# Get your baby's dirty ass off the restaurant table! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 23, 2010, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435 "2010-05-23T03:58:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 25
**Author:** ![spinky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/59ef9b/32.png) [@spinky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spinky)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2010, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/481 "2010-06-07T19:42:20Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Pee seepage from what? Who’s seeping urine onto tables? You know, from the edges of diapers. Maybe once a week or so it happens that I pick the baby up and her butt’s a little wet and she needs a diaper and clothes change (of course, this is because I’m a neglectful parent and I’m sure it never happens to you). We already know that sort of seepage on the table (from someone else’s baby, not yours, naturally) wouldn’t bother you, since you said you don’t mind if other diners whip their dicks out and piss directly on the table. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2010, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/482 "2010-06-07T20:58:01Z")
It doesn’t happen with my babies. The diapers these days are extremely absorbant and don’t leak or seep. Maybe you’re putting them on incorrectly? ---
**Author:** ![C3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/c3/32/3108_2.png) [@C3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C3)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2010, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/483 "2010-06-07T22:20:03Z")
Or the diapers are the wrong size. ---
**Author:** ![spinky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/59ef9b/32.png) [@spinky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spinky)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2010, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/484 "2010-06-07T22:22:31Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Maybe you’re putting them on incorrectly? Most likely it’s because we use cloth diapers inside diaper covers. If a tiny edge of diaper finds its way to the edge of the diaper cover, the pee wicks out to the clothes. ---
**Author:** ![Lunchy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Lunchy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lunchy)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2010, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/485 "2010-06-07T23:02:14Z")
> [@ntucker](#): > > Most likely it’s because we use cloth diapers inside diaper covers. If a tiny edge of diaper finds its way to the edge of the diaper cover, the pee wicks out to the clothes. Cite? j/k 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2010, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/486 "2010-06-07T23:35:25Z")
> [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](#): > > **Mufin** , joke or not, your post is consistent with the knowledge on display in this thread about real live human babies. Baby squisher! ---
**Author:** ![Lust4Life](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ecc23a/32.png) [@Lust4Life](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lust4Life)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2010, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/487 "2010-06-09T13:30:31Z")
I hope that the next time \*\* QUIXOTIC\*\* goes to a restaraunt that she doesn’t shit in her diaper y when she’s sitting on the table. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2010, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/488 "2010-06-09T16:04:11Z")
> [@ntucker](#): > > Most likely it’s because we use cloth diapers inside diaper covers. If a tiny edge of diaper finds its way to the edge of the diaper cover, the pee wicks out to the clothes. Wow, cloth diapers. How 1960’s. Well, if the baby is wearing cloth diapers, I would agree that the parents should be more careful. ---
**Author:** ![C3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/c3/32/3108_2.png) [@C3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C3)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2010, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/489 "2010-06-09T16:35:18Z")
We used cloth diapers with my younger child. They don’t hold as much as a disposable does, so more frequent changes are necessary. If you’re getting leakage with every pee, you probably need to check the sizing of the cover or add an insert. If you haven’t gotten the hang of cloth diapering then, yeah, don’t put your kid on the table. It’s not the norm for a baby - even a cloth diapered one - to leak. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2010, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/490 "2010-06-09T16:56:13Z")
Blame it all on shoddy bio-engineering of babies. There otta be a recall. ---
**Author:** ![quixotic78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/3ab097/32.png) [@quixotic78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/quixotic78)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2010, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/491 "2010-06-09T23:14:03Z")
> [@Lust4Life](#): > > I hope that the next time \*\* QUIXOTIC\*\* goes to a restaraunt that she doesn’t shit in her diaper y when she’s sitting on the table. Wow, way to bump a moribund thread for a quip that (a) had already been made about three or four times already and (b) was only ever about as funny and clever the first time as someone saying “Is that your final answer?” Well done, **Lust4Life**! This is a big win for you today! (Relatively speaking, of course). ---
**Author:** ![Doughbag](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/aeb1de/32.png) [@Doughbag](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doughbag)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2010, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/492 "2010-06-10T14:10:44Z")
Did someone shit in their pants? Well, not a problem. Just sit on the table, it’s perfectly fine, healthy and socialy acceptable - everywhere. Unless, you leave the trailerpark behind you… Why do we have the need for a seperat room for toilets? Well, there is no need anymore, since apperantly some people like watching other people having a shit while they eat… and let’s not kid around, that is what diapers are for, right? ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2010, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/493 "2010-06-10T14:21:09Z")
Ok, I was watching TV last night, and saw the commercial at the following link: [Page not found | Bounty](http://www.bountytowels.com/en_US/index.shtml) (The one on the left, entitled “Watch What’s Possible With a Bounty Clean”.) Note the screaming terrors exhibited by the All-American Women when the Disgusting Germ Laden Monster Child is sat on the table at the end of the ad. All the gore and spewing feces and the ladies’ reaction to such an obvious social faux pas have convinced me y’all are right…sitting babies on tables is a universal tabboo on par with eating feces or fucking dead people. …Or, y’know…not. Maybe it’s a geographic or cultural more that’s not even shared across the entire United States. ---
**Author:** ![Doughbag](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/aeb1de/32.png) [@Doughbag](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doughbag)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2010, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/494 "2010-06-10T14:30:32Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > Ok, I was watching TV last night, and saw the commercial at the following link: [http://www.bountytowels.com/en\_US/index.shtml](http://www.bountytowels.com/en_US/index.shtml) (The one on the left, entitled “Watch What’s Possible With a Bounty Clean”.) > > Note the screaming terrors exhibited by the All-American Women when the Disgusting Germ Laden Monster Child is sat on the table at the end of the ad. All the gore and spewing feces and the ladies’ reaction to such an obvious social faux pas have convinced me y’all are right…sitting babies on tables is a universal tabboo on par with eating feces or fucking dead people. > …Or, y’know…not. Maybe it’s a geographic or cultural more that’s not even shared across the entire United States. Yup, Bounty is so, good it gets the table so clean, that it is safe to sit on with a white dress…cool. Still not what I want to see in a restaurant… and let’s just hope they use Bounty. ---
**Author:** ![Lust4Life](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ecc23a/32.png) [@Lust4Life](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lust4Life)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2010, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/495 "2010-06-10T15:31:08Z")
> [@quixotic78](#): > > Wow, way to bump a moribund thread for a quip that (a) had already been made about three or four times already and (b) was only ever about as funny and clever the first time as someone saying “Is that your final answer?” > > Well done, **Lust4Life**! This is a big win for you today! (Relatively speaking, of course). So what colors your underware then? I’ll bet you’re a Victorias Secret sort of girl. ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2010, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/496 "2010-06-10T16:59:06Z")
> [@quixotic78](#): > > Wow, way to bump a moribund thread for a quip that (a) had already been made about three or four times already Moribund is a great word. I had to look that up. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2010, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/497 "2010-06-10T18:06:35Z")
Band name: _Moribund Baby_. ---
**Author:** ![curlcoat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea5d25/32.png) [@curlcoat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/curlcoat)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2010, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/498 "2010-06-10T18:09:45Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Wow, cloth diapers. How 1960’s. Huh. I wondered, with all of the recycling that Southern California does, why we still needed hundreds of acres of new landfill. Now I know - parents once again consider their ease over all else. Maybe if they quit calling them “disposable” diapers, you all would quit buying them. Eh, probably not. > [@WhyNot](#): > > Ok, I was watching TV last night, and saw the commercial at the following link: [http://www.bountytowels.com/en\_US/index.shtml](http://www.bountytowels.com/en_US/index.shtml) (The one on the left, entitled “Watch What’s Possible With a Bounty Clean”.) > > Note the screaming terrors exhibited by the All-American Women when the Disgusting Germ Laden Monster Child is sat on the table at the end of the ad. All the gore and spewing feces and the ladies’ reaction to such an obvious social faux pas have convinced me y’all are right…sitting babies on tables is a universal tabboo on par with eating feces or fucking dead people. > …Or, y’know…not. Maybe it’s a geographic or cultural more that’s not even shared across the entire United States. Well of _course_ an ad aimed at the Mothers of America would be realistic! …Or, y’know…not. I’d think by now you would have noticed that many parents don’t seem to be able to see negative in anything that involves their offspring. And, for those of you who claim that shit cannot explode from a diaper, may I present a little [proof](http://s3.amazonaws.com/data.tumblr.com/tumblr_l3rrvnsjSO1qzyycoo1_1280.jpg?AWSAccessKeyId=0RYTHV9YYQ4W5Q3HQMG2&Expires=1276279645&Signature=h0tJPsQ1K%2BQ3CQ3Sjl0oeIT7kDY%3D). ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2010, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/499 "2010-06-10T19:37:57Z")
> [@Doughbag](#): > > Yup, Bounty is so, good it gets the table so clean, that it is safe to sit on with a white dress…cool. Since they were marrying off a young child-bride in a white bridal gown in that commercial, it is no surprise that they sat the child on a table. ---
**Author:** ![thirdwarning](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecccb3/32.png) [@thirdwarning](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thirdwarning)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2010, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/500 "2010-06-11T03:46:42Z")
Okay, so I will never sit my child anywhere that might possible offend anyone, ever again. (Not a big problem, since the youngest is 20.) I can’t guaranteee where they sit on their own, though. Sorry. So, how 'bout I put my purse down on the table instead? Or my forearms or elbows. You know, the ones that have been everywhere I’ve been today, including leaning on my desk at work, and hugging my husband. That’s not a problem, right? That pair of baby pants that I pulled out of the dryer just before we left home? I’m sure they’re just crawling with germs. In more than six years of dealing with diapered babies, I can remember one blowout that occured in public. And yes, that one I would have caught before it hit the table. Not that it was anywhere near a table. Obviously you don’t diaper a baby on the table, or even on the seat in the dining room. Nobody is saying you should. But the kind of ‘sitting on the table’ people are talking about is setting the little one down for a couple seconds while you do a quick shoe tie or put your billfold back into your purse. Nothing is going to happen in that length of time, and the back of baby pants is just as clean (or not) as anything else that touches the table. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435.md?page=24) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435.md?page=26)