# Gift of maid service - welcome or insult? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 9, 2020, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gift-of-maid-service-welcome-or-insult/925160 "2020-11-09T17:24:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![BippityBoppityBoo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bippityboppityboo/32/5745_2.png) [@BippityBoppityBoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BippityBoppityBoo)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2020, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gift-of-maid-service-welcome-or-insult/925160/21 "2020-11-09T22:44:47Z")
> [@Dinsdale](#): > > Wondered if it was b/c they were working hard and the dog added effort. Also Offer a gift certificate for dog walking or grooming services-would free up some of their time and not require someone coming into their home. A dog bath and grooming monthly? Depending on the dog breed, of course. ---
**Author:** ![dummygladhands71](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c0e974/32.png) [@dummygladhands71](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dummygladhands71)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2020, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gift-of-maid-service-welcome-or-insult/925160/22 "2020-11-09T22:44:53Z")
We did that for my parents. It was awful. I had to make sure the cleaners they sent were not minorities. Yup, my parents are THOSE people. Awkward convo with the service as you may imagine. Then my folks complained that the cleaners spent way too much time in the bathrooms & what could they be doing in there. My Dad complained that he was upset because he LIKED helping Mom keep house (news to us from his previous complaints) and didn’t like those ladies taking his job. I think we paid for 6 sessions but the folks wait after 2. Non-refundable. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2020, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gift-of-maid-service-welcome-or-insult/925160/23 "2020-11-09T23:28:23Z")
> [@filmore](#): > > That’s the kind of gift which can fail spectacularly if the recipient does not appreciate it. They might like it or they might think it’s a passive aggressive comment on the way they do their housekeeping That’s how I feel. A few years back my mom and one of my sisters were stopping over at my house once a week or so for dinner. My mom would randomly clean or vacuum something while she was there, but she’s a bit of a Danny Tanner/Neat Freak, so I didn’t think anything of it. After a few weeks, they showed up with cleaning supplies…That was the last time invited them over. They weren’t coming over to spend time at my house, they were coming over to clean my house because they didn’t feel it was up to their standards. Also, something to keep in mind, not everyone is going to be comfortable with a stranger cleaning their house. So this is going to depend a lot on the recipient. Some may be thrilled while others may be insulted or otherwise feel uncomfortable with the whole thing. ---
**Author:** ![Esprise\_Me](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprise_me/32/2947_2.png) [@Esprise\_Me](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprise_Me)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2020, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gift-of-maid-service-welcome-or-insult/925160/24 "2020-11-10T00:12:37Z")
> [@Dinsdale](#): > > My recommendation was that the giver research the cost of whatever service she is willing to give, and put together some kinds certificate offering that or - in the alternative, and equal dollar value at their preferred grocery store. > > The giver is my sister, and her adult dtr is married. They bought a new house last year. Both work full time professional jobs - make quite good $. They recently got a dog. My sister recently visited them and was impressed at the lack of general cleanliness. Wondered if it was b/c they were working hard and the dog added effort. Also opined that they seem to just have way too much stuff for the size of their home, so considered an organization/declutter service. > > Sister is not trying to be judgmental - just trying to think of something to give other than a check. Several years ago, my wife and I decided to simply give our kids cash. Hoooo boy. Yeah if your sister asked my advice I’d tell her to back way off, and keep going until she circled the globe. That is exactly the wrong situation to even make the offer, let alone the gift. (Key facts: recipients could afford it if they wanted it, and have given zero indication they want it.) This gift would be all about the giver’s needs. Surely she knows something else about her daughter besides the fact that her house is messy. Just from what you told me, I could suggest any number of dog-related gifts, from toys/treats/etc. for the dog, to goofy “I’m only talking to my dog today” sweaters, “wipe your paws” doormats, or other accessories for the human, to donations to the rescue organization they adopted him from. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2020, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gift-of-maid-service-welcome-or-insult/925160/25 "2020-11-10T01:10:58Z")
I second this. That may not be intended as judgemental, but holy cow, it sure is. Buy them some nice chocolates, or fancy soap, or a silly t-shirt. fwiw, I hire a house cleaner. and I have too much stuff for my house, and some of it is scattered around. And if one of my relatives offered to hire a “declutterer” I would go ballistic. i like my clutter, dammit. ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2020, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gift-of-maid-service-welcome-or-insult/925160/26 "2020-11-10T01:15:14Z")
I’d be very happy with such a gift – I’m one hell of a slob – but, to be honest, there are a lot of things I’d prefer. Hell, I’d rather just have the cash than this gift. But no way in hell would I reject it as judgemental or insulting. (I don’t even own a vacuum cleaner…) ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2020, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gift-of-maid-service-welcome-or-insult/925160/27 "2020-11-10T01:33:55Z")
I got no dog in this fight. Like I said, I give cash. Thanks for all opinions. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2020, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gift-of-maid-service-welcome-or-insult/925160/28 "2020-11-10T12:53:29Z")
> [@Esprise\_Me](#): > > Hoooo boy. … @Esprise_me totally nailed it given the extra info in OP @Dinsdale’s second post. The OPs sister is being a clueless controlling and judgmental parent about to totally piss all over her relationship with her daughter & SIL. Run the other way! ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2020, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gift-of-maid-service-welcome-or-insult/925160/29 "2020-11-10T14:18:19Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > The OPs sister is being a clueless controlling and judgmental parent about to totally piss all over her relationship with her daughter & SIL. Hey LSL - fuck off, willya? You really think the tone of my inquiry or anything else in this thread warrants such characterizations? Don’t be a jerk. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2020, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gift-of-maid-service-welcome-or-insult/925160/30 "2020-11-10T15:05:01Z")
I apologize. Apparently something about the story hit a sore spot in my own life history. It’s clear your sister means well. But as others above me have noted, it probably won’t be taken by the daughter & SIL in the spirit intended. If you, knowing the dynamics of the people involved, can prevent an avoidable error before it occurs, that would, IMO, be a service to all. I’m sorry I expressed that so clumsily that it upset you. I certainly wasn’t trying to do that. But it seems I did anyhow. I’ll work harder to be more careful in the future. ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2020, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gift-of-maid-service-welcome-or-insult/925160/31 "2020-11-10T15:17:45Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > I apologize. Accepted. And I acknowledge my response may earn me a warning. I welcome your - and anyone else’s opinions. Just didn’t see any need for them to be expressed so unpleasantly. (Perhaps my hope reflects my hopes for more polite discourse following the recent election.) ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2020, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gift-of-maid-service-welcome-or-insult/925160/32 "2020-11-10T15:19:17Z")
You and me both. We all want and deserve better discourse but it’ll take awhile for everyone’s raw nerves to settle down. All good here. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2020, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gift-of-maid-service-welcome-or-insult/925160/33 "2020-11-10T15:26:54Z")
Mod hat on: I was planning on warning you, but it looks like the matter has been resolved, so I’m going to leave well enough alone. But yeah, that response was out-of-line. ---
**Author:** ![JaneDoe42](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/janedoe42/32/14104_2.png) [@JaneDoe42](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JaneDoe42)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2020, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gift-of-maid-service-welcome-or-insult/925160/34 "2020-11-10T19:58:19Z")
> [@puzzlegal](#): > > If that doesn’t dissuade you, next time your mom complains, right then and there, ask her if she would welcome it if you hired someone. Then it is clearly a reaction to her concerns, and not you casting doubt on her adequacy. The point has become moot for the time being. She is flying out here next week with plans to spend the winter. Awesome, except this means I have to clean out the closet in the guest room. It’s become a catch-all for stuff I will deal with later. ---
**Author:** ![filmore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/7993a0/32.png) [@filmore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/filmore)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2020, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gift-of-maid-service-welcome-or-insult/925160/35 "2020-11-10T20:29:18Z")
> [@JaneDoe42](#): > > She is flying out here next week with plans to spend the winter. Awesome, except this means I have to clean out the closet in the guest room. It’s become a catch-all for stuff I will deal with later. Sounds like someone needs a gift of a decluttering service 😁 ---
**Author:** ![StarvingButStrong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/starvingbutstrong/32/335_2.png) [@StarvingButStrong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StarvingButStrong)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2020, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gift-of-maid-service-welcome-or-insult/925160/36 "2020-11-11T01:18:09Z")
I, personally, wouldn’t accept a gift of cleaning services – I want things done MY way, and abhor the thought of strangers handling my stuff. Goes three times harder now that there’s the pandemic. Exception if I was physically incapacitated for a long stretch, like with a broken hip or something. What I WOULD find nice was a present of services that I already have/will pay outsiders to do, or should but don’t. Like, oh, window washing, tree trimming, gutter cleaning, power washing the house siding or patio, and so forth. ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2020, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gift-of-maid-service-welcome-or-insult/925160/37 "2020-11-11T19:42:22Z")
The maid service my wife and I use has sent Abby 21 out of the last 25 weeks, apparently in an attempt to limit contacts. I prefer to be at home during the “cleans” because most of the women are friendly, and a few occasionally need help finding things or asking if we have a preference on how some task is done. On the other hand, we’ve had money stolen a couple of times, both when neither of us were present, so I figure my presence may act as a deterrent to the light-fingered employees. Before my mother-in-law died, she came to stay for a few days, and gave us a few sessions of cleaning the next Christmas. I perceived THAT as an insult, and when I lived alone, I would have been offended if someone had “treated” me to a surprise clean, especially if the “decluttering” had involved throwing away any “junk” I was holding onto for a reason. ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2020, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gift-of-maid-service-welcome-or-insult/925160/38 "2020-11-11T19:54:14Z")
> [@puzzlegal](#): > > fwiw, I hire a house cleaner. and I have too much stuff for my house, and some of it is scattered around. And if one of my relatives offered to hire a “declutterer” I would go ballistic. i like my clutter, dammit. _ZipperJJ looks up the return policy on her New Mods Christmas Gift_ ---
**Author:** ![lobotomyboy63](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobotomyboy63/32/2900_2.png) [@lobotomyboy63](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lobotomyboy63)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2020, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gift-of-maid-service-welcome-or-insult/925160/39 "2020-11-11T23:20:26Z")
I’ve suggested to Mrs. L, multiple times, that I might like maid service for a gift. Hey, I’m kind of a slob. And I’m not very good at cleaning. So often there’s not a lot I want for a gift, so I’d be happy to give her my present, so to speak. But she isn’t always satisfied with the job they do, and you don’t want a lot of strangers going through your stuff (Mrs. L version 1.0 and I were victims when the help stole a check blank from our checkbook, in fact). So there are vetting issues. My idea would be: casually mention things like this in conversation. “I was wondering if you’d like a break from cleaning, maybe a gift certificate to get maid service…” Other things, too, like, “Do you eat out a lot? I see lots of gift cards at the store.” Go into groupon for inspiration, maybe. Whatever random ideas and observations you have, just ask—but don’t ask at the eleventh hour, when it’s time to produce a gift. If you get half a dozen hits, the person still won’t know which gift they might be getting. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2020, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gift-of-maid-service-welcome-or-insult/925160/40 "2020-11-12T00:46:38Z")
How about cash? If they wanted to, they could include a note with suggestions… “or whatever else you might need!” That’s where we’re at with our grown kids. Cash, Amazon gift cards, cash venmo’ed, iTunes/Apple gift cards, cash via Zelle, pre-paid Visa cards… … “Thought you could use warm boots for those Maine winters, and a new coat, or whatever else you might need!” One year our daughter said “Thanks, this month we need rent money!” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gift-of-maid-service-welcome-or-insult/925160.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gift-of-maid-service-welcome-or-insult/925160.md?page=3)