# Giggly? Jiggly? No—Gigli!
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giggly-jiggly-no-gigli/192357
**Category:** Cafe Society
**Created:** [August 1, 2003, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giggly-jiggly-no-gigli/192357 "2003-08-01T14:06:44Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 4
### Author:  [@Menocchio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Menocchio)
#### Post date: [August 2, 2003, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giggly-jiggly-no-gigli/192357/61 "2003-08-02T14:22:42Z")
To be fair to Kevin Smith, in “Chasing Amy”, it’s revealed…
[spoiler]That the girl was never exclusively homosexual, only identifying as such and not dating men at the time she met Ben’s character (to the point of lying about her past).
Ben’s character’s inability to deal with her past sexuality is a major feature of the film, and is treated as a weakness on _his_ part. At the end, he comes out looking quite pathetic.[/spoiler]
That said, an actor should only be allowed to make one movie with such a polt point (like man pursues and “converts” lesbian) in his career. Ben needed to stay away from this one.
As a Smith fan, I’m really disappointed that “Gigli” was ever made. I was looking forward to seeing post-Jay and Silent Bob Smith’s work in “Jersey Girl”, and it will have a hard time beating the negative Bennifer aura generated by this film.
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### Author:  [@RealTronic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealTronic)
#### Post date: [August 2, 2003, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giggly-jiggly-no-gigli/192357/62 "2003-08-02T14:25:23Z")
hmmm… I was kinda looking forward to Jersery Girl, but I just realized that Ben & Jen are in that too. Can Kevin Smith do a recast quickly??
By the way, all this negative press about Gigli makes we absolutely wanna see it. I’m a bit suicidal.
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### Author:  [@kung\_fu\_lola](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kung_fu_lola)
#### Post date: [August 2, 2003, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giggly-jiggly-no-gigli/192357/63 "2003-08-02T14:29:36Z")
Oh, _The Montreal Gazette_ was deliciously cruel.
> [@](#):
>
> **J. Lo Bottoms Out** _by Mark Lepage_
>
> …There is nothing unconventional about a real-life romantic couple believing that their love will play on a wide screen. Every couple believes that their love is worth wide public release. It is not.
>
> …Halfway through the film, the viewer wonders; is there a camp value to this? To hearing J. Lo deliver a paean to the vagina while her downward-facing-dog pose turns B. Aff’s eyes misty with lust? The scenes might have had some merit in a different, sane film, but this film is mad.
>
> … Embarassing dialogue, flagrant plot chasms, unearned pathos, jarring tonal shifts, zombie pacing, on-the-fly plot resolutions - not for three minutes is _Gigli_ believable.
My favourite is what was written in Montreal street paper _The Hour_:
> [@](#):
>
> **Gettin’ _Gigli_ With It** _By Jason Whiting_
>
> … Lopez’ character might turned out to be one of those unconventional lesbians - you know, the ones that are only attracted to women. (Director) Brest wisely morphs Lopez into a regular Hollywood lesbian, the kind that only dates women because she hasn’t found the right penis yet. Disaster averted.
>
> … Although Brest made a mistake casting Justin Bartha as the mentally challenged hostage (if this guy is really retarded, why is he so funny and endearing?), Brest gets back on track by reminding us just how funny it is when a woman opens both her wrists with a carving knife.
Yeowch.
> [@](#):
>
> _From Roger Ebert’s Review_:
> Gigli and Ricki get to like each other very, very much, even though she makes it perfectly clear that she is a lesbian. So resolute is the movie in its idea of her character that she doesn’t even cave in and have a conversion experience, which is what we’re expecting, but remains a lesbian–as indeed, as a good lesbian, she should.
If Ebert is implying that asking for oral sex means that a woman is a lesbian, he should be shot. Insane old coot.
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### Author:  [@Governor\_Quinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Governor_Quinn)
#### Post date: [August 2, 2003, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giggly-jiggly-no-gigli/192357/64 "2003-08-02T14:39:09Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by kung fu lola \*
> \*\*
> If Ebert is implying that asking for oral sex means that a woman is a lesbian, he should be shot. Insane old coot. \*\*
_Well_, in some previous discussions on Ebert, we’ve had people who’ve seen films with him testify that he’s been known to leave the theater midway through the movie, and, as a result, he misses plot points.
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### Author:  [@Morbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morbo)
#### Post date: [August 2, 2003, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giggly-jiggly-no-gigli/192357/65 "2003-08-02T19:36:40Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Miller \*
> \*\*Don’t be too sure there, **Dooku**. That review was written by Mick “Stupidest Man in Movie Reviewing History” LeSalle. If he gave _Gigli_ that bad a rating, it can only mean one of two things: it’s one of the worst movies ever made, so bad that even LeSalle can tell it sucks. Or, it’s actually pretty good. The weight of critical opinion seems to favor the former theory, though. \*\*
So true. I have mentioned the Mick LaSalle anti-movie review method in a thread before, but I felt had I mentioned it here it might actually improve people’s perceptions of _Gigli_, and that’s the last thing I want to do. 🙂
(I still remember his review of _Titanic_: “Titanic Sinks!!”)
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### Author:  [@Skott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skott)
#### Post date: [August 2, 2003, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giggly-jiggly-no-gigli/192357/66 "2003-08-02T20:05:56Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Spit \*
> **Can someone please explain the “turkey” line to me?**
I always thought it was a reference to [_The Bell Jar_](http://www.classicnote.com/ClassicNotes/Titles/belljar/) by Sylvia Plath. In it, there is a scene where the heroine’s boyfriend shows his private parts to her, and she later recounts that she thought it looked like turkey gizzards.
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### Author:  [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)
#### Post date: [August 2, 2003, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giggly-jiggly-no-gigli/192357/67 "2003-08-02T22:44:47Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by h.sapiens \*
> \*\*Roger Ebert gave it 2-1/2 stars! He actually seems to have kind of liked it. Of course, he also seems to be in love with Jennifer Lopez, so that could explain it. \*\*
If we’re talking about the same Roger Ebert who wrote _Beyond the Valley of the Dolls_ and _Up!_ then yeah, I guess you can say he has a thing for women with a bit of meat on their bones. That also explains his strange lack of dislike for the _Tomb Raider_ flicks.
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### Author:  [@ElwoodCuse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElwoodCuse)
#### Post date: [August 3, 2003, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giggly-jiggly-no-gigli/192357/68 "2003-08-03T19:08:45Z")
**Alessan** : in a film class I took once, I got read an essay by Ebert on _Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!_ It was an interesting read, to say the least.
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### Author:  [@lisacurl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lisacurl)
#### Post date: [August 3, 2003, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giggly-jiggly-no-gigli/192357/69 "2003-08-03T23:39:23Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Skott \*
> \*\*I always thought it was a reference to [_The Bell Jar_](http://www.classicnote.com/ClassicNotes/Titles/belljar/) by Sylvia Plath. In it, there is a scene where the heroine’s boyfriend shows his private parts to her, and she later recounts that she thought it looked like turkey gizzards. \*\*
I was thinking that the “turkey, gobble, gobble” idiocy was referencing the urban-legendy use of turkey basters by lesbians for insemination purposes. I guess that goes to show the level of discourse I expected from this “film.” :rolleyes:
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### Author:  [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)
#### Post date: [August 3, 2003, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giggly-jiggly-no-gigli/192357/70 "2003-08-03T23:58:31Z")
A _turkey baster_? My God! My wrist hurts just from thinking about how much semen it would take to fill a turkey baster!
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### Author:  [@Jodi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jodi)
#### Post date: [August 4, 2003, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giggly-jiggly-no-gigli/192357/71 "2003-08-04T01:32:54Z")
My fave –
“‘Gigli’ is such an utter wreck of a movie you expect to see it lying on its side somewhere in rural Pennsylvania, with a small gang of engineers circling and a wisp of smoke rising from the caboose.”
Har! The movie apparently stinks, but the reviews are great!
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### Author:  [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)
#### Post date: [August 4, 2003, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giggly-jiggly-no-gigli/192357/72 "2003-08-04T01:49:52Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Jodi \*
> \*\*My fave –
>
> “‘Gigli’ is such an utter wreck of a movie you expect to see it lying on its side somewhere in rural Pennsylvania, with a small gang of engineers circling and a wisp of smoke rising from the caboose.” \*\*
Anyone else get the idea that critics write these things all year, then salivate in anticipation of a shitty flick to use them?
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### Author:  [@Rabid\_Squirrel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rabid_Squirrel)
#### Post date: [August 4, 2003, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giggly-jiggly-no-gigli/192357/73 "2003-08-04T01:58:09Z")
> [@](#):
>
> _From Miller_
> A turkey baster? My God! My wrist hurts just from thinking about how much semen it would take to fill a turkey baster!
Umm…err… just wait here for a minute would ya?
[Reaches for the mental eraser]
And I really hope the lobby groups don’t picket the movie. Well perhaps a little bit, just for the delicious irony. Mmmm, irony…
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### Author:  [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)
#### Post date: [August 4, 2003, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giggly-jiggly-no-gigli/192357/74 "2003-08-04T02:02:16Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Revtim \*
> \*\*Anyone else get the idea that critics write these things all year, then salivate in anticipation of a shitty flick to use them? \*\*
Probably. Just speaking for myself, I’ve got a mental rolodex of unused put-downs saved up for potential future Pit threads. I imagine most critics have something similar.
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### Author:  [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)
#### Post date: [August 4, 2003, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giggly-jiggly-no-gigli/192357/75 "2003-08-04T02:12:22Z")
Well, if nothing else, this movie, when it appears on cable (and that can’t be long now), it will give you the opportunity to test out the “erase” feature on your TiVo.
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### Author:  [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)
#### Post date: [August 4, 2003, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giggly-jiggly-no-gigli/192357/76 "2003-08-04T03:26:16Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Skott \*
> \*\*I always thought it was a reference to [_The Bell Jar_](http://www.classicnote.com/ClassicNotes/Titles/belljar/) by Sylvia Plath. In it, there is a scene where the heroine’s boyfriend shows his private parts to her, and she later recounts that she thought it looked like turkey gizzards. \*\*
Yeah, this is just the sort of movie that would throw in a Sylvia Plath reference. :rolleyes:
I’d be pretty sure it’s not a reference to Plath, basters, or anything else. It’s just an incredibly stupid and unappealing line.
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### Author:  [@Satisfying\_Andy\_Licious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satisfying_Andy_Licious)
#### Post date: [August 4, 2003, 5:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giggly-jiggly-no-gigli/192357/77 "2003-08-04T05:39:21Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Homebrew \*
> \*\*That was one of my favorite reviews ever. I’m sure that lesbians everywhere are going to love the “it’s turkey time” line as JLo’s LESBIAN character intiates sex with ol’ Gigli. See, all it takes is the _right_ man … \*\*
Well, you know his previous movie was called “Changing Lanes.”
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### Author:  [@Satisfying\_Andy\_Licious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satisfying_Andy_Licious)
#### Post date: [August 4, 2003, 5:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giggly-jiggly-no-gigli/192357/78 "2003-08-04T05:53:49Z")
## quote:
## From Miller A turkey baster? My God! My wrist hurts just from thinking about how much semen it would take to fill a turkey baster!
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Rabid\_Squirrel \*
> \*\*Umm…err… just wait here for a minute would ya?
> \*\*
There’s a real master baster.
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### Author:  [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)
#### Post date: [August 4, 2003, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giggly-jiggly-no-gigli/192357/79 "2003-08-04T13:03:14Z")
Is this movie so bad that it is worth of a MST3K viewing?
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### Author:  [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)
#### Post date: [August 4, 2003, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/giggly-jiggly-no-gigli/192357/80 "2003-08-04T13:17:56Z")
Well, Gigli was the eighth most seen movie this past weekend. So, odds are, somebody here had to have bitten the bullet.
Details!! We want details!
Ha
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