# Get your baby's dirty ass off the restaurant table! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 23, 2010, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435 "2010-05-23T03:58:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 19
**Author:** ![Lust4Life](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ecc23a/32.png) [@Lust4Life](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lust4Life)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2010, 11:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/361 "2010-06-01T11:29:16Z")
It seems that **QUIXOTIC** is quite happy when at home to eat off of a table smelling of shit (And yes thats what farts smell of even if the kid hasn’t actually shit itself). Because of this everyone else should be happy to do so when ocupying a diners table that she and her family have just vacated. I’m sorry but I can’t be bothered to address the long rambling and generally incoherent defense of her personal habits. No doubt nose picking at the table and spitting are O.K. aswell. After all no one has ever died from eating a bogie. ---
**Author:** ![SteveG1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@SteveG1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SteveG1)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2010, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/362 "2010-06-01T19:58:00Z")
> [@the lone cashew](#): > > Although a diaper is worse, is there really any outfit that makes it okay for kids to take seats on restaurant table tops? . A hazmat suit 😃 just kidding! ---
**Author:** ![quixotic78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/3ab097/32.png) [@quixotic78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/quixotic78)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2010, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/363 "2010-06-02T02:37:15Z")
> [@Lust4Life](#): > > It seems that **QUIXOTIC** is quite happy when at home to eat off of a table smelling of shit (And yes thats what farts smell of even if the kid hasn’t actually shit itself). I’m not really in the habit of smelling tables, personally. If that’s the sort of thing that trips your trigger, more power to ya. But it _might_ not be the table that smells, Shit for Brains. > [@](#): > > Because of this everyone else should be happy to do so when ocupying a diners table that she and her family have just vacated. For the second time in the thread, I’m a guy. Try reading before spewing nonsense. > [@](#): > > I’m sorry but I can’t be bothered to address the long rambling and generally incoherent defense of her personal habits. I responded with 338 words (not counting quoted material) to two posts of yours totaling 280 words. And yet my response is “long [and] rambling”? At least have the stones to say “Sorry, I’ve got nothing” instead of trying to convince us that your time is so valuable (no doubt due to table sniffin’) that you can’t read 338 words. > [@](#): > > No doubt nose picking at the table and spitting are O.K. aswell. Spitting is forbidden by statute in many locales, AFAIK, although rarely enforced. And of course nose picking is OK. Kind of gross and not really my thing, but if you want to go elbow deep, I’ll just look away. No one is going to take your toy away from you. ---
**Author:** ![campp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@campp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/campp)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2010, 12:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/364 "2010-06-02T12:40:47Z")
We went to dinner last night. Table next to us had a baby in diapers. Mom took baby to bathroom. She came back, and loudly proclaimed, “Geez, she just shit all over herself and me”. They all laughed. Of course, they immediately put precious’ ass right onto the table and fawned over her. Then Dad stood the baby up and walked her all over the table top. All I could think about was this thread. ---
**Author:** ![BwanaBob](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bwanabob/32/2985_2.png) [@BwanaBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BwanaBob)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2010, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/365 "2010-06-02T16:11:49Z")
> [@Lust4Life](#): > > It seems that **QUIXOTIC** is quite happy when at home to eat off of a table smelling of shit (And yes thats what farts smell of even if the kid hasn’t actually shit itself). > > Because of this everyone else should be happy to do so when ocupying a diners table that she and her family have just vacated. > > I’m sorry but I can’t be bothered to address the long rambling and generally incoherent defense of her personal habits. > > No doubt nose picking at the table and spitting are O.K. aswell. > > After all no one has ever died from eating a bogie. But people have died from staph infections, which are found all over the skin of the diners before you who put their elbows on the table. So in a nutshell, be it baby’s diapers, or adults arms, the tables you’re sitting on are a germ haven; so either stop going to these places if it squicks you out, or suck it up and take your chances. Stop fixating on just one of the many germ sources; it’s not the most likely disease vector (so says my dermatologist). ---
**Author:** ![Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hentor_the_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2010, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/366 "2010-06-02T16:39:35Z")
> [@BwanaBob](#): > > …it’s not the most likely disease vector (so says my dermatologist). But what about the farting? Did you ask him about the farting? ---
**Author:** ![Ostrya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/35a633/32.png) [@Ostrya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ostrya)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2010, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/367 "2010-06-02T17:43:30Z")
> [@BwanaBob](#): > > So in a nutshell, be it baby’s diapers, or adults arms, the tables you’re sitting on > are a germ haven; so either stop going to these places if it squicks you out, or suck it up and take your chances. Stop fixating on just one of the many germ sources; it’s not the most likely disease vector (so says my dermatologist). So it really doesn’t matter what surfaces anyone eats from. :rolleyes: I think people ought to do the best they can to keep surfaces clean that others will be using. What I am saying is if you want to bite your own Bwanas, that’s your choice, Bob. But don’t make that choice for everyone else. Keep your kid’s cotton pickin’ ass and your own ass and the rest of your family’s ass off the goddamn restaurant table. ---
**Author:** ![BwanaBob](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bwanabob/32/2985_2.png) [@BwanaBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BwanaBob)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2010, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/368 "2010-06-02T18:21:07Z")
> [@the lone cashew](#): > > So it really doesn’t matter what surfaces anyone eats from. :rolleyes: > I think people ought to do the best they can to keep surfaces clean that others will be using. What I am saying is if you want to bite your own Bwanas, that’s your choice, Bob. But don’t make that choice for everyone else. > Keep your kid’s cotton pickin’ ass and your own ass and the rest of your family’s ass off the goddamn restaurant table. Then keep your (and your family’s) elbows off the tables as well. You seem to have a reading comprehension problem so I’ll repeat: your skin is just as much (and as dangerous a germ vector) as a person who sits on a table. Get it through your head, your squick factor not withstanding. ---
**Author:** ![BwanaBob](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bwanabob/32/2985_2.png) [@BwanaBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BwanaBob)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2010, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/369 "2010-06-02T18:22:21Z")
> [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](#): > > But what about the farting? Did you ask him about the farting? I admit I forgot to ask about farting. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2010, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/370 "2010-06-02T18:25:27Z")
> [@the lone cashew](#): > > So it really doesn’t matter what surfaces anyone eats from. :rolleyes: > I think people ought to do the best they can to keep surfaces clean that others will be using. Use a plate, dumbass. ---
**Author:** ![curlcoat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea5d25/32.png) [@curlcoat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/curlcoat)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2010, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/371 "2010-06-02T19:50:21Z")
> [@campp](#): > > We went to dinner last night. Table next to us had a baby in diapers. Mom took baby to bathroom. > > She came back, and loudly proclaimed, “Geez, she just shit all over herself and me”. They all laughed. Of course, they immediately put precious’ ass right onto the table and fawned over her. Then Dad stood the baby up and walked her all over the table top. > > All I could think about was this thread. I was thinking of it as I was watching ads on TV this morning, one of which was for some brand of diaper. Since they kept emphasizing how “snug” their brand is, it makes me wonder just how much the lazy parents in this thread are aware that diapers can leak. > [@BwanaBob](#): > > But people have died from staph infections, which are found all over the skin of the diners before you who put their elbows on the table. > > So in a nutshell, be it baby’s diapers, or adults arms, the tables you’re sitting on > are a germ haven; so either stop going to these places if it squicks you out, or suck it up and take your chances. Stop fixating on just one of the many germ sources; it’s not the most likely disease vector (so says my dermatologist). Your dermatologist? Yeah, right, he would be an expert on diapers… You should ask him how likely it is that you would actually become sick from staph. In a nutshell, there is zero need for a baby’s butt to be on a table. There is next to zero reason for an elbow to be touching a table, and elbows on the table are a recognized sign of bad manners. Why is it that you parents can’t see that sitting your baby’s _ass_ on a table is also bad manners? Extremely bad manners… ---
**Author:** ![Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hentor_the_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2010, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/372 "2010-06-02T19:54:46Z")
> [@curlcoat](#): > > In a nutshell, there is zero need for a baby’s butt to be on a table. There is next to zero reason for an elbow to be touching a table, and elbows on the table are a recognized sign of bad manners. Why is it that you parents can’t see that sitting your baby’s _ass_ on a table is also bad manners? Extremely bad manners… In your opinion, and the moment I start taking **curlcoat** from the SDMB’s opinion into account during my real life decision making process is the moment I need to be unplugged from the matrix. your opinion about what type of behavior is acceptable or not is not worth a leaky soiled diaper. ---
**Author:** ![BwanaBob](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bwanabob/32/2985_2.png) [@BwanaBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BwanaBob)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2010, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/373 "2010-06-02T20:57:56Z")
> [@curlcoat](#): > > … > > Your dermatologist? Yeah, right, he would be an expert on diapers… You should ask him how likely it is that you would actually become sick from staph. > > … Since my dermatologist is an MD and you’re presumably not, then his opinion carries a hell of lot more weight with me than your’s does. ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2010, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/374 "2010-06-03T14:16:53Z")
Is this still going on? Isn’t that kid in college by now? ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2010, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/375 "2010-06-03T14:23:46Z")
> [@Wile\_E](#): > > Is this still going on? Isn’t that kid in college by now? Well, I was eating out at a fine dining restaurant last night when a college kid wearing a diaper farted on my table. My first thought was that he must be the kid referenced in the op, all grown up. My second thought was that, last time I ate there, I shouldn’t have stiffed the waiter on the tip… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2010, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/376 "2010-06-03T14:54:48Z")
Somebody needs to forward this thread to the girl in [this](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zbKRSYAuSNg) video. (47secs in) Dirty ass indeed. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2010, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/377 "2010-06-03T15:00:46Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > Somebody needs to forward this thread to the girl in [this](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zbKRSYAuSNg) video. (47secs in) > > Dirty ass indeed. Hey, that’s in my neck of the woods! There’s another place just like that near where I live called ‘The Grill Next Door.’ ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2010, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/378 "2010-06-03T15:42:11Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > Somebody needs to forward this thread to the girl in [this](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zbKRSYAuSNg) video. (47secs in) > > Dirty ass indeed. Watching that, I feel revolted – but not by the girl sitting on the table. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hentor_the_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2010, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/379 "2010-06-03T15:49:20Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > Somebody needs to forward this thread to the girl in [this](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zbKRSYAuSNg) video. (47secs in) > > Dirty ass indeed. Yes, well they do clearly advertise the place as bad for your health right on the front window. However, they should change the name to The Heart Attack and Colonic Bacteria from Around the Ass Region Grill. It’s a good thing she doesn’t work in seasonal food service at The Colony. ---
**Author:** ![cuberdon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/45deac/32.png) [@cuberdon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cuberdon)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2010, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/380 "2010-06-03T18:33:36Z")
> [@curlcoat](#): > > You should ask him how likely it is that you would actually become sick from staph. You could ask my Aunt Diane, who is a nurse. Or you can ask Aunt Annette, her younger sister, no, wait, you can’t ask Aunt Annette. She died of staph infection. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435.md?page=18) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435.md?page=20)