# Getting used to racial vilification **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 12, 2016, 4:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/getting-used-to-racial-vilification/751977 "2016-04-12T04:44:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2016, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/getting-used-to-racial-vilification/751977/41 "2016-04-13T21:21:05Z")
> [@T.M](#): > > The problem with taboo’s is that they create a mysticism that will suck some people in as with drugs and alcohol, people say that it is bad so I must try it. there is also the problem of not talking about taboo’s, paedophilia and incest exist because the victims feel guilty and that they are to blame. It is only by talking openly about taboo subjects that we can get the victims to come forward. Agreement. The extreme focus on “The N word” – so emphatic that we can’t even write the word down – calls attention to it, at exactly the time when we should be de-emphasizing racist behavior. It’s the only word that I’m actually afraid of. I have a paralyzing fear that the word will just pop out, accidentally. That makes me afraid of being around black co-workers, because I’m always under this Sword of Damocles. The huge emphasis on the word is counter-productive: it does actual harm to racial co-existence. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2016, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/getting-used-to-racial-vilification/751977/42 "2016-04-13T21:31:22Z")
> [@Trinopus](#): > > It’s the only word that I’m actually afraid of. I have a paralyzing fear that the word will just pop out, accidentally. That makes me afraid of being around black co-workers, because I’m always under this Sword of Damocles. Sorry, man, but that’s super weird. ---
**Author:** ![SpoilerVirgin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4491bb/32.png) [@SpoilerVirgin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SpoilerVirgin)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2016, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/getting-used-to-racial-vilification/751977/43 "2016-04-13T21:42:59Z")
The only way the word is accidentally going to “pop out” is if you regularly use it in conversation when you’re not around your black co-workers, and you have to police yourself when you are around them. Get in the habit of never using the word at all, and it won’t be a problem. If the first thing you think when you see a black co-worker is “Don’t say the n-word, don’t say the n-word,” then you have a problem you need to address. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2016, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/getting-used-to-racial-vilification/751977/44 "2016-04-13T23:45:56Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > Sorry, man, but that’s super weird. “Hey, Dave, how’d your son like the ballgame NIGGER . . . oops.” No, I can’t see it being a problem. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2016, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/getting-used-to-racial-vilification/751977/45 "2016-04-14T01:28:07Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > Sorry, man, but that’s super weird. > [@SpoilerVirgin](#): > > The only way the word is accidentally going to “pop out” is if you regularly use it in conversation when you’re not around your black co-workers, and you have to police yourself when you are around them. > > Get in the habit of never using the word at all, and it won’t be a problem. . . . I never, ever, EVER use the word intentionally! > [@kayaker](#): > > “Hey, Dave, how’d your son like the ballgame NIGGER . . . oops.” > > No, I can’t see it being a problem. :dubious: The word did slip out once – fortunately I was in the company of no one who would take it ill. I meant to say “trigger” and damned if my mouth didn’t say the other word. I was deeply ashamed and humiliated, and it has led to a long-term fear. > [@SpoilerVirgin](#): > > . . . If the first thing you think when you see a black co-worker is “Don’t say the n-word, don’t say the n-word,” then you have a problem you need to address. You’re very correct. That’s exactly the position I find myself in. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2016, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/getting-used-to-racial-vilification/751977/46 "2016-04-14T01:34:17Z")
Do you have Tourettes or something? ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2016, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/getting-used-to-racial-vilification/751977/47 "2016-04-14T02:27:34Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > Do you have Tourettes or something? No…but I do suffer from “Freudian Slips” more than is average. I have mild dysphasia, and the word that comes out isn’t always the word that I wanted. (In my family, we joke about this as the “fat blanket” effect. My sister wanted a quilt for her bed, but couldn’t think of the word “quilt,” and said “fat blanket” instead.) Lots of members of my family are “Mrs. Malaprop” or “Emily Vitella.” “What’s this about endangered feces?” My mouth simply cannot be trusted. ---
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2016, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/getting-used-to-racial-vilification/751977/48 "2016-04-14T03:11:40Z")
> [@Trinopus](#): > > No…but I do suffer from “Freudian Slips” more than is average. I have mild dysphasia, and the word that comes out isn’t always the word that I wanted. That must be a hassle and I sympathize, but I’m sure that the vast majority of people can tell the difference between racists saying the N-word to be racist and people with dysphasia saying it accidentally, especially when the person with dysphasia apologizes and explains. In any case, I don’t think it’s reasonable to wish that people in general would stop being seriously bothered by a drastically offensive and toxic racial slur just so that well-meaning people with speech problems won’t have to worry about saying it accidentally. Yeah, it would be nice if racists stopped using drastically offensive and toxic racial slurs, but until they do, we non-minority non-racists shouldn’t ask the targets of those slurs to “de-emphasize” such insults just so we’ll feel more comfortable. ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2016, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/getting-used-to-racial-vilification/751977/49 "2016-04-14T04:53:28Z")
> [@Kimstu](#): > > That must be a hassle and I sympathize, but I’m sure that the vast majority of people can tell the difference between racists saying the N-word to be racist and people with dysphasia saying it accidentally, especially when the person with dysphasia apologizes and explains. The problem is that the word is so toxic, it can’t be apologized for. In some workplaces, it’s an automatic firing offense. If I fart at your party, I can apologize, and it’ll be okay. If I drop a shit in the punch bowl, not so much. > [@](#): > > In any case, I don’t think it’s reasonable to wish that people in general would stop being seriously bothered by a drastically offensive and toxic racial slur just so that well-meaning people with speech problems won’t have to worry about saying it accidentally. > > Yeah, it would be nice if racists stopped using drastically offensive and toxic racial slurs, but until they do, we non-minority non-racists shouldn’t ask the targets of those slurs to “de-emphasize” such insults just so we’ll feel more comfortable. I want racial slurs to lose their power to hurt. I want racial speech to be as unimportant, at least, as nationalist speech today. If my surname was of French origin, and someone jokingly calls me a “Frenchie,” I’m not gonna get very angry, if at all. I’d like a world of diversity where racial origins are that mildly regarded (or moreso.) I want to de-fang such terms, so we’ll all be happier together. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2016, 11:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/getting-used-to-racial-vilification/751977/50 "2016-04-14T11:15:28Z")
You think ‘Frenchie’ is on par with the N word? (You cannot be serious!) And you want everyone to ‘get right’ with racial slurs so YOUR life is easier? (You’re joking, right? ) Tell us, exactly how often have you inadvertently blurted out the n word? One time? Ten times? How many times have you been fired for doing so? (Gee, maybe you SHOULD attempt to apologize or explain, instead of assuming it cannot possibly help!) ---
**Author:** ![WOOKINPANUB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wookinpanub/32/132_2.png) [@WOOKINPANUB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WOOKINPANUB)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2016, 11:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/getting-used-to-racial-vilification/751977/51 "2016-04-14T11:39:52Z")
> [@Trinopus](#): > > Agreement. The extreme focus on\*\* “The N word” – so emphatic that we can’t even write the word down\*\* – calls attention to it, at exactly the time when we should be de-emphasizing racist behavior. > > It’s the only word that I’m actually afraid of. I have a paralyzing fear that the word will just pop out, accidentally. That makes me afraid of being around black co-workers, because I’m always under this Sword of Damocles. The huge emphasis on the word is counter-productive: it does actual harm to racial co-existence. (bolding mind) Not sure what to say about the rest of this post, but must we all go around saying"the N word" like 5 year olds? Using the word when you’re discussing it isn’t the same as referring to a person that way. This is the kind of thing I was thinking about in another thread asking why some people hate political correctness. Nigger is not a word that has ever been a regular part of my vocabulary but that doesn’t mean I’m going to burst into flames upon hearing or reading it. ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2016, 12:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/getting-used-to-racial-vilification/751977/52 "2016-04-14T12:09:33Z")
> [@Medici](#): > > We seem able to contemplate the full range of seven deadly sins with hardly a murmur, but at the merest hint of racial vilification we teter on the brink of nervous breakdown. Really? Often the reaction is refusal to acknowledge its existence. I mean, white people these days cannot possibly be the subjects of racial vilification, can they? ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2016, 1:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/getting-used-to-racial-vilification/751977/53 "2016-04-14T13:05:20Z")
> [@Kimstu](#): > > That must be a hassle and I sympathize, but I’m sure that the vast majority of people can tell the difference between racists saying the N-word to be racist and people with dysphasia saying it accidentally, especially when the person with dysphasia apologizes and explains. ISTM that would be the case, most people when faced with a reasonable explanation can handle it. If the issue is with that there are third parties who will not let go even when those directly affected have acepted the apology, that’s another story altogether. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Ace](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/6bbea6/32.png) [@Johnny\_Ace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Ace)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2016, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/getting-used-to-racial-vilification/751977/54 "2016-04-14T13:18:56Z")
> [@Trinopus](#): > > (Societies never have taboos against things they don’t want to do. They have taboos against things they’re tempted to do.) Taboos also have practical reasons. The Jewish taboo against pork was originally a way of preventing pigborne disease. And that against cannibalism has a similar reasoning. Note, though, that some cultures use cannibalism as a way of honoring the dead, especially relatives. ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2016, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/getting-used-to-racial-vilification/751977/55 "2016-04-14T14:07:09Z")
> [@Johnny\_Ace](#): > > Taboos also have practical reasons. The Jewish taboo against pork was originally a way of preventing pigborne disease. There’s precisely zero evidence for this much-repeated belief. ---
**Author:** ![Barkis\_is\_Willin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a183cd/32.png) [@Barkis\_is\_Willin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barkis_is_Willin)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2016, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/getting-used-to-racial-vilification/751977/56 "2016-04-14T15:31:13Z")
> [@Quartz](#): > > Really? Often the reaction is refusal to acknowledge its existence. I mean, white people these days cannot possibly be the subjects of racial vilification, can they? Maybe like 30 years ago, but I think racism is plenty acknowledged these days. ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2016, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/getting-used-to-racial-vilification/751977/57 "2016-04-14T21:19:22Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > You think ‘Frenchie’ is on par with the N word? NO! Exactly the opposite! My point is that I’d like to live in a world where the two were about equally offensive. You’ve EXACTLY REVERSED what I’ve said! > [@](#): > > And you want everyone to ‘get right’ with racial slurs so YOUR life is easier? Yes…because it would make everyone’s life easier. No one would be hurt by words, if words had no power to hurt. We’d all be exposed to that much less anguish. > [@](#): > > Tell us, exactly how often have you inadvertently blurted out the n word? One time? Ten times? How many times have you been fired for doing so? (Gee, maybe you SHOULD attempt to apologize or explain, instead of assuming it cannot possibly help!) Once, in a situation where there were no consequences. Guy, please, re-read what I’ve written. You’ve got it all completely backwards, and it’s made you rude and offensive when there’s no purpose to it. You’ve absolutely mistaken everything I’ve said. ---
**Author:** ![Omega\_Glory](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/7c8e57/32.png) [@Omega\_Glory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omega_Glory)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2016, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/getting-used-to-racial-vilification/751977/58 "2016-04-14T22:24:43Z")
> [@Kimstu](#): > > Yeah, it would be nice if racists stopped using drastically offensive and toxic racial slurs, but until they do, we non-minority non-racists shouldn’t ask the targets of those slurs to “de-emphasize” such insults just so we’ll feel more comfortable. This is how I feel, and it also applies to the complaint about the use of “the N word” like five year olds. It’s great that people who aren’t the target of the slur are ready to use it in a neutral context, but it really shouldn’t be about you. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2016, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/getting-used-to-racial-vilification/751977/59 "2016-04-14T22:52:13Z")
You want to more freely use the n word, and I’m being rude to simply question that? Alrighty then! ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2016, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/getting-used-to-racial-vilification/751977/60 "2016-04-15T00:32:09Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > You want to more freely use the n word, and I’m being rude to simply question that? > > Alrighty then! Come back when you’re willing to address what I actually said, rather than your twisted straw-man caricature. (“Elbows on the table.”) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/getting-used-to-racial-vilification/751977.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/getting-used-to-racial-vilification/751977.md?page=4)