# Gift Returners **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 28, 2005, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gift-returners/333114 "2005-11-28T21:52:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![tremorviolet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e47774/32.png) [@tremorviolet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tremorviolet)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2005, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gift-returners/333114/41 "2005-11-30T17:43:18Z")
> [@davenportavenger](#): > > I always get these from my grandfather and it makes me feel so guilty, because those baskets cost at least $15 (he leaves tags on, whether it’s out of forgetfulness or rudeness I don’t know), and that just goes to waste because I hate smelly stuff. I’ve even asked my mom to ask him not to buy them because it makes me feel awful. But she said it made him happy to give them. Now tell me, how is giving me a basket of lotions\* going to make him any happier than giving me a $15 gift card to a bookstore? But he’s old, and you just can’t win with the old. Heh. I get those too. I wonder what percentage of smelly lotion gift paskets ever actually get used? I usually wind up giving them to friends I know enjoy that kinda stuff. I think part of the problem with gifts is the escalation is price. If I got something kinda useless that I knew only cost like $10, no problem. But I feel so horribly guilty about not liking stuff that I know cost 40 or 50 bucks. And it’ll usually be something I know they thought I’d like (but isn’t actually to my taste), like hand made jewelry from a local artisan, that can’t be returned. It just feels like such a waste giving that stuff away. I’d like to convince my family to limit the cost of gifts to $10 and just pick out something silly that you think the other person would like. But no luck so far… ---
**Author:** ![blondebear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blondebear/32/1022_2.png) [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2005, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gift-returners/333114/42 "2005-11-30T17:52:07Z")
_Puts on hat with **Devil’s Advocate** logo…_ When you give someone a gift–it _belongs to them_. They can do whatever the hell they want with it. _Takes off hat…wait a minute, my hair is all messed up now!!_ ---
**Author:** ![NinjaChick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/71c47a/32.png) [@NinjaChick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinjaChick)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2005, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gift-returners/333114/43 "2005-11-30T18:21:52Z")
Who the hell makes explicit demands for gifts? Doesn’t that go contrary to the whole idea of gifts? Gift-giving holidays all suck, anyway. I’m doing what I did last year: the immediate family members are all getting donations to various appropriate charities made in their name. Grandmother (who always hosts the [hellish] Christmas gathering) is getting some small Santa Fe-esque trinket, becuase I’ll be staying at her house and I know she likes those things. I refuse to participate in the extended family’s $15-price-limit big exchange, because it is stupid and everyone ends up with $15 gift cards to national chain stores. bah, humbug. ---
**Author:** ![Spiff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiff/32/9852_2.png) [@Spiff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiff)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2005, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gift-returners/333114/44 "2005-11-30T18:58:42Z")
> [@tremorviolet](#): > > Heh. I get those too. I wonder what percentage of smelly lotion gift paskets ever actually get used? I usually wind up giving them to friends I know enjoy that kinda stuff… Check with your local shelter for battered women. Some of them are glad to get these. ---
**Author:** ![Rodd\_Hill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/3ab097/32.png) [@Rodd\_Hill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rodd_Hill)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2005, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gift-returners/333114/45 "2005-11-30T20:03:48Z")
> [@](#): > > …she [Aunt Milly] has given you one every year you’ve been alive and you have enough, but she’s old, and says pish posh and gets you more anyway. So, you return them and go over and get a gun from Crazy Al, or what have you. And now you can hunt Aunt Milly for sport, thus ending the unwanted sweater cycle once and for all… ---
**Author:** ![lezlers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@lezlers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lezlers)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2005, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gift-returners/333114/46 "2005-11-30T20:41:17Z")
I couldn’t care less if someone returns a gift from me. In fact, I’d _prefer_ an unwanted gift be returned. I want the reciever to be happy and if I struck out, I’d rather them return the gift and get something that they’ll enjoy than have them shove it in a closet or re-gift it. I’ve never considered it rude. I never return stuff, but that’s just because I’m lazy. **Audrey Levins** ’s description of herself fits me to a T. I am, however, guilty of re-gifting. My birthday is a week before Christmas and the temptation is great, you see. Especially since I am pathetically broke and am usually dipping into my bill paying and tuition paying money in order to buy people gifts. One less person to buy for really makes a difference for me. Sometimes I’ll re-gift something I actually _like_, because I have just one more person to buy for and I’m all outta money. It’s really nothing personal. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2005, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gift-returners/333114/47 "2005-11-30T21:07:40Z")
One year, after a series of failed gifts for the kids ( wrong age or not appropriate and Certain Death for Baby/Toddler) \*I was requested \* to write down what the kids wanted (and I wanted for them) and I did a very nice list (nothing over $25) and where to find it and a list of the book series and toys collections **we already had** if they wanted to add to it if they happen upon a deal they would already know what we had. I also put down I would prefer used books and toys because it makes no difference to me and the kids don’t know or really care. It should also be mentioned, I received a list for said neice and nephews as well. I followed it to a T and there was rejoicing around the tree. And the kids got duplicate books and duplicate toys of what we had. Because the SIL and MIL read the whole fucking thing wrong. Apparenlty something that is **bolded** and _intalics_ andunderlined is not eyecatching enough. oh…look…my eye is twitching! Oh, SIL has a Masters in Teaching, btw. I had to return everything and basically do the inlaws christmas shopping the 26th, before the kids woke up. So, this year it is a Books Only Xmas. We’ll see how that goes. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2005, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gift-returners/333114/48 "2005-11-30T21:19:25Z")
> [@Shirley Ujest](#): > > One year, after a series of failed gifts for the kids ( wrong age or not appropriate and Certain Death for Baby/Toddler) \*I was requested \* to write down what the kids wanted (and I wanted for them) and I did a very nice list (nothing over $25) and where to find it and a list of the book series and toys collections **we already had** if they wanted to add to it if they happen upon a deal they would already know what we had. I also put down I would prefer used books and toys because it makes no difference to me and the kids don’t know or really care. > > It should also be mentioned, I received a list for said neice and nephews as well. I followed it to a T and there was rejoicing around the tree. > > And the kids got duplicate books and duplicate toys of what we had. Because the SIL and MIL read the whole fucking thing wrong. Apparenlty something that is **bolded** and _intalics_ andunderlined is not eyecatching enough. oh…look…my eye is twitching! Oh, SIL has a Masters in Teaching, btw. > > I had to return everything and basically do the inlaws christmas shopping the 26th, before the kids woke up. > So, this year it is a Books Only Xmas. > > We’ll see how that goes. My ex-MIL was the ultimate Shitty Gift Giver/Regifter. I really don’t have a problem with re-gifts, but the woman would give a 1/2 used bottle of cologne (to my husband…who looks like the Unibomber…not the guy from the cover of GQ). Or one year I got a dusty cheese plate with the glass globe to put over the cheese. But the plate had KNIFE MARKS IN IT. And she’d give my son clothing that he wouldn’t be able to wear for at least 10 years. Absolutely thoughtless. ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Tiger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@Mama\_Tiger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Tiger)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2005, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gift-returners/333114/49 "2005-11-30T21:47:47Z")
When I was growing up, my aunt was a truly shitty gift-giver; she would send “bargains” she found at yard sales. I’ll never forget the red plastic handbag she sent me when I was a teenager. _:::shudder:::_ But we all love her, and even as a child I was helped to realize that she meant nothing but kindness; she’s spent most of her life putting in double shifts to barely manage to scrape by (a classic example of the working poor), and that was what she could afford. And she always sent things that at least looked new, even if they were truly ghastly. I suspect she also spent far more on postage than on the gifts. I just wish I _had_ been able to return any of those things. As it was, they usually went straight to charity. My great-aunt also sent cheap gifts, but did the opposite: She worked at Neimans, so she’d send us free sample stuff but in the fanciest gift wrapping the store could provide. We’d remove that wrapping and reuse it repeatedly for years afterwards, but I can’t remember a single one of the gifts, nor did I care. Those I never, _ever_ wanted to return. ---
**Author:** ![LouisB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2005, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gift-returners/333114/50 "2005-11-30T22:30:42Z")
My darling Marcie has returned every gift I’ve ever given her for Christmas, or so it seems. It hurts my feelings quite a lot because I put a lot of effort into picking out her presents. For some reason, she accepts and keeps most birthday and anniversary presents, but not Christmas. I’ve never been able to understand it, but that’s just the way it is. ---
**Author:** ![incidental](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/22d042/32.png) [@incidental](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/incidental)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2005, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gift-returners/333114/51 "2005-11-30T23:45:31Z")
Iced Tea Maker. In large, valuble counter space eating form. That sucker was sold on e-bay, I believe. I don’t think the recipent (not me) wanted to inflict it on anyone else. Thankfully, my family has gotten to the point that only my immediate family exchanges gifts. Parents, Grandmother and siblings, that’s it. I’ll probably bake for my classmate-friends. I have sort of a large list of stuff I want this year, but I’m living off loan money and tightened my daily budget as far as it will go. ---
**Author:** ![DeadlyAccurate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ac91a4/32.png) [@DeadlyAccurate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeadlyAccurate)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2005, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gift-returners/333114/52 "2005-12-01T01:07:22Z")
> [@LouisB](#): > > My darling Marcie has returned every gift I’ve ever given her for Christmas, or so it seems. It hurts my feelings quite a lot because I put a lot of effort into picking out her presents. For some reason, she accepts and keeps most birthday and anniversary presents, but not Christmas. I’ve never been able to understand it, but that’s just the way it is. This makes me sad for you. Have you considered setting a shopping day, where the two of you go out and pick your own gifts? Something like, “Hey, let’s each take $200 (or whatever) and buy things we want?” Add in lunch, and you have a fun date. (My husband and I usually don’t exchange gifts at Christmas, because we just buy the stuff we want whenever we want it.) ---
**Author:** ![lezlers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@lezlers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lezlers)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2005, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gift-returners/333114/53 "2005-12-01T01:24:42Z")
> [@Kalhoun](#): > > My ex-MIL was the ultimate Shitty Gift Giver/Regifter. I really don’t have a problem with re-gifts, but the woman would give a 1/2 used bottle of cologne (to my husband…who looks like the Unibomber…not the guy from the cover of GQ). Or one year I got a dusty cheese plate with the glass globe to put over the cheese. But the plate had KNIFE MARKS IN IT. And she’d give my son clothing that he wouldn’t be able to wear for at least 10 years. Absolutely thoughtless. Now that’s just wrong. Re-gifting is supposed to be for _unopened_ gifts only. You don’t give someone a used piece of junk found around the house! That’s horrid. She should be ashamed. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2005, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gift-returners/333114/54 "2005-12-01T13:14:22Z")
> [@lezlers](#): > > Now that’s just wrong. Re-gifting is supposed to be for _unopened_ gifts only. You don’t give someone a used piece of junk found around the house! That’s horrid. She should be ashamed. She’s always been a North Shore Wannabe (her grandparents were in the social in-crowd in Chicago back in the day). She is unquestionably the cheapest, most thoughtless person I’ve ever met when it comes to embracing the concept of giving. She puts on airs of elegance and class, yet she _cuts paper napkins in half for her guests at the holiday table._ She withheld milk from her 2-year-old grandson (my boy) because she didn’t have enough for her teenagers for the next day. Charming woman… ---
**Author:** ![Mona\_Lisa\_Simpson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ce7236/32.png) [@Mona\_Lisa\_Simpson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mona_Lisa_Simpson)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2005, 10:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gift-returners/333114/55 "2005-12-02T10:27:44Z")
My mother in law (and I love her dearly, and hosted her for 10 days… yes 10 days… in September, over a year after her son and I split up) is perhaps the worlds worst gift giver. Its not even the presents that are terrible (many are) but its the inconsistancy that drives me crazy. Year one I am living with her son. Christmas I get a good piece of corningware large roaster pan. I liked it, appreciated it and thanked her. I even invited her for a dinner I cooked in the pan. Year two, I recieved a teapot. Again, no complaints. The following year I recieved… an old man hat. With ear-flapgs and a string under the chin. It was suede, a kind of silver blue suede. Disco shiny silver blue suede, with fake lambswool lining. It was too small, more for a child. She thought this would be perfect because we love to ski. Um, yeah. In Whistler… wearing a child proportioned, old man shiny disco hat. And I believe, some dishcloth craft that looks like a doll, but is actually dishtowels. The cloths were useful the hat went to the Salvation army. The next year we move east. Its going to be cold, she says “I have the perfect thing for you!” A very warm leather hat… She rummages in a closet for a while…but cannot find this hat. Too bad, maybe it is in my storage spot. I got it at the church rummage sale, and have saved it incase I know someone who needs it…So it was not only a small ugly hat, it was a used, donated, rejected small ugly shiny hat. The year I gave birth to her first grandson I got tea towels, and an incense burner of the type they sell in the dollar store.The year I split from her husband I recieved obviously rummage sale craft table items, and a woolen shawl. This year (and I peaked, bad girl) I recieved a hand painted scarf, and a glass bowl made in Venice (she was there this summer) So, the question is is she cheap, demented, or really has no idea how to shop? And its not really the cost, its the inconsistancy. (Honestly she has good taste, immaculately dressed, is in her late 50’s and looks and dresses a lot younger) ---
**Author:** ![Mona\_Lisa\_Simpson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ce7236/32.png) [@Mona\_Lisa\_Simpson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mona_Lisa_Simpson)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2005, 10:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gift-returners/333114/56 "2005-12-02T10:34:19Z")
> [@Normal Saline](#): > > The year I split from **her** husband I recieved obviously rummage sale craft table items, and a woolen shawl. Uh, make that the year I split from MY husband, her son. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gift-returners/333114.md?page=2)