# Get your baby's dirty ass off the restaurant table! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 23, 2010, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435 "2010-05-23T03:58:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 13
**Author:** ![lissener](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lissener/32/6139_2.png) [@lissener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lissener)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2010, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/241 "2010-05-25T01:48:44Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > I haven’t back pedalled from shit. Actually, you have. For just one thing, you went from claiming that babies appearing in public in nothing but diapers never happened, to saying it was not an everyday occurrence. I’m not gonna go reread the thread to find the quotes, but of course you know that you went from never to “not pervasive.” Pretty backpedally homes. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2010, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/242 "2010-05-25T01:53:52Z")
> [@curlcoat](#): > > It’s just another example of how parents these days think they are entitled to do anything they want, because raising children is so haaard. I’ve tried arguing with her before, but I think gloating will be a bunch more fun. So yeah–I’m entitled, because raising children is so haaaard. (Yeah, you read it right, I put an extra a in there!) And society agrees with me and disagrees with you, and people grin at me when they see me with my kid and they think you’re a stupid bitter old loser. Ha, ha! I’m entitled, and it feels GREAT! Meh. That wasn’t as much fun as I hoped. ---
**Author:** ![lissener](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lissener/32/6139_2.png) [@lissener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lissener)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2010, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/243 "2010-05-25T01:55:47Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Any number of reasons, especially if they can’t stand up yet. If they can’t stand up, chances are their ass–clothed or otherwise–has spent some time on the floor. Shit aside, that’s reason enough not to sit them on a table. In addition to which, fuck likelihood. How the fuck do I know that the baby I see on that table is the one that’s not likely to have fecal bacteria on, or leaking from, his clean appearing pants? I don’t. And you don’t, Dio. That’s why the rule is NO ASSES ON THE TABLE. You seem to be suggesting that asses on the table are fine, and the burden is on anyone who objects to prove that the individual baby in question has a dirty ass. No. The fact that it’s simply an opportunity for dirt to be transferred to a tabletop is reason enough to prohibit it, and protest it when you see it. And the excuse that the table was probably not properly sanitized is bullshit–and stinks of backpedalling, because suddenly you’re suggesting that the standard should be the assumption that the table is already dirty, as the reason it’s OK to put a baby’s ass there. If the table has not been properly sanitized, that’s a separate issue, and not an umbrella excuse to put other filth on it. You know all this. You’re just too pathologically unable to say, “sorry, my bad, I overstated,” or whatever. Too bad: it casts a pall over pretty much anything you say these days. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2010, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/244 "2010-05-25T02:01:15Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Cite that it’s more likely to be on the seat of a baby’s pants than on somebody’s bare hands? > > Do you eat directly off the surface of the table anyway? > > By the way, did you know there’s shit in the hamburgers as well as the lettuce? Jesus. Shit can spontaneously spew from a babies ass. From someone’s bare hands? Not so much. I dont eat off of other peoples hands either. But that doesnt mean I dont think they should wash those fuckers after visiting the bathroom. And there is way more shit in your posts here than any hamburger thats ever existed. And that point is also fucking irrelevant. ---
**Author:** ![Rand\_Rover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/db5fbb/32.png) [@Rand\_Rover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rand_Rover)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2010, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/245 "2010-05-25T02:07:16Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > Jesus. > > Shit can spontaneously spew from a babies ass. Is there any physical pain associated with being so stupid? We are talking about a clothed and diapered baby’s ass on a table. A clothed and diapered baby’s ass is a much different species of thing than is simply a “babies ass” (typo preserved). ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2010, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/246 "2010-05-25T02:11:44Z")
> [@lissener](#): > > If they can’t stand up, chances are their ass–clothed or otherwise–has spent some time on the floor. Hell, even if they can. Toddlers crawl and roll around in whatever ways work for them. > [@](#): > > Shit aside, that’s reason enough not to sit them on a table. Seconded. > [@Kimstu](#): > > Yeah, ordinarily I’d feel sorry for him, but I have to say that this time I think he earned it. It may be a cliche to say this, but I believe you just won the thread. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2010, 2:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/247 "2010-05-25T02:20:13Z")
> [@Rand\_Rover](#): > > Is there any physical pain associated with being so stupid? > > We are talking about a clothed and diapered baby’s ass on a table. A clothed and diapered baby’s ass is a much different species of thing than is simply a “babies ass” (typo preserved). You tell me. And BTW, the vast majority of this thread does NOT have anything to do with CLOTHED and diapered. Just diapered fuckwit. And for that matter, Rand, go get a good case of the runs, then shit and piss yourself with liquid shit and piss and let me know if some of that liquid doesnt seep to the surface of your stone washed one size too tight jeans. This is so fucking retarded. You CANNOT tell me that every parent hasn’t picked up a diapered kid that was thought to be A OK at one point or another, felt something wet or nasty and thought “oh shit”. ---
**Author:** ![lissener](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lissener/32/6139_2.png) [@lissener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lissener)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2010, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/248 "2010-05-25T02:24:47Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Cite that it’s more likely to be on the seat of a baby’s pants than on somebody’s bare hands? Totally irrelevant. Hands are necessary for eating. Your baby’s ass is not. > [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > By the way, did you know there’s shit in the hamburgers as well as the lettuce? Totally irrelevant. Again with your bullshit shifting of the standards. Sane person: “It should be against the law to burn someone’s house down.” Dio: “Why? All houses have traces of asbestos in them.” ---
**Author:** ![pabstist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e99b99/32.png) [@pabstist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pabstist)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2010, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/249 "2010-05-25T02:27:57Z")
One more reason I don’t like babies asses on tables- you never know what they were sitting on before they went out to eat. The bathroom floor at home? The sandbox that cats crap in? The pickup truck bed used to haul manure? Now I have to worry about what’s outside\* and\* inside the diaper. Thanks a lot guys, keep giving me reasons that babies shouldn’t be on tables! ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2010, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/250 "2010-05-25T02:36:32Z")
Just adding that I have no problem with a clothed baby sitting on a table. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2010, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/251 "2010-05-25T02:51:24Z")
> [@lissener](#): > > Actually, you have. For just one thing, you went from claiming that babies appearing in public in nothing but diapers never happened, to saying it was not an everyday occurrence. Is that the best you can do? ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2010, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/252 "2010-05-25T02:59:22Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > Jesus. > > Shit can spontaneously spew from a babies ass. The ass is protected by a diaper. The diapers are pretty snug. There’s really no chance that a clothed baby is going to explosively spew shit through a diaper, through the pants and onto a table. If that does happen, then don’t use that table. ---
**Author:** ![bengangmo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/50afbb/32.png) [@bengangmo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bengangmo)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2010, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/253 "2010-05-25T03:12:19Z")
> [@pabstist](#): > > One more reason I don’t like babies asses on tables- you never know what they were sitting on before they went out to eat. The bathroom floor at home? The sandbox that cats crap in? The pickup truck bed used to haul manure? Now I have to worry about what’s outside\* and\* inside the diaper. > > Thanks a lot guys, keep giving me reasons that babies shouldn’t be on tables! Yeah, and you know what else you have to worry about? 1. Meteorites…do you know how many hunks of rock are hurtling towards earth right now? 2. Palnes - there are thousands and thousands in the air right now, any one of which might just fall on your head 3. Gold balls - you never know when one might escape the driving range, and coming bouncing down the road towards you 4. Random redneck killers that have gone postal and might start sniping you from water tower 5. Aw fuck it, I’ve got work to do and this list would take all week ---
**Author:** ![Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hentor_the_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2010, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/254 "2010-05-25T03:31:25Z")
> [@pabstist](#): > > One more reason I don’t like babies asses on tables- you never know what they were sitting on before they went out to eat. The bathroom floor at home? The sandbox that cats crap in? The pickup truck bed used to haul manure? Now I have to worry about what’s outside\* and\* inside the diaper. > > Thanks a lot guys, keep giving me reasons that babies shouldn’t be on tables! It’s even worse than all that. You really ought to just stay home. It’s a jungle out there ---
**Author:** ![curlcoat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea5d25/32.png) [@curlcoat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/curlcoat)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2010, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/255 "2010-05-25T03:34:19Z")
> [@MTCicero](#): > > I’m sorry, I wasn’t aware that you were **Ibanez** ’s PR flack 'round these parts. Next time I care to sling a barb in his direction (and there _will_ be a next time), I’ll run it by you first. 'Kay? One doesn’t need to be a flack of any kind to notice that you are apparently only following **Ibanez** to repeat that you don’t agree with him on a subject that has zero to do with the other threads. Which is childish. > [@WhyNot](#): > > Of course I do. I also own cleaning supplies, and use them appropriately when required…which has never been from a diaper 'spolsion on the table, actually. Blow outs happen either overnight or when a toddler is running around, not when they’re sitting quietly. And IF it were to spontaneously leak on the table, I’d clean it up. None of which answers my question, which was - why in the world would you sit a child on a table anywhere? Except I suppose a picnic table, but even then I cannot see a reason why you would need to. As for blow outs, they also happen when parents are being less than good about diapering and/or changing the kid, as I said above. Not everyone is as perfect a parent as you claim to be. IF the kid wasn’t on the table to begin with, you wouldn’t have to clean up that “spontaneous” leak. Me, I’d throw out the table… ew. > [@](#): > > cite? The only parents in the thread who have explicitly said they sometimes sit their babies on a table (me and Dio) have also said we won’t change them on the table. We may not be statistically representative of parents as a whole, but you’re not getting evidence from this thread, so where are you getting it from? Read what I said to **Dio**. You two are not the only parents in the world. ---
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2010, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/256 "2010-05-25T03:45:56Z")
Guys, guys, guys. I know it’s fun tweaking anti-baby sentiments, but really, even if the actual risk of contamination is low, it just makes sense to avoid practices that are deprecated by the health department as generally unsanitary. And putting asses, even clothed asses, on eating tables in food service establishments is one such practice. I mean, the actual risk that you’ll cause any kind of serious infection to anyone by not washing your hands after you use the john is statistically pretty low, too. But do you say “Ha ha, fuck all you neurotic germophobes, I’m courageously refusing to be shackled by your petty neuroses!” and refuse to wash your hands? Probably not. So why not just follow the nice health inspector’s advice and refrain whenever possible from putting asses on restaurant tables? It’s hard to believe that you really get enough of a transgressive thrill out of it to make up for the fact that other restaurant patrons now feel slightly disgusted by your baby instead of adoring him/her from afar as he/she deserves. And thanks **Rufus** , I never won a thread before! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![curlcoat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea5d25/32.png) [@curlcoat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/curlcoat)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2010, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/257 "2010-05-25T04:00:59Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > If you’re just complaining about germs, a baby’s pants don’t have any more germs than your own shirt sleeves, and less germs than your bare hands. It is extremely rare for my shirt sleeves or bare hands to come in contact with shit. Remember, we aren’t just talking “germs” here, we are talking shit specific germs, which tend to be more serious than, say, a cold germ. > [@](#): > > They all clean their tables. They just might not all do it very promptly. Wait, what happened to your claim that all restaurants disinfect all tables between each use?? > [@](#): > > If you see shit on a table, don’t use that table. You should also complain to the management because that would be just disgusting. The thing is, which has been pointed out to you, not seeing shit doesn’t mean it was never there and certainly doesn’t mean it had not been properly cleaned up. **Why not** ’s kid could have been there and dripped a drop, and since we are at a restaurant, she would not have had her handy, dandy clean up kit. A napkin is not going to kill off any of those serious germs that may have also landed on the table. > [@Ibanez](#): > > What would be the need in the first place to sit a child on a table ? It makes life easier for the parents, and that is all that is important. :rolleyes: > [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Do you eat directly off the surface of the table anyway? I eat directly off the silverware, which was resting on the surface of the table. > [@](#): > > Any number of reasons, especially if they can’t stand up yet. Generally I’ve done it if I needed them elevated to shoe them or put a coat on them or clean their hands and face, etc. Uh, if the kid is in a diaper, then it should already be “elevated” by a high chair or booster chair to eat. The only reason you think its legit to sit a diapered child on a table to cloth or clean them is because it’s easier for you and to hell with what anyone else thinks of it. > [@Guinastasia](#): > > Better yet – how about not patronizing that restaurant? Um, how am I supposed to know just by looking if a restaurant didn’t sanitize a table after a diapered kid was on it? If they even knew it happened… > [@Rand\_Rover](#): > > This thread proves the following once again: It’s a good thing for the rest of us that most of the people who don’t want or have kids feel the way they do. Actually, since we haven’t turned into entitled assholes, it would have been better for the kids if we were their parents. > [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > So yeah–I’m entitled, because raising children is so haaaard. (Yeah, you read it right, I put an extra a in there!) And society agrees with me and disagrees with you, and people grin at me when they see me with my kid and they think you’re a stupid bitter old loser. Ha, ha! I’m entitled, and it feels GREAT! > > Meh. That wasn’t as much fun as I hoped. Didn’t make any sense either, tho it’s nice that you realize and admit that you are an entitled asshole. As for society agreeing with you, looking at this thread I’d say that isn’t true. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2010, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/258 "2010-05-25T04:28:32Z")
> [@Kimstu](#): > > If food service workers are officially prohibited by Department of Health sanitation requirements from sitting on tables even when clothed, ISTM that it would be a good idea for everybody else to keep their asses, and their babies’ asses, off the tables too, whether clothed or not. > > [An example:](http://www.ci.the-colony.tx.us/Depts/Planning/Health/Documents/Guidelines_SeasonalHealthPermits.pdf) > > Emphasis added. It also seems logical to me that if you **have** to briefly put a baby’s ass on an eating table for some reason, you should put a garment or a napkin or something under it. I don’t really care how clean you personally believe your baby’s clothed diapered ass to be; if your baby’s ass is somewhere that the Department of Health officially states that asses should not be put, then I personally would prefer you to keep your baby’s ass somewhere else, or if that’s not possible, at least not directly on the table surface itself. > > I don’t care in the least if you want to sit your baby (or change your baby’s diaper, for that matter) on your **own** dining-room table. But deliberately ignoring hygiene rules about “no asses on eating tables” in public food service establishments just because you can get away with it seems kind of douchebaggy. Plus there’s the risk that I might start learning to shoot. ---
**Author:** ![Ibanez](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a4c791/32.png) [@Ibanez](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ibanez)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2010, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/259 "2010-05-25T04:29:28Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > The ass is protected by a diaper. The diapers are pretty snug. There’s really no chance that a clothed baby is going to explosively spew shit through a diaper, through the pants and onto a table. If that does happen, then don’t use that table. yeah, diapers are snug proof. They never sag, parents always buy the right size, parents always make sure they on tight. :rolleyes: Why not just keep the kid with the diaper only off the table. Please just for the rest of us. Do what you want at home on your own table, heck let your kid shit all over your table if you want. But when you go to a public restaurant. Keep kids off the tables. I caught campylobacter once it put me on my ass for two weeks. One of the potential casues of that is ingesting fecal matter. I tried to remember prior to getting sick if I ate any turd burgers with all the fixings , not that I remember. Just because you can’t see shit on a table doesn’t mean it isn’t there. Micriobology 101 ---
**Author:** ![curlcoat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea5d25/32.png) [@curlcoat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/curlcoat)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2010, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/260 "2010-05-25T04:40:27Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > The ass is protected by a diaper. The diapers are pretty snug. There’s really no chance that a clothed baby is going to explosively spew shit through a diaper, through the pants and onto a table. If that does happen, then don’t use that table. And that, right there, is the perfect example of an entitled parent. **Dio** is going to sit his diapered kid on the table because it is _easier for him_ and to hell with the rest of the world. He tries to justify it by saying we shouldn’t use the table should his kid dribble something on it, as if we could tell it had happened if we hadn’t happened to see it. He simply doesn’t care how his actions impact the rest of us. Heh, a kid wearing just a diaper and shoes just ran by on a rerun of Everybody Loves Raymond - timely. Followed by an ad for Bounty, which says that you can get “your counter really clean” with their product. Maybe seeing things like this on TV is why parents believe there is nothing wrong with sitting on a table? No paper towel is going to get seriously bad germs off of a counter by itself, and I kind of doubt it would hold up to the sort of solutions that would be needed either. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435.md?page=12) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435.md?page=14)