# Get your baby's dirty ass off the restaurant table! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 23, 2010, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435 "2010-05-23T03:58:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 18
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2010, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/341 "2010-05-30T22:25:02Z")
> [@Lust4Life](#): > > Sorry me old mucker but no I’m not going to give a cite for that, nor am I going to give a cite that Malaria is spread by mosquitos, influenza can be spread by infected surfaces or that there was a world war in the 1940s. Yes, you are, if you want your point considered seriously. The outside of the diaper (even if we go back to the “without other clothing on”) does not, in the ordinary order of events, contact fecal matter. The inside may, but the outside is not the inside. Look, if a sterile set of surgical instruments can be wrapped in a nonsterile cloth so that the nonsterile nurse can drop them onto the sterile field, and the sterile instruments touching the “contaminated” cloth are still sterile, then there’s no logical reason why the outside of a diaper should be considered contaminated because the inside may be. E. coli is not tunneling through an inch of padded fluff and paper. ---
**Author:** ![Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hentor_the_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2010, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/342 "2010-05-30T22:50:20Z")
I don’t care about all that, I just want to read something written authoritatively about “colonic bacteria around the ass region.” ---
**Author:** ![quixotic78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/3ab097/32.png) [@quixotic78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/quixotic78)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2010, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/343 "2010-05-31T00:40:51Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > Yes, you are, if you want your point considered seriously. The outside of the diaper (even if we go back to the “without other clothing on”) does not, in the ordinary order of events, contact fecal matter. The inside may, but the outside is not the inside. S/he just _knows_ that it’s true. Like how you can get AIDS from a toilet seat or from shaking hands with someone with HIV. It’s, like, common sense. His/her post is the cite. ---
**Author:** ![curlcoat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea5d25/32.png) [@curlcoat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/curlcoat)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2010, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/344 "2010-05-31T03:52:29Z")
I see in my absence that you parents are still trying to justify being lazy. I really do hope that somebody else teaches your children consideration for others. ---
**Author:** ![Red\_Barchetta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/da6949/32.png) [@Red\_Barchetta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Red_Barchetta)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2010, 6:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/345 "2010-05-31T06:42:33Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > Yes, you are, if you want your point considered seriously. The outside of the diaper (even if we go back to the “without other clothing on”) does not, in the ordinary order of events, contact fecal matter. The inside may, but the outside is not the inside. Just wanted to point out that Dio’s also ignored numerous requests for a cite to backup any/many of his dumbass points. ---
**Author:** ![Lust4Life](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ecc23a/32.png) [@Lust4Life](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lust4Life)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2010, 8:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/346 "2010-05-31T08:29:52Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > Yes, you are, if you want your point considered seriously. The outside of the diaper (even if we go back to the “without other clothing on”) does not, in the ordinary order of events, contact fecal matter. The inside may, but the outside is not the inside. > > Look, if a sterile set of surgical instruments can be wrapped in a nonsterile cloth so that the nonsterile nurse can drop them onto the sterile field, and the sterile instruments touching the “contaminated” cloth are still sterile, then there’s no logical reason why the outside of a diaper should be considered contaminated because the inside may be. E. coli is not tunneling through an inch of padded fluff and paper. Thats rather a silly argument, sterile sets of surgical instruments dont have flatulence. Flatulence consists of fluidic particles amongst other things and gets through diapers. How do we know this ? because buds in our mouths and nostrils detect them when they are released. Putting it in simple terms when your baby shits itself or even farts we can smell it.(And part of the smelling process believe it or not is taste) Maybe some of the parents are happy to eat off of a surface that a baby has sat on shitting, pissing and farting whether its wearing a diaper or not. But the rest of us do mind. What you do in your own homes is up to you, but hygiene in public is a responsibility that you have even if you do think that your baby is incredibly cute. The fact that you think your little darling is a gift to mankind doesn’t mean that everyone else has to put up with your poor hygiene and lazy parenting. Wriggle and writhe as much as you like you know that its the truth of it, and if you don’t then …well what do you think of your competence as a parent? ---
**Author:** ![Lust4Life](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ecc23a/32.png) [@Lust4Life](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lust4Life)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2010, 8:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/347 "2010-05-31T08:36:06Z")
> [@quixotic78](#): > > S/he just _knows_ that it’s true. Like how you can get AIDS from a toilet seat or from shaking hands with someone with HIV. It’s, like, common sense. His/her post is the cite. If you have a valid counterpoint to my statement then by all means tell us it. But please don’t attribute silly statements like the ones above to me, or otherwise try to put words in my mouth, because this only demonstrates that you have no factual basis whatsoever to counter me. Although I usually don’t work in the job I am a qualified health and safety proffessional and a member of the Institute of Occupational Health and Safety. ---
**Author:** ![Monty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/monty/32/47_2.png) [@Monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monty)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2010, 11:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/348 "2010-05-31T11:57:22Z")
> [@Red\_Barchetta](#): > > Just wanted to point out that Dio’s also ignored numerous requests for a cite to backup any/many of his dumbass points. Maybe he’s too busy getting all the ages absolutely correct at [this site](http://www.guessmyage.net/). ---
**Author:** ![Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hentor_the_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2010, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/349 "2010-05-31T13:15:25Z")
> [@curlcoat](#): > > I see in my absence that you parents are still trying to justify being lazy. I really do hope that somebody else teaches your children consideration for others. Mostly I’ve just been enjoying your absense. ---
**Author:** ![quixotic78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/3ab097/32.png) [@quixotic78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/quixotic78)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2010, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/350 "2010-05-31T14:09:54Z")
> [@Lust4Life](#): > > Flatulence consists of fluidic particles amongst other things and gets through diapers. > > How do we know this ? because buds in our mouths and nostrils detect them when they are released. > > Putting it in simple terms when your baby shits itself or even farts we can smell it.(And part of the smelling process believe it or not is taste) I’m not sure I understand your argument here. Are you saying that farts carry life-threatening bacteria? If so, then doesn’t it stand to reason that, since we can smell adult farts as well, adults can also contaminate everyone? Or are you simply arguing that, since we can smell farts, that means bacteria can also escape from Baby Ass Island? If that’s what you’re claiming, then I hope you didn’t expect us to overlook the fact that you’ve conflated “farts can escape” with “bacteria can escape.” And I trust you know that the molecules in farts that make them smelly are _orders of magnitude smaller_ than even the smallest bacteria. And, of course, escape from the diaper is just step one in a chain that leads to sickness. You haven’t even attempted to address how many bacteria escape, how many of them cause illness, how long they can survive outside of the moist, warm, and dark environment of the diaper, what effects the residual bleach on the table can have on the bacteria, how long baby has to sit on the table to transmit an appreciable number of bacteria, how long your food or utensils have to touch the table to pick up these bacteria, how many can penetrate the skin or survive in the human mouth, not to mention run the gauntlet of the human immune system… In short, if the question is “Can babies cause sickness by sitting on a table?” your answer is “Babies fart. QED.” > [@Lust4Life](#): > > If you have a valid counterpoint to my statement then by all means tell us it. But please don’t attribute silly statements like the ones above to me, or otherwise try to put words in my mouth, because this only demonstrates that you have no factual basis whatsoever to counter me. I’m sorry, but that’s not how this works. You don’t get to make up nonsense (see “colonic bacteria around its ass region,” for example) and have it stand as proven until I disprove it. _You_ have to actually prove, or at least give some evidence, for the ridiculous stuff you make up. > [@](#): > > Although I usually don’t work in the job I am a qualified health and safety proffessional and a member of the Institute of Occupational Health and Safety. I know the usual line is “Don’t quit your day job,” but… maybe you should quit your day job. Try stand-up, perhaps. Or maybe become a palm-reader, where your facility with making shit up might get you somewhere. ---
**Author:** ![moejoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de053/32.png) [@moejoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/moejoe)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2010, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/351 "2010-05-31T16:02:13Z")
putting aside all the business about germs and disease, if it’s inappropriate for an adult to sit on a table (and I say it is) then it’s inappropriate for a child to sit on a table. There isn’t some magic age where you start teaching children how to behave appropriately, these things should be modeled by the parent from the very beginning. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2010, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/352 "2010-05-31T18:02:48Z")
We should get the thread locked on that note. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2010, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/353 "2010-05-31T18:06:53Z")
Quickly, while our side’s got the last word! Request a lock! Request a lock! ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2010, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/354 "2010-05-31T18:26:22Z")
You catch on quick, Grasshopper. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2010, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/355 "2010-05-31T20:04:27Z")
> [@moejoe](#): > > putting aside all the business about germs and disease, if it’s inappropriate for an adult to sit on a table (and I say it is) then it’s inappropriate for a child to sit on a table. > > There isn’t some magic age where you start teaching children how to behave appropriately, these things should be modeled by the parent from the very beginning. If I came across an adult wearing Depends and sitting on a table, I would call the authorities to have the person returned to his or her care facility. ---
**Author:** ![Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hentor_the_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2010, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/356 "2010-05-31T23:11:37Z")
> [@moejoe](#): > > putting aside all the business about germs and disease, if it’s inappropriate for an adult to sit on a table (and I say it is) then it’s inappropriate for a child to sit on a table. > > There isn’t some magic age where you start teaching children how to behave appropriately, these things should be modeled by the parent from the very beginning. Your standard is that from the very beginning, the only behavior appropriate for children is that which is appropriate for adults? Really? I’m afraid those of you on the other side on this whole issue are living in some crazy alternate reality, where Mr. Spock has a goatee and hates kids. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2010, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/357 "2010-06-01T00:19:17Z")
To that end, a very young child would be more likely than an adult to shit on the table. ---
**Author:** ![quixotic78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/3ab097/32.png) [@quixotic78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/quixotic78)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2010, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/358 "2010-06-01T00:54:14Z")
> [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](#): > > Your standard is that from the very beginning, the only behavior appropriate for children is that which is appropriate for adults? Really? I’m afraid those of you on the other side on this whole issue are living in some crazy alternate reality, where Mr. Spock has a goatee and hates kids. You mean you didn’t give your infants knives and forks to eat with? Savage. ---
**Author:** ![curlcoat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea5d25/32.png) [@curlcoat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/curlcoat)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2010, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/359 "2010-06-01T02:51:47Z")
> [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](#): > > Mostly I’ve just been enjoying your absense. I haven’t needed to be here for there to be plenty of posts that are just saying… FERCHRISSAKES PARENTS, SHOW A LITTLE SENSE AND CONSIDERATION. But then, it has become apparent that you all have neither. ---
**Author:** ![Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hentor_the_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2010, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/360 "2010-06-01T03:03:37Z")
> [@quixotic78](#): > > You mean you didn’t give your infants knives and forks to eat with? Savage. There was no point. I wouldn’t give them any food until they said “please.” They were obstinate little impolite bastards for years! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435.md?page=17) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435.md?page=19)