# GF Is Pregnant With Another Man’s Baby **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 13, 2012, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gf-is-pregnant-with-another-man-s-baby/643899 "2012-12-13T03:57:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![bigsteve1966](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b9e5f3/32.png) [@bigsteve1966](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bigsteve1966)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2012, 11:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gf-is-pregnant-with-another-man-s-baby/643899/41 "2012-12-13T11:59:13Z")
> [@sandra\_nz](#): > > Seriously? You’re thinking of committing to spending the rest of your life with this woman, raising this man’s child as your own…and you don’t think he factors into the equation? im a father i would never “NOT” let this guy see his kid , i would die if i didnt see me youngest one (she is like my best friend) im just not about to get into a tussle with him , i will respect him as a father to the child, but he will have nothing to do with her ---
**Author:** ![bigsteve1966](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b9e5f3/32.png) [@bigsteve1966](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bigsteve1966)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2012, 12:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gf-is-pregnant-with-another-man-s-baby/643899/42 "2012-12-13T12:02:42Z")
> [@Maastricht](#): > > So…is it like : > > 1. “I love you bigsteve1966 and I accidentally got myself inseminated by a [del]man who no longer matters[/del] sperm bank, but now we are together with a baby like we intended, and you cdon’'t even have to spend 5000 on a reversal of your vasectomy” > > or > > 1. “I like you bigsteve1966, but I wanted a kid more and whenever you stand in my way I’'ll do what I want over what you want.” > > My advice? You obviously wants to be with this woman, you don’‘t mind being father to the kid, the mom wants to have the baby with you, the biodaddy isn’t interested. So the best solution for all involved is if you could all commit to the vieuw in “1”. Can you? In general; if people have enough incentive to beleive somthign, they will. And they believe it even more if they give themselves more incentive. So give it a couple weeks to see if you don’'t develop really strong anti feelings; and then, just commit, burn your bridges behind you, and your mindset will follow. > > FWIW, she sounds not like a user, but as somebody who really knows what she wants, asks openly, waits a reasonable time, and then goes for it, and makes it happen, and then tries to make the best of the situation for all concerned. That is not a bad trait. Yes its like just over a week that i found out..its really fresh, time will tell but i do know is i do love this woman. ---
**Author:** ![cherry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/da6949/32.png) [@cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cherry)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2012, 12:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gf-is-pregnant-with-another-man-s-baby/643899/43 "2012-12-13T12:06:51Z")
The only anecdote I know is that sometimes vasectomy reversals don’t work that well and you have to go the IVF route to conceive with your sperm. Plus you will have to think about the role biodad will play in this child’s life. It sounds like you love her and need to get over how it was conceived or move on. ---
**Author:** ![bigsteve1966](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b9e5f3/32.png) [@bigsteve1966](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bigsteve1966)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2012, 12:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gf-is-pregnant-with-another-man-s-baby/643899/44 "2012-12-13T12:08:57Z")
> [@Maastricht](#): > > So…is it like : > > 1. “I love you **bigsteve1966** and I accidentally got myself inseminated by a [del]man who no longer matters[/del] sperm bank, but now we are together with a baby like we intended, and you don’'t even have to spend 5000 dollar on a reversal of your vasectomy.” > > or > > 1. “I like you **bigsteve1966** , but I wanted a kid so bad and whenever you stand in my way I’ll do what I want over what you want.” > > My advice? You obviously want to be with this woman, you don’t mind being father to the kid, the mom wants to have the baby with you, the biodaddy isn’t interested. So the best solution for all involved is if you could all commit to the view in “1”. Can you? > In general; if people have enough incentive to believe something, they will. And they believe it even more if they give themselves more incentive. So give it a couple weeks to see if you don’t develop really strong anti feelings; and if you don’t, then, just go. Commit, burn your bridges behind you, and your mindset will follow. > > FWIW, she sounds not like a user, but as somebody who really knows what she wants, asks openly, waits a reasonable time, and then goes for it, and makes it happen, and then tries to make the best of the situation for all concerned. That is not a bad trait. well i think if i wasnt in the picture she would give this guy a chance , one of the things that she told me that made me come back to her was 1. she said that she regreteded doing it , it was she THOUGHT she wanted but that she really misses me and wanted to try again ( remember we were gonna try again and she didnt know she was pregnant) she really isnt that bad… I asked her would she get a abortion and she said " this might be her last chance to have a child, what happenes if i get reversed and i cant give her one then she has none…" I have 4 kids so im ok , is that fair to me to ask that …? - ---
**Author:** ![bigsteve1966](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b9e5f3/32.png) [@bigsteve1966](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bigsteve1966)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2012, 12:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gf-is-pregnant-with-another-man-s-baby/643899/45 "2012-12-13T12:12:24Z")
> [@cherry](#): > > The only anecdote I know is that sometimes vasectomy reversals don’t work that well and you have to go the IVF route to conceive with your sperm. Plus you will have to think about the role biodad will play in this child’s life. It sounds like you love her and need to get over how it was conceived or move on. yes i agree sometimes they dont work. i do love her i wish i wasnt so stubburn or stupid and got the operation earlier but now i have to pay for it i guess…Its just nice and talk and get this stuff off my chest and hear different points of views..it is really helping me … i have no one to talk to ---
**Author:** ![sandra\_nz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@sandra\_nz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandra_nz)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2012, 12:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gf-is-pregnant-with-another-man-s-baby/643899/46 "2012-12-13T12:18:13Z")
> [@bigsteve1966](#): > > im a father i would never “NOT” let this guy see his kid , i would die if i didnt see me youngest one (she is like my best friend) im just not about to get into a tussle with him , i will respect him as a father to the child, but he will have nothing to do with her Who said anything about getting ‘into a tussle with him’? 😕 He has created a baby with your potential wife. Like it or not, he \*\*will \*\*be in her life, as well as the kid’s, unless he’s willing to relinquish his paternal rights and allow you to adopt the kid. If I were in your position, I would be wanting to have a discussion with him about this, man to man. ---
**Author:** ![bigsteve1966](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b9e5f3/32.png) [@bigsteve1966](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bigsteve1966)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2012, 12:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gf-is-pregnant-with-another-man-s-baby/643899/47 "2012-12-13T12:19:37Z")
Im not sure if i made this clear, we decided to give it another GO at it agian and thats why she went to the Dr to see if she was…if she wasnt she wouldnt go back there …but she is so now that is the issue … ---
**Author:** ![bigsteve1966](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b9e5f3/32.png) [@bigsteve1966](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bigsteve1966)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2012, 12:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gf-is-pregnant-with-another-man-s-baby/643899/48 "2012-12-13T12:25:26Z")
> [@sandra\_nz](#): > > Who said anything about getting ‘into a tussle with him’? 😕 > > He has created a baby with your potential wife. Like it or not, he \*\*will \*\*be in her life, as well as the kid’s, unless he’s willing to relinquish his paternal rights and allow you to adopt the kid. > > If I were in your position, I would be wanting to have a discussion with him about this, man to man. No i mean if he wants to be there i have no choice , i can be “Bigsteve” or Dad to this child its not about a title for me .. i will play with it, bath it , change it and mentor it …i have no problem doing that ---
**Author:** ![sandra\_nz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@sandra\_nz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandra_nz)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2012, 12:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gf-is-pregnant-with-another-man-s-baby/643899/49 "2012-12-13T12:38:30Z")
Then do you also realise that if he wants to be there, he will also need to have a relationship with the kid’s mother? Because previously you said ‘he will have nothing to do with her’. ---
**Author:** ![bigsteve1966](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b9e5f3/32.png) [@bigsteve1966](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bigsteve1966)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2012, 12:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gf-is-pregnant-with-another-man-s-baby/643899/50 "2012-12-13T12:47:09Z")
> [@sandra\_nz](#): > > Then do you also realise that if he wants to be there, he will also need to have a relationship with the kid’s mother? Because previously you said ‘he will have nothing to do with her’. well i have two ex’s and i have no relationship with my kids mother … i deal with my kids and i send my ex her child support through internet banking so not thats not all true ---
**Author:** ![sandra\_nz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@sandra\_nz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandra_nz)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2012, 12:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gf-is-pregnant-with-another-man-s-baby/643899/51 "2012-12-13T12:52:39Z")
So you never have any discussions with the mother about your children’s lives, how they are doing at school, what is going on in their lives that they might not want to tell you but you should probably know about, any health issues or emergency trips to hospital, what is planned for their higher education, etc etc? ---
**Author:** ![Sigene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df788c/32.png) [@Sigene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sigene)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2012, 12:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gf-is-pregnant-with-another-man-s-baby/643899/52 "2012-12-13T12:59:35Z")
> [@bigsteve1966](#): > > I have to mention that when we decided to get back together she didnt think she was pregnant and that i was gonna go and get the operation..but a few days later she found out she was… Unfortunately, I think this statement is false. I’m suspicious that she knew for a while and actively got back with you, before “surprise” tells you she’s pregnant. I’m in the camp, that I can’t trust her. It won’t turn out well for you, she’ll leave you and you will be on the hook for financial support on the child, while the actual biological father gets by without the responsibility. I’m even more pessimistic…I wouldn’t be surprised if she has been in a relationship with this guy longer than you know, and is continuing it without you knowing. He gets the fun and you get the bill. ---
**Author:** ![kanicbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f8ce5/32.png) [@kanicbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kanicbird)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2012, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gf-is-pregnant-with-another-man-s-baby/643899/53 "2012-12-13T13:37:35Z")
This could be a great blessing that is being presented to you and her. It is up to you as to how you go about it. If you are willing to accept that child as your own, to the degree you legally can, may be the greatest gift you could give her. To this: > [@Sigene](#): > > Unfortunately, I think this statement is false. I’m suspicious that she knew for a while and actively got back with you, before “surprise” tells you she’s pregnant. If you want to go forward with her I think you need to bring this up, let her know that it is OK for her to talk about it and let you know if she is hiding anything because you would not what her to have to hold that in. Good luck ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2012, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gf-is-pregnant-with-another-man-s-baby/643899/54 "2012-12-13T14:02:52Z")
I don’t get the ‘she’s a user’, ‘trapped you’ vibe at all. She was honest with you about her need to reproduce. She invested a lot of time in your relationship. When it seems you weren’t willing, she tried to move on, building other relationships, like everyone tells everyone else to do all the time. I don’t think it’s any indication, necessarily that she’s trying to trap you, a tramp, or manipulated this situation. I don’t see any really good reason you can’t make this work. In all the generations before the onset of widely available birth control lots of people were still having children into their 40’s and later, so that doesn’t mean too much to me. You admittedly enjoy parenting, you’re very likely going to be with her and this child regardless as you really seem to love her. What’s confusing to me is that you had the openness of heart to adopt a child, love and parent without stumbling on the ‘how’ of their parentage. Isn’t this sort of the same thing? Let the bioDad be an active part and pay support if he’s keen and that’s important to you. But it seems like either way, you’ll be in their lives. Honestly you don’t sound like a man who can ‘keep his distance, not participate, not contribute and worry, etc’, if you’re around this child. So why try to be? Only you can know for sure if she has manipulated you and the circumstance. I would advice if your spidey sense is telling you that, then move slowly and hold back. Is there a snowball’s chance in hell that she’s testing you? What will happen to your relationship if, sadly, the pregnancy fails? What if she had sought out a sperm bank instead of another relationship? Would that change how you feel about this coming child? ---
**Author:** ![Idle\_Thoughts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/838e76/32.png) [@Idle\_Thoughts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idle_Thoughts)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2012, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gf-is-pregnant-with-another-man-s-baby/643899/55 "2012-12-13T14:32:24Z")
> [@Namkcalb](#): > > He’s ignoring everyones advice, > > I have a question for everyone; has there ever been a newly registered poster who immediately started to post provoking threads who ended up not being a troll. I wouldn’t be half surprised if he started going on about how perky and paralysed from the neck down he was. Let’s leave the accusations to the Pit and out of this thread, please. ---
**Author:** ![Dr\_Doom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Dr\_Doom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr_Doom)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2012, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gf-is-pregnant-with-another-man-s-baby/643899/56 "2012-12-13T15:27:07Z")
> [@Namkcalb](#): > > He’s ignoring everyones advice, > > I have a question for everyone; has there ever been a newly registered poster who immediately started to post provoking threads who ended up not being a troll. I wouldn’t be half surprised if he started going on about how perky and paralysed from the neck down he was. Seeing all the “yeah, but” responses coming from the OP leads me to believe that he is just like a lot of people who ask advice. They don’t really want advice at all, their minds are already set on how they will proceed; they just want to receive support for the decisions they have made. Considering the history as provided by the OP, I predict “more of the same” for him until he is well into his 60s. ---
**Author:** ![bigsteve1966](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b9e5f3/32.png) [@bigsteve1966](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bigsteve1966)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2012, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gf-is-pregnant-with-another-man-s-baby/643899/57 "2012-12-13T15:45:55Z")
> [@sandra\_nz](#): > > So you never have any discussions with the mother about your children’s lives, how they are doing at school, what is going on in their lives that they might not want to tell you but you should probably know about, any health issues or emergency trips to hospital, what is planned for their higher education, etc etc? Only big issues small ones no …my kids are older now so i dont do that anymore if anything happens my kids just let me know… and in the past when something needed to be said unless it was a emergency we communicated through e-mail ---
**Author:** ![bigsteve1966](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b9e5f3/32.png) [@bigsteve1966](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bigsteve1966)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2012, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gf-is-pregnant-with-another-man-s-baby/643899/58 "2012-12-13T15:51:20Z")
> [@Sigene](#): > > Unfortunately, I think this statement is false. I’m suspicious that she knew for a while and actively got back with you, before “surprise” tells you she’s pregnant. > > I’m in the camp, that I can’t trust her. It won’t turn out well for you, she’ll leave you and you will be on the hook for financial support on the child, while the actual biological father gets by without the responsibility. > > I’m even more pessimistic…I wouldn’t be surprised if she has been in a relationship with this guy longer than you know, and is continuing it without you knowing. He gets the fun and you get the bill. no she has been pretty truthful i know she was talking to him for awhile but never say him..we were talking everyday all day she might have lied and not told me she say him more..but she has told me everything else so i dont think she would lie now ---
**Author:** ![bigsteve1966](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b9e5f3/32.png) [@bigsteve1966](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bigsteve1966)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2012, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gf-is-pregnant-with-another-man-s-baby/643899/59 "2012-12-13T15:53:43Z")
> [@kanicbird](#): > > This could be a great blessing that is being presented to you and her. It is up to you as to how you go about it. If you are willing to accept that child as your own, to the degree you legally can, may be the greatest gift you could give her. > > To this: > > If you want to go forward with her I think you need to bring this up, let her know that it is OK for her to talk about it and let you know if she is hiding anything because you would not what her to have to hold that in. > > Good luck well i have asked her repeatedly if this is what she wants , if “IM” what she wants and she has said yes, she has admitted to me that she is alittle confused but she says she wants me he has asked to see her and go to to appointments with her , but i dont think she has told him yet that me and her are talking agian… ---
**Author:** ![bigsteve1966](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b9e5f3/32.png) [@bigsteve1966](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bigsteve1966)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2012, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gf-is-pregnant-with-another-man-s-baby/643899/60 "2012-12-13T15:57:58Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > I don’t get the ‘she’s a user’, ‘trapped you’ vibe at all. She was honest with you about her need to reproduce. She invested a lot of time in your relationship. When it seems you weren’t willing, she tried to move on, building other relationships, like everyone tells everyone else to do all the time. I don’t think it’s any indication, necessarily that she’s trying to trap you, a tramp, or manipulated this situation. > > I don’t see any really good reason you can’t make this work. In all the generations before the onset of widely available birth control lots of people were still having children into their 40’s and later, so that doesn’t mean too much to me. You admittedly enjoy parenting, you’re very likely going to be with her and this child regardless as you really seem to love her. > > What’s confusing to me is that you had the openness of heart to adopt a child, love and parent without stumbling on the ‘how’ of their parentage. Isn’t this sort of the same thing? > > Let the bioDad be an active part and pay support if he’s keen and that’s important to you. But it seems like either way, you’ll be in their lives. Honestly you don’t sound like a man who can ‘keep his distance, not participate, not contribute and worry, etc’, if you’re around this child. So why try to be? > > Only you can know for sure if she has manipulated you and the circumstance. I would advice if your spidey sense is telling you that, then move slowly and hold back. Is there a snowball’s chance in hell that she’s testing you? What will happen to your relationship if, sadly, the pregnancy fails? > > What if she had sought out a sperm bank instead of another relationship? Would that change how you feel about this coming child? well i could only wish that she didnt do this with this guy, my GF is very attractive and lots of men ask her out (its annoying sometimes) she is a very good girl and she waited for 4 years for me . but she is a woman and like you said all her friends were telling her to move on and so were my friends . i think she has told me little white lies , we all do , but to lie about something as big as this …i dont know…thank you for your response …it made me feel better [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gf-is-pregnant-with-another-man-s-baby/643899.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gf-is-pregnant-with-another-man-s-baby/643899.md?page=4)