# Gifts that no sane person would buy for themselves **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 13, 2006, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gifts-that-no-sane-person-would-buy-for-themselves/383956 "2006-12-13T14:48:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![tashabot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tashabot/32/6250_2.png) [@tashabot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tashabot)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2006, 8:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gifts-that-no-sane-person-would-buy-for-themselves/383956/41 "2006-12-14T08:15:48Z")
[QUOTE=LionelHutz405] I saw a pillow the other day that was designed to hold an ipod, so you could listen to it in bed. Grandparents will buy this as a gift, but really, would you want that? [/QUOTE] I saw a tool box the other day that had an iPod dock and speakers in it. I’d never buy it, but if someone got me one I’d definitely put it to use. [QUOTE=Voyager] Who buys those listen to a CD in the shower things? I’d hate to see the water bill of anyone who stays in the shower long enough to make it worth having one. [/QUOTE] I routinely stay in the shower for at least 30 minutes at a time. For one, for about five minutes I’m just standing there, waking up (I take a shower first thing in the morning). For another, I have to comb my conditioner through my hair if I want any chance of being able to brush the tangles out of it - my hair is horrendously thick but fine, and tangles way too easily. Also, if I have spare time, it’s just relaxing. I’d love one of those things; as it is, if I feel like listening to music, I keep a boombox that plays MP3 CD’s in the bathroom (I don’t use it anywhere else) and a random assortment of music CD in it. ~Tasha ---
**Author:** ![Sublight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/439d5e/32.png) [@Sublight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sublight)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2006, 8:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gifts-that-no-sane-person-would-buy-for-themselves/383956/42 "2006-12-14T08:31:36Z")
[QUOTE=1010011010] Soap made with human milk? We don’t sell it (make me an offer), but that’s what we’re giving out this year. [/QUOTE] You know, my wife just gave birth a few months ago. I think we may have a winning gift idea here. Care to elaborate on the manufacturing process? ---
**Author:** ![brendon\_small](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/brendon_small/32/17101_2.png) [@brendon\_small](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brendon_small)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2006, 10:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gifts-that-no-sane-person-would-buy-for-themselves/383956/43 "2006-12-14T10:42:16Z")
[QUOTE=LionelHutz405] Christmas-themed sweaters. Anyone wearing one of those, you can be sure it was a gift. [/QUOTE] I bought one for myself! and Mrs. Small! heh. Our family is split up a lot, which involves me driving across the state to see some of them (I’m not looking forward to next weekend). For her parents and my parents (plus close family, sisters and such) we just wear t-shirts and jeans and the like. We have my family’s big Christmas with everyone there in an old farm house my parents own. They go up the night before and turn the heat up from 45 to about 70, but it is never warm there. This meant we were always wearing sweaters or coats. I went to Kohl’s with my sister a year ago and bought two Christmas sweaters. They are big and fluffy, and have snowflake or snowmen patterns on them. I wear mine to random places, such as football games or basketball games, just because it’s so warm. Brendon ---
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2006, 12:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gifts-that-no-sane-person-would-buy-for-themselves/383956/44 "2006-12-14T12:30:43Z")
[QUOTE=1010011010] Soap made with human milk? We don’t sell it (make me an offer), but that’s what we’re giving out this year. [/QUOTE] That sounds like an item from an internet fetish porn site. I would rethink giving that little item. ---
**Author:** ![ralph124c](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/8797f3/32.png) [@ralph124c](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ralph124c)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2006, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gifts-that-no-sane-person-would-buy-for-themselves/383956/45 "2006-12-14T14:47:50Z")
Are they STILL trying to sell the “Hot topper”? It was a truly bizarre, useless appliance-it basically melted butter so you could apply it to popcorn, corn on the cob, etc. Why anyone would want such a contraption is beyond me. its like the pasta machine in my basement: my mother bought it at a yardsale 9the lady selling it had received it as a gift, but never used it). my Mom gave it to use, and WE never used it. Now, i guess its fate is to be sold at another yardsale, to somebody elese who will NEVER use it as well! ---
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2006, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gifts-that-no-sane-person-would-buy-for-themselves/383956/46 "2006-12-14T16:18:24Z")
I thought what a waste of space for the Hot Topper as well. If I want melted butter, I put a chunk in a bowl and microwave it for maybe a minute. Extactly one small bowl to clean. No big appliance taking up precious space. ---
**Author:** ![Earthworm\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f07891/32.png) [@Earthworm\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Earthworm_Jim)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2006, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gifts-that-no-sane-person-would-buy-for-themselves/383956/47 "2006-12-14T17:23:14Z")
[QUOTE=Roonwit] Lottery tickets. “Merry Christmas! This gift is probably absolutely worthless…but you never know!” :rolleyes: [/QUOTE] We just had a yankee-swap. My brother ended up with some scratch-off tickets. He won $1000. The guy who bought the tickets was, shall we say, irritated. :smack: For my entry - [the Pasta Express](http://www.amazon.com/Pasta-Express-Thermal-Standing-Straight/dp/B000F36EHK) (As seen on TV!!) I can’t imagine anyone buying that for themselves. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Swan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a87d85/32.png) [@The\_Swan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Swan)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2006, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gifts-that-no-sane-person-would-buy-for-themselves/383956/48 "2006-12-14T17:37:47Z")
[QUOTE=ralph124c] Are they STILL trying to sell the “Hot topper”? It was a truly bizarre, useless appliance-it basically melted butter so you could apply it to popcorn, corn on the cob, etc. Why anyone would want such a contraption is beyond me. its like the pasta machine in my basement: my mother bought it at a yardsale 9the lady selling it had received it as a gift, but never used it). my Mom gave it to use, and WE never used it. Now, i guess its fate is to be sold at another yardsale, to somebody elese who will NEVER use it as well! [/QUOTE] A pasta machine? Is that just the hand cranked (or automatic) roller & cutter for pasta? That isn’t a particularly obscure item, to be honest. ---
**Author:** ![Renee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/renee/32/287_2.png) [@Renee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Renee)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2006, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gifts-that-no-sane-person-would-buy-for-themselves/383956/49 "2006-12-14T17:55:08Z")
[QUOTE=LionelHutz405] Wall calendars and coffee mugs with funny pictures or cartoons on them. [/QUOTE] I’ve bought Far Side calendars before for myself; I do need a wall calendar, after all, and it’s better than kittens sitting in hats or something. That pasta cooker thing is hilarious. So you boil water, pour the boiling water into another container (a wobbly one that is likely to tip over and spill boiling water all over the place), and then wait for a while while your pasta sticks together and probably doesn’t get done enough (so you boil some more water, pick out the stuck-together pieces, and finish cooking it the regular way). Awesome. ---
**Author:** ![teela\_brown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/d9b06d/32.png) [@teela\_brown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/teela_brown)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2006, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gifts-that-no-sane-person-would-buy-for-themselves/383956/50 "2006-12-14T20:53:29Z")
I won one of those damn chocolate fountains at a drawing at my firm’s Halloween party this year. I looked properly grateful at the party, but the next day I gave it away to someone in the copy room who expressed an interest in it. I couldn’t _imagine_ ever using such a pointless, hard-to-clean stupid contraption. I figured I got rid of it painlessly. I found out later, though, that the person who picked it out at Costco for the party saw it in the possession of the receiver and got really pissed off that I gave it away. She thought that since I was a “gourmet” that this type of thing would be right up my alley! I should have thought someone would see it if I gave it away, but unfortunately, my brain doesn’t work that way. I was just happy I didn’t have to drag it down to my car. ---
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2006, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gifts-that-no-sane-person-would-buy-for-themselves/383956/51 "2006-12-14T20:56:41Z")
[QUOTE=The Swan] A pasta machine? Is that just the hand cranked (or automatic) roller & cutter for pasta? That isn’t a particularly obscure item, to be honest. [/QUOTE] It’s not a roller type, it extrudes ropes of pasta and a wire twirls around cutting it into pieces. What I’d like is a large version of the traditional pasta machine so I can get pie crusts, cut out cookies, and croissant, and yeast doughs rolled out fo me. ---
**Author:** ![Autumn\_Almanac](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d26b3c/32.png) [@Autumn\_Almanac](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autumn_Almanac)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2006, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gifts-that-no-sane-person-would-buy-for-themselves/383956/52 "2006-12-14T21:08:42Z")
[QUOTE=Shoshana] May I present [the Sharper Image Automatic Lighted Mill for Pepper or Salt](http://www.sharperimage.com/us/en/catalog/product/sku__PD302)? Not only does it look like a big space-dildo, but it falls apart now and then, dropping 4 AA batteries into your soup. As for the light feature, I cannot confirm or deny that it works because I DON’T EAT IN THE DARK. Thanks, Mom! [/QUOTE] Hey now, my parents have an automatic pepper mill/flashlight (not the one pictured in your link, but basically the same thing) and it’s a lot of fun. We’ve even turned the lights off at the dinner table to play with it. I’m not even joking. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![The\_Swan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a87d85/32.png) [@The\_Swan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Swan)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2006, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gifts-that-no-sane-person-would-buy-for-themselves/383956/53 "2006-12-14T21:39:11Z")
[QUOTE=Harmonious Discord] It’s not a roller type, it extrudes ropes of pasta and a wire twirls around cutting it into pieces. What I’d like is a large version of the traditional pasta machine so I can get pie crusts, cut out cookies, and croissant, and yeast doughs rolled out fo me. [/QUOTE] Ah, that sounds roughly like the commercial machines used to make dried pasta. I’d have stuck it in the basement too. ---
**Author:** ![tashabot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tashabot/32/6250_2.png) [@tashabot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tashabot)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2006, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gifts-that-no-sane-person-would-buy-for-themselves/383956/54 "2006-12-14T22:22:55Z")
[QUOTE=Earthworm Jim] For my entry - [the Pasta Express](http://www.amazon.com/Pasta-Express-Thermal-Standing-Straight/dp/B000F36EHK) (As seen on TV!!) I can’t imagine anyone buying that for themselves. [/QUOTE] I totally have bought that for myself. It’s great for veggies. Not quite so good for pasta, but it still works if you don’t happen to have a clean pot handy. ~Tasha ---
**Author:** ![scr4](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/59ef9b/32.png) [@scr4](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scr4)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2006, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gifts-that-no-sane-person-would-buy-for-themselves/383956/55 "2006-12-14T22:29:27Z")
I’ve always wondered who buys freeze-dried “astronaut ice cream.” I’m guessing children who are “interested in space” get them as gifts? ---
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2006, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gifts-that-no-sane-person-would-buy-for-themselves/383956/56 "2006-12-14T23:59:59Z")
[QUOTE=tashabot] I totally have bought that for myself. It’s great for veggies. Not quite so good for pasta, but it still works if you don’t happen to have a clean pot handy. ~Tasha [/QUOTE] I suppose you could microwave cook a couple spagetti in a water filled straw too. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2006, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gifts-that-no-sane-person-would-buy-for-themselves/383956/57 "2006-12-15T00:03:59Z")
[QUOTE=scr4] I’ve always wondered who buys freeze-dried “astronaut ice cream.” I’m guessing children who are “interested in space” get them as gifts? [/QUOTE] They used to sell it at the Kennedy Space Center, and the kids that visited brought them back for the classmates to try. Most people in the early 70’s I knew that went there bought one to try. The closest common item it resembles is a dry fluffier Circus Peanut. ---
**Author:** ![DarkPrince](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce73a5/32.png) [@DarkPrince](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DarkPrince)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2006, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gifts-that-no-sane-person-would-buy-for-themselves/383956/58 "2006-12-15T02:58:53Z")
[QUOTE=scr4] I’ve always wondered who buys freeze-dried “astronaut ice cream.” I’m guessing children who are “interested in space” get them as gifts? [/QUOTE] I love that stuff, used to get it every year in my stocking. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Alan\_Smithee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/2acd7d/32.png) [@Alan\_Smithee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alan_Smithee)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2006, 6:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gifts-that-no-sane-person-would-buy-for-themselves/383956/59 "2006-12-15T06:02:49Z")
I love it too. It used to be one of my favorite parts about going to the museum with my dad. (For such a smart guy, he sure was a sucker for “But Da-a-a-ad, it’s EDUCATIONAL! It’s what ASTRONAUTS eat! Don’t you want me to learn about astronauts?” In his defense, he actually did use it as an opportunity to teach me about freeze drying. I’m sure I was the only kid in first grade to know how it works. Can’t remember shit about it now.) I still buy a pack when I see it. I’m going to to go look up freeze drying on Wikipedia and feel all nostalgic. ---
**Author:** ![pbbth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f9ae1b/32.png) [@pbbth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pbbth)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2006, 6:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gifts-that-no-sane-person-would-buy-for-themselves/383956/60 "2006-12-15T06:23:23Z")
> [@](#): > > Pretty much anything from the dollar store that makes noise. My bother gave me a cat-shaped soap dispenser a few years ago. It made an atrocious mewing sound when used. I think that sounds awesome, but I like kitties and I seriously considered buying myself this shower radio at the store today that is shaped like a penguin. But the kicker is that it has a “siren” button. I really want to know what the siren button does! I am going to wait until the day after christmas and go buy it when it is a dollar. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gifts-that-no-sane-person-would-buy-for-themselves/383956.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gifts-that-no-sane-person-would-buy-for-themselves/383956.md?page=4)