# Get your baby's dirty ass off the restaurant table! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 23, 2010, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435 "2010-05-23T03:58:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 21
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/401 "2010-06-04T17:43:35Z")
Cat fight! ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/402 "2010-06-04T17:45:13Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > Cat fight! Cats spread disease. Don’t let them sit on the table! ---
**Author:** ![Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hentor_the_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/403 "2010-06-04T18:05:25Z")
> [@Nzinga\_Seated](#): > > Not to worry. No way in hell is the shit gonna leak out of these skin tight depends. If they’re skin tight, where does your filth go when you shit yourself? Perhaps you should just get yourself a colostomy bag like **Mean Old Lady** is rolling with? She seems pretty proud of hers. I would hazard a guess that she is appropriately named, as well. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/404 "2010-06-04T18:16:52Z")
What I want to know is this… If a babies dirty ass ends up on my table, do I need to tip or not or pay a delivery charge or not, and is it Obama’s or W’s fault it happened in the first place? ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/405 "2010-06-04T18:21:28Z")
You should tip only on the delivery charge, because W made it that way when he circumcised your declawed outdoor cat so you could hang the toilet paper top down to wipe the shoes you won’t take off in the house when you come in from your SUV that’s only used to drive yourself to work alone in the car pool lane. Hope that covers it. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/406 "2010-06-04T18:31:15Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > You should tip only on the delivery charge, because W made it that way when he circumcised your declawed outdoor cat so you could hang the toilet paper top down to wipe the shoes you won’t take off in the house when you come in from your SUV that’s only used to drive yourself to work alone in the car pool lane. > Hope that covers it. What - no mention of racism, sexism, religion, Israel-Palestine, or US politics? For shame! :o ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/407 "2010-06-04T18:33:23Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > You should tip only on the delivery charge, because W made it that way when he circumcised your declawed outdoor cat so you could hang the toilet paper top down to wipe the shoes you won’t take off in the house when you come in from your SUV that’s only used to drive yourself to work alone in the car pool lane. > Hope that covers it. You forgot to mention the loaded ‘toy’ guns in the trunk of that SUV. Otherwise, good job. ---
**Author:** ![Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hentor_the_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/408 "2010-06-04T18:35:09Z")
> [@Malthus](#): > > What - no mention of racism, sexism, religion, Israel-Palestine, or US politics? > > For shame! :o Nor, more importantly whether you prefer the PS3 to the XBox or happened to dislike _Avatard_. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/409 "2010-06-04T20:10:47Z")
> [@Malthus](#): > > What - no mention of racism, sexism, religion, Israel-Palestine, or US politics? > > For shame! :o That’s what I get for mostly staying in MPSIMS and IMHO. I’m not GD worthy. (But I did work a “blame W” in there - it was just brief!) ---
**Author:** ![Ostrya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/35a633/32.png) [@Ostrya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ostrya)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/410 "2010-06-04T20:32:53Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > Cats spread disease. Don’t let them sit on the table! This illustrates the point being missed completely. It isn’t about whether the cat on the table might spread disease or not - or dogs or whatever pet, animal, ass whatever. At my own dinner table, it wouldn’t bother me if my dogs paws had been on the tabletop or the paws of my cat. This would not be acceptable at a restaurant, however. Why? The issue is not whether my dog’s or cat’s paws are appropriately clean or not, it’s about realizing that others might likely be offended by my pet’s paws on the table. Whether I think it’s okay is not the issue. Why should my opinion (that it’s okay) be enough to make this okay at the restaurant? Only if I only gave a fuck about my own opinion would it make it okay. What’s wrong with you people. Asses, clean or not, clothed or not, are not the bottom line. It’s about respect for others and how they feel. That is the real issue at hand. You people that keep arguing in favor of asses on restaurant tables come off like you don’t give a damn how anyone else feels, you’re just going to do whatever the fuck you want - whether it’s your cat on restaurant tables, your kids asses - you continue to demonstrate that you’re selfish assholes - the kind of fucks who only give a damn about themselves. ---
**Author:** ![Snarky\_Kong](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a183cd/32.png) [@Snarky\_Kong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snarky_Kong)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/411 "2010-06-04T20:35:16Z")
Missed fat people too, which is probably a top 3 argument starter. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/412 "2010-06-04T20:39:05Z")
> [@Snarky\_Kong](#): > > Missed fat people too, which is probably a top 3 argument starter. On a per pound/aurguement basis they are lightweights though 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/413 "2010-06-04T20:45:47Z")
> [@Snarky\_Kong](#): > > Missed fat people too, which is probably a top 3 argument starter. Especially significant when talking about asses on tables. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/414 "2010-06-04T21:05:45Z")
> [@the lone cashew](#): > > This illustrates the point being missed completely. It isn’t about whether the cat on the table might spread disease or not - or dogs or whatever pet, animal, ass whatever. It was a joke, you solitary nut, you. 😉 Cat fight + disease fears + sitting on tables…get it? _sigh_ My genius is unappreciated. > [@](#): > > What’s wrong with you people. Asses, clean or not, clothed or not, are not the bottom line. It’s about respect for others and how they feel. That is the real issue at hand. > > You people that keep arguing in favor of asses on restaurant tables come off like you don’t give a damn how anyone else feels, you’re just going to do whatever the fuck you want - whether it’s your cat on restaurant tables, your kids asses - you continue to demonstrate that you’re selfish assholes - the kind of fucks who only give a damn about themselves. Ok, then what’s wrong with you selfish assholes\* who want to dictate where I put my kid? Why don’t you have any respect for how I feel, or how I was raised, which is that sitting a baby on a table isn’t a big deal? \*Note for the humorally impaired: I don’t think you’re actually selfish assholes. I’m using parallel construction to point out that the argument can go both ways. ---
**Author:** ![Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hentor_the_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/415 "2010-06-04T21:07:03Z")
> [@the lone cashew](#): > > What’s wrong with you people. Asses, clean or not, clothed or not, are not the bottom line. It’s about respect for others and how they feel. That is the real issue at hand. > > You people that keep arguing in favor of asses on restaurant tables come off like you don’t give a damn how anyone else feels, you’re just going to do whatever the fuck you want - whether it’s your cat on restaurant tables, your kids asses - you continue to demonstrate that you’re selfish assholes - the kind of fucks who only give a damn about themselves. No. What you assholes don’t understand is that you are a crazy fucking minority. Most people aren’t crazy freaks, and I don’t cater to a minority neurotic freak position. Didn’t you read **WhyNot’s** post above? This is not a thing I’ve ever heard of, and you may as well have told me that I’m an asshole for not paying at the restaurant with my bills organized in increasing denominations, face up and oriented all in the same direction. ---
**Author:** ![Mrs.Cake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/2acd7d/32.png) [@Mrs.Cake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mrs.Cake)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/416 "2010-06-04T21:11:12Z")
Can I order milk with the dirty ass and cat paws? Or is that taking it too far? ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/417 "2010-06-04T21:14:36Z")
> [@Mrs.Cake](#): > > Can I order milk with the dirty ass and cat paws? Or is that taking it too far? Okay, but if it’s breast milk, you’d better drink it in the bathroom! No one wants to see that! ---
**Author:** ![Ostrya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/35a633/32.png) [@Ostrya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ostrya)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/418 "2010-06-04T21:33:02Z")
WhyNot, I knew you were making a tongue and cheek comment but with your stance on the pro-baby’s-ass side of the argument, your joke underlines your attitude. Hentor, I think you’re wrong about people who object only being a small minority - but even if a small minority, that should be enough. Some people have no courtesy and no class. Why do you stubbornly choose to be in that category? ---
**Author:** ![Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hentor_the_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/419 "2010-06-04T21:44:07Z")
> [@the lone cashew](#): > > Hentor, I think you’re wrong about people who object only being a small minority - but even if a small minority, that should be enough. Nonsense. Explain to me why the quirky preferences of a small minority should have any bearing on my behavior. ---
**Author:** ![Ostrya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/35a633/32.png) [@Ostrya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ostrya)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2010, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/420 "2010-06-04T21:49:35Z")
The point might be that this thread should have shown you there’s likely a significant percentage of people out there who object. Why should that have any bearing on your behavior, you ask? Because you’re a nice guy who has class. You’re not a stuck up asshole who just does whatever he wants. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435.md?page=20) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435.md?page=22)