# Get ya new noble titles here! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 16, 2003, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-ya-new-noble-titles-here/175626 "2003-05-16T06:11:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![DeVena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/dec6dc/32.png) [@DeVena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeVena)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2003, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-ya-new-noble-titles-here/175626/21 "2003-05-16T13:25:03Z")
I win… \*You shall henceforth be known as: Holy Ombudswoman of Vibrators, Scrumptious **DeVena** Flugenborger Kiss cookies goodbye, boring title freak! ARRRRR UMMM NUMMM NUMMMM… \* (Ya know what’s funny? I’m in the ombudsman unit here at work!!) ---
**Author:** ![Simple\_Dreamer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@Simple\_Dreamer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simple_Dreamer)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2003, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-ya-new-noble-titles-here/175626/22 "2003-05-16T13:41:42Z")
\*Contessa of Boxer Briefs, Simple Dreamer \* Oooo, Boxer Briefs… \*Regent of Smurfs, Simple Dreamer \* Smurfs? Really? _Queen of The Left Side of That Taste In Your Mouth, Simple Dreamer_ Queen? Like I could pass up being queen… 😃 \*Superintendent of The Duct-Taped Gerbil Rehabilitation Association of North America (DTGRANA), Donna Simple “Lefty” Dreamer \* It’s not a field mouse, but still closely related… Is **flybynight** interested in gerbils? \*Greater Baroness of Stars, Simple T. Dreamer \* 😃 Ah, the stars… but what’s the “T” stand for? ---
**Author:** ![WillSantini](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ed8c4c/32.png) [@WillSantini](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WillSantini)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2003, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-ya-new-noble-titles-here/175626/23 "2003-05-16T13:42:10Z")
**Kahuna of The Ivy League Beer-Funnel Team, WillSantini, the First** ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Rieux](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/aeb1de/32.png) [@Dr.Rieux](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Rieux)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2003, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-ya-new-noble-titles-here/175626/24 "2003-05-16T13:42:43Z")
\*You shall henceforth be known as: **The Guy In Charge of Stars, Dr. Jehosaphat Rieux** You have something in your teeth. No, no, right there.\* ---
**Author:** ![Kn\_ckers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/96bed5/32.png) [@Kn\_ckers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kn_ckers)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2003, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-ya-new-noble-titles-here/175626/25 "2003-05-16T13:44:45Z")
\*\* Admiral of Meat In A Cone, Kn\*ckers Englin IV \*\* _Eagles may soar, free and proud, but weasels never get sucked into jet engines._ Oddly enough, that quote used to be my e-mail sig. I like Admiral of Meat In A Cone, though it sounds vaguely obscene. let’s give it another go, shall we?.. **Queen of The Left Side of Sleeping With The Teacher, Kn\*ckers Mueller** _Hey, that’s what I call your mom in bed!_ Ouch. My mom _is_ a teacher! Okay, now I’m addicted. We’ll do one more… **High Raja of Bitch Slaps, Kn\*ckers McPeacock** \*You still can’t make it with an A-List chickie.[i/] I have no need of A-list chickies, but I must say I like this title. I’m sticking with it. Fun! ---
**Author:** ![Lsura](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7993a0/32.png) [@Lsura](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lsura)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2003, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-ya-new-noble-titles-here/175626/26 "2003-05-16T14:06:46Z")
\*President of The Inept Navy of Legos, Lsura Leontiv, Q.E.D. Unfortunately, this site is just not funny after you’ve seen all the permutations. \* I’m pretty inept when it comes to Legos, so this is just about appropriate. Some of my other favorites: \*Arch Deputy of The Calculator Appreciation Society, Snoop Doggy Lsura Deerskin Lindsay You are nothing but a goddamned communist. Boss of The Ministry of Pimpin’ Hos, Lsura Maddog Wainwright Sure beats “Crack Whore”. Lesser Contessa of Bitch Slaps, Lsura Lord You smug bastard, you. Priestess of No Pants, Lsura Nelson XI Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. \* ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2003, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-ya-new-noble-titles-here/175626/27 "2003-05-16T14:26:10Z")
Major Wizard of Atomic Fusion, Potted Meat Food Products and Deviant Sexual Practices, Kalhoun von Whitworth Heh. Kinda catchy, ain’t it? ---
**Author:** ![flybynight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/71c47a/32.png) [@flybynight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flybynight)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2003, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-ya-new-noble-titles-here/175626/28 "2003-05-16T14:27:46Z")
You shall henceforth be known as: El Jefe of The Inept Navy of Wieners, Flybynight The Great, Oppressor o’ the Masses _The moon may be smaller than Earth, but it’s farther away._ Oh boy. I don’t even know where to start with that… ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2003, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-ya-new-noble-titles-here/175626/29 "2003-05-16T14:49:04Z")
_Crown Wizer of Bitch Slaps, Happy A. Lendervedder_ ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2003, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-ya-new-noble-titles-here/175626/30 "2003-05-16T14:55:23Z")
Co-Marquis of Seal Clubbing, Scrum-Diddly\*\* Bosda Di’Chi of Tricor \*\*. \What kind of clubs do seals join?\ 😃 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Scuba\_Ben](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Scuba\_Ben](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scuba_Ben)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2003, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-ya-new-noble-titles-here/175626/31 "2003-05-16T15:05:46Z")
\*Assistant Ombudsman Maximus of The Matrix, \*\*Scuba Ben \*\* Vibratron™ Mining & Heavy Industries: Several Steps Behind The New Economy \* Also: \*Dominar of Emergency Roadside Call Boxes, **Scuba Hezekiah Ben** Well, they won’t be able to make a derogatory nickname from this one. Oh, wait… \* ---
**Author:** ![Quantum\_Butterfly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/e79b87/32.png) [@Quantum\_Butterfly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quantum_Butterfly)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2003, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-ya-new-noble-titles-here/175626/32 "2003-05-16T15:06:06Z")
Funfun! Czarina of The National Association for the Advancement of Mysterious Briefcases, Quantum Butterfly _And, lo, the Magic Eight-Ball hath spake._ I rather like ‘czarina’. And Magic 8-Ball. Mistress of Yesterday Morning, Quantum Butterfly XVI \*This page brought to you by the letters Æ and Þ, and the number e1. \* Queen of Jupiter, Quantum Butterfly I always wanted my very own gas giant. Priestess of Boring Books, Quantum Butterfly There is no such thing as a boring book! Well… okay, there is if you count Great Expectations and my AP European history book. Fun link! ---
**Author:** ![Bren\_Cameron\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@Bren\_Cameron\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bren_Cameron_1)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2003, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-ya-new-noble-titles-here/175626/33 "2003-05-16T15:16:35Z")
**Assistant Marquis of Deviant Sexual Practices, Bren Cameron** or maybe I’m \*\*Speaker of Wee Ceramic Kittens, Bren Cameron \*\* and I think I like **Ambassador of Condoms, Bren Cameron** ---
**Author:** ![Davebear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bcef8e/32.png) [@Davebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Davebear)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2003, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-ya-new-noble-titles-here/175626/34 "2003-05-16T17:12:24Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Honeydew \* > > > [@](#): > > > > **Commander of Tufted Tit-Mouses, Honey Dew** > > I think **Jessity** outranks you, on this one. > > > [@](#): > > > > **Inspector Junior Grade of Condoms, Honey Dew** > > This one surprises me, not at all. 😛 > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Simple Dreamer \* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*\*Regent of Smurfs, Simple Dreamer \*\* > > Smurfs? Really? > > ROFL!! How YOU doin’, Smurfette? > > > [@](#): > > > > \*\*Greater Baroness of Stars, Simple T. Dreamer \*\* > > Ah, the stars… but what’s the “T” stand for? > > Tiberius, of course! > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Kalhoun \* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*\*Major Wizard of Atomic Fusion, Potted Meat Food Products and Deviant Sexual Practices, Kalhoun von Whitworth \*\* > > Heh. Kinda catchy, ain’t it? > > Another Deviant! How cool! > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Quantum Butterfly \* > **I always wanted my very own gas giant.** Careful what you wish for! You could end up with a really large guy with an excessive fondness for beans and beer. :eek: > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Bren\_Cameron \* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*\*Assistant Marquis of Deviant Sexual Practices, Bren Cameron \*\* > > or maybe I’m > > \*\*Speaker of Wee Ceramic Kittens, Bren Cameron \*\* > > and I think I like > > **Ambassador of Condoms, Bren Cameron** > > Well, I think we have a quorum, now, for the meeting of the Deviants. I really like the Speaker of Wee Ceramic Kittens one, though. And, I guess the Ambassadorship makes you **HoneyDew** ’s boss, huh? ---
**Author:** ![Avarie537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/48db29/32.png) [@Avarie537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Avarie537)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2003, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-ya-new-noble-titles-here/175626/35 "2003-05-16T17:15:26Z")
**Empress Junior Grade of Very Little, Avarie Jensen, the Eighth** _The titles all go to eleven. Look, right across the site: eleven, eleven, eleven…_ JUNIOR GRADE??? 😭☹ **Governess of Volleyball Nets, Avarie Lindsay** _And, lo, the Magic Eight-Ball hath spake._ Governess? YESS!!! At least now I’m in charge of _something_!! **High Friggin’ Priestess of The Institute for Promotion of Golf Ball Washers, Avarie U. D’Smith** _Oh wait, that’s not very funny._ Well, at least I’m getting more power - though my realm is pretty lame!! Let’s give this ONE LAST TRY!! **Co-Marquise of Sporks, Miss Avarie Elisabeth Taylor** _That outfit looks really good on you._ Ah, that’s better!! Damn, I could do this all day! ---
**Author:** ![lightingtool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/57b2e6/32.png) [@lightingtool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lightingtool)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2003, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-ya-new-noble-titles-here/175626/36 "2003-05-16T17:38:42Z")
**Sorcerer of Plywood, Sheetrock and Other Panel-Like Building Materials, Monsieur Lightingtool Hezekiah Ivens** _Hey JC, have you always had those holes in your feet?_ heh **Padishah of Cannibalistic Rituals to the Glory of Ramen Flava’ Packets, Lightingtool Flywheel** _You are nothing but a goddamned communist_ How did they know??? ---
**Author:** ![lightingtool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/57b2e6/32.png) [@lightingtool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lightingtool)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2003, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-ya-new-noble-titles-here/175626/37 "2003-05-16T17:40:24Z")
I’m sorry to post twice in a row, but I had to share this one: \*\*Minor Sheikh of Most Every Deviant Sexual Practice, Lightingtool, Attorney at Law _I won’t make fun of your new name. You know why? Because I’m not that guy._ ---
**Author:** ![80sHairMetalMaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/8/ed655f/32.png) [@80sHairMetalMaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/80sHairMetalMaven)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2003, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-ya-new-noble-titles-here/175626/38 "2003-05-16T17:46:37Z")
**Super Czarina of The Moon, I\_Dig\_Bad\_Boys** Ha ha! I am also: Princess Junior Grade of Vibrators Deputy of Donuts Mecha-Sheriff of Jock Itch (o\_O) Duchess of The Spork Bank and Trust General of The Ministry of Yggdrasil and my PERSONAL favorite: Empress of Lesbians, Jedi Master IDBB ---
**Author:** ![DeadlyAccurate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ac91a4/32.png) [@DeadlyAccurate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeadlyAccurate)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2003, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-ya-new-noble-titles-here/175626/39 "2003-05-16T19:24:53Z")
**Baroness of The Left Side of Naughty Bits, Deadly X. Accurate** You may all call me My Lady. ---
**Author:** ![PatrickM](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7feea3/32.png) [@PatrickM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PatrickM)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2003, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-ya-new-noble-titles-here/175626/40 "2003-05-16T19:26:16Z")
“Surgeon General of Scopin’ Hotties, PatrickM.” I certainly can live with that! Then I submitted a different name and sex and came up with this: “Goddess of Potted Meat Food Products, Buffy Anne Summers.” I don’t think The Slayer’s gonna like that title. 🙂 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-ya-new-noble-titles-here/175626.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-ya-new-noble-titles-here/175626.md?page=3)