# Get your baby's dirty ass off the restaurant table! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 23, 2010, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435 "2010-05-23T03:58:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 17
**Author:** ![curlcoat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea5d25/32.png) [@curlcoat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/curlcoat)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2010, 5:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/321 "2010-05-28T05:40:14Z")
> [@quixotic78](#): > > Bill Frist, is that you? I don’t know who he is, so whatever you are trying to say to deflect attention from your entitled self is lost on me. Since all you are doing is getting further and further out there trying to justify how inconsiderate you are, I’m done with you. No point in spending time on someone who care so little about the rest of the world that they cannot see simple truths if they might somehow affect her baybee. > [@Muffin](#): > > You live in Canada? 😉 Yeah, no. Southern California. Hotbed of all kinds of yucky human borne disease! Which is probably part of **quixotic** ’s problem - same is **Dio** , she is unable to comprehend anything outside of her small circle of experience. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2010, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/322 "2010-05-28T06:26:10Z")
> [@curlcoat](#): > > Since I live approximately 100 miles from a third world country, which sends tons of their people over the border and into my city at all times, it is not at all unreasonable to be concerned about what sorts of germs might be out there. The only thing worst than babies is MEXICAN babies! Seriously, none of you should ever go to China, where “split pants” is the norm and babies and toddlers pretty much just go at will wherever, though occasionally a concerned parent will plop down a plastic bag or newspaper underneath the squatting child. You haven’t lived until you’ve seen a three year old take a dump in the middle of Wal-Mart. ---
**Author:** ![quixotic78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/3ab097/32.png) [@quixotic78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/quixotic78)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2010, 1:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/323 "2010-05-28T13:01:46Z")
> [@curlcoat](#): > > I don’t know who he is, so whatever you are trying to say to deflect attention from your entitled self is lost on me. Bill Frist was a physician and a Senator from Tennessee, now retired, perhaps most infamous for diagnosing that Terri Schiavo was a fully capable human after watching a video of her. I’m sure you see the parallels, doctor. And now that I think about it, I suppose that I am entitled, insofar as I am entitled to not live by your neuroses absent a compelling reason. If you insisted that green cotton causes cancer, I’m entitled to keep all green articles of clothing that I own. If you insisted that watching _Breaking Bad_ inevitably leads to murder, I’m entitled to keep my Sunday night viewing habits. And if you insist that sitting babies on table ledges “puts the entire world at risk,” I’m still entitled to do so, because you have presented absolutely nothing to convince me that there’s a danger or even a risk of danger in doing so. > [@](#): > > No point in spending time on someone who care so little about the rest of the world that they cannot see simple truths if they might somehow affect her baybee. (1) I’m a him and (2) if the “truth” were so simple, you’d think you might be able to support it. Perhaps your “truth” is instead an opinion of yours, which you’re of course entitled to (there’s that word again), but don’t pretend it has any influence on the rest of the world. You can burn all your green clothing and protest outside of the studio where they make _Breaking Bad_, but that doesn’t mean I have to join you, ya nutjob. > [@](#): > > 😉 Yeah, no. Southern California. Hotbed of all kinds of yucky human borne disease! I grew up in San Diego, and apart from the surfers who would surf when they closed the beaches due to a busted underwater sewer line, I don’t recall it having any more “yucky human borne disease” than any other place I’ve lived in this country. Ya know, I’ve sort of been tongue-in-cheek in call you neurotic and crazy (truly, I just feel you’re overreacting rather than genuinely imbalanced), but I think I might have been closer to the mark than I realized. Do us all a favor and just stay inside (which, granted, wouldn’t help with you posting made-up nonsense on message boards, but I’m not going to take that away from you). > [@](#): > > Which is probably part of **quixotic** ’s problem - same is **Dio** , she is unable to comprehend anything outside of her small circle of experience. Says the woman who didn’t know who Bill Frist is… ---
**Author:** ![Ostrya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/35a633/32.png) [@Ostrya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ostrya)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2010, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/324 "2010-05-28T15:51:16Z")
**quixotic78** , no one has any reason to doubt your conscientiousness as a parent and issues concerning child cleanliness. But that being said, why should someone have to assume your role in that regard? And why should you not deserve the same respect, whether it’s an important issue to you or not. ?? That’s what I feel this boils down to is common courtesy and respect. I don’t want to have to hope that someone is as responsible as you seem to be concerning setting the kids on the table tops. Since the opportunity isn’t there to know personally the habits of the parents who choose to let junior sit at the table, it doesn’t make sense to assume that cleanliness has no bearing about this. Since you’re unknown to other restaurant patrons, why not show the courtesy and respect for them by choosing to not seat your kid on the table tops? How is reasonable to expect someone to not feel the slightest bit of unease about this when they don’t know you? I think the very choice to set your children on restaurant table tops in the first place, to not have assumed this basic consideration of others, should send a red flag in the air. It encourages questioning your judgment on all issues. You are already demonstrating a certain lack of consideration for others. Why should it stop there? I don’t want to be forced to trust your judegement about your baby’s behind, clothed or not, and don’t feel that I should have to. And like I’ve said, you’ve already, imo, shown bad judgment from the start. You’re a complete stranger at the restaurant, **quixotic78**. Why should I be forced to assume you’re conscientious about your child’s hygene? or anything for that matter? ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2010, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/325 "2010-05-28T16:15:04Z")
> [@Muffin](#): > > You live in Canada? Oooh, scorch POW! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2010, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/326 "2010-05-28T17:05:31Z")
Since the parents had sex on the table at the restaurant, why shouldn’t the resultant baby be left to [del]shit[/del] sit on the table? ---
**Author:** ![Ostrya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/35a633/32.png) [@Ostrya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ostrya)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2010, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/327 "2010-05-28T19:09:02Z")
> [@Muffin](#): > > Since the parents had sex on the table at the restaurant, why shouldn’t the resultant baby be left to [del]shit[/del] sit on the table? This is why I never eat at Waffle House. ---
**Author:** ![quixotic78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/3ab097/32.png) [@quixotic78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/quixotic78)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2010, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/328 "2010-05-29T00:36:00Z")
> [@the lone cashew](#): > > **quixotic78** , no one has any reason to doubt your conscientiousness as a parent and issues concerning child cleanliness. But that being said, why should someone have to assume your role in that regard? And why should you not deserve the same respect, whether it’s an important issue to you or not. ?? **cashew** , your post is predicated on the notion that sitting a clothed, diapered baby on a table is unhygenic, unsanitary, and potentially hazardous – but you’ve given me no reason to believe that that is the case. Which means all you’re left with are appeals to “common courtesy” (an oxymoron if I’ve ever heard one) and a general feeling that sitting a baby on a table is “icky” (my word, not yours, but it seems like a fair characterization). And I just don’t accept the possibility that me maybe causing someone to feel “icky” should be a reason to change my behavior. If a vegetarian feels that my ordering a hamburger is disgusting, tough shit. If someone feels that me kissing my wife in public is sickening, I’m not about to refrain just because you _may_ be offended. To put it another way – it’s your hangup, not mine. If you care that much about it, carry around bleach wipes and clean the table yourself before you sit down. Because, you know, even if I don’t set my ticking time bomb on the table, someone else might have (dum dum Daaaaahm!) ---
**Author:** ![psychobunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/54ee81/32.png) [@psychobunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/psychobunny)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2010, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/329 "2010-05-29T02:27:28Z")
Let me first say that I don’t think I will die from having a clothed baby briefly sitting on a table, and it really wouldn’t bother me. (What bothered me was when I went over to my friend’s condo for a swim and there was a toddler in nothing but a diaper-not one of those swim diapers but a regular saggy diaper-with his mother in the hot tub. Hot tubs are breeding grounds for bacteria as it is and a completely soaked and sagging diaper is no protection at all, not to mention that it’s not such a great idea for the toddler to be in the hot tub anyway). However, I would like to ask the following. For those parents who feel that common courtesy does not extend to keeping people from sitting on tables-I assume that you would then have no problem if I walked over and wiped your baby’s nipple across the seat of my pants before the baby used it and you would be just fine if before bringing out your child’s drink, the waitress put it on a chair and sat on it for a few minutes. After all, there’s little risk of infection and if you see visible shit you can always wipe it off. ---
**Author:** ![C3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/c3/32/3108_2.png) [@C3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C3)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2010, 4:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/330 "2010-05-29T04:06:58Z")
**Psychobunny** , my kids are out of the bottle stage, but if you had wiped one of their bottle nipples or pacifiers on your pants (like if you were wiping it off or something) I wouldn’t have had any problem with that at all, provided you hadn’t just come in from mucking the stalls or something. Not sure about the waitress sitting on the drink - that sounds like it would be very uncomfortable for her. I’m not one of those people who sterilized every baby toy that fell on the ground, though. Reasonable handwashing and not licking random things are my rules for germ prevention. My kids are almost never sick - neither of them has had to go to the doctor for anything but their regular check-up since Fall '08, and my oldest has been spending most of his time in the biggest germ-factory of them all: kindergarten and first grade. The baby in the hot tub with the regular diaper is gross, though, and I agree that it’s probably not a great place for him to be anyway. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2010, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/331 "2010-05-29T04:14:33Z")
I thought wiping the nipple with your ass (well, hip) was how you cleaned off the bottle when it fell on the floor? With your second child, anyhow. No, just me? Probably not. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![C3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/c3/32/3108_2.png) [@C3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C3)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2010, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/332 "2010-05-29T04:19:57Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > I thought wiping the nipple with your ass (well, hip) was how you cleaned off the bottle when it fell on the floor? With your second child, anyhow. That’s what I did with my first. With the second, I let the dog lick it clean. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2010, 11:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/333 "2010-05-29T11:45:25Z")
Wiping nipples on asses leads to having babies in the first place. Don’t you Americans take sex education in school? ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2010, 12:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/334 "2010-05-29T12:00:02Z")
> [@Muffin](#): > > Wiping nipples on asses leads to having babies in the first place. Don’t you Americans take sex education in school? Don’t worry, they give us the full drill. Believe it or not, though, there are still dumbasses who have sex with the man on top. Don’t they know that they can get a girl pregnant that way? ---
**Author:** ![Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hentor_the_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2010, 1:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/335 "2010-05-29T13:10:55Z")
Just a tip, **C3** , but you should probably not suck on public table tops like a baby on a nipple, even if nobody has been sitting on it. ---
**Author:** ![C3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/c3/32/3108_2.png) [@C3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C3)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2010, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/336 "2010-05-29T13:24:40Z")
> [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](#): > > Just a tip, **C3** , but you should probably not suck on public table tops like a baby on a nipple, even if nobody has been sitting on it. I’ll keep that in mind, **Hentor**. I guess I’ll have to come up with some different plans for tonight now. ---
**Author:** ![Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hentor_the_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2010, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/337 "2010-05-29T13:29:58Z")
I’m sorry **C3**! I see that it was **psychobunny** who found eating at a public table to be analogous to a baby sucking on a nipple. So, **psychobunny** , don’t suck on public table tops. It’s not hygienic. ---
**Author:** ![Lust4Life](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ecc23a/32.png) [@Lust4Life](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lust4Life)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2010, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/338 "2010-05-30T13:30:53Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > Asses of any age don’t go on eating tables. Period. Totally seconded. Also even when diapers don’t leak and the baby hasn’t noticeably pissed or shit itself it still has colonic bacteria around its ass region. As to silly arguments that its alright because aparently fat slobs drool over the table, (something that I’ve never ever seen in my life by the way), you might extend that to say that its okay to physically assault people because other people murder people. Its a pathetic argument used by those people who know that they’re guilty but refuse to admit it. ---
**Author:** ![Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hentor_the_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2010, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/339 "2010-05-30T13:47:47Z")
> [@Lust4Life](#): > > Totally seconded. > > Also even when diapers don’t leak and the baby hasn’t noticeably pissed or shit itself it still has colonic bacteria around its ass region. > > As to silly arguments that its alright because aparently fat slobs drool over the table, > (something that I’ve never ever seen in my life by the way), > you might extend that to say that its okay to physically assault people because other people murder people. > > Its a pathetic argument used by those people who know that they’re guilty but refuse to admit it. “…colonic bacteria around its ass region”? And you all wonder why your arguments are just not very compelling. But really, I’d love to see a cite supporting the assertion of “colonic bacteria around the ass region.” ---
**Author:** ![Lust4Life](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ecc23a/32.png) [@Lust4Life](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lust4Life)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2010, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/340 "2010-05-30T14:44:37Z")
> [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](#): > > “…colonic bacteria around its ass region”? And you all wonder why your arguments are just not very compelling. But really, I’d love to see a cite supporting the assertion of “colonic bacteria around the ass region.” Sorry me old mucker but no I’m not going to give a cite for that, nor am I going to give a cite that Malaria is spread by mosquitos, influenza can be spread by infected surfaces or that there was a world war in the 1940s. When you wash your hands after having had a crap its not to get the shit off, its to get the bugs off. So please don’t let your little darling sit on surfaces that people have to eat off, no matter how cute she/he is. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435.md?page=16) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435.md?page=18)