# GF Is Pregnant With Another Man’s Baby **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 13, 2012, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gf-is-pregnant-with-another-man-s-baby/643899 "2012-12-13T03:57:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![bigsteve1966](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b9e5f3/32.png) [@bigsteve1966](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bigsteve1966)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2012, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gf-is-pregnant-with-another-man-s-baby/643899/81 "2012-12-13T19:43:18Z")
> [@jtgain](#): > > Steve, Relationships are about two people and their wants and desires. She wants a baby more than she wants you. Nothing wrong with that. We all have things we really want and a relationship might not work out for that reason. > > But she didn’t wait. She left you for another guy and got pregnant by him. She doesn’t care who she has a baby with, she just wants a baby. She’s back with you now, but we all see that there is one thing that’s important to her at this point in time. Hint: It ain’t you. > > It’s obvious that you have been divorced for a while, want companionship, but don’t want kids. You offered to make her happy, but you really don’t want kids. And you definitely don’t want some other guy’s kid. There are other women in their mid 40’s who want companionship just like you. You will meet one of them sooner or later. Let’s this psycho torment someone else thanks , that was nice but im not sure if you have ever really been in love , cause this is my first time and its really hard to leave her …thats all ☹ ---
**Author:** ![bigsteve1966](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b9e5f3/32.png) [@bigsteve1966](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bigsteve1966)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2012, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gf-is-pregnant-with-another-man-s-baby/643899/82 "2012-12-13T19:54:15Z")
> [@Ravenman](#): > > Wait, I’m not following the reason for the one-year breakup. Was it entirely over whether or not to have kids? > > ( **bigsteve1966** , it might help a little if you typed out your full thoughts in standard English, with regular punctuation and stuff.) yes …by the third year she said she doesnt see me given her one and that she needs to go live her life …i bugged her alot to come back and cause she loves me she did “alot” but then something like her friend would get pregnant or aa family member …and she would just complain that “every one is getting pregnant but her”…she really started to resent me for it … thats why she finally after 11 months fine dated that guy.. but when she did she says that she was always thinking of me and miss me (thats cause i always txt her and told her i loved her) ---
**Author:** ![This\_Just\_In\_2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@This\_Just\_In\_2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/This_Just_In_2)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2012, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gf-is-pregnant-with-another-man-s-baby/643899/83 "2012-12-13T19:59:19Z")
bigsteve, you say you have 4 kids but have you spent much time raising the children with a previous wife/girlfriend before? Did the stress/time/energy devoted to the children ever cause problems leading to the breakups? Just realize that this woman isn’t going to be the same doting lover in 9 months time that you seem so infatuated with now. She’ll be a devoted mother but the love/time she puts into raising someone else’s kid will be time taken away from your relationship with her. ---
**Author:** ![bigsteve1966](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b9e5f3/32.png) [@bigsteve1966](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bigsteve1966)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2012, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gf-is-pregnant-with-another-man-s-baby/643899/84 "2012-12-13T20:05:43Z")
> [@This\_Just\_In\_2](#): > > bigsteve, you say you have 4 kids but have you spent much time raising the children with a previous wife/girlfriend before? Did the stress/time/energy devoted to the children ever cause problems leading to the breakups? > Just realize that this woman isn’t going to be the same doting lover in 9 months time that you seem so infatuated with now. She’ll be a devoted mother but the love/time she puts into raising someone else’s kid will be time taken away from your relationship with her. see for all the negative people asking why am i on here if i already know what i want…i never thought of that , cause im not thinking clearly , im cloudy by love …thank you .. i will seriously think about that ..cause my last relationships once the kids were there were like POOF..!!! i appreciate the feed back .. ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2012, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gf-is-pregnant-with-another-man-s-baby/643899/85 "2012-12-13T20:51:56Z")
> [@Dr\_Doom](#): > > Oh, come ON, **handsomeharry, ZPG Zealot, Crafter Man** and **Shark Sandwich** , _get real_! > > Who _cares_ about what happens? This woman is [gorgeous](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=15791872&postcount=17)! Oh, well then… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2012, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gf-is-pregnant-with-another-man-s-baby/643899/86 "2012-12-13T20:53:40Z")
You keep asking us if we’ve ever been in love, but you don’t sound like you’re in love - you sound like you’re in infatuation. And I agree with previous posters - she wants a baby more than she wants you. That doesn’t sound like a good basis for a longterm relationship. ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2012, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gf-is-pregnant-with-another-man-s-baby/643899/87 "2012-12-13T20:54:52Z")
nm ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2012, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gf-is-pregnant-with-another-man-s-baby/643899/88 "2012-12-13T21:00:44Z")
> [@bigsteve1966](#): > > …she has admitted that she is confused… Uh, oh…:eek: ---
**Author:** ![bigsteve1966](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b9e5f3/32.png) [@bigsteve1966](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bigsteve1966)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2012, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gf-is-pregnant-with-another-man-s-baby/643899/89 "2012-12-13T21:08:02Z")
> [@handsomeharry](#): > > Uh, oh…:eek: see if she wasn’t pregnant then i wouldn’t be having this conversation cause we agreed to try again , and it was like 5 days after that she went to the DR to make sure she wasn’t , she had a idea but you have to make sure right… one of the things she said to me that made me want her back was "if she was pregnant that she would regret it for the rest of her life cause she wanted me th be the father not him all along … ---
**Author:** ![bigsteve1966](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b9e5f3/32.png) [@bigsteve1966](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bigsteve1966)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2012, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gf-is-pregnant-with-another-man-s-baby/643899/90 "2012-12-13T21:09:39Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > You keep asking us if we’ve ever been in love, but you don’t sound like you’re in love - you sound like you’re in infatuation. > > And I agree with previous posters - she wants a baby more than she wants you. That doesn’t sound like a good basis for a longterm relationship. she has told me that she wanted a child more then anything , even more then me …ya that hurt , but she always said she wanted a child from me …!!! ---
**Author:** ![Cazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cazzle/32/75_2.png) [@Cazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cazzle)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2012, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gf-is-pregnant-with-another-man-s-baby/643899/91 "2012-12-13T21:10:38Z")
The solution seems simple - abort the baby, get unsnipped and impregnate her your own self. See! Couldn’t be easier! ---
**Author:** ![gracer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8e7dd6/32.png) [@gracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gracer)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2012, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gf-is-pregnant-with-another-man-s-baby/643899/92 "2012-12-13T21:19:06Z")
I don’t see a huge problem, and certainly not a huge amount of evil/crazy/danger on behalf of Gorgeous Lady. She wanted a baby, didn’t seem to be getting it from the man she loves. This happens all the time. She goes with wanting a baby, so she leaves. That’s not a terrible thing to do. Everyone knows the biological clock is strong, and she is 37. She realises that, actually, living without **bigsteve** sucks so she goes back to him. Also totally reasonable. I left my SO for a year when I wasn’t sure where we were going, we got back together and are very happy. The only problem is that the baby has a different dad. The fact that she slept with another guy is also totally fair, you weren’t together. But it’s not a huge deal because you already raised a child that wasn’t biologically yours. You love this woman. She got pregnant in an unconventional way, but it wasn’t through deception or anything. It sounds like you are looking forward to going to the zoo together. Chill out, talk it all through and start getting happy and excited for this baby. Stress hormones are bad in early pregnancy 🙂 Also, why does this other guy even need to be involved at all? He may not want to be. Anyway, if he wants to be involved you will not be the first family in the world in that situation. You love this woman. Go and be happy and pregnant! ---
**Author:** ![Caffeine.addict](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f475e1/32.png) [@Caffeine.addict](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caffeine.addict)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2012, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gf-is-pregnant-with-another-man-s-baby/643899/93 "2012-12-13T21:22:36Z")
> [@bigsteve1966](#): > > see for all the negative people asking why am i on here if i already know what i want…i never thought of that , cause im not thinking clearly , im cloudy by love …thank you .. i will seriously think about that ..cause my last relationships once the kids were there were like POOF..!!! > i appreciate the feed back .. If your previous relationships all ended once the kid was there, why will this be any different? If you couldn’t make it work, when it was your kid, why do you think that you’ll be able to make it work when it isn’t your kid? ---
**Author:** ![bigsteve1966](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b9e5f3/32.png) [@bigsteve1966](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bigsteve1966)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2012, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gf-is-pregnant-with-another-man-s-baby/643899/94 "2012-12-13T21:24:36Z")
> [@Eliahna](#): > > The solution seems simple - abort the baby, get unsnipped and impregnate her your own self. See! Couldn’t be easier! what happens if she does abort, and i get untied…i have been tied for 10 years and i cant get her pregnant …she would resent me for the rest of her life ---
**Author:** ![bigsteve1966](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b9e5f3/32.png) [@bigsteve1966](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bigsteve1966)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2012, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gf-is-pregnant-with-another-man-s-baby/643899/95 "2012-12-13T21:26:29Z")
> [@gracer](#): > > I don’t see a huge problem, and certainly not a huge amount of evil/crazy/danger on behalf of Gorgeous Lady. > > She wanted a baby, didn’t seem to be getting it from the man she loves. This happens all the time. She goes with wanting a baby, so she leaves. That’s not a terrible thing to do. Everyone knows the biological clock is strong, and she is 37. > > She realises that, actually, living without **bigsteve** sucks so she goes back to him. Also totally reasonable. I left my SO for a year when I wasn’t sure where we were going, we got back together and are very happy. > > The only problem is that the baby has a different dad. The fact that she slept with another guy is also totally fair, you weren’t together. But it’s not a huge deal because you already raised a child that wasn’t biologically yours. > > You love this woman. She got pregnant in an unconventional way, but it wasn’t through deception or anything. It sounds like you are looking forward to going to the zoo together. Chill out, talk it all through and start getting happy and excited for this baby. Stress hormones are bad in early pregnancy 🙂 > > Also, why does this other guy even need to be involved at all? He may not want to be. Anyway, if he wants to be involved you will not be the first family in the world in that situation. > > You love this woman. Go and be happy and pregnant! very positive thank you ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2012, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gf-is-pregnant-with-another-man-s-baby/643899/96 "2012-12-13T22:15:09Z")
> [@gracer](#): > > I don’t see a huge problem, and certainly not a huge amount of evil/crazy/danger on behalf of Gorgeous Lady. > > She wanted a baby, didn’t seem to be getting it from the man she loves. This happens all the time. She goes with wanting a baby, so she leaves. That’s not a terrible thing to do. Everyone knows the biological clock is strong, and she is 37. > > She realises that, actually, living without **bigsteve** sucks so she goes back to him. Also totally reasonable. I left my SO for a year when I wasn’t sure where we were going, we got back together and are very happy. > > The only problem is that the baby has a different dad. The fact that she slept with another guy is also totally fair, you weren’t together. But it’s not a huge deal because you already raised a child that wasn’t biologically yours. > > You love this woman. She got pregnant in an unconventional way, but it wasn’t through deception or anything. It sounds like you are looking forward to going to the zoo together. Chill out, talk it all through and start getting happy and excited for this baby. Stress hormones are bad in early pregnancy 🙂 > > Also, why does this other guy even need to be involved at all? He may not want to be. Anyway, if he wants to be involved you will not be the first family in the world in that situation. > > You love this woman. Go and be happy and pregnant! I back this 100%. When she got knocked up, she was single and free to do what she likes. You have no claim to her sex life at this time, and while you can be personally upset, she did nothing wrong or unfair to you. Single people get to sleep with whoever they like. And if she wanted a child, can you really blame her? If you have dated for four years, that makes her 33 when she met you, which is still a fairly reasonable time to get serious about having a baby. By the time this happened, she was 37 and likely in her last years of fertility. She really couldn’t have waited, you know? So where does that leave you now? You have a woman you love, and a kid you are willing to bring in to the family you want to form with her. Seems like a good place to be, in my book. ---
**Author:** ![Sigene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df788c/32.png) [@Sigene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sigene)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2012, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gf-is-pregnant-with-another-man-s-baby/643899/97 "2012-12-13T23:19:08Z")
> [@bigsteve1966](#): > > what happens if she does abort, and i get untied…i have been tied for 10 years and i cant get her pregnant …she would resent me for the rest of her life You should realize that your chances of becoming fertile again after a vasectomy of that many years may not be as great as you think. Reversing vasectomies isn’t a guaranteed procedure. it may not make a difference here, but you sound like you think a reversal will automatically guaranty that your fertility will be restored…it isn’t guaranteed. ---
**Author:** ![bigsteve1966](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b9e5f3/32.png) [@bigsteve1966](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bigsteve1966)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2012, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gf-is-pregnant-with-another-man-s-baby/643899/98 "2012-12-13T23:28:54Z")
> [@Sigene](#): > > You should realize that your chances of becoming fertile again after a vasectomy of that many years may not be as great as you think. Reversing vasectomies isn’t a guaranteed procedure. > > it may not make a difference here, but you sound like you think a reversal will automatically guaranty that your fertility will be restored…it isn’t guaranteed. i know that also its $5000 , i stated earlier that if i made her get rid of the baby and i couldnt give her one she would resent me for the rest of her life …thats too much to bare… ---
**Author:** ![CarnalK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnalk/32/486_2.png) [@CarnalK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CarnalK)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2012, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gf-is-pregnant-with-another-man-s-baby/643899/99 "2012-12-14T02:16:11Z")
> [@bigsteve1966](#): > > im 6 feet 220 lbs black man > im as jealous as hell , so that is a a flat NO…! > i cant do anything about this now…you want me to go kill him or beat him up …?? > no its not his fault i hesitated and she told me for almost a yr that if i dont she would leave me …if i stay with her i will marry her and then for sure give her one No, you won’t “for sure” give her one. If you have looked into it, you would surely know that vasectomy reversals are nowhere near an assured thing - the longer you’ve been snipped the worse chances, IIRC. Also considering how old you are, there is a good chance she’ll need another “donor” in the future. It’s something to think about. The baby daddy has proven fertility but maybe you might want her to have sex with some brainy guy. Just out of curiosity, is the baby going to be black? Does that matter to you? ---
**Author:** ![lavenderviolet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/cdc98d/32.png) [@lavenderviolet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lavenderviolet)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2012, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gf-is-pregnant-with-another-man-s-baby/643899/100 "2012-12-14T02:33:05Z")
> [@gracer](#): > > I don’t see a huge problem, and certainly not a huge amount of evil/crazy/danger on behalf of Gorgeous Lady. > > She wanted a baby, didn’t seem to be getting it from the man she loves. This happens all the time. She goes with wanting a baby, so she leaves. That’s not a terrible thing to do. Everyone knows the biological clock is strong, and she is 37. > > She realises that, actually, living without **bigsteve** sucks so she goes back to him. Also totally reasonable. I left my SO for a year when I wasn’t sure where we were going, we got back together and are very happy. > > The only problem is that the baby has a different dad. The fact that she slept with another guy is also totally fair, you weren’t together. But it’s not a huge deal because you already raised a child that wasn’t biologically yours. > > You love this woman. She got pregnant in an unconventional way, but it wasn’t through deception or anything. It sounds like you are looking forward to going to the zoo together. Chill out, talk it all through and start getting happy and excited for this baby. Stress hormones are bad in early pregnancy 🙂 > > Also, why does this other guy even need to be involved at all? He may not want to be. Anyway, if he wants to be involved you will not be the first family in the world in that situation. > > You love this woman. Go and be happy and pregnant! I agree with this viewpoint. I am not sure why some people are having such a knee jerk negative reaction to your girlfriend. She was honest about wanting a baby. She didn’t cheat on you. It sounds like you both care about each other. If you are willing to accept this baby and raise it with her, then I think you two are fine. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gf-is-pregnant-with-another-man-s-baby/643899.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gf-is-pregnant-with-another-man-s-baby/643899.md?page=6)