# Get your baby's dirty ass off the restaurant table! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 23, 2010, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435 "2010-05-23T03:58:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 9
**Author:** ![kidchameleon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/898d66/32.png) [@kidchameleon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kidchameleon)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/161 "2010-05-24T04:15:00Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > The fast food chains all have the same mandated procedures. Including ones for sexual harassment, working off the clock and stealing from the company. Are you going to say that every procedure that every fast food chain is followed at every location? ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/162 "2010-05-24T04:24:24Z")
> [@curlcoat](#): > > There is no potential (or at least, so little as to approach none) of feces (or urine, remember that stuff?) coming out of a hat, gloves or coat. Nor is there any but the most miniscule potential for it happening with a clothed, diapered baby. > [@](#): > > Or, have you never cared for children of diapered age? Is this all because you have no real idea of what they do in diapers and what happens afterwards? :dubious: I have three kids, dude. One of them is still in diapers. I am extremely experienced with what babies do. You appear not to be if you think shit and piss routinely explode out of their pants. > [@](#): > > Actually, you are since I didn’t say anything about _all_ parents - “tend to be” does not in any way mean “all”. You don’t have the slightest ability to support that contention either. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/163 "2010-05-24T04:26:53Z")
> [@kidchameleon](#): > > Including ones for sexual harassment, working off the clock and stealing from the company. Are you going to say that every procedure that every fast food chain is followed at every location? If they’re not following procedure, then your beef is with the management of the store, not with parents parenting their children. ---
**Author:** ![Lunchy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Lunchy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lunchy)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/164 "2010-05-24T05:36:37Z")
Bleach water, ohh ohh. That’s why 90% of all places i’ve went to, ‘they’ never wore gloves!!! I remember bleach diluted with water burned my hands after a minute or two. I guess ‘everyone’ who cleans of tables has hands of steal. Well, my roomy works at Applebees, lets ask. Looks like the tables get the bleach treatment after the restaurant’s closed! ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 5:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/165 "2010-05-24T05:41:36Z")
Bleach water burns your hands? Seriously. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 5:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/166 "2010-05-24T05:48:56Z")
Once again the crew that thinks it’s their god-given right to never be exposed to anything that might have something to do with kids shows up. It’s not like every baby is some sort of ticking time bomb that will spew feces all over everything at any given second. Parents generally have some idea of their children’s’ cycles and when they are likely to be pooping. Furthermore, diapers are generally pretty good at catching and containing feces and urine- otherwise we’d be constantly bleaching everything the baby comes near and we’d need to do full clothes changes every time we change a diaper. A cleanly diapered and clothed baby on a table poses next to no risk. You probably get far more germs from your average doorknob. If it still freaks you out- use a plate. Don’t eat off the table- use a plate! ---
**Author:** ![curlcoat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea5d25/32.png) [@curlcoat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/curlcoat)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 6:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/167 "2010-05-24T06:37:35Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Nor is there any but the most miniscule potential for it happening with a clothed, diapered baby. Even miniscule is too much when you are talking a surface that others will be eating on _and_ there is zero reason why anyone should be sitting on a table, much less one that could drop e coli on it. > [@](#): > > I have three kids, dude. One of them is still in diapers. I am extremely experienced with what babies do. You appear not to be if you think shit and piss routinely explode out of their pants. 1. Not a dude 2. Never said that I think shit and piss routinely explode out of diapers 3. Hi Opal You need to quit exaggerating, it isn’t helping your cause. The issue with people plopping diapered kids on tables is that it is quite possible for a diaper to leak, and it is also quite possible for that leakage to have some pretty serious germs in it. And the big one - there is no reason and really no excuse for having a baby sit on a restaurant table. It’s just another example of how parents these days think they are entitled to do anything they want, because raising children is so haaard. I don’t care what the odds are that a diaper might leak - there simply is no reason to take that chance except that you think you have the right to do whatever you want just because you figured out how to reproduce. (On preview, this goes to you too **even sven**. Your baby’s ass is no more entitled to sit on a table than any other’s. The fact you seem to think it has to do with “god-given right to never be exposed to anything that might have something to do with kids” shows how entitled you are. Oh, and BTW - the silverware that I will be using to eat with? Touches the table.) In all the years I cared for my brothers I never sat their diapered asses on anything someone else might touch, much less eat off of. Since I was all of 12 when I became responsible for them, I’m thinking that you as (I assume) an adult would be able to do the same. If you wanted to. And still no proof for all of the “facts” you had about how restaurant tables are cleaned… > [@](#): > > You don’t have the slightest ability to support that contention either. Sure I do - I can relate stories of the examples I’ve seen. I shouldn’t have to unless you labor under the delusion that all parents that sit their kids on restaurant tables are wunderkind? ---
**Author:** ![Idle\_Thoughts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/838e76/32.png) [@Idle\_Thoughts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idle_Thoughts)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 7:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/168 "2010-05-24T07:00:22Z")
> [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](#): > > Where do you all live that you are seeing all these diaper-only clad children sitting on tables? I can’t recall ever seeing that in a public eatery. Is it a southern thing? > > I also got the sense that the open did not mean soiled, but rather had a hyper dainty impression of any children wearing diapers. > > What about teenage girls sitting on tables? I’ve seen that way more often. Is that an epidemic too? Do you have any proof that the girl sitting on the table is teenage? :dubious: Remember, identification doesn’t work, you have to know! ---
**Author:** ![Ostrya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/35a633/32.png) [@Ostrya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ostrya)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 7:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/169 "2010-05-24T07:07:24Z")
**AClockworkMelon** > [@](#): > > I don’t think there’s a high probability of shit being smeared on a table by a diaper-wearing baby. **NinetyWt** response: > [@](#): > > You, sir, have obviously never seen a baby artfully fill a diaper to overflowing. **AClockWorkMelon** , then let the baby sit on your table. The “probability” would be even less likely if the kid kept his ass off the table. **Ibanez** wrote: > [@](#): > > Its simple no matter how cute you think your kid is sitting in a bag of shit on a table, I dont want your kid sitting on the table I’m about to eat off of in a bag of shit strapped around his/her waist. Best quote in the thread, right here. ---
**Author:** ![Cyberhwk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7993a0/32.png) [@Cyberhwk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cyberhwk)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 8:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/170 "2010-05-24T08:02:46Z")
> [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](#): > > Look, this is the bottom line: if you really think that a clean baby, wearing clean clothes over a clean diaper is at risk to suddenly explode and leak waste of any kind on any thing, then you are a complete tard and should be staying home to spare everyone else from your hyper-dainty obsessive compulsive tardness. [ORLY?](http://shitmykidsruined.tumblr.com/post/592426902) :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 8:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/171 "2010-05-24T08:49:31Z")
> [@the lone cashew](#): > > **AClockworkMelon** > > **NinetyWt** response: > > **AClockWorkMelon** , then let the baby sit on your table. The “probability” would be even less likely if the kid kept his ass off the table. I guess you completely missed the part where I’m one of the people in the thread who thinks that these little shits shouldn’t be on the tables. ---
**Author:** ![MTCicero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a4c791/32.png) [@MTCicero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MTCicero)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 11:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/172 "2010-05-24T11:38:08Z")
> [@curlcoat](#): > > \ > > Do you follow him around to all threads to repeat your stupidity? I’m sorry, I wasn’t aware that you were **Ibanez** ’s PR flack 'round these parts. Next time I care to sling a barb in his direction (and there _will_ be a next time), I’ll run it by you first. 'Kay? ---
**Author:** ![Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hentor_the_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 11:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/173 "2010-05-24T11:38:20Z")
> [@Cyberhwk](#): > > [ORLY?](http://shitmykidsruined.tumblr.com/post/592426902) :dubious: Yes, really. I take it you have no experience with children. ---
**Author:** ![Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hentor_the_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 11:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/174 "2010-05-24T11:42:38Z")
> [@cricetus](#): > > You came off as defending it because somebody described it and you said “so what,” followed by a bunch on blathering about how public health departments don’t care that much. I actually mistook this thread to be about it, because about 9/10 of the post are about it. I love that you’re blaming **Dio** for the fact that you couldn’t comprehend the thread. In fact, he’s one of the few people that actually understood what the OP was really complaining about, and one of the few people who really seems to get that nobody is defending the suggestion that you should change a diaper on a table. These instructions should be on the side of the bottle that the SDMB comes in: “Read, comprehend, post. Repeat.” ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 12:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/175 "2010-05-24T12:18:39Z")
> [@pabstist](#): > > What the fuck? What rational human being would let their kid in a dirty diaper sit on the middle of a restaurant table? I witnessed this today, and a number of times in the memorable past. Take it a step farther back than that. What the hell is the parent doing with a kid that young in a restaurant in the first place? ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 12:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/176 "2010-05-24T12:22:31Z")
> [@Clothahump](#): > > Take it a step farther back than that. What the hell is the parent doing with a kid that young in a restaurant in the first place? Eating a meal? ---
**Author:** ![Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hentor_the_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 12:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/177 "2010-05-24T12:27:29Z")
> [@Clothahump](#): > > Take it a step farther back than that. What the hell is the parent doing with a kid that young in a restaurant in the first place? Yeah! What the fuck are they even doing out in public? And who do they think a happy meal is for? Protect me! It’s a jungle out there. Diapers and confusion everywhere. Do you know what’s on the tables where you eat? Well I do and it’s amazing. People say I’m crazy cause I worry all the time. If you paid attention you’d be worried too. ---
**Author:** ![Maeglin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Maeglin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maeglin)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 12:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/178 "2010-05-24T12:35:49Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > Eating a meal? Looking for a diaper changing table. Duh. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 12:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/179 "2010-05-24T12:36:02Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Bleach water burns your hands? Seriously. Jesus Christ. Is there anything you’ll believe that you havent personally experienced? Yes, some peoples skin doesnt react well at all to harsh chemicals. Amazing I know, but there you go. ---
**Author:** ![tnetennba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@tnetennba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tnetennba)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 12:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435/180 "2010-05-24T12:45:18Z")
> [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](#): > > I love that you’re blaming **Dio** for the fact that you couldn’t comprehend the thread. I don’t know where this “blaming” comes in. In fact, I take full responsibility for not fully reading this masterful dialog on diapered babies on restaurant tables before I responded. If that’s the worse thing I do this week, I guess I can live with myself. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435.md?page=8) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-babys-dirty-ass-off-the-restaurant-table/540435.md?page=10)