Surely we can agree that different sorts of gatherings call for different behaviors?
If I’m joining close friends for a casual dinner, sure, I’ll bring something I like to drink and won’t presume to inflict it on my pals. They can enjoy their chocolate wine and I’ll enjoy whatever I prefer. I’ll probably bring a dish to contribute and not worry about it much.
But it’s different when joining people you don’t know well in a more formal setting such as the OP describes. And when you do, it’s nice to have a code of conduct to fall back on, I think.
Without naming any of the particular wines proposed in this thread, there are some that I definitely would open right away to share with the guests - because there are some that I wouldn’t drink myself and wouldn’t want them to go to waste.
When I explained my philosophy of how to choose a gift, the response was that it was “selfish.” My point is that instead of trying to guess what the other person likes, a gift should be a manifestation of what you like. If the recipient also likes it, then you have made a connection. If not, no big deal. Everyone gets gifts they don’t like. And I hold to that whether or not the host chooses to share it at the dinner. A gift is best as a representative of the giver’s personality rather Jan the receiver’s.
If gifts were about giving people what they already know they want, then just give them cash and they can buy it themselves. A gift is about leaving something of yourself behind.
Just an opinion, but the OP is asking us to help in a situation where they are apparently at least somewhat nervous about the best thing to do.
Us ripping each other apart over individual preferences in gift giving is probably not very helpful in such a situation, so perhaps we should let it go that gift giving at such events can be handled differently by different people?
What a palaver over what is a completely inconsequential issue. (by the respondents I might add, not the OP)
Take a bottle of wine (pretty much anything middle of the road will do) and a small bunch of flowers (doesn’t need to be anything fancy) and then don’t fret about it.
If the person on the recieving end is in the least bit sniffy or bothered by what you take then they are probably not the sort of person who’s opinion you need to worry about.
What would you do if someone brought exactly the same to your get-together? You’d thank them for the gesture, stick the flowers in a vase and get on with the day (I hope)
For Thanksgiving, I always brought a Beaujolais Nouveau. Its provenance makes it a traditional fall wine, and its fruity youth makes it an excellent partner for cranberry and turkey. It’s also very available and easily findable right now, and it typically isn’t all that expensive either. If your hosts know anything about wine (and if they aren’t snobby dickholes), they will nod in knowing appreciation.
But otherwise, I agree with the drift of the thread that any reasonably thoughtful party gift, wine or otherwise, will be fine and should be received with at least casual gratitude.
I like wine, but I don’t particularly care about wine. I certainly don’t care if it “goes with” whatever I’m eating. If it tastes good, I’ll drink it. I suspect more people are like me than aren’t.
Also, where I come from not opening a bottle of wine brought to dinner is a huge insult - it implies that either the wine isn’t good enough for me, or it’s too good for my guests. Either way, it just isn’t done.
That is the most [redacted] thing I’ve ever heard of. “Here, honey. I know you wanted something pretty for our anniversary, but I really dig tools, so I got you a new impact wrench. Yeah, I know you don’t know how to use a screwdriver. But I do, and that’s all that matters.”
You’d get invited to one of our meals exactly once.
I mean, there can be a nice meeting point between the two ideas. You can buy something you really enjoy that you think the other person may enjoy or be interested in discovering, and share something you love with them. I find that a sweet gesture. Like I said upthread, nobody in my circle really cares what wine (or other alcohol) you bring to a dinner, but if a friend of mine brought something with personal value that they were interested/excited in sharing with me, that’d be very cool, even if it’s something I don’t typically drink/like. I don’t believe in any hard-and-fast shoulds when it comes to gift-giving (or much in life). Any gift, for any reason, is acceptable to me, and even no gift at all. Your company is what is desired.
You think that what I said would result in bringing hardware to a meal? When I said that I would expect it to be shared with everyone present? That’s an … interesting take.
And also … whether you considered it a good idea to share my company would depend on the gift I brought? What if I didn’t bring anything? … Thanks for letting me know in advance. I wouldn’t accept that invitation.
I mean, even if I hated all the food you served, I still wouldn’t refuse an invitation if I liked your company.
Why don’t you just ask for Amazon gift cards then? Part of being in any kind of relationship is to experience that person, not have that person just mirror your taste.
I see no point in getting a gift of something that I already knew I wanted. Just give me cash if that’s what it’s all about.
I would just buy a light red (because I don’t drink white, and wouldn’t take something that I don’t personally drink, as that would be weird). Beaujolais Nouveau is a good suggestion. Or a classic Pinot Noir from Burgundy. If I was unsure what to buy, I would also go to a proper wine merchant, explain my predicament and budget ($20-30 seems fair), and ask their advice.