# Get your baby's dirty ass off the restaurant table! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 23, 2010, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435 "2010-05-23T03:58:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![tnetennba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@tnetennba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tnetennba)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/121 "2010-05-24T02:16:23Z")
I never expected to see somebody ardently defend the right to smear shit on restaurant tables. Seriously, is there nothing people can agree on? We can’t all get together in the name of fighting ignorance and agree that smearing shit on a restaurant table is a bad idea? Is there anything that’s not left/right Christian/athiest bifurcated, but just simply good sense and good citizenship versus slovenly, selfish boorishness? ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/122 "2010-05-24T02:19:00Z")
Let’s stop with the fucking hyperbole. If I see someone planting a diapered ass on a restaurant table it’s going to piss me off and gross me out. But they aren’t “smearing shit” on the table. We can leave the hyperbole to **Dio** next time he calls me and the rest of a thread a bunch of baby rapists. ---
**Author:** ![tnetennba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@tnetennba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tnetennba)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/123 "2010-05-24T02:24:55Z")
I don’t think there’s a moral distinction between A and B if A has a high probability of leading to B, and that B is easily foreseen from A. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/124 "2010-05-24T02:33:57Z")
I don’t think there’s a high probability of shit being smeared on a table by a diaper-wearing baby. ---
**Author:** ![bengangmo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/50afbb/32.png) [@bengangmo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bengangmo)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/125 "2010-05-24T02:35:55Z")
> [@cricetus](#): > > I don’t think there’s a moral distinction between A and B if A has a high probability of leading to B, and that B is easily foreseen from A. Really? So by that reasoning the US is perfectly happy to be nuking China, Japan, Germany and England? Infact they want to commit genocide and kill all those pesky palestinians and for good measure kill all Jews as well? I mean, after all, it must be true because the US has dem Nu Clear weapons which can be foreseeably and even predictably used for all of the above right? :rolleyes::rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![curlcoat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea5d25/32.png) [@curlcoat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/curlcoat)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/126 "2010-05-24T02:45:40Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > How is a baby’s ass any worse than all your slobber and crumbs? Wow, we made it all the way to the #6 post before some parent came in with the “my child shits rainbows” nonsense. Must be a record. > [@](#): > > The tables are wiped down and sanitized after every use anyway, so who cares. Depends on where you are. For example, this is not true of McDonalds. > [@](#): > > I’ve done this a million times with my kids. Suck my babies’ ass germs, bitches. So, you are admitting that having a baby sit on the table results in germs? > [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > I don’t believe the OP has seen a multitude of babies sitting on restaurant tables in nothing but diapers. I’ve never seen that ever, and I spent ten years _working_ in restaurants. It is common in the summer, particularly in areas where “summer” = “hot”. I see later on that you live in the frozen north - try casting your all-knowing eye in Southern California. > [@Peanut\_Gallery](#): > > The OP situation, while gross to me, isn’t “wrong”. The restaurant can’t control what customers do, only how they clean up between them. If they seated somebody else at that table without sanitizing it, then I’m on board. Otherwise it’s just more icky (but private) parenting. 😕 It isn’t private, the parents are doing it in a public place. And the restaurant _can_ control it, _if_ they see it. I don’t think I’ve known a restaurant that actually **sanitizes** their tables routinely. So if the restaurant doesn’t see the baby sitting on the table, or God forbid, having it’s diaper changed on the table, they may not actually be able to clean off all of the e coli that might be sitting there. Where my silverware will go… ---
**Author:** ![Lunchy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Lunchy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lunchy)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/127 "2010-05-24T02:49:21Z")
> [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](#): > > no, I’m not. Perhaps you didn’t understand my post. I don’t believe the op meant that the diapers were literally soiled. > > Yes, diapers should be changed when they are soiled. They should not be changed on the table. You asked if females sitting on tables was an epidemic too? My response was, basically, the average teenage female isn’t notorious for shitin’ themselves @ random. If they were, it would be just as nasty \* as a child with a diaper on a restaurant table. \*Is my opinion, just covering my ass incase someone wants to be a dick. ---
**Author:** ![NinetyWt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/cc9497/32.png) [@NinetyWt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinetyWt)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/128 "2010-05-24T02:51:09Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > I don’t think there’s a high probability of shit being smeared on a table by a diaper-wearing baby. You, sir, have obviously never seen a baby artfully fill a diaper to overflowing. ---
**Author:** ![Rand\_Rover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/db5fbb/32.png) [@Rand\_Rover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rand_Rover)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/129 "2010-05-24T02:58:30Z")
> [@bobkitty](#): > > Never mind girl babies who wear cute little dresses in the summertime- it’s not like you’re going to put pantyhose or leggings on them, so it’s cute-little-dress-and-diaper. I’ve been out numerous times over the years with my stepdaughter and her kids (one boy, two girls) where you couldn’t miss the fact that the girls were wearing dresses and diapers only. Of course, it’s been known to get up over 100 degrees in the summer down here, unlike Minnesota. One word: bloomers. “Dress and diaper” is a bad look (my wife and I wouldn’t be caught dead doing that to our 18-month-old daughter). ---
**Author:** ![Rand\_Rover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/db5fbb/32.png) [@Rand\_Rover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rand_Rover)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/130 "2010-05-24T03:02:40Z")
> [@pabstist](#): > > So yeah, I don’t want a babies ass on the table before I eat, dirty diaper or not, pants or not, etc. It’s just gross. You are a crazy person. > [@](#): > > I shall never eat away from home again! What’s wrong with people?! You sure you really need to leave the house for any reason at all? Lots of bad things out there, ya know. ---
**Author:** ![curlcoat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea5d25/32.png) [@curlcoat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/curlcoat)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/131 "2010-05-24T03:06:01Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > But sitting a clothed diapered small child on a table? Oh, yeah, I’ve done that plenty of times. Brings them to eye level for a disciplinary moment, distracts them from flinging sugar packets and just generally makes them easier to manage for short periods of time. Isn’t that what y’all want? A well-mannered baby who’s not screaming her head off in public? Snort. So to get your “well mannered baby” to not scream her head off, you feel justified in sitting her ass on a public table? Do you also do it at home? If not, why? > [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](#): > > I also got the sense that the open did not mean soiled, but rather had a hyper dainty impression of any children wearing diapers. Hyper dainty? Diaper on means that wearer will mess at any time. Any diaper clad child sitting on a table has the potential to leak at any minute. > [@](#): > > What about teenage girls sitting on tables? I’ve seen that way more often. Is that an epidemic too? I don’t know if it’s an epidemic, but I don’t want to eat at a table that they have been sitting on either. > [@MTCicero](#): > > And, for god’s sake, _take his warning seriously_! If you don’t, he may pound your head into the table! (This applies, of course, to the mentally challenged only.) Do you follow him around to all threads to repeat your stupidity? > [@bengangmo](#): > > As to the OP, get over yourself, its not the end of the world and if you want a sterile environment when you go out wear a bubble. There is a big difference between wanting a sterile bubble, and being expected to eat at a place where a diapered individual has been sitting on the table. > [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > I don’t think there’s a high probability of shit being smeared on a table by a diaper-wearing baby. _Any_ possibility is too many. Not all diapers are well fitting. Not all parents bother to change a child soon after the diaper is dirtied. You know - some parents think it’s ok for their kid to pee in a bag in the middle of a grocery store… ---
**Author:** ![tnetennba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@tnetennba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tnetennba)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/132 "2010-05-24T03:13:08Z")
> [@bengangmo](#): > > Really? So by that reasoning the US is perfectly happy to be nuking China, Japan, Germany and England? Infact they want to commit genocide and kill all those pesky palestinians and for good measure kill all Jews as well? I mean, after all, it must be true because the US has dem Nu Clear weapons which can be foreseeably and even predictably used for all of the above right? :rolleyes::rolleyes: Well, there it is folks. I don’t think people should smear shit on restaurant tables, so I’m un-american. And it only took a half-dozen posts to get there. I’d find a saner discussion on a board of Scientologist Glenn Beck fans. ---
**Author:** ![Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hentor_the_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/133 "2010-05-24T03:13:46Z")
Look, this is the bottom line: if you really think that a clean baby, wearing clean clothes over a clean diaper is at risk to suddenly explode and leak waste of any kind on any thing, then you are a complete tard and should be staying home to spare everyone else from your hyper-dainty obsessive compulsive tardness. ---
**Author:** ![tnetennba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@tnetennba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tnetennba)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/134 "2010-05-24T03:17:22Z")
> [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](#): > > Look, this is the bottom line So to speak > [@](#): > > if you really think that a clean baby, wearing clean clothes over a clean diaper is at risk to suddenly explode and leak waste of any kind on any thing, then you are a complete tard and should be staying home to spare everyone else from your hyper-dainty obsessive compulsive tardness. I don’t care about clean babies. I saw people defending changing diapers on tables on this discussion. That’s what I was reacting to. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/135 "2010-05-24T03:19:08Z")
> [@curlcoat](#): > > _Any_ possibility is too many. Not all diapers are well fitting. Not all parents bother to change a child soon after the diaper is dirtied. You know - some parents think it’s ok for their kid to pee in a bag in the middle of a grocery store… I always wondered why some people treated the “paper or plastic” question so seriously. Now I know. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/136 "2010-05-24T03:21:02Z")
> [@cricetus](#): > > I never expected to see somebody ardently defend the right to smear shit on restaurant tables. Name one person who has defended it. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/137 "2010-05-24T03:22:22Z")
> [@cricetus](#): > > I don’t think there’s a moral distinction between A and B if A has a high probability of leading to B, and that B is easily foreseen from A. There is not a high probability of A leading to B, as you will find out soon enough. ---
**Author:** ![bengangmo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/50afbb/32.png) [@bengangmo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bengangmo)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/138 "2010-05-24T03:26:18Z")
> [@curlcoat](#): > > Snort. So to get your “well mannered baby” to not scream her head off, you feel justified in sitting her ass on a public table? Do you also do it at home? If not, why? Actually I would have sat my kid on the table at home if the need arose. The only thing that would stop me would be if I weren’t there to stop her from falling. I have sat on the table at home (also stood on it when the need arose). When I was young, it wasn’t uncommon to bathe a baby in the kitchen sink. Nobody I know has died from this yet. ---
**Author:** ![tnetennba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@tnetennba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tnetennba)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/139 "2010-05-24T03:26:25Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Name one person who has defended it. You came off as defending it because somebody described it and you said “so what,” followed by a bunch on blathering about how public health departments don’t care that much. I actually mistook this thread to be about it, because about 9/10 of the post are about it. You would have done a lot of good to the thread by not derailing it with faux expertise about what public health agencies do, even with your extensive work in a completely different industry. I don’t really care about babies in clean diapers sitting on tables. Actually teenagers would bother me more. They’re old enough to know how to use furniture. And babies are less likely to have crabs. Also, how are flip flops any more sanitary than bare feet? ---
**Author:** ![tnetennba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@tnetennba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tnetennba)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/140 "2010-05-24T03:28:35Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > There is not a high probability of A leading to B, as you will find out soon enough. A = changing a diaper. Since we’re having a boy, you can bet that if B is broadened a bit, there would be some on the table. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435.md?page=8)