# Girl at my work **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 4, 2016, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-at-my-work/759074 "2016-07-04T15:57:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2016, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-at-my-work/759074/21 "2016-07-04T18:13:27Z")
> [@dropzone](#): > > Well, there’s THAT, like " I have to speak with my wife" when car shopping. But I’m assuming the BF came up earlier in the convo. Can’t fault a boy for trying. You can fault a boy for trying. You’ve dropped the boyfriend in conversation, the guy asks you out anyway, he must think you are the type of person who doesn’t respect her boyfriend. Who doesn’t keep commitments - which for a lot of people, once you start referring to someone as “boyfriend” means “we don’t see other people.” And, as Samp said, its work. Making her uncomfortable at work is not a direction you want to head, unless its a pretty certain thing you’ll be successful. Work relationships are high risk. I could be wrong, but if I am, they work together. They’ll spend a lot of time together. This isn’t his only chance - if they are meant to be, that will become obvious to both of them and they’ll make the timing work out - or the timing won’t work out because one or the other of them is already in a happy relationship. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2016, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-at-my-work/759074/22 "2016-07-04T18:28:05Z")
Harumph. Indeed, harumph. You have a point, but we don’t know the details. Perhaps the OP will provide some context. Until then I will stand. ---
**Author:** ![bucketybuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/898d66/32.png) [@bucketybuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bucketybuck)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2016, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-at-my-work/759074/23 "2016-07-04T18:39:32Z")
> [@kunilou](#): > > You should go for it. Remember, of course, that if she’s as wonderful as you say, others will try to steal her away from you. And if she cheats on her boyfriend with you, she’ll cheat on you with her next boyfriend. I think you should make a pass at her. Sure it takes a certain lack of morals to perve around somebody in a relationship but what the hell, you sound primed and ready for some made up drama. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2016, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-at-my-work/759074/24 "2016-07-04T18:43:38Z")
Reading that OP, all I could hear was Yakov Smirnoff’s voice in my head. _“In Russia, co-worker steal girlfriend from YOU!”_ ---
**Author:** ![epbrown01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7ba0ec/32.png) [@epbrown01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/epbrown01)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2016, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-at-my-work/759074/25 "2016-07-04T19:26:15Z")
> [@Rhymer](#): > > Hi there lads. I don’t want this thread to be the cheesy “How to kiss her” Or “does she like me” one. But here it goes: > > There is this new girl at my work… That’s all you had to say. Leave the poor woman alone. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2016, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-at-my-work/759074/26 "2016-07-04T19:56:30Z")
Yeah, because nothing shows you respect a woman more when you try to get with her after she’s very clearly told you she has a boyfriend. I guess fuck having respect for women, cuz you only live once… right? I can’t help being reminded of a conversation I was having with a platonic girl friend of mine at a bar. We were talking about a movie we had seen, half way through the conversation, a man sitting two seats down from us said something in response to what my friend said. What he said was nothing untoward. It just seemed to me he was offering polite conversation. Her response to him was thus: “Yeah, I wasn’t fucking talking to you dude. I was talking to my friend.” Embarrassed, I whispered to my friend: “WTF? The guy was just being friendly.” Her response was: “You can’t be nice to these guys, or else they’ll think you want to fuck them.” Threads like these kind of make me see her point. Not that I condone her rudeness though. ---
**Author:** ![12mgdaily](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/1/f08c70/32.png) [@12mgdaily](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/12mgdaily)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2016, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-at-my-work/759074/27 "2016-07-04T20:09:26Z")
I am a woman and have always had the same ‘rule’ as you… that if the person I feel attracted to is presently in a relationship, better not to get into this and keep it friendly but distant. We have these ‘rules’ we live by for a reason. If she is in a relationship that is going nowhere, she will break it off soon. Keep your ears open. When the opportunity presents itself, immediately make your move. The fact that you are even asking this question proves you have reservations about opening a door which has an occupied sign written on it. There is no harm in allowing her to notice your interest. This can hasten her breakup with the other fella if she has mutual feelings for you. The fact that you did not pressure her in any way will prove to her that you possess patience. She will view that as a positive, unselfish, mature aspect of your personality. Patience is a quality most women desire in a partner. If you act on your feelings while full aware she is seeing someone else, she will always remember and may never completely trust you. She may conclude you are one of those guys who declares “a stiff dick has no conscience”. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2016, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-at-my-work/759074/28 "2016-07-04T20:32:25Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > So, when a woman brings up her boyfriend, that’s a pretty good clue that she isn’t interested in you - at least not right now when she has a boyfriend. Dropping the “my boyfriend and I are …” or “my boyfriend said…” is how many many women let you know “hey, don’t let yourself get rejected and put us both in an awkward situation.” I’ve always said there are three clear signs that a woman is not interested in you. The first is when she goes out of her way to mention she has a boyfriend. The second is when she tries to set you up with other women. The third is when she tells you she isn’t interested in you - that’s the one you end up getting when you ignore the first two. ---
**Author:** ![spamforbrains](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e274bd/32.png) [@spamforbrains](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spamforbrains)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2016, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-at-my-work/759074/29 "2016-07-04T21:19:41Z")
NEVER date a co-worker and even more importantly, NEVER express any romantic interest in a co-worker. Doing so violates many company’s rules and even if your company doesn’t explicitly have rules against it, it’ll come back to make your life miserable in some way. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2016, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-at-my-work/759074/30 "2016-07-04T21:52:03Z")
Well, YEAH, “don’t fish off the company pier,” and all, but since when has that stopped aanyone? ---
**Author:** ![raventhief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/raventhief/32/4_2.png) [@raventhief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raventhief)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2016, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-at-my-work/759074/31 "2016-07-05T02:28:26Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > So, when a woman brings up her boyfriend, that’s a pretty good clue that she isn’t interested in you - at least not right now when she has a boyfriend. Dropping the “my boyfriend and I are …” or “my boyfriend said…” is how many many women let you know “hey, don’t let yourself get rejected and put us both in an awkward situation.” > > Now, when this smart, beautiful girl says “my boyfriend and I broke up” or “he started seeing someone else” or even “yeah, it isn’t working out, I’m going to break up with him soon” those are - if not green lights - at least not the flashing yellow hazard sign you are currently being given. Not that long ago, I witnessed a coworker get increasingly more and more uncomfortable being chatted up. She mentioned her fiance several times, more and more obvious that she didn’t want to just come out and say “Stop flirting! I am with someone!” I came over and tried to steer the conversation away, but the smitten lad didn’t drop it until he left. She was quite annoyed that she had been super obvious and he didn’t get the hint, but he also didn’t get so overt that she could just flatly refuse him. In other words- OP, you think she is interested in you. Why? Because you hope she is? Because she is easy to talk to and beautiful? If she is saying things about “my boyfriend,” that’s a signal, and pursuing it will make things suck for her – and probably for you, too. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2016, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-at-my-work/759074/32 "2016-07-05T02:33:22Z")
NEVER dip your pen in company ink. ---
**Author:** ![watchwolf49](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e9c0ed/32.png) [@watchwolf49](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/watchwolf49)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2016, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-at-my-work/759074/33 "2016-07-05T02:33:35Z")
Hire some cutie to go flirt with the boyfriend … Take pictures … Get my drift … ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2016, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-at-my-work/759074/34 "2016-07-05T03:10:58Z")
> [@Rhymer](#): > > If a girl is interested in you, who is in relationship, would you try to win her? When would it be worth it? On the other hand If I would be in her boyfriend position and my girl wouldn’t want to be with me its fair enough, better painful truth than sweet lies. I suspect that the painful truth in this situation is that the young lady is not interested in you, she does in fact want to be with her current boyfriend, and she would be very uncomfortable if she realized that a coworker who she thought of as a friend – and who knew she was seeing someone – was trying to “win her”. ---
**Author:** ![usedtobe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ec9cab/32.png) [@usedtobe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/usedtobe)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2016, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-at-my-work/759074/35 "2016-07-05T05:12:14Z")
If you feel compelled to ask the Dope “Should I pursue her”, it is almost certain that you already know that you should NOT EVEN THINK of “making a play”. Are you willing to quit your job? Your employer is quite likely to have rules about office romances. No? Then don’t soil your nest. Let someone else be the idiot who makes such a mess that somebody (probably the female) gets fired. ---
**Author:** ![China\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/779978/32.png) [@China\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/China_Guy)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2016, 5:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-at-my-work/759074/36 "2016-07-05T05:33:03Z")
> [@dropzone](#): > > Well, YEAH, “don’t fish off the company pier,” and all, but since when has that stopped aanyone? Not saying that is a smart move. How many co-worker relationships have you seen work? And the vast majority of those that do work are totally unrelated in day to day interactions? Jus’ sayin’ I learned not to fish of the company pier at University and kept that a hard and fast rule ever since. It’s a good rule to live by with the very unlikely but possible exception of 1. you are both mutually unencumbered, totally enamored, and this is the one in a million mutual thing 2. You company is so big and your orbits are so distant that it takes 10 degrees of Kevin Bacon to find a link ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2016, 8:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-at-my-work/759074/37 "2016-07-05T08:33:58Z")
I don’t know nothin’ about nothin’, expecially in this arena, but I say - when she is single then ask her out. If she is not single, do not. However, if you work with her, it will be awkward when it goes south, as it may well do. Might be best to wait even longer until either of you are working somewhere else. ---
**Author:** ![Spiderman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiderman/32/230_2.png) [@Spiderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiderman)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2016, 11:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-at-my-work/759074/38 "2016-07-05T11:42:12Z")
> [@Rhymer](#): > > There is this new girl at my work… > [@Lamia](#): > > I suspect that the painful truth in this situation is that the young lady is not interested in you, she does in fact want to be with her current boyfriend, and she would be very uncomfortable if she realized that a coworker who she thought of as a friend – and who knew she was seeing someone – was trying to “win her”. Perhaps new girl is trying to fit in. If she’s new & one of the few things you know about her personal life is she has a boyfriend, don’t bother. All you’re doing is setting yourself up to be creepy & rejected (& possibly fired if you keep it up). ---
**Author:** ![Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2016, 11:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-at-my-work/759074/39 "2016-07-05T11:43:38Z")
Got many different advises here. I thought this discussion gonna be more general about this thing, but it got very into details, I’m glad. So first of all let me add that she never mentioned that she have boyfriend to me. I find out about it from co-workers on the same day I first saw her. Secondly, I’m not working in office kind of place, it’s more like part-time job which going along with studies. Yes she is genuinely friendly but what makes me think that she is interest in me are these small things (Flirting, touching if have chance…) I can see difference between how she acts around me and how around other people. > [@12mgdaily](#): > > I am a woman and have always had the same ‘rule’ as you… that if the person I feel attracted to is presently in a relationship, better not to get into this and keep it friendly but distant. We have these ‘rules’ we live by for a reason. If she is in a relationship that is going nowhere, she will break it off soon. Keep your ears open. When the opportunity presents itself, immediately make your move. The fact that you are even asking this question proves you have reservations about opening a door which has an occupied sign written on it. There is no harm in allowing her to notice your interest. This can hasten her breakup with the other fella if she has mutual feelings for you. The fact that you did not pressure her in any way will prove to her that you possess patience. She will view that as a positive, unselfish, mature aspect of your personality. Patience is a quality most women desire in a partner. If you act on your feelings while full aware she is seeing someone else, she will always remember and may never completely trust you. She may conclude you are one of those guys who declares “a stiff dick has no conscience”. I love this response. I will slowly show her my interest and see where it goes after. I will leave it to her, to give me good enough sign that she doesn’t want to do anything with me or her boyfriend anymore. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2016, 11:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-at-my-work/759074/40 "2016-07-05T11:48:22Z")
We’re all rooting for you. Keep us posted. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-at-my-work/759074.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-at-my-work/759074.md?page=3)