# Giant, Foot-Sized Stucco-Eating Land Snails Invade Florida! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 4, 2015, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giant-foot-sized-stucco-eating-land-snails-invade-florida/726983 "2015-08-04T16:53:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2015, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giant-foot-sized-stucco-eating-land-snails-invade-florida/726983/81 "2015-08-12T20:10:16Z")
> [@CannyDan](#): > > Bombing won’t be necessary. Florida is flat and barely higher than a good spring tide. It won’t be too long before those small, backwater towns along Florida’s ‘central ridge’ (of slightly higher land) are oceanfront property. Of course, our esteemed governor Valdemort ordered the staff of the State’s Department of Natural Resources to never, ever use the words “global warming” because – well, nobody is sure. But we damn well aren’t going to recognize it, and it will then just go away! Maybe we should all put our heads down into an armadillo burrow. But then you’ll get leprosy. Part of Florida is currently under water right now. Those of us in the more southern Central to South Florida areas may soon find ourselves on an island. We’ll probably be overrun with those giant snails in no time. ETA: I call him Governor Skeletor ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2015, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giant-foot-sized-stucco-eating-land-snails-invade-florida/726983/82 "2015-08-13T04:36:14Z")
For the main chase scene, you’d need the main character (who am I kidding, the hot girl) to have broken their ankle or something, forcing her to crawl. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2015, 9:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giant-foot-sized-stucco-eating-land-snails-invade-florida/726983/83 "2015-08-13T09:32:05Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > For the main chase scene, you’d need the main character (who am I kidding, the hot girl) to have broken their ankle or something, forcing her to crawl. There’s always a few extra characters though, whose sole purpose is getting eaten. That’s the game, who will survive? Did you ever read the book Jaws? Plot was considerably different than the movie, it’s one of the few cases I found the film to be better than the source material. In the book only Chief Brody survived the expedition, Quint and Hooper were both killed. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2015, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giant-foot-sized-stucco-eating-land-snails-invade-florida/726983/84 "2015-08-13T15:46:07Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > For the main chase scene, you’d need the main character (who am I kidding, the hot girl) to have broken their ankle or something, forcing her to crawl. [Looks like someone’s been working on your movie already.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oKn0xjpEsgk) ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2015, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giant-foot-sized-stucco-eating-land-snails-invade-florida/726983/85 "2015-08-13T17:18:00Z")
> [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](#): > > . . . . And they TOOK THEIR MONEY WITH THEM. 😉 Did they take the money, or just the numbers in the bank? Cause those zeroes and ones travel anywhere. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2015, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giant-foot-sized-stucco-eating-land-snails-invade-florida/726983/86 "2015-08-13T18:43:31Z")
> [@Yllaria](#): > > Did they take the money, or just the numbers in the bank? Cause those zeroes and ones travel anywhere. Maybe both. You’re not planning something insidious, are you? ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2015, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giant-foot-sized-stucco-eating-land-snails-invade-florida/726983/87 "2015-08-13T19:27:24Z")
The solution is really easy - just add salt to all new stucco. And to all rat poop. And vegetation. ---
**Author:** ![GrumpyBunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bc8723/32.png) [@GrumpyBunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrumpyBunny)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2015, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giant-foot-sized-stucco-eating-land-snails-invade-florida/726983/88 "2015-08-13T19:30:29Z")
> [@CannyDan](#): > > …our esteemed governor Valdemort … I knew I wasn’t the only one who called (p)Rick Scott, “Voldemort”! ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2015, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giant-foot-sized-stucco-eating-land-snails-invade-florida/726983/89 "2015-08-13T19:56:29Z")
> [@Doctor\_Jackson](#): > > The solution is really easy - just add salt to all new stucco. And to all rat poop. And vegetation. "Hey Bob, hear you got a new guvmint job, what you do? " “I wander around, salting rat shit.” ---
**Author:** ![stillownedbysetters](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/41988e/32.png) [@stillownedbysetters](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stillownedbysetters)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2015, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giant-foot-sized-stucco-eating-land-snails-invade-florida/726983/90 "2015-08-13T20:15:05Z")
Somewhere in between the obligatorily-eaten characters and the universal salt application, you’ll have to add the crusty, loud, and dumb army colonel who wants to bring in the fighter planes and blow up the monsters. Although, this being about snails who are not noted for their speed and maneuverability, he’d probably order in the tanks. Of course they’ll blow up everything EXCEPT the snails, at which point the geeky hero (heroine?) raises his or her nose out of a book and declares “Salt! We’ll kill them with salt!” Y’all know the rest of the story. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2015, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giant-foot-sized-stucco-eating-land-snails-invade-florida/726983/91 "2015-08-13T20:34:44Z")
> [@stillownedbysetters](#): > > Somewhere in between the obligatorily-eaten characters and the universal salt application, you’ll have to add the crusty, loud, and dumb army colonel who wants to bring in the fighter planes and blow up the monsters. Although, this being about snails who are not noted for their speed and maneuverability, he’d probably order in the tanks. Of course they’ll blow up everything EXCEPT the snails, at which point the geeky hero (heroine?) raises his or her nose out of a book and declares “Salt! We’ll kill them with salt!” > > Y’all know the rest of the story. Oh, you will _ **HAVE** _ to participate in the story I will be starting tomorrow evening. You have the touch!😛 Sometime during the day I will start a thread, explaining further what we will be doing, and then in the evening I will write the first episode, with any who are interested are welcome to add to. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2015, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giant-foot-sized-stucco-eating-land-snails-invade-florida/726983/92 "2015-08-13T20:46:42Z")
The colonel’s daughter is the hottie female lead and the snails slime all her clothing in the course of telling the movie. She gets nakeder and nakeder. ---
**Author:** ![stillownedbysetters](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/41988e/32.png) [@stillownedbysetters](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stillownedbysetters)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2015, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giant-foot-sized-stucco-eating-land-snails-invade-florida/726983/93 "2015-08-13T21:46:36Z")
> [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](#): > > The colonel’s daughter is the hottie female lead and the snails slime all her clothing in the course of telling the movie. She gets nakeder and nakeder. Keep that up and we’ll have to move the show from SyFy to the Playboy Channel! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2015, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giant-foot-sized-stucco-eating-land-snails-invade-florida/726983/94 "2015-08-13T23:49:49Z")
> [@stillownedbysetters](#): > > Keep that up and we’ll have to move the show from SyFy to the Playboy Channel! > > 😛 No, no, no–as the snails slime her unmentionables, her Dad, the Colonel, is there to drop his jacket over her shoulders, thus assuring disappointment for the male viewers and keeping the PG-13 rating intact. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2015, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giant-foot-sized-stucco-eating-land-snails-invade-florida/726983/95 "2015-08-14T18:20:49Z")
> [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](#): > > Maybe both. You’re not planning something insidious, are you? Me? I don’t think so. But then, I’m forgetful, so maybe. Let me check my notes. Oh, yeah. I was just saying that the money wouldn’t necessarily be blown up. If it’s ones and zeroes, it would still be safe. > [@DrDeth](#): > > "Hey Bob, hear you got a new guvmint job, what you do? " > > “I wander around, salting rat shit.” “You know. Saving the world.” ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2015, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giant-foot-sized-stucco-eating-land-snails-invade-florida/726983/96 "2015-08-14T18:35:51Z")
> [@Yllaria](#): > > Me? I don’t think so. But then, I’m forgetful, so maybe. Let me check my notes. > > Oh, yeah. I was just saying that the money wouldn’t necessarily be blown up. If it’s ones and zeroes, it would still be safe. \ You just gave me the funniest mental image: 80 year old Minnesota grandpa lugging steamer trunks full of tens and twenties out of the back of his Lincoln Continental. 🙂 I was picking up an Rx at Walmart t’other day, and I handed the counter-cutie a double-sawbuck and I half-whispered **That’s called “Cash.” You probably don’t see that too often, anymore**. She looked me straight in the eye and her mouth was quivering and I thought I’d put my foot in it, when she starting laughing fit to bust. It was a good day. And now, back to “Arthur.” ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2015, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giant-foot-sized-stucco-eating-land-snails-invade-florida/726983/97 "2015-08-15T02:06:09Z")
Here is the link to that story I have now started, and the link to the control thread. The latter explains how these stories have worked before, and will be the place to discuss what’s going on in the story without cluttering it up. [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=18603261#post18603261](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=18603261#post18603261) ---
**Author:** ![Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spectre_of_pithecanthropus/32/12343_2.png) [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spectre_of_Pithecanthropus)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2015, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giant-foot-sized-stucco-eating-land-snails-invade-florida/726983/98 "2015-08-15T14:44:01Z")
> [@Chimera](#): > > Lots of quick scenes of people running or standing and looking frightened/screaming before they’re hit with a bucket of slime. Slime rivers running down office buildings. > > Hmm, Nickelodeon can probably give them some pointers. And then the best boy STEPPED on the SNAILS. They had to call the whole thing off. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giant-foot-sized-stucco-eating-land-snails-invade-florida/726983.md?page=4)