# Gentlemen: you are faced with a toilet seat that will not stay up. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 28, 2011, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-you-are-faced-with-a-toilet-seat-that-will-not-stay-up/594411 "2011-08-28T20:20:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Dervorin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/eb8c5e/32.png) [@Dervorin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dervorin)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2011, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-you-are-faced-with-a-toilet-seat-that-will-not-stay-up/594411/1 "2011-08-28T20:20:32Z")
I would ask you to imagine, if you will, that you are faced with a toilet seat that refuses to stay up. I am currently faced with two such seats, one at my current house and one at the house I am about to move into\*. Your challenge, should you choose to accept it, is to urinate. What is your preferred plan of action? Poll to follow. \*The one where I currently live is deliberately designed not to stay up, clearly by some disgruntled woman, and glides down with a sinuous, slinky, silent sneer that is no less galling for being all that. The one in the house I’m about to move into, by contrast, is just unbalanced by an oversized flush tank, and snaps shut with the casual crash of a piranha’s jaw, just waiting to trap your dick in its hammering embrace. It’s a cruel fate that I’m moving from one such house into another, but c’est la vie. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2011, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-you-are-faced-with-a-toilet-seat-that-will-not-stay-up/594411/2 "2011-08-28T20:37:33Z")
_“I hold the seat up with one hand and do the awkward shuffle to make sure I’m not wetting myself”_ I also dislike sitting down on such toilets; having the lid clamp down on my back makes my skin crawl. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2011, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-you-are-faced-with-a-toilet-seat-that-will-not-stay-up/594411/3 "2011-08-28T20:42:59Z")
I chose option 2, but what’s this awkward shuffle? Do most men ordinarily need two hands to aim? ---
**Author:** ![appleciders](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85f322/32.png) [@appleciders](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/appleciders)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2011, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-you-are-faced-with-a-toilet-seat-that-will-not-stay-up/594411/4 "2011-08-28T20:45:04Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > I chose option 2, but what’s this awkward shuffle? Do most men ordinarily need two hands to aim? I do, but I’m a bit of an outlier 😉 Seriously, who needs two hands to aim? I use my other hand to hold up my book, usually. ---
**Author:** ![Dervorin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/eb8c5e/32.png) [@Dervorin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dervorin)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2011, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-you-are-faced-with-a-toilet-seat-that-will-not-stay-up/594411/5 "2011-08-28T20:45:43Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > I chose option 2, but what’s this awkward shuffle? Do most men ordinarily need two hands to aim? The awkward shuffle is between keeping the seat up, your trousers up and your aim straight. I find myself doing it from time to time, but not always. ---
**Author:** ![sevenwood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6de8d8/32.png) [@sevenwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sevenwood)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2011, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-you-are-faced-with-a-toilet-seat-that-will-not-stay-up/594411/6 "2011-08-28T21:34:42Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > I chose option 2, but what’s this awkward shuffle? Do most men ordinarily need two hands to aim? Well, if you’re _ **really** _ well endowed… ---
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2011, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-you-are-faced-with-a-toilet-seat-that-will-not-stay-up/594411/7 "2011-08-28T21:39:31Z")
I chose Option 3 but I take issue with framing it as admitting defeat. I often sit down to pee even if not required to by a recalcitrant seat. ---
**Author:** ![Dervorin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/eb8c5e/32.png) [@Dervorin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dervorin)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2011, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-you-are-faced-with-a-toilet-seat-that-will-not-stay-up/594411/8 "2011-08-28T21:54:05Z")
> [@Inner\_Stickler](#): > > I chose Option 3 but I take issue with framing it as admitting defeat. I often sit down to pee even if not required to by a recalcitrant seat. I thought I’d made it clear that the commentary on the options was largely tongue-in-cheek; apologies if this is not the case. I’m interested in the action itself, stripped of the commentary. ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2011, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-you-are-faced-with-a-toilet-seat-that-will-not-stay-up/594411/9 "2011-08-28T21:59:52Z")
I pee standing up with the seat down, then wipe any stray urine off the seat with toilet paper. ---
**Author:** ![Merneith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/57b2e6/32.png) [@Merneith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merneith)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2011, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-you-are-faced-with-a-toilet-seat-that-will-not-stay-up/594411/10 "2011-08-28T22:09:37Z")
Why not just replace the offending toilet seat and/or tank? ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2011, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-you-are-faced-with-a-toilet-seat-that-will-not-stay-up/594411/11 "2011-08-28T22:31:22Z")
Go find the passive-aggressive bitch manhater who put that piece of shag carpet masquerading as a seat cover on there and punch her in her stupid head. Either that or just let the damn thing fall and piss on the lid. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2011, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-you-are-faced-with-a-toilet-seat-that-will-not-stay-up/594411/12 "2011-08-28T22:49:08Z")
> [@Merneith](#): > > Why not just replace the offending toilet seat and/or tank? Because the woman who put it there will get mad at you. And besides, the only times I’ve run into that were either at places where I was a guest at, or at my mother’s place. It wasn’t exactly practical for me to go about modifying the toilets there. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2011, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-you-are-faced-with-a-toilet-seat-that-will-not-stay-up/594411/13 "2011-08-28T23:08:45Z")
What you have there, my friend, is a [bijoona](http://cphs68.com/IN-SEARCH-OF-THE-SAVAGE-BIJOONA.pdf). Savage beasts, they are. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2011, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-you-are-faced-with-a-toilet-seat-that-will-not-stay-up/594411/14 "2011-08-28T23:44:16Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > What you have there, my friend, is a [bijoona](http://cphs68.com/IN-SEARCH-OF-THE-SAVAGE-BIJOONA.pdf). Savage beasts, they are. Googling for that word, interestingly your link was the top result for the word. The other top results included this thread, and also a relevant old-ish SDMB thread titled [In which I complain about toilet seat covers](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=559593) where you posted the same link. ---
**Author:** ![Magiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magiver)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2011, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-you-are-faced-with-a-toilet-seat-that-will-not-stay-up/594411/15 "2011-08-28T23:48:24Z")
option 5, I’m a guy, I fix the toilet seats so I can pee as God intended. ---
**Author:** ![Martin\_Hyde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/47e85d/32.png) [@Martin\_Hyde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martin_Hyde)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2011, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-you-are-faced-with-a-toilet-seat-that-will-not-stay-up/594411/16 "2011-08-28T23:48:44Z")
There wasn’t an option for me. I don’t pee in toilets, I use urinals or the front yard when at home. ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2011, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-you-are-faced-with-a-toilet-seat-that-will-not-stay-up/594411/17 "2011-08-29T00:05:43Z")
> [@Alessan](#): > > I pee standing up with the seat down, then wipe any stray urine off the seat with toilet paper. This. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2011, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-you-are-faced-with-a-toilet-seat-that-will-not-stay-up/594411/18 "2011-08-29T00:06:59Z")
> [@Alessan](#): > > I pee standing up with the seat down, then wipe any stray urine off the seat with toilet paper. This. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2011, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-you-are-faced-with-a-toilet-seat-that-will-not-stay-up/594411/19 "2011-08-29T00:16:31Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > Googling for that word, interestingly your link was the top result for the word. The other top results included this thread, and also a relevant old-ish SDMB thread titled [In which I complain about toilet seat covers](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=559593) where you posted the same link. Gads, I even used a lot of the same wording! I am nothing if not consistent. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2011, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-you-are-faced-with-a-toilet-seat-that-will-not-stay-up/594411/20 "2011-08-29T00:26:36Z")
> [@Autolycus](#): > > This. > [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > This. Stop copying me! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-you-are-faced-with-a-toilet-seat-that-will-not-stay-up/594411.md?page=2)