# Get your Humongous Breasts (rant) here! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 21, 2004, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-humongous-breasts-rant-here/281029 "2004-12-21T19:57:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2004, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-humongous-breasts-rant-here/281029/1 "2004-12-21T19:57:09Z")
Arghhhh! There’s just no escaping it! What’s this fascination that everyone seems to have with titan titties? The desire of every woman to have humongous hooters? The desire of every man to date a woman with mountainous melons? Would you be able to explain to an alien race that some of us humans are willing to undergo dangerous mutilation just to have enlarged milk sacs? By dangerous mutilation, of course, I mean enhancement surgery. A couple of years ago I saw an episode of Rikki Lake (admitedly a show where the combined IQ of the participants barely exceeds that of Winter temperatures in Lapland) where some perfectly lovely girls with tasty and delectable pencil erasers wanted desperately to get surgery so that they could look like bug-eyed tropical fish. It pissed me the hell off. OK, I realize that a) All breasts are good breasts, and b) Most people prefer big breasts, and it’s all good, but sheesh! Must I be the sole voice in the wilderness to attest to the absolute yumminess of the speed bump? Must I be the only one in the world to say that the quality of a woman is not directly proportional to her bra size? Must I point out that of all the weird fetish porn sites out there, there are maybe only four that are devoted to itty bitty titties? And all four of them suck scissors? Must I point out that I know this because, er, uh, a friend told me, yeah, that’s it? _cue inspirational music_ No more, I say! IBT women of the world, unite! Stand and be counted! Go bra-less in a white T-shirt! Proudly yell “I’m a flatty, and I’m damn sexy because of it!” Fail that pencil test with pride! _inspirational music reaches climax_ _sniff_ Dammit, IBT women, be proud of who you are! Revel in your gravity-defying hooterosity! SHOW US YOUR TITS! IBT women of the world, I salute you! And not just with my hands! This rant was inspired by that ridiculous goatee thread. ---
**Author:** ![andros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e480ec/32.png) [@andros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andros)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2004, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-humongous-breasts-rant-here/281029/2 "2004-12-21T20:08:59Z")
I likes me the boobies. Pretty much in general. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2004, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-humongous-breasts-rant-here/281029/3 "2004-12-21T20:09:37Z")
Hat freak show boobs. More than a mouthful is wasteful. Bring on the “a” ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2004, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-humongous-breasts-rant-here/281029/4 "2004-12-21T20:15:04Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > IBT women of the world, I salute you! And not just with my hands! Thanks, **tdn**. I’ll just consider this thread my Christmas present. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![booka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e0b2c6/32.png) [@booka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/booka)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2004, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-humongous-breasts-rant-here/281029/5 "2004-12-21T20:15:06Z")
Boobies in the largish-C to smallish-D size range. Fer chrissakes, that’s \*\*all \*\* I ask. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2004, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-humongous-breasts-rant-here/281029/6 "2004-12-21T20:16:53Z")
I forgot to mention this: When I’ve told flat-chested women that I like flat-chested women, they’ve gotten downright pissed off at me. What’s up with that? Unless, of course, it’s like a woman telling a man “Wow, you’ve got one sexy penis – I LOVE when they’re tiny like that!” ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2004, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-humongous-breasts-rant-here/281029/7 "2004-12-21T20:18:14Z")
> [@Dung Beetle](#): > > Thanks, **tdn**. I’ll just consider this thread my Christmas present. 🙂 Cool. 🆒 Got anything for me? ---
**Author:** ![malkavia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malkavia/32/5621_2.png) [@malkavia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/malkavia)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2004, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-humongous-breasts-rant-here/281029/8 "2004-12-21T20:21:43Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > I forgot to mention this: > > When I’ve told flat-chested women that I like flat-chested women, they’ve gotten downright pissed off at me. What’s up with that? > > Unless, of course, it’s like a woman telling a man “Wow, you’ve got one sexy penis – I LOVE when they’re tiny like that!” That is precisely what it’s like. All we want to hear is, “Yours are perfect.” ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2004, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-humongous-breasts-rant-here/281029/9 "2004-12-21T20:23:33Z")
For tdn, Season’s Greetings (o)(o) ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2004, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-humongous-breasts-rant-here/281029/10 "2004-12-21T20:27:53Z")
> [@Dung Beetle](#): > > For tdn, Season’s Greetings > > (o)(o) _swoon_ ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2004, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-humongous-breasts-rant-here/281029/11 "2004-12-21T20:29:31Z")
> [@malkavia](#): > > That is precisely what it’s like. > > All we want to hear is, “Yours are perfect.” Not without a cite. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Stillsmiling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Stillsmiling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stillsmiling)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2004, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-humongous-breasts-rant-here/281029/12 "2004-12-21T20:35:17Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > I forgot to mention this: > > When I’ve told flat-chested women that I like flat-chested women, they’ve gotten downright pissed off at me. What’s up with that? > > Unless, of course, it’s like a woman telling a man “Wow, you’ve got one sexy penis – I LOVE when they’re tiny like that!” I’m going to have to agree with **malkavia** on that. It’s not the sentiment that’s getting you in trouble, it’s the phrasing. But, I do appreciate the sentiment from the bottom of my…er…heart. **Dung Beetle** will you share your Christmas present with me? In the spirit of giving **tdn** Boobie Flash **(_)(_)/** ---
**Author:** ![D\_Odds](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/d_odds/32/2882_2.png) [@D\_Odds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D_Odds)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2004, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-humongous-breasts-rant-here/281029/13 "2004-12-21T20:37:10Z")
Natural \> Artificial Big \> Small Natural Small \> Big Artificial All else being equal. ---
**Author:** ![irishgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8edcca/32.png) [@irishgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/irishgirl)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2004, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-humongous-breasts-rant-here/281029/14 "2004-12-21T20:41:17Z")
Look, what would be the healthiest thing for everyone concerned would be to say “whatever size your breasts are (unless they’re causing you physical pain or disfigurement) they’re perfect.” None of this “I only like C cups” or “anything smaller than a B/ bigger than a D is just ugly”. Breasts vary enormously in size. There is no “ideal”. Get over it. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2004, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-humongous-breasts-rant-here/281029/15 "2004-12-21T20:43:18Z")
> [@Stillsmiling](#): > > In the spirit of giving **tdn** > > Boobie Flash > > **(_)(_)/** I feel honor-bound (not to mention sexually stimulated) to inform you both that yes, in fact, I _will_ be in Florida next week. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2004, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-humongous-breasts-rant-here/281029/16 "2004-12-21T20:44:19Z")
I tend to prefer natural breasts, but I have seen a few girls who get implants but don’t go overboard with it, they go from a B to a C for example. So long as it works with your frame, it’s great. But if you try to get as top heavy as possible, don’t expect me to play with them. Okay, that last line is a lie. I love boobies and will play with any I can get my hands on. But I still prefer natural. ---
**Author:** ![Jayn\_Newell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Jayn\_Newell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jayn_Newell)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2004, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-humongous-breasts-rant-here/281029/17 "2004-12-21T20:51:50Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > I forgot to mention this: > > When I’ve told flat-chested women that I like flat-chested women, they’ve gotten downright pissed off at me. What’s up with that? > > Unless, of course, it’s like a woman telling a man “Wow, you’ve got one sexy penis – I LOVE when they’re tiny like that!” Pretty much. A friend mentioned the other day that I’m not exactly ‘big’, and I got miffed at her. I know I’m flat-chested, and I really hate people pointing it out. Now, to be fair to my friend, I pointed it out first, but it’s different when someone else says it. I’m insecure about my body, and saying that you like flat-chested women would just be playing into that insecurity. ---
**Author:** ![Padeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@Padeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Padeye)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2004, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-humongous-breasts-rant-here/281029/18 "2004-12-21T20:52:54Z")
> [@Inigo Montoya](#): > > Hat freak show boobs. \ Seems like a good size to me. > [@](#): > > More than a mouthful is wasteful. Bring on the “a” My own experiments have consistently proven this statement to be be false. ---
**Author:** ![Loopydude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e56c9b/32.png) [@Loopydude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loopydude)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2004, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-humongous-breasts-rant-here/281029/19 "2004-12-21T20:53:39Z")
Ain’t nothing wrong with some big ole natural titties. But I like ‘em in all sizes, so long as they’re purty, and most of the fellers I know feel the same way; so I don’t rightly understand what the OPs makin’ such a fuss about. ---
**Author:** ![DanBlather](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f4b2a3/32.png) [@DanBlather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DanBlather)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2004, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-humongous-breasts-rant-here/281029/20 "2004-12-21T20:54:32Z")
I’ll take small over pedulous any day. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-humongous-breasts-rant-here/281029.md?page=2)