# Get your Humongous Dicks (rant) here!
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-humongous-dicks-rant-here/281507
**Category:** The BBQ Pit
**Created:** [December 24, 2004, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-humongous-dicks-rant-here/281507 "2004-12-24T18:32:05Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)
#### Post date: [December 24, 2004, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-humongous-dicks-rant-here/281507/1 "2004-12-24T18:32:05Z")
Arghhhh! There’s just no escaping it!
What’s this fascination that everyone seems to have with prodigious penises? The desire of every man to have a colossal cock? The desire of every woman to date a man with a monumental member?
OK, I realize that a) All penises are good penises, and b) Most people prefer big penises, and it’s all good, but sheesh! Must I be the sole voice in the wilderness to attest to the absolute yumminess of the mushroom cap? Must I be the only one in the world to say that the quality of a man is not directly proportional to his athletic supporter size? Must I point out that of all the weird fetish porn sites out there, there are maybe only four that are devoted to itty bitty dickies? And all four of them suck scissors? Must I point out that I know this because, er, uh, a friend told me, yeah, that’s it?
_cue inspirational music_
No more, I say! IBD men of the world, unite! Stand and be counted! Go cup-less when playing touch football! Proudly yell “I’m tiny, and I’m damn sexy because of it!” Fail that pencil test with pride!
_inspirational music reaches climax_
_sniff_ Dammit, IBD men, be proud of who you are! Revel in your gravity-defying memberosity! SHOW US YOUR DICKS!
IBD men of the world, I salute you! And I know you’d return the favor if you could!
This parody was inspired by [that ridiculous breasts thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=293051).
---
### Author:  [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)
#### Post date: [December 24, 2004, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-humongous-dicks-rant-here/281507/2 "2004-12-24T18:54:49Z")
> [@Misnomer](#):
>
> _cue inspirational music_
>
> No more, I say! IBD men of the world, unite! Stand and be counted! Go cup-less when playing touch football! Proudly yell “I’m tiny, and I’m damn sexy because of it!” Fail that pencil test with pride!
>
> _inspirational music reaches climax_
>
> _sniff_ Dammit, IBD men, be proud of who you are! Revel in your gravity-defying memberosity! SHOW US YOUR DICKS!
>
> IBD men of the world, I salute you! And I know you’d return the favor if you could!
>
> This parody was inspired by [that ridiculous breasts thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=293051).
Are you looking to see who measures down to your standards? 😉
---
### Author:  [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)
#### Post date: [December 24, 2004, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-humongous-dicks-rant-here/281507/3 "2004-12-24T19:26:30Z")
> [@Misnomer](#):
>
> _cue inspirational music_
>
> No more, I say! IBD men of the world, unite! Stand and be counted! Go cup-less when playing touch football! Proudly yell “I’m tiny, and I’m damn sexy because of it!” Fail that pencil test with pride!
>
> _inspirational music reaches climax_
Well, that didn’t take long…
---
### Author:  [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)
#### Post date: [December 24, 2004, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-humongous-dicks-rant-here/281507/4 "2004-12-24T19:43:04Z")
> [@](#):
>
> Well, that didn’t take long…
Must you use that word? Didn’t you even _read_ the OP?
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### Author:  [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)
#### Post date: [December 24, 2004, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-humongous-dicks-rant-here/281507/5 "2004-12-24T20:02:36Z")
> [@Misnomer](#):
>
> b) Most people prefer big penises
That pretty much says it all. Guys want to get laid as often as possible, with as many women as possible, so you have to play the percentages and give them what they want. If guys with bigger cocks get laid more, it’s no mystery why more guys long for an enormous schwanzstucker.
---
### Author:  [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)
#### Post date: [December 24, 2004, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-humongous-dicks-rant-here/281507/6 "2004-12-24T20:07:15Z")
> [@Misnomer](#):
>
> _cue inspirational music_
>
> No more, I say! IBD men of the world, unite! Stand and be counted! Go cup-less when playing touch football! Proudly yell “I’m tiny, and I’m damn sexy because of it!” Fail that pencil test with pride!
>
> _inspirational music reaches climax_
Not bad, but you might have considered replacing “pencil test” with “multiple donuts and two cups of coffee test”.
- Shibb, who wonders if that [SIZE] thing works in this situation. Lessee, Penis. Yup, that’s one huge penis.
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### Author:  [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)
#### Post date: [December 24, 2004, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-humongous-dicks-rant-here/281507/7 "2004-12-24T20:13:30Z")
> [@Fear Itself](#):
>
> If guys with bigger cocks get laid more, it’s no mystery why more guys long for an enormous schwanzstucker.
That’s a mighty big “if,” right there.
(And, if my sources are correct, only around 10% of guys long for an enormous schwanzstucker. Wait a minute-- even less. Are there reliable measurements of the “size queen” demographic?)
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### Author:  [@Max\_Carnage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Carnage)
#### Post date: [December 24, 2004, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-humongous-dicks-rant-here/281507/8 "2004-12-24T21:48:10Z")
> [@Larry Mudd](#):
>
> (And, if my sources are correct, only around 10% of guys long for an enormous schwanzstucker.
Yeah, but it’s the _women_ that I’m concerned with.
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### Author:  [@AuntiePam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AuntiePam)
#### Post date: [December 24, 2004, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-humongous-dicks-rant-here/281507/9 "2004-12-24T21:49:59Z")
Mushroom cap. Giggle. (Sorry.)
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### Author:  [@An\_Arky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/An_Arky)
#### Post date: [December 24, 2004, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-humongous-dicks-rant-here/281507/10 "2004-12-24T23:57:31Z")
Yeah, well all you IBD guys think it’s all bread and roses for us fantastically hung fellows, but let me tell you, it’s no garden party. I have back problems from all the excess weight of my frighteningly enormous penis. I can’t wear all those cute little bikini briefs and Speedos like all you little guys do. So I’m thinking about getting Penis Reduction Surgery so I can have my life back.
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### Author:  [@Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biffy_the_Elephant_Shrew)
#### Post date: [December 25, 2004, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-humongous-dicks-rant-here/281507/11 "2004-12-25T01:29:48Z")
> [@An Arky](#):
>
> Penis Reduction Surgery
Now there are three words that have never been put together before.
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### Author:  [@legion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/legion)
#### Post date: [December 25, 2004, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-humongous-dicks-rant-here/281507/12 "2004-12-25T02:24:04Z")
Penis size, like most things, are relative.
If you’re banging a relative penis size is the last thing you should be worried about.
Having said that, I have found that there are one or two sexual position that my wife and I have found less than fullfilling due to lack of length. An extra inch or two would help at times but it is no “deal breaker”. 🙂
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### Author:  [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)
#### Post date: [December 25, 2004, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-humongous-dicks-rant-here/281507/13 "2004-12-25T03:04:22Z")
And I’m here to tell ya, you CAN have too much of a good thing.
There was this guy, had what would best be described as a flashlight-size member. There were times when DAMN but it hurt. And oral sex? Pu-leeeeeze! Even Deep Throat would have gagged.
While it’s true that being fulfilled is more likely when one is filled, technique is WAY more important than size.
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### Author:  [@Nawth\_Chucka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nawth_Chucka)
#### Post date: [December 25, 2004, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-humongous-dicks-rant-here/281507/14 "2004-12-25T03:08:20Z")
> [@EddyTeddyFreddy](#):
>
> And I’m here to tell ya, you CAN have too much of a good thing.
>
> There was this guy, had what would best be described as a flashlight-size member. There were times when DAMN but it hurt. And oral sex? Pu-leeeeeze! Even Deep Throat would have gagged.
>
> While it’s true that being fulfilled is more likely when one is filled, technique is WAY more important than size.
I second that emotion. And don’t forget how condoms are more likely to break when stretched tighter. Bad thing right there.
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### Author:  [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)
#### Post date: [December 25, 2004, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-humongous-dicks-rant-here/281507/15 "2004-12-25T04:34:21Z")
An acquaintance of mine is constantly bewailing how difficult it is to get condoms that fit him properly (I’ve had the opportunity to verify this at close range). So yes, it’s not a walk in the park.
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### Author:  [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)
#### Post date: [December 25, 2004, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-humongous-dicks-rant-here/281507/16 "2004-12-25T04:57:22Z")
Anyone have a link to that poor guy in Africa? The one with the penis practically down to his knees? (Unless of course it’s doctored. But I saw it a long time ago, soo… don’t know but that it couldn’t be true.
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### Author:  [@Ayesha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ayesha)
#### Post date: [December 25, 2004, 5:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-humongous-dicks-rant-here/281507/17 "2004-12-25T05:30:58Z")
Life is not alway a bed of roses for men with huge penies as noted here.
[http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=24854&highlight=Gentlemen](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=24854&highlight=Gentlemen)
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### Author:  [@Chotii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chotii)
#### Post date: [December 25, 2004, 5:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-humongous-dicks-rant-here/281507/18 "2004-12-25T05:38:29Z")
> [@CanvasShoes](#):
>
> Anyone have a link to that poor guy in Africa? The one with the penis practically down to his knees? (Unless of course it’s doctored. But I saw it a long time ago, soo… don’t know but that it couldn’t be true.
It’s possible he had been _jelqing_, a stretching technique that lengthens the flaccid penis, but damages its internal structures so badly that eventually, it doesn’t work anymore.
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### Author:  [@Nawth\_Chucka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nawth_Chucka)
#### Post date: [December 25, 2004, 5:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-humongous-dicks-rant-here/281507/19 "2004-12-25T05:56:55Z")
> [@Chotii](#):
>
> It’s possible he had been _jelqing_, a stretching technique that lengthens the flaccid penis, but damages its internal structures so badly that eventually, it doesn’t work anymore.
:eek: Alright, some men have too much time _on their hands…_
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### Author:  [@clayton\_e](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clayton_e)
#### Post date: [December 25, 2004, 6:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/get-your-humongous-dicks-rant-here/281507/20 "2004-12-25T06:37:53Z")
> [@Fear Itself](#):
>
> If guys with bigger cocks get laid more, it’s no mystery why more guys long for an enormous schwanzstucker.
But unless the guy whips it out how would she know he has a larger one? :dubious:
Got the issue of the thread down pat (yeah, pun intentional)… just gotta come off (ok… more puns) a bit smoother.
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