# Get your baby's dirty ass off the restaurant table! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 23, 2010, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435 "2010-05-23T03:58:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 11
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/201 "2010-05-24T16:59:53Z")
In going back and reading the first page again, I can see that after my “report them for what” post, my next post, which was intended to be a direct response to the OP about sitting a baby on a table, came after the intervening baby-changing exchange, so it might have seemed like that’s what I was defending. In my next post after that, though, I clarified: > [@Diogenes the Cynic](#): > > I haven’t changed diapers, no, but I’ve sat them on the table a million times. What’s the big deal. It’s not YOUR table, and how is a baby with a diaper and pants on tainting a table any worse than any other fat slob who sits there drooling and sweating all over it? That’s _all_ I ever intended to defend, and any other implication was unintentional on my part. I guess I should have been more clear from the beginning, but it didn’t occur to me that people would take it the way thy did. I was only responding to the OP. If I’d left out the “report what?” crack, I don’t think there would have been nearly as much confusion. My bad. I’m still right that there’s nothing wrong with sitting a clothed baby on a table, though. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/202 "2010-05-24T17:19:40Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > I’m still right that there’s nothing wrong with sitting a clothed baby on a table, though. You mean a CLEAN diaper on a CLEAN baby NOT about to spew shit being taken care of by parents that WILL notice if that happens (even a little drip) and WILL clean up with a sanitizer after it happens in a resteraunt that DOES sanitize every table CORRECTLY between EVERY customer. Shit, every person in this thread would probably think that was fine. The problem is every link in that chain isnt always that strong. Or even there for that matter. ---
**Author:** ![Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hentor_the_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/203 "2010-05-24T17:22:07Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > You mean a CLEAN diaper on a CLEAN baby NOT about to spew shit being taken care of by parents that WILL notice if that happens (even a little drip) and WILL clean up with a sanitizer after it happens in a resteraunt that DOES sanitize every table CORRECTLY between EVERY customer. > > Shit, every person in this thread would probably think that was fine. The problem is every link in that chain isnt always that strong. Or even there for that matter. At the very least you are proving that you know shit about this topic. ---
**Author:** ![C3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/c3/32/3108_2.png) [@C3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C3)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/204 "2010-05-24T17:23:45Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > You mean a CLEAN diaper on a CLEAN baby NOT about to spew shit being taken care of by parents that WILL notice if that happens (even a little drip) and WILL clean up with a sanitizer after it happens in a resteraunt that DOES sanitize every table CORRECTLY between EVERY customer. > > Shit, every person in this thread would probably think that was fine. The problem is every link in that chain isnt always that strong. Or even there for that matter. You’ve never been within 10 feet of a baby, have you? ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/205 "2010-05-24T17:43:22Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > Blow outs happen either overnight or when a toddler is running around, not when they’re sitting quietly. Trust me, diaper blowouts can and DO happen when a toddler is sitting quietly. Like in the middle seat of an airplane, over an hour into a midday flight, just last month. That was NOT a fun cleanup. ☹ (And yeah, I made sure to let the flight attendant know that that particular seat needed a thorough disinfecting before passengers boarded at our destination.) ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/206 "2010-05-24T17:43:30Z")
> [@C3](#): > > You’ve never been within 10 feet of a baby, have you? No, apparently its always been little (usually) lightly tannish/whitish “flesh” covered robots wearing white towel like constructions around their “hip regions” and I’ve just been fooled all these many years. No wonder they always had a metallic taste when I finally BBQed em. They was robots! Back the spirit of the OPs complaint. Don’t get me wrong. I’ll eat food dropped on the ground. I’ll eat expired food. I’ll risk raw oysters and pork. I’ll eat fast food that has a chance that someone spit on it. I’ll happily sit a table that hasnt been sterilized better than an operating table. I don’t go all Seinfield when someone doesnt wash their hands after going to the bathroom. I don’t go all Adrian Monk touching doorknobs or elevator buttons. Having said THAT, IMO its rather classless and inconsiderate of otheres to NOT wash your hands in public after using the bathroom, even if the risk to others is pretty low. And, IMO, given the uncertainties of baby shitting schedules, diaper containment effectiviness, parental observational skills and adhererance to proper deco procedures, as well as those of the eating establishment…well, lets just say a diapered babies ass on a table is IMO in the same class statistically speaking as someone who doesnt wash their hands in public bathrooms. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/207 "2010-05-24T17:45:25Z")
If you actually ever see shit on a table, don’t use that table. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/208 "2010-05-24T17:51:37Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > If you actually ever \*\*see shit \*\*on a table, don’t use that table. Gee, I wonder why the theory of germs took thousands of years for mankind to figure out and accept? And now I know why many tables/“table cloths” at eating places are brownish… ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/209 "2010-05-24T18:02:57Z")
Are you complaining about germs or shit? make up your mind. If you’re just complaining about germs, a baby’s pants don’t have any more germs than your own shirt sleeves, and less germs than your bare hands. ---
**Author:** ![bobkitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c67d28/32.png) [@bobkitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bobkitty)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/210 "2010-05-24T18:07:08Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > A cleanly diapered and \*\*clothed \*\*baby on a table poses next to no risk. Bolding mine, in a desperate attempt to point out a key distinction between the factions in this thread. The OP was quite clear about the baby being in a diaper only. Several posters (myself included) chimed in with stories about seeing babies out and about with only diapers on (or, in my example AND the OP’s, diapers only on the bottom- no pants/leggings/onsies/bloomers/shroud of turin- but some type of top/dress/whatever). Yes, a _clothed_ and diapered baby is not as much of an “OMG GERM FACTORY” as some people believe. But can you really deny that a diapered-only baby doesn’t have an increased possibility- not nearly 100%, but an increased possibility- of being a bit more germy? Do all parents clean their babies thoroughly after every single diaper change, or **is it possible** that the diapered, bare-legged baby **just may** have a little fecal matter on their chubby little thighs? Note: I will be happy to acknowledge that the adults sitting at the table may not be the paragons of cleanliness, and may have e coli bacteria on their hands from their last trip to the bathroom. Can you meet me halfway and say it’s POSSIBLE that a diapered-only baby might just have at least an equal chance of such things? Incidentally, I’d also like to toss out that at work, we routinely stop our kids (7-19) from sitting on tables, because a fairly high percentage of them have issues that would impact other people- including kids who intentionally urinate/defecate on themselves and refuse to clean up, girls who refuse to use menstrual products and bleed through their clothes, and other things a bit too icky to get into. And those are kids/young adults who are fully clothed. Maybe I should suggest a policy change… ---
**Author:** ![C3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/c3/32/3108_2.png) [@C3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C3)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/211 "2010-05-24T18:14:52Z")
> [@pabstist](#): > > I never thought this would blow up so fast! 3 pages in less than a day! > > The latest restaurant was a Subway in a gas station. I had to personally wipe the crumbs and food debris off the table before we could eat. So it’s not like they rush out to clean/sanitize the tables after every diner leaves. The time before was at a McDonalds, same deal with a dirty table. Should I go on, it’s always the same situation. Never at a nice restaurant, mind you. Maybe it’s the clientele, maybe it’s the mindset of how nice of an eatery it is that decides what parents do. > > So yeah, I don’t want a babies ass on the table before I eat, dirty diaper or not, pants or not, etc. It’s just gross. And thanks for bringing up changing babies on the table, I’ve never seen that or thought about it. I shall never eat away from home again! What’s wrong with people?! \*\* bobkitty\*\*, the OP came back and clarified that he did, in fact, mean that he is offended by babies on tables even if they’re wearing clothing over a clean diaper. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/212 "2010-05-24T18:23:14Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Are you complaining about germs or shit? make up your mind. > > If you’re just complaining about germs, a baby’s pants don’t have any more germs than your own shirt sleeves, and less germs than your bare hands. God Damn you are a fucking tard these days. Shit has germs in it. Babies have been know to leak SHIT. Hell, its probably what makes them famous. Yes, a CLEAN diaper is pretty germ free. But how in the MOTHER FUCKING HELL do I know that diaper IS clean, will STAY clean, and IF it gets shitty, the folks at the eating establishment WILL clean the area before I sit down. I’ve told you I can take a dump without getting shit on my hands. Would you like me to make you a BARE hand tossed salad without washing my hands after taking a dump (or washing the lettuce for that matter)? What, you don’t trust me or those migrant workers who handled the lettuce? Why not, I mean, hell, if you dont SEE SHIT on your salad, whats the problem? And, if you do, don’t eat it. Problem solved. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/213 "2010-05-24T18:32:04Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > That’s _all_ I ever intended to defend, and any other implication was unintentional on my part. I guess I should have been more clear from the beginning, but it didn’t occur to me that people would take it the way thy did. I was only responding to the OP. > > If I’d left out the “report what?” crack, I don’t think there would have been nearly as much confusion. My bad. Fair enough. I appreciate the reasonable response, and thus will stop yelling at you. In this thread, at least. 🙂 > [@](#): > > I’m still right that there’s nothing wrong with sitting a clothed baby on a table, though. I actually agree with you completely on this point. ---
**Author:** ![bobkitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c67d28/32.png) [@bobkitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bobkitty)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/214 "2010-05-24T18:40:36Z")
> [@C3](#): > > \*\* > bobkitty\*\*, the OP came back and clarified that he did, in fact, mean that he is offended by babies on tables even if they’re wearing clothing over a clean diaper. Does that change any of the other statements in my post? The _example_ in the OP was of a diapered-only baby. The fact that he came back later and said he’s offended regardless of the level of clothing around the diaper does not fundamentally change the point I and other posters are making- that there is a POSSIBILITY that sitting a diapered-only baby on a table where people eat may POSSIBLY result in germs getting on the table, and- to take it a bit further- just like any normal, societally-aware individual would refrain from sneezing/spitting all over the table JUST IN CASE it’s not completely, totally sanitized between uses, perhaps parents shouldn’t sit diapered-only babies on the table, JUST IN CASE the baby has soiled themself, or has some ‘leftovers’ from their last changing. Jesus, I don’t think I’ve ever had to so carefully clarify a point. Let’s see if there are some things we can agree on: - Changing a baby on a table or other food-preparation surface/in a crowded restaurant: Not okay. - Momentarily sitting a clean, diapered, clothed baby on the edge of a table to put on a coat/shoes/for a disciplinary moment: Okay. - Sitting a clean, diapered, clothed baby in the middle of the table throughout the dinner service so everyone has a chance to play with/feed the cute widdle thing: Probably not okay. - Sitting a clean, diapered-only baby on a table: Dicey, leaning toward not okay (I am personally of the ‘not okay’ opinion, simply because I’ve seen babies unpredictably go from 0-60 in the soiling themselves race). - Sitting a soiled, diapered-only baby on a table: Not okay. Fair? ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/215 "2010-05-24T18:52:35Z")
> [@bobkitty](#): > > Momentarily sitting a clean, diapered, clothed baby on the edge of a table to put on a coat/shoes/for a disciplinary moment: Okay. This is the only thing on your list I’m defending, and the only thing I’ve actually done. ---
**Author:** ![Bill\_Door](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/50afbb/32.png) [@Bill\_Door](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bill_Door)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/216 "2010-05-24T18:52:37Z")
> [@bobkitty](#): > > (snip)Incidentally, I’d also like to toss out that at work, we routinely stop our kids (7-19) from sitting on tables, because a fairly high percentage of them have issues that would impact other people- including kids who intentionally urinate/defecate on themselves and refuse to clean up, girls who refuse to use menstrual products and bleed through their clothes, and other things a bit too icky to get into. And those are kids/young adults who are fully clothed. Maybe I should suggest a policy change… After reading what you describe, I don’t want to know what you consider too icky to get into. ---
**Author:** ![Crotalus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crotalus/32/41_2.png) [@Crotalus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crotalus)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/217 "2010-05-24T18:55:05Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > You have been a first class tard/turd in this thread. > > Have you lost your job? Getting a divorce? Run out of your meds? On a three day bender? Got a new brain tumor? > > Seriously, I don’t always agree with your posts, but at least there is usually some measure of intelligence in them. > > But lately? Jesus Christ on shit cracker some of your posts have been amazingly bad, illogical, arrogant (without basis), and trollish. He has recently become an official expert. On everything. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/218 "2010-05-24T19:12:32Z")
> [@Bill\_Door](#): > > After reading what you describe, I don’t want to know what you consider too icky to get into. I was thinking the same thing. That and company picnics must be fun. ---
**Author:** ![C3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/c3/32/3108_2.png) [@C3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C3)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/219 "2010-05-24T19:17:42Z")
> [@bobkitty](#): > > Does that change any of the other statements in my post? The _example_ in the OP was of a diapered-only baby. The fact that he came back later and said he’s offended regardless of the level of clothing around the diaper does not fundamentally change the point I and other posters are making- that there is a POSSIBILITY that sitting a diapered-only baby on a table where people eat may POSSIBLY result in germs getting on the table, and- to take it a bit further- just like any normal, societally-aware individual would refrain from sneezing/spitting all over the table JUST IN CASE it’s not completely, totally sanitized between uses, perhaps parents shouldn’t sit diapered-only babies on the table, JUST IN CASE the baby has soiled themself, or has some ‘leftovers’ from their last changing. > > Jesus, I don’t think I’ve ever had to so carefully clarify a point. > > Let’s see if there are some things we can agree on: > > - Changing a baby on a table or other food-preparation surface/in a crowded restaurant: Not okay. > > - Momentarily sitting a clean, diapered, clothed baby on the edge of a table to put on a coat/shoes/for a disciplinary moment: Okay. > > - Sitting a clean, diapered, clothed baby in the middle of the table throughout the dinner service so everyone has a chance to play with/feed the cute widdle thing: Probably not okay. > > - Sitting a clean, diapered-only baby on a table: Dicey, leaning toward not okay (I am personally of the ‘not okay’ opinion, simply because I’ve seen babies unpredictably go from 0-60 in the soiling themselves race). > > - Sitting a soiled, diapered-only baby on a table: Not okay. > > Fair? Fair, but then what is everyone arguing with Dio about? The only person in this thread who doesn’t agree with your list is the OP, who is mortified by the thought of a clean, clothed baby sitting on the table. You said there were “factions” in this argument. The factions are the OP, people who agree with your list, and people who agree with your list and can’t pass up the opportunity to freak out about DtC. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/220 "2010-05-24T19:20:52Z")
If there’s shit on the table, don’t use that table? This is a thread pitting parents who’d allow that to happen. And your response is “don’t use that table.” What a clown you are. IRL you wouldn’t just shrug and pick a different table if there were feces on a table at a restaurant. What the hell is wrong with you? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435.md?page=10) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435.md?page=12)