# Gentlemen, you may (or may not ) need this. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 18, 2000, 10:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-you-may-or-may-not-need-this/19847 "2000-05-18T10:52:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Ayesha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c0e974/32.png) [@Ayesha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ayesha)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2000, 10:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-you-may-or-may-not-need-this/19847/1 "2000-05-18T10:52:26Z")
support group. Warning, do not eat or drink anything when going to this site. [http://lpsg.org/forums/](http://lpsg.org/forums/) No cheating now ---
**Author:** ![UncleBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/977dab/32.png) [@UncleBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBeer)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2000, 11:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-you-may-or-may-not-need-this/19847/2 "2000-05-18T11:19:34Z")
Dear god. I wonder how one becomes a moderator for that message board. ---
**Author:** ![Ayesha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c0e974/32.png) [@Ayesha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ayesha)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2000, 11:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-you-may-or-may-not-need-this/19847/3 "2000-05-18T11:34:22Z")
Interesting question UncleBeer. Maybe they decide based on who has the longest err, measuring tape. ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2000, 11:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-you-may-or-may-not-need-this/19847/4 "2000-05-18T11:58:52Z")
> [@](#): > > I hate it when I sit down to take a shit and my penis drops into the water, causing me to drag it out and wipe it off. Then I have toilet paper stuck to it for a while. Is there anything that you would suggest to remedy this terrible problem? Don’t make fun of this, guys. These are some serious problems _snort_. I’d hate to think what could _grin_ happen when someone with _prpprpbvrppprbbpr_ a 20 inch pe- Dammit, I can’t hold it any longer! **ROFLMFAO!! 😃** ---
**Author:** ![GaWd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f08c70/32.png) [@GaWd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GaWd)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2000, 12:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-you-may-or-may-not-need-this/19847/5 "2000-05-18T12:35:55Z")
Oy Veysmare…I wish this just happened to be one of my problems… **LNE _WHINED, pitifully_ about his penis…** > [@](#): > > If this works well, I’ll be in debt to you both as I’ll be able to enjoy my friends pools, the beach, and the lake where we vacation, all without being self concious. Thank you both so much!!! I’ll keep you updated on how things work. **SELF-CONSCIOUS!?!?!?!!?** Give me a friggin break…mutter…mutter…time to go back to the pump! 😃 -Sam ---
**Author:** ![SingleDad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9e8a1a/32.png) [@SingleDad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SingleDad)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2000, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-you-may-or-may-not-need-this/19847/6 "2000-05-18T14:38:49Z")
Yeah, and the bottom’s muddy… ---
**Author:** ![Trion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ccd318/32.png) [@Trion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trion)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2000, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-you-may-or-may-not-need-this/19847/7 "2000-05-18T14:39:46Z")
What a great place to play the Sequential Threads game: my penis looks like a small pale yellow banana Finally! ---
**Author:** ![ChiefScott](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58f4c7/32.png) [@ChiefScott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChiefScott)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2000, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-you-may-or-may-not-need-this/19847/8 "2000-05-18T14:44:46Z")
OK, OK!! I call the username **Dick Trickle**!!! ---
**Author:** ![Guy\_Propski](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/5e9695/32.png) [@Guy\_Propski](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guy_Propski)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2000, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-you-may-or-may-not-need-this/19847/9 "2000-05-18T14:50:08Z")
You have GOT to be kidding me!!! What’s next–the “my wallet’s too small to hold all my money” support group? ---
**Author:** ![Lux\_Fiat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/bc79bd/32.png) [@Lux\_Fiat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lux_Fiat)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2000, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-you-may-or-may-not-need-this/19847/10 "2000-05-18T17:23:15Z")
**Posted By: Dingus Maximus Subject: Sometimes I get so frustrated, I just want to punch my munchkin!** Help! I thought I could live like a normal person when I got my belt crane. No more throwing out my back every time I have to tinkle, and my girlfriend hated wearing the weight belt every time we got intimate. Like most of the people on the board with a belt crane, I hired a midget to operate it for me. At first I thought we were getting along pretty well, and I’ve always thought that I pay him a very fair salary. But last week, without even telling me, he joined a union! I had no idea until I got a notifictation letter from Belt and Pants Crane Operators Local 220. Now he’s making all kind of demands. He wants time-and-a-half for all work he does past 6 p.m., double time on Sundays, and mentioned that he “wouldn’t mind” a dental plan! I’m at a loss! I make a good living, but almost all the work he does for me is now paid overtime. I tried to renegotiate his contract to make him a second-shift employee, but I got a call from his union rep threatening legal action if I pursued it. I’m afraid I’ll have to give up my belt crane, since it’s now illegal to employ non-union midgets to operate it. I was so happy to be able to live an almost normal life, and now I might lose it! Has anyone here had the same problem, or something similar? I’d be interested to know how you handled it. Thanks, guys. And by the way, this board is great! I was so happy to find other people out there who know what it’s like to carry this weight around all the time. ---
**Author:** ![voguevixen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5ac83/32.png) [@voguevixen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/voguevixen)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2000, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-you-may-or-may-not-need-this/19847/11 "2000-05-18T17:59:27Z")
I wouldn’t touch those guys with a ten foot…well, you know. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Arnold\_Winkelried](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Arnold\_Winkelried](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arnold_Winkelried)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2000, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-you-may-or-may-not-need-this/19847/12 "2000-05-18T18:07:09Z")
Thank you Ayesha! I’ve been looking for a board to give me the support I so desperately need. People who don’t suffer from this cannot understand the magnitude of my problem. I’m off right now to share with my new-found friends. ---
**Author:** ![GaWd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f08c70/32.png) [@GaWd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GaWd)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2000, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-you-may-or-may-not-need-this/19847/13 "2000-05-18T18:07:59Z")
\ -Sam ---
**Author:** ![tradesilicon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/439d5e/32.png) [@tradesilicon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tradesilicon)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2000, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-you-may-or-may-not-need-this/19847/14 "2000-05-18T18:25:47Z")
## Guy Propsy said: You have GOT to be kidding me!!! ## What’s next–the “my wallet’s too small to hold all my money” support group? Just think of those poor guys who belong to both support groups! Sili ---
**Author:** ![Mullinator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@Mullinator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mullinator)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2000, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-you-may-or-may-not-need-this/19847/15 "2000-05-18T18:49:09Z")
Since when did Michael Masterson have his own website. There are too many lines on there to pick just one as the best, but my personal faves are -If you are hung like a howitzer, make sure you ram her like Janet Reno trying to step all over the fourth amendment -My meat bat is so big my wife can’t take all of it. -it takes forever to get it in and they are like ouch and oohh hang on, the whole time, any social tips? -No public entity (law enforcement agency or any type of government-assisted or government-operated facility) can take any action against you because of the size of your penis. To do so would be discrimination based on the ADA1990 (Americans with Disabilities Act) and grounds for civil action. -Having a large penis should be a confidence booster for him, and you too. You should be asured that you’ll ALWAYS get off -Dan says he’s so lucky to have met me because I’m not afraid of the thing in his pants -One time I was laying in the sun on the beach and during my nap I got a hard on and my penis was touching the top of my belly button. When I awakened I did not know what to do, so I cried My faith in humanity is restored. ---
**Author:** ![Mullinator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@Mullinator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mullinator)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2000, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-you-may-or-may-not-need-this/19847/16 "2000-05-18T19:13:39Z")
So, it looks like I wasn’t the first person that thought this board needed a loverock persona. Who’s the poster out there that beat me to the punch? ---
**Author:** ![voguevixen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5ac83/32.png) [@voguevixen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/voguevixen)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2000, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-you-may-or-may-not-need-this/19847/17 "2000-05-18T20:26:31Z")
I feel bad for the 15 year old. This is the only place he can go for help and now people are just going to make it into a big joke. Really. Have a little compassion. Don’t get me wrong, you can laugh all you want, but don’t be a troll. You know how much we hate it. ---
**Author:** ![jazzmine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/5daacb/32.png) [@jazzmine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jazzmine)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2000, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-you-may-or-may-not-need-this/19847/18 "2000-05-18T20:27:11Z")
LOL! “Now she prefers hand jobs, or we both give myself head at the same time.” uh huh trisha ---
**Author:** ![Ayesha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c0e974/32.png) [@Ayesha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ayesha)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2000, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-you-may-or-may-not-need-this/19847/19 "2000-05-18T21:51:48Z")
Aw, VougeVixen, I don’t think any of the men (or women) of the straightdope would actually troll. ---
**Author:** ![Vestal\_Blue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/5e9695/32.png) [@Vestal\_Blue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vestal_Blue)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2000, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-you-may-or-may-not-need-this/19847/20 "2000-05-18T22:10:57Z")
Oh _ **great!** _ Now I get to feel embarrased about my measly six inches… It’s little, but it keeps me happy… [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gentlemen-you-may-or-may-not-need-this/19847.md?page=2)