# Get your baby's dirty ass off the restaurant table! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 23, 2010, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435 "2010-05-23T03:58:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 20
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2010, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/381 "2010-06-03T18:38:22Z")
According to the [CDC](http://www.cdc.gov/ncidod/dhqp/ar_mrsa_ca_public.html), “Staph bacteria are one of the most common causes of skin infections in the United States. Most of these skin infections are minor (such as pimples and boils) and can be treated without antibiotics (also known as antimicrobials or antibacterials). However, staph bacteria also can cause serious infections (such as surgical wound infections, bloodstream infections, and pneumonia).” But what do they know? They’re just a bunch of MDs. ---
**Author:** ![moejoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de053/32.png) [@moejoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/moejoe)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/382 "2010-06-04T01:18:39Z")
> [@LouiseE](#): > > You could ask my Aunt Diane, who is a nurse. Or you can ask Aunt Annette, her younger sister, no, wait, you can’t ask Aunt Annette. She died of staph infection. My friend Bob died of staph infection too, that stuff is no joke. ---
**Author:** ![Doughbag](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/aeb1de/32.png) [@Doughbag](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doughbag)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 10:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/383 "2010-06-04T10:44:22Z")
Asses don’t belong on eating tables - in or out of diapers… baby… adult… pet… NO ASS on the dinner table ---
**Author:** ![spinky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/59ef9b/32.png) [@spinky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spinky)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 12:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/384 "2010-06-04T12:23:55Z")
I can’t believe so much of this thread has focused on whether or not it’s **dangerous**. What happened to simply not wanting to be rude as hell? Sitting a baby on top of a table in a restaurant is like chewing with your mouth open while talking and loudly farting. My opinion. ---
**Author:** ![Doughbag](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/aeb1de/32.png) [@Doughbag](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doughbag)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 12:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/385 "2010-06-04T12:51:43Z")
> [@ntucker](#): > > I can’t believe so much of this thread has focused on whether or not it’s **dangerous**. What happened to simply not wanting to be rude as hell? Sitting a baby on top of a table in a restaurant is like chewing with your mouth open while talking and loudly farting. My opinion. Yup, I second that. It’s not that I never done anything rude or inappropriate on a table – but certainly not in a restaurant 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/386 "2010-06-04T13:03:00Z")
> [@ntucker](#): > > I can’t believe so much of this thread has focused on whether or not it’s **dangerous**. What happened to simply not wanting to be rude as hell? Sitting a baby on top of a table in a restaurant is like chewing with your mouth open while talking and loudly farting. My opinion. “Rude” is much harder to argue. Rudeness is situationally and culturally determined, not to mention has much room for personal interpretation. I can honestly tell you that I was sat on tables\*, I’ve seen my friends and family sit their infants/toddlers on tables, I’ve seen strangers sit their babies on tables…and this thread is the \*first \*time in 35 years I’ve seen it interpreted as rude. When one isn’t raised thinking something is rude, one questions \*why \*others think it is so. I don’t have a preinstalled more telling me this is rude, because in my neck of the woods, it’s not. I’m willing to accept that your society taught you it is rude and that’s reason enough for you to feel that way (as well as reason enough for me not to put my baby on your table). But it’s like being told that it’s rude to hand someone money with your left hand…if you’re not raised in that culture, the natural question to ask is “why”? The real answer is “'cause that’s how my mama raised me,” but other answers like, “Well, we wipe our butts with that hand” or “the left side is associated with evil,” are often given as true, too. And, to a certain point, they are true. They are post-hoc justifications for social rules. My amusement (and really, it’s been very amusing reading this whole thing watching people flip out over something that’s not even on my radar as a social misstep) stems from seeing the rationalizations presented as the \*ultimate \*reason, rather than post-hoc justification for social rules - especially as the justification is as laughably inaccurate as “the left side is evil”. ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/387 "2010-06-04T16:15:52Z")
> [@ntucker](#): > > I can’t believe so much of this thread has focused on whether or not it’s **dangerous**. What happened to simply not wanting to be rude as hell? Sitting a baby on top of a table in a restaurant is like chewing with your mouth open while talking and loudly farting. My opinion. It’s been brought up a few times and pretty much ignored. It’s become a breeder versus baby-haters debate and around here those threads make the conservative republicans versus liberal democrats threads look like happy fun huggy love fests. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/388 "2010-06-04T16:29:26Z")
I cannot believe I read through this whole thread. I left when **Diogenes the Crazy** acted like it was no big deal to change a dirty diaper on a meat counter. I then returned with the suspicion there was some good hilarity afoot, which is why the thread is so long, and read this, the funniest thing I have read here in a long time: > [@quixotic78](#): > > Maybe your boys are, literally, King Shit, and if they were constantly overflowing with feces I probably wouldn’t let them out of the house. My kid – and apparently Dio’s, Hentor’s, RR’s, etc. – are far less vociferous. To extrapolate to “Every kid is a ticking TIME BOMB of SHIT just waiting to go off at any second and KILL EVERYONE IN THE RESTAURANT” seems a little extreme. Ha ha ha! I don’t even agree with you, lady, but you are hilarious. What I’ve taken away from this thread is it’s totally cool to sit on tables if you’re a d-bag, and that it’s okay if I set a catheter down where I eat, because the piss isn’t going to get out. ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/389 "2010-06-04T16:38:20Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > I cannot believe I read through this whole thread. I left when **Diogenes the Crazy** acted like it was no big deal to change a dirty diaper on a meat counter. I then returned with the suspicion there was some good hilarity afoot, which is why the thread is so long, and read this, the funniest thing I have read here in a long time:Ha ha ha! I don’t even agree with you, lady, but you are hilarious. What I’ve taken away from this thread is it’s totally cool to sit on tables if you’re a d-bag, and that it’s okay if I set a catheter down where I eat, because the piss isn’t going to get out. Urine isn’t a problem anyway, unless you have an infection urine is usually sterile. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/390 "2010-06-04T16:41:01Z")
You get my point. I’ll also feel free to leave on the table a pile of shit in a tightly sealed bag, though, if it makes people feel better. ---
**Author:** ![quixotic78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/3ab097/32.png) [@quixotic78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/quixotic78)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/391 "2010-06-04T16:53:11Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > I cannot believe I read through this whole thread… Ha ha ha! I don’t even agree with you, lady, but you are hilarious. What I’ve taken away from this thread is it’s totally cool to sit on tables if you’re a d-bag, and that it’s okay if I set a catheter down where I eat, because the piss isn’t going to get out. You obviously didn’t read the whole thread very well, because I’ve already said twice (i.e., this will make THREE FUCKING TIMES) _in this thread_ that I’m a guy, not a lady. So instead of on the table, why don’t you shove your catheter bag someplace extremely uncomfortable, you illiterate twat? ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/392 "2010-06-04T17:01:00Z")
Calm the fuck down, you goddamn psycho. ---
**Author:** ![quixotic78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/3ab097/32.png) [@quixotic78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/quixotic78)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/393 "2010-06-04T17:23:57Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Calm the fuck down, you goddamn psycho. What an odd way to say “My bad”… * * * It’s not psychoticness; it’s douchebaggery, which you diagnosed me with in your first post despite the fact that, as far as I know, we’ve never had one direct exchange ever. You fucked up and I called you on it in a douchey way, since that’s what I am, apparently. Deal with it. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/394 "2010-06-04T17:26:48Z")
**MeanOldLady** , you wanted hilarity, you’ve got it! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/395 "2010-06-04T17:32:10Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Calm the fuck down, you goddamn psycho. Heeee! Gotdamn that was over the top! Whoa! I mean, you were just telling him he had a way with expressing humor and he\* flipped! \* ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/396 "2010-06-04T17:34:57Z")
> [@](#): > > Nzinga, Seated Not on a table, one hopes. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/397 "2010-06-04T17:35:50Z")
> [@quixotic78](#): > > What an odd way to say “My bad”… > > * * * > > It’s not psychoticness; it’s douchebaggery, which you diagnosed me with in your first post despite the fact that, as far as I know, we’ve never had one direct exchange ever. You fucked up and I called you on it in a douchey way, since that’s what I am, apparently. Deal with it. Why would I say I’m sorry for saying I don’t agree with you, but you’re funny? Cool your jets, lady. ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/398 "2010-06-04T17:38:24Z")
> [@Lute Skywatcher](#): > > Not on a table, one hopes. Not to worry. No way in hell is the shit gonna leak out of these skin tight depends. ---
**Author:** ![quixotic78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/3ab097/32.png) [@quixotic78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/quixotic78)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/399 "2010-06-04T17:38:38Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Cool your jets, lady. Oh man, that’s good stuff. You must write for _According to Jim_. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/400 "2010-06-04T17:41:12Z")
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