# Get your baby's dirty ass off the restaurant table! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 23, 2010, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435 "2010-05-23T03:58:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 23
**Author:** ![thirdwarning](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecccb3/32.png) [@thirdwarning](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thirdwarning)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2010, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/441 "2010-06-05T03:39:46Z")
> [@the lone cashew](#): > > **curlcoat** wrote: > Why are you referring to people who have had kids as _breeders_? Am I being whooshed here? > What in heaven’s name are you doing? She’s acting like curlcoat. What did you expect? ---
**Author:** ![Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hentor_the_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2010, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/442 "2010-06-05T03:45:46Z")
> [@cricetus](#): > > It’s always easy to dismiss the sensibilities of others. Chances are everybody has some thing they don’t like seeing, whether it’s baby ass on eating surface or some guys scrotum packed into bike shorts. Not liking something doesn’t necessarily mean you want it to be illegal and the perpetrators executed, it just means you have, you know, sensibilities. > > Frankly, nobody gets their panties knotted up faster than people who are offended by other people being offended. Sure, but I, for instance, don’t go around demanding that everyone comport themselves by my sensibilities. ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2010, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/443 "2010-06-05T03:55:15Z")
This is never going to end, is it? How can you even compare the offensiveness of holding a water glass too long or short pants with potentially dirty ass on a public eating surface? And what is the point of this line of arguing anyway? Anyone can be offended by anything so fuckitall and don’t bother to show any courtesy to anyone else because it’s just too much trouble? ---
**Author:** ![curlcoat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea5d25/32.png) [@curlcoat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/curlcoat)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2010, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/444 "2010-06-05T04:01:02Z")
> [@the lone cashew](#): > > Why are you referring to people who have had kids as _breeders_? “Breeders” are people who merely reproduce - they do not bother to actually parent their kids. There are also the terms Parent Not Breeder (PNB) and Breeder Not Parent (BNP). Breeders are the ones who turn into complete idiots when they have kids, claim to be incapable of keeping them in line in any way and seem to view their kids as extensions of their egos. ---
**Author:** ![curlcoat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea5d25/32.png) [@curlcoat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/curlcoat)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2010, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/445 "2010-06-05T04:07:41Z")
> [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](#): > > Sure, but I, for instance, don’t go around demanding that everyone comport themselves by my sensibilities. You are kidding, right? You see nothing wrong with sitting a kid on a table, so you demand that everyone around you have your same lack of sensibility when you do so. Things like [this](http://s3.amazonaws.com/data.tumblr.com/tumblr_l3eqhhybno1qzyycoo1_1280.jpg?AWSAccessKeyId=0RYTHV9YYQ4W5Q3HQMG2&Expires=1275796994&Signature=WNyThx0Gepe3FrM956wT%2FDFt5QA%3D) are why people with normal sensibilities don’t want to see a diapered kid on the table. Oh, and for those who didn’t believe that kids go about with only a diaper on? Seems a product like [this](http://www.childmode.com/2010/05/30/huggies-introduces-fashionable-blue-jean-diapers/) wouldn’t be popular otherwise. ---
**Author:** ![Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hentor_the_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2010, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/446 "2010-06-05T04:37:23Z")
> [@curlcoat](#): > > You are kidding, right? You see nothing wrong with sitting a kid on a table, so you demand that everyone around you have your same lack of sensibility when you do so. Trying to attack me for being selfish and entitled just doesn’t work, since I no longer have kids that I need to sit anywhere. The simple fact is that there is nothing wrong with it. All I have been objecting to is the entitled demands of phobic numbnuts who want the world to bend to their freaky whims. ---
**Author:** ![Ostrya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/35a633/32.png) [@Ostrya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ostrya)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2010, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/447 "2010-06-05T04:59:29Z")
> [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](#): > > All I have been objecting to is the entitled demands of phobic numbnuts who want the world to bend to their freaky whims. No one is demanding you don’t give a fuck about anyone but yourself, just strongly suggesting. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2010, 6:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/448 "2010-06-05T06:13:40Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > I know - I was just taking an opportunity to refer to **quix** as a girl again. Dammit! I can’t keep up! And, don’t you wish we’d locked the thread when I suggested it? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2010, 6:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/449 "2010-06-05T06:39:05Z")
Perhaps, but this baby is still shitting out some great stuff IMO. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2010, 9:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/450 "2010-06-05T09:08:58Z")
> [@C3](#): > > My mother is offended by people who hold their water glass too long after they’ve taken a sip (seriously). I bet I could find a few other people who feel that way. It is hereby a rule that everyone dining in restaurants must put their water glass down after they’ve held it for no longer than 2 seconds. You wouldn’t want to disrespect my mother, would you? I fucked her once and never called back. Does that count? ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2010, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/451 "2010-06-05T14:54:19Z")
> [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](#): > > Trying to attack me for being selfish and entitled just doesn’t work, since I no longer have kids that I need to sit anywhere. The simple fact is that there is nothing wrong with it. > > All I have been objecting to is the entitled demands of phobic numbnuts who want the world to bend to their freaky whims. There is something wrong with it. Just because some of you think there is no danger of leakage and germs getting left on the table does not make it so. Not wanting a potential contaminant on an eating surface is not a freaky whim. ---
**Author:** ![curlcoat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea5d25/32.png) [@curlcoat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/curlcoat)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2010, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/452 "2010-06-05T15:08:01Z")
> [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](#): > > Trying to attack me for being selfish and entitled just doesn’t work, since I no longer have kids that I need to sit anywhere. The simple fact is that there is nothing wrong with it. Huh. Nothing I wrote was an attack, nor did I say either “selfish” or “entitled”. Apparently you are feeling guilty, eh? > [@](#): > > All I have been objecting to is the entitled demands of phobic numbnuts who want the world to bend to their freaky whims. The fact that you think it is “phobic” and “freaky”, as well as a “whim” that many people don’t want to see a diapered baby on a table (something that is _completely_ unnecessary) does tend to indicate that you are not thinking with a clear mind on the subject. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2010, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/453 "2010-06-05T15:57:50Z")
> [@Wile\_E](#): > > There is something wrong with it. Just because some of you think there is no danger of leakage and germs getting left on the table does not make it so. Not wanting a potential contaminant on an eating surface is not a freaky whim. There are more germs on your hands than on my baby’s pants. ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2010, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/454 "2010-06-05T16:42:40Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > There are more germs on your hands than on my baby’s pants. They are my germs and I’m used to them. There’s also a big difference between my hand germs and the possible germs from a baby’s ass. I wash or sanitize my hands frequently, I don’t shit on them. You people who think there’s no problem with it, those of you that have the ultra clean baby asses, how about we take anyone else’s baby and plop it’s diapered ass on your plate and you tell us if you still want to eat off it. I volunteer the baby from that family that has too many kids and none of them look like they’ve ever encountered soap and water in their lives. Is it still okay? Sure, you’re babies are all super babies that poo cotton candy and fart rainbows and we should be priveleged to lick their pristine diapers but what about all those other people who just aren’t as wonderful parents as you? Do you trust their sanitary practices? This is ridiculous. It’s just rude to put something on a public eating surface that has no business on a public eating surface no matter how clean you personally think it is. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2010, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/455 "2010-06-05T17:09:18Z")
> [@Wile\_E](#): > > They are my germs and I’m used to them. The next people who sit at your table are not used to them. You are polluting the table more than a baby’s panted ass. > [@](#): > > There’s also a big difference between my hand germs and the possible germs from a baby’s ass. There is no possibility of shit suddenly exploding through a baby’s diaper and pants and onto the table. It doesn’t happen. If by some phenomenal fluke that does happen, then you will be able to see the shit on the table and choose another place to sit. > [@](#): > > It’s just rude to put something on a public eating surface that has no business on a public eating surface no matter how clean you personally think it is. It’s not for you to decide what does or does not “have business” going on a public eating surface. You don’t get to make those determinations by fiat. The nature of a public space dictates that you should assume every surface is covered with germs anyay, and act accordingly. If you don’t make that assumption about EVERY table, you’re a moron to begin with. ---
**Author:** ![Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hentor_the_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2010, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/456 "2010-06-05T17:22:55Z")
> [@Wile\_E](#): > > You people who think there’s no problem with it, those of you that have the ultra clean baby asses, how about we take anyone else’s baby and plop it’s diapered ass on your plate and you tell us if you still want to eat off it. I volunteer the baby from that family that has too many kids and none of them look like they’ve ever encountered soap and water in their lives. Is it still okay? Sure, you’re babies are all super babies that poo cotton candy and fart rainbows and we should be priveleged to lick their pristine diapers but what about all those other people who just aren’t as wonderful parents as you? Do you trust their sanitary practices? > > This is ridiculous. It’s just rude to put something on a public eating surface that has no business on a public eating surface no matter how clean you personally think it is. It’s interesting that you germophobes compulsively fuck up your analogies. Table =/= plate in the same way that table =/= baby bottle nipple. Again, I recommend against licking the tables. Perhaps that is the basic diaconnet in this argument. Nevertheless, you just should not lick tables. ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2010, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/457 "2010-06-05T19:04:29Z")
One last post and then if I ever post here again it will be to mock how stupid this thread is. Even my iPhone browser crashed twice when trying to quote DtC and Hentor. DtC, so I can’t decide what is right and proper, then why do you get to decide? You guarantee that a baby won’t poop at an inopportune time and diapers don’t leak. Sure I don’t have kids but I’ve been around them enough to see this happen. Then you go on to say that even if this thing which you guarantee won’t happen does happen, It will get cleaned and if it’s not cleaned up properly we should see it and refuse to sit there. Since you can guarantee the other stuff I’m sure you can guarantee that as well even thin smears on dark tables as you know all. Also, as I said my hands are not covered in shit and I don’t put them all over the table anyway, and I have a little more confidence in the restaurants cleaning rag to clean any germs I might have left than to be able to remove every trace of smeared feces. Hentor, I did not fuck up the analogy. I think that those of you who guarantee babies asses are clean should be willing to put your money where your mouth is and eat off a plate that had some random baby’s diapered ass on it. Also, I’m not a germophobe or I would never eat out but knowing there are self-important assholes like you guys out there, I may reconsider. And now I’m done. You guys just seem to argue for the sake of arguing. You are defending rude behavior. I don’t think you even have any idea what you’re arguing about anymore. Have fun with your obstinate selves. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2010, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/458 "2010-06-05T20:49:24Z")
> [@Wile\_E](#): > > One last post and then if I ever post here again it will be to mock how stupid this thread is. Even my iPhone browser crashed twice when trying to quote DtC and Hentor. > > DtC, so I can’t decide what is right and proper, then why do you get to decide? I’m not deciding, I’m minding my own business. I don’t give a rat’s ass what other people do at other tables. They can take out their dicks and piss on them for all I care. None of my business. > [@](#): > > You guarantee that a baby won’t poop at an inopportune time and diapers don’t leak. I guarantee you that a baby is not spontanously going to shit through a diaper and pants and onto a tabl, yes. > [@](#): > > Sure I don’t have kids but I’ve been around them enough to see this happen. No you haven’t. You have not seen a baby shit explosively and without warning through a diaper and pants onto a table. When diapers leak, it happens because the baby has not been attended quickly enough. It doesn’t happen instantly, it takes a while to seep out. > [@](#): > > Also, as I said my hands are not covered in shit and I don’t put them all over the table anyway They are covered with more germs than ababy’s pants, and yes you do put them on the table. > [@](#): > > I have a little more confidence in the restaurants cleaning rag to clean any germs I might have left than to be able to remove every trace of smeared feces. This shows a lack of awareness of of restaurant practices and human tendencies actually. The reality is that people are likely to be MUCH more likely to be thorough in cleaning in disgusting, visible mess from a table than for tables with no visible problem. In the latter case they are more likely to give a few cursory swipes with a rag. In the former, they bring out the bucket of soapy water and the bleach. Having said that, you should treat ALL public tables as if they are covered with germs because they are. The notion that a baby’s pants touching a table makes it more septic than you touching it withyour bare hands is delusional and phobic. There are medications which can help you with that. By th way, drunk people go to restaurants all the time, and I’ve witnessed _several_ instance of drunks puking on tables or floors. The statistical chance that a drunk will puke on a table is much higher than that a baby will magically and spontaneously shit through a diaper and pants faster than a parent can lift it from the table, therefore, by your logic, nobody has any business going to get some tacos after they leave the bars. ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2010, 6:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/459 "2010-06-06T06:27:44Z")
At first I wondered how this was such a big issue, but then I realized that it’s like a perfect storm of cantankerous contention on this site. It’s got babies, germs, restaurants, social norms, and **Dio** 😉 All we need is tipping, weight loss, circumcision, some religio-political angle, and we’re all set for another 20 pages! Two of those would be easy to throw into the mix. Although honestly I have to agree with **Dio** on one point. I don’t think poopie will seep through a diaper before the parent picks it up. Maybe I’m wrong though. I know I’ve never, not once, seen a parent at the restaurant where I work put a baby on the table. I don’t understand why though… Do you think it’s because I work at a Japanese grill? Those damn babies are racist and don’t want to put their butts on our slanty-eyed tables! How could I have not seen it all along?! ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2010, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/460 "2010-06-06T14:20:58Z")
> [@Autolycus](#): > > \ I don’t think poopie will seep through a diaper before the parent picks it up.\ Counting on parents to do the right thing when other people are involved is never a winning bet. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435.md?page=22) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435.md?page=24)