m sticking my dick in a tumbler of water while reclining in bed, I’m probably going to start peeing.
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### Author:  [@gracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gracer)
#### Post date: [October 11, 2013, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-of-the-sdmb-do-you-use-a-penis-beaker/670900/55 "2013-10-11T00:18:58Z")
:smack:
Active cleaning up ruins the whole “exchange of dirty bodily fluids”-point of sex. You bask in the wet spot with your sticky bodies still mushed together.
Side question: is beaker only BrE for plastic cup?
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### Author:  [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)
#### Post date: [October 11, 2013, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-of-the-sdmb-do-you-use-a-penis-beaker/670900/56 "2013-10-11T00:29:33Z")
> [@Meatros](#):
>
> Oh no, you won’t get pictures of MY nightstand. I can’t let everyone know about my penis jug (because sometimes a beaker isn’t enough), my penis towelettes, my penis baby wipes and accompanying penis baby wipe warmer (let’s face it, a cold wipe isn’t ideal for such a special area), my penis flashlight (in case we are having a lights out affair), and who could forget my after coitus penis mini-fan that helps cool down the area in a gentle, yet non-jarring, way.
>
> Penis you warmly,
>
> Mr. Penis
Has the word “penis” lost all meaning yet? 😃
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### Author:  [@Battle\_Pope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Battle_Pope)
#### Post date: [October 11, 2013, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-of-the-sdmb-do-you-use-a-penis-beaker/670900/57 "2013-10-11T00:37:43Z")
> [@kayaker](#):
>
> And unless you follow with a blow dryer set on warm, you’re second rate.
[Will a toaster suffice?](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=704348)
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### Author:  [@Musicat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Musicat)
#### Post date: [October 11, 2013, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-of-the-sdmb-do-you-use-a-penis-beaker/670900/58 "2013-10-11T01:16:51Z")
> [@Cinnamon\_Imp](#):
>
> Okay, the OP of the mumsnet thread stated:
>
> > [@](#):
> >
> > Does everyone else just lay there in a sticky post coital glow until morning? Really?
“Post-coital glow”? That’s fine if you’re jejunne-young, but after a while, it’s “You done? Get the fuck off me!”
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### Author:  [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)
#### Post date: [October 11, 2013, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-of-the-sdmb-do-you-use-a-penis-beaker/670900/59 "2013-10-11T01:16:55Z")
So for the OPs link, after sex, beaker ensues.
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### Author:  [@not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/not_what_you_d_expect)
#### Post date: [October 11, 2013, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-of-the-sdmb-do-you-use-a-penis-beaker/670900/60 "2013-10-11T01:26:25Z")
> [@kayaker](#):
>
> And unless you follow with a blow dryer set on warm, you’re second rate.
Which just leads to more sex and then you have to clean up again. 🙂
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