# Gifts: Am I an insensitive, ungrateful, uncouth person? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 18, 2005, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gifts-am-i-an-insensitive-ungrateful-uncouth-person/331649 "2005-11-18T15:29:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 8\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2005, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gifts-am-i-an-insensitive-ungrateful-uncouth-person/331649/41 "2005-11-20T15:22:27Z")
We’ve done the Heiffer project off and on for years now. Its always been well received. Its been an especially useful busines gift. ---
**Author:** ![Brynda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e79b87/32.png) [@Brynda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brynda)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2005, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gifts-am-i-an-insensitive-ungrateful-uncouth-person/331649/42 "2005-11-20T16:36:10Z")
> [@carlotta](#): > > so, **MLS** and **Quartz** and **Brynda** , do you keep all the gifts you are given? And does it count if you get the pleasure of seeing me happy to get the gift you give me if I secretly get rid of it later? No, I must admit that I don’t keep every gift. For example, my birthday is one day before my best friend’s birthday. She and I always give each other gifts, and almost always have lunch together to celebrate, just the two of us. She usually gives me great gifts. This year, I got pyjamas that I loved, and some weird purse charms that weren’t me. I expressed gratitude for both, but the purse charms were re-gifted to my SIL. On the other hand, if you look around my house, you see tons of gifts from her over the years–same at her house. We don’t always hit it out of the park, but we try because we care. Maybe one reason I like gift giving is that I don’t have a lot of people on my list who I don’t love. I like pleasing the people I love, therefore I like finding just the right thing, and like giving it to them. If I miss and pick out something wrong, and they return it or regift it, it doesn’t bug me in the sense of they did something wrong, more that I picked out the wrong thing. ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2005, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gifts-am-i-an-insensitive-ungrateful-uncouth-person/331649/43 "2005-11-20T16:55:04Z")
I think there’s a difference between giving someone a gift to express love, etc., and giving someone a gift because it’s gift-giving season. That’s what I was trying to get at in my first post in this thread – I love giving gifts (and must say, in all modesty, that I have a reputation as someone who’s excellent at it) and definitely love getting gifts – but I resent the expectation that the calendar dictates when and how to do it. ---
**Author:** ![Bren\_Cameron\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@Bren\_Cameron\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bren_Cameron_1)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2005, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gifts-am-i-an-insensitive-ungrateful-uncouth-person/331649/44 "2005-11-20T17:06:01Z")
> [@Giant\_Spongess](#): > > My mom gives money to [the Heifer Project](http://www.heifer.org/) in the name of our family every year. It doesn’t stop her from getting a couple people small gifts, but it at least covers everyone in the extended family. She hands out pieces of paper with details of the “Gillespie Goat” and everyone is properly appreciative. Oh, I want to third this. My mom did this for my kids and their cousins for Christmas last year. They were very pleased at the idea of having given someone rabbits and bees. Seriously. It’s a good way to go. ---
**Author:** ![butler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac91a4/32.png) [@butler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/butler)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2005, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gifts-am-i-an-insensitive-ungrateful-uncouth-person/331649/45 "2005-11-20T17:32:30Z")
I turned off all the gifts through a simple method. I forwarded them all to the Salvation Army collection bin, still wrapped. And sent the sender a note to that effect. The next year I got only token gifts, then zip. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2005, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gifts-am-i-an-insensitive-ungrateful-uncouth-person/331649/46 "2005-11-20T19:06:43Z")
My sister (someone I really love, who really loves me and I am close to) just called and asked what I wanted for Christmas. I admit I am impossible to shop for. I don’t like “stuff” (purse charms!). I don’t need clothes. I have far too much crap in my life. I like books, but have a years worth stacked up yet to read. I finally told her to make a donation to the Children’s Hospital. ---
**Author:** ![Stinkum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/439d5e/32.png) [@Stinkum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stinkum)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2005, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gifts-am-i-an-insensitive-ungrateful-uncouth-person/331649/47 "2005-11-20T19:38:29Z")
I have few family members left, just a sister and her two children. Money is tight here and with her, so we have an agreement that we don’t get stuff for each other unless we KNOW that person needs it. She needs money to buy food, fix the house and pay her bills; ditto for me. The kids have fairly wealthy grandparents and uncles and aunts (their dad’s brothers and sisters) who buy the young’uns all the crap in the world. One year, I got a basket of perfumed stuff (I’m allergic), a soup gift basket with chicken and beef broth (I’m a vegetarian), and a turtleneck sweater (I have a short neck and turtlenecks make me gag - literally). This from clueless relatives who felt obligated to give me something. I took everything with many thanks, then a few days later gave it away to people who would appreciate it. Please. if you want to give me something, folks, offer to pay for the dog’s vet bill, or my root canal, or a month’s worth of groceries. THAT will be appreciated. ---
**Author:** ![Millit\_the\_Frail](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/51bf81/32.png) [@Millit\_the\_Frail](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Millit_the_Frail)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2005, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gifts-am-i-an-insensitive-ungrateful-uncouth-person/331649/48 "2005-11-21T01:58:59Z")
> [@Brynda](#): > > I like getting gifts. I like giving gifts. I like feeling connected to the people I love, and gifts are a way to do that–not the only way, of course, but an important way. Like **MLS** said, there is joy in seeing someone you love happy because of something you did. I feel sorry for those of you who don’t feel that. I definitely feel that. That’s why, instead of gift-giving, I’d rather spend meaningful time with a loved one. As soon as I had a driver’s license, my brother and sister and I started taking my dad out to the movies and dinner for his birthday. My husband and I go out to a play or a picnic. Sometimes, I’ll make someone a nice dinner at home (with all the stops pulled out!) as a gift. I hate the need for “stuff.” It’s just unnecessary, and there’s always this elaborate dance to figure out what someone needs _without_ alerting them to what you’re getting them. Within the extended family, there’s always a gift exchange, and it’s the same every year. We tell our spouse or sister or whomever what we want, and the person who has our name seeks out the sister/spouse and asks “What does Millit want?” Otherwise, I end up with a gift card or something useless and weird. Plus, going shopping in NY (my new residence) is painful and expensive and time-consuming. It’s hard enough to find time to go out and shop for a new pair of shoes when I really need them, let alone 187 gift items. I think I’ll shop online and re-gift some stuff from my wedding. 🙂 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gifts-am-i-an-insensitive-ungrateful-uncouth-person/331649.md?page=2)