R.I.P. you old fuck
And vans are good for transporting your stuff. Need something from the back? Slam on the brakes and it’ll hit you in the head.
The first “bit” of his I heard was something about how we have some kind of bank balance in heaven that we start out with, with which we use to buy heavenly delights after we die. As we sin in life, a fine is levied against that balance, which, of course, reduces the amounts (and kinds) of heavenly rewards we can afford after we die.
Masterbation = 50 cents, giving rise to the phrase “cheap thrill”.
But that punch line is about the only thing I remember. Was the whole act much longer?
I found out Monday morning as I was reading the Trib. I saw a small article in the obit section with the headline “Comedian George Carlin Dies.” My first reaction was to think that there must be another George Carlin, because if it had been THE George Carlin, the story would’ve been on the front page. Then I read the article.
PS Tuesday’s Trib had an article about the life of George Carlin (on the front page, of course.)
I just found this interview, conducted December 17, 2007. He gave a four hour retrospective interview, 10 minutes of which is on youtube.
I’d love to see the whole thing, or at least an edited 1-1 1/2 hour version of it.
He discusses his persona and his dreams. It’s a great clip, and his final filmed, extensive interview.
This may seem lightweight compared with his other work, but the wife and I liked his turn as Fillmore the hippie VW bus in *Cars * (2006), and I haven’t seen it mentioned yet. That was the wife’s introduction to George Carlin. I explained to her why it was funny that it was George Carlin as the hippie VW bus.
This is also very minor, but I wanted to repeat these because I like them and I reused these two lines all the damn time when people gave me weird looks. They’re just transitional bits from one of the HBO specials.
“These are the kinds of thoughts that kept me out of the good schools.”
and
“These are the kind of things I think about when I’m sitting home alone and the power goes out.”
Did you ever actually listen to one of Carlin’s albums? What you’re describing bears little resemblance to his comedy. (And note that fuckwads and nitwits seem to have made a hobby of circulating lists of inane observations and pretending that their source was George Carlin. Some of them expressed a simple-minded right-wing viewpoint that was pretty much the opposite of anything he would have said.)
“What’s the deal with jumbo shrimp?” “Why do we park on the driveway but we drive on the parkway?”
I can verify that was George Carlin. I saw him do that on HBO back in maybe the 1970s.
Maybe, but that was 30+ years ago. His material changed a lot since then. If someone was asking me to give them an example of a George Carlin routine, jumbo shrimp and parking on driveways would not be the first two things I’d think of, nor would they really be an accurate description of his comedy.
That’s his material, but it doesn’t sum up his career or his style. I’d advise Huerta88 to go to YouTube and watch at least a few of the following: “the planet is fine, the people are fucked,” the revised Ten Commandments, “airport security,” “Seven Words You Can Never Say on TV,” and “a place for my stuff.” All of those (except the first one, I think) have been discussed or referred to in this thread.
I remember a story my dad told me about seeing Carlin live with my mom (which proves how awesome they are). George was going through his act, just going gangbusters. Eventually he gets to why he loves his dog, why dogs are great.
George says “Once I looked down and he was licking his own balls! If I could do that I wouldn’t leave the house for a month!”
And my dad pops up, with perfect timing, and yells, “Yeah, the dog wouldn’t let you go!” George looks dumbfounded for just a second, then he gives this little nod and grin to the audience and continues the show. 
Is it true? I dunno. But that’s my favorite George Carlin story, even if I wasn’t there. Adios, you fuckin’ sage of America.
No, that’s a poor paraphrase of part of one of his routines. Without the context, the correct wording and the inflection, it’s not the same. Especially context; he was a master of building momentum and hitting a peak at the right time.
I wanted to use a George Carlin quote (clean, I swear!) in my graduation speech, but I wasn’t allowed.
RIP, man.
What quote? And did you have to get permission to quote someone?
Regardless of context, I thought you meant that was probably not Carlin at all, but rather simply one of these bogus Internet lists that go around attributed to people who did not say them. I’m not sure what the context has to do with it in this case, because as I remember it, in that particular show he was doing a rundown of examples like that. I agree he had better material, but I was responding to the example given.
Nobody’s mentioned his guest appearance on The Simpsons as Homer’s hippie buddy Munchie.
You know, it seems the 60’s ended when we sold that car. It was December 31, 1969.