# Girl Friend to Girlfriend **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 8, 2000, 6:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-friend-to-girlfriend/13544 "2000-02-08T06:56:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![hightechburrito](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/f6c823/32.png) [@hightechburrito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hightechburrito)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2000, 6:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-friend-to-girlfriend/13544/1 "2000-02-08T06:56:00Z")
Any interesting stories? I like a girl that I have known as a friend for about 3 years. Any tips on the conversion? ---
**Author:** ![chief](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df788c/32.png) [@chief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chief)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2000, 7:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-friend-to-girlfriend/13544/2 "2000-02-08T07:41:00Z")
hmm, this should be interesting… have you thought of asking her directly… or would that not be the best way to approach the situation? * * * Chief’s Domain - [http://www.seas.ucla.edu/~ravi](http://www.seas.ucla.edu/~ravi) ---
**Author:** ![TheNerd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/858c86/32.png) [@TheNerd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheNerd)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2000, 7:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-friend-to-girlfriend/13544/3 "2000-02-08T07:42:00Z")
Nearly impossible. She’ll give you the “I don’t want to ruin our friendship” speech. I think it’s #4. But if you do manage it, it’ll probably be the best experience of your lives. Yes, both of you. Of course, my experience in the success area is rather limited. ---
**Author:** ![chief](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df788c/32.png) [@chief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chief)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2000, 7:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-friend-to-girlfriend/13544/4 "2000-02-08T07:43:00Z")
oops what i meant was ask her out on a date … * * * Chief’s Domain - [http://www.seas.ucla.edu/~ravi](http://www.seas.ucla.edu/~ravi) ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2000, 7:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-friend-to-girlfriend/13544/5 "2000-02-08T07:43:00Z")
None. No tips whatsoever. Man, I was friends with this one chic since like seventh grade up thru college. I was insanely infatuated with her the \WHOLE\ time. And since she did no dig me in “that way”, it never went any further. If you have been hangin’ around some broad for 3 years and nothin’ has happened, chances are it never will. I finally was able to lay the issus to rest by coming clean wiht her, like it’s no bigt deal. Somthing to the effect of > [@](#): > > “Hey, we’ve been friends for three years. Somewhere along the line I figured out I have the hots for you. What’s up with that? Can we hook up? And if you pawn me off with the ‘I don’t want to ruin the friendship’ cliche, I’ll break your knees.” Is what I said. She told me I was sweet and all that shit, but that I didn’t do it for her–she dates really ugly, arty, smelly, greasy, guys so I guess that’s a compliment. So that was why we couldn’t hook up on an intimate level. So I don’t know, but the come right out and say “I want you” approach makes the most sense to me. Noonch. * * * _Fat Guy in a Little Coat, SDMB Self-Righteous Clique_ > [@](#): > > “And on the eighth day, God Created beer > to prevent the Irish from taking over > the Earth.” ---
**Author:** ![Boris\_B](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/fbc32d/32.png) [@Boris\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boris_B)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2000, 8:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-friend-to-girlfriend/13544/6 "2000-02-08T08:24:00Z")
I recommend you get some of those spray-on pheromones that make you irresistible to women. Of course, it might work on all women, which means you will have to politely fend off the advances of that nice white-haired lady who works at the county library. Seriously, though, I think it’s pretty rare that it’s successful. I was good friends with a year or two with my first girlfriend, before we were involved. Of course, we were about 16, so maybe age has something to do with it. * * * Any similarity in the above text to an English word or phrase is purely coincidental. ---
**Author:** ![Pooch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/dbc845/32.png) [@Pooch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pooch)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2000, 8:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-friend-to-girlfriend/13544/7 "2000-02-08T08:28:00Z")
Sing (with gusto): I want you I want you so bad I want you, I want you so bad It’s driving me mad, it’s driving me mad. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2000, 9:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-friend-to-girlfriend/13544/8 "2000-02-08T09:23:00Z")
My thoughts on this matter are a little different from those listed above. I think you should determine whether your feelings for her are worth risking the friendship, if you decide that is so then talk with her about it. I don’t think you should just give an all dramatic “I love you, have my children !” statement or something like that which is bound to throw her emotions into an uproar. Maybe the better way is to ask her friend to friend if she has ever thought about taking it to the next level, getting her ideas and point of view on the topic. That way, if she is only interested in being your friend you can continue to do that. But thats just me, I could be wrong . . . . * * * “A single lifetime, even though entirely devoted to the sky, would not be enough for the investigation of so vast a subject.” - Seneca ---
**Author:** ![SwimmingRiddles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/43a26b/32.png) [@SwimmingRiddles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SwimmingRiddles)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2000, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-friend-to-girlfriend/13544/9 "2000-02-08T13:17:00Z")
Ok, here’s a question: what if (say in theory) you are a female, and you have a good friend who is a male. You are aware of his feelings for you, but have thought it out logically, and have come to the conclusion that a relationship would never work between you A.) because you are not attracted to him, and B.) You are both bitter, cynical, sarcastic people, and you (youself) get enough cynicism from yourself without getting into a relationship with someone MORE cynical than yourself. (grammatically incorrect, I know.) He has never brought the subject up, but you just KNOW he’s waiting for you to signal something. You genuinely enjoy this human being, but know that a relationship with him would make you hate him, and vice versa. You do NOT want to be the bitch who pulls the “Lets just be friends…” line, because…well, she pisses you off. But in the end, that is EXACTLY what you want to communcate, without hurting him. Any thoughts on how to handle this situation? Um…and it’s purely hypothetical. * * * Habit rules the unreflecting herd. - Wordsworth ---
**Author:** ![CanadianSue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/71e660/32.png) [@CanadianSue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanadianSue)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2000, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-friend-to-girlfriend/13544/10 "2000-02-08T13:30:00Z")
One of my best and dearest friends is a guy. He is someone I love dearly and at one time thought a relationship would be a good idea because we got along so well. We have maintained a close friendship, and he is my confidante even about matters of the heart. He is someone I would trust with any secret I had and most of all, he is totally honest with me. I was good friends with my husband too before we started to date. These things can either work or not work… sometimes there is just no way to tell ahead of time. But sometimes you just have to take the chance or lose out on something that could be really wonderful. Go for it and see what happens. * * * We are, each of us angels with only one wing,and we can only fly by embracing one another ---
**Author:** ![phouka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c5a1d2/32.png) [@phouka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phouka)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2000, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-friend-to-girlfriend/13544/11 "2000-02-08T13:32:00Z")
The trouble with going from friend boy to boyfriend is that very few women are willing to sacrifice a friend for what may amount to only a fling. Good male friends are so much more difficult to find than guys interested in dating/sleeping with you (I mean, her. Whatever.) In terms of rank generalization, women tend to categorize men pretty early on as friend or potential romantic partner. Women treat male friends completely different from potential boyfriends. We’re much more open with male friends, we let our guard down much sooner, we share things with male friends that we might not ever share with a boyfriend. To switch over, you’re going to have to understand what a precarious position you’re putting her in. You know things about her that she’d never share with a boyfriend so early. You know all of her insecurities, vanities, and buttons to push. She’ll probably feel very vulnerable. There’s also the chance she might feel betrayed - as in “you were only my friend in order to get me into bed”. I’m not saying that’s true, just that it’s happened to most women more than once, and we tend to be a little paranoid. What you’re asking for is going to require a lot of trust and hard work on her part, so you’d probably better make it worth her while, capiche? And good luck. ---
**Author:** ![Erik\_Raven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c4cdca/32.png) [@Erik\_Raven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Erik_Raven)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2000, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-friend-to-girlfriend/13544/12 "2000-02-08T13:49:00Z")
A friend of mine once gave me this advice, which I really like. If you’re sitting around, having a beer or coffee, when the conversation gets to a lull, say something like, “I think you are very attractive. I would really enjoy it if we would have a more serious kind of relationship.” The key is in delivery: look her right in the eyes, and say it in a distinctly matter-of-fact manner, just as if you were commenting on the importance of water and oxygen to human survival. Pause for a few beats, and return to whatever conversation you were having. Ball in her court, awkward rejection averted by returning to the original topic. ---
**Author:** ![Enright3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/enright3/32/2897_2.png) [@Enright3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enright3)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2000, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-friend-to-girlfriend/13544/13 "2000-02-08T14:33:00Z")
Well, there’s that, or you could rub a Hershey’s Chocolate Bar behind your ears (women love the smell of chocolate) and let her know that it’s important to you that there be a relationship before you have hot nasty sex. Hey, that’s the kind of sensitive caring guy you are. “That’s right, I fucked her! But baby, I made LOVE to you!” Enright3 ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2000, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-friend-to-girlfriend/13544/14 "2000-02-08T14:58:00Z")
Back when I was single, I was the boy friend a lot more often than I was the boyfriend. My thoughts echo phouka’s on this - women really don’t want to risk a good, stable friendship with a guy; they’re too valuable a commodity for them. But there’s another dynamic (or, really, the lack of one) going on here as well: BF-GF sorts of relationships don’t just start out of nothing; there’s that sparkle, flirtation, sexual tension in the air between the couple first. That state can only last for so long before it goes one way or the other: to a romantic and physical relationship, or to comfortable friendship. (Or it can dissolve into nothing, I suppose.) You miss this window of opportunity with a woman, and it’s pretty much gone. Sometimes it can come back again, but it usually takes something significant to change how the woman views the man. This can happen in the high school years, sometimes, just because everyone’s changing so fast. Sometimes it can happen when you and she lose touch for awhile and then resume contact. But even then, you can usually tell pretty quickly whether you’ve slipped back into the comfortable old roles, or whether there’s some extra magic in the air. It’s hard - probably impossible - to make the magic be there if it just isn’t. And if I were single again, the only reason I’d ever try to shake up a longtime M-F friendship like that is if I thought we belonged together for the rest of our lives. Put anything less on the table, and it’s just not enough to give the woman any reason to risk it. If that’s the way you truly feel, and can convey how serious you are, that might be enough to make her see you, and your relationship, in a new light. But it goes without saying that you don’t play that card if you aren’t absolutely serious about it. ---
**Author:** ![ReservoirDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/8edcca/32.png) [@ReservoirDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ReservoirDog)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2000, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-friend-to-girlfriend/13544/15 "2000-02-08T15:18:00Z")
_Kill her._ Kill her now, before this goes any further. You’ll thank me later. ---
**Author:** ![Pixoid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Pixoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pixoid)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2000, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-friend-to-girlfriend/13544/16 "2000-02-08T16:00:00Z")
I sympathize, as a girl who wanted to turn the boy friend into a boyfriend. From The Internet Movie Database quotes entry for [Chasing Amy](http://us.imdb.com/Quotes?0118842) > [@](#): > > Alyssa Jones: Why are we stopping? > Holden McNeil: Because I can’t take this. > Alyssa Jones: Can’t take what? > Holden McNeil: I love you. > Alyssa Jones: You love me? > Holden McNeil: I love you. And not, not in a friendly way, although I think we’re great friends. And not in a misplaced affection, puppy-dog way, although I’m sure that’s what you’ll call it. I love you. Very, very simple, very truly. You are the epitome of everything I have ever looked for in another human being. And I know that you think of me as just a friend, and crossing that line is the furthest thing from an option you would ever consider. But I had to say it. I just, I can’t take this anymore. I can’t stand next to you without wanting to hold you. I can’t, I can’t look into your eyes without feeling that, that longing you only read about in trashy romance novels. I can’t talk to you without wanting to express my love for everything you are. And I know this will probably queer our friendship - no pun intended - but I had to say it, because I’ve never felt this way before, and I don’t care. I like who I am because of it. And if bringing this to light means we can’t hang out anymore, then that hurts me. But God, I just, I couldn’t allow another day to go by without just getting it out there, regardless of the outcome, which by the look on your face is to be the inevitable shoot-down. And, you know, I’ll accept that. But I know…I know that some part of you is hesitating for a moment, and if there is a moment of hesitation, then that means you feel something too. All I ask, please, is that you just, you just not dismiss that - and try to dwell in it for just ten seconds. Alyssa, there isn’t another soul on this fucking planet who has ever made me half the person I am when I’m with you, and I would risk this friendship for the chance to take it to the next plateau. Because it is there between you and me. You can’t deny that. Even if, you know, even if we never talk again after tonight, please know that I’m forever changed because of who you are and what you’ve meant to me, which - while I do appreciate it - I’d never need a painting of birds bought at a diner to remind me of. I’ve never seen the movie, but this is the quote that makes me want to. Good luck. I wouldn’t suggest this speech specifically, but… Just tell her how you feel, and be prepared for an awkward period between you both if she doesn’t feel the same way. But make it clear to her that you want to stay friends even if she’s not interested in the girlfriend thing. And mean it. She doesn’t want to lose your friendship. This is the main thing that will worry her, if she is interested in you as more than a friend. * * * Have you ever _tried_ to tie a cherry stem in a knot with your tongue? ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2000, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-friend-to-girlfriend/13544/17 "2000-02-08T16:22:00Z")
Pixoid - yeah, that’s it exactly. If that’s how you feel, regardless of whether you’re the man or the woman, you’ve got to turn that into your own words, and put it in play. Anything that doesn’t reach that level, you don’t queer the friendship. ---
**Author:** ![hightechburrito](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/f6c823/32.png) [@hightechburrito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hightechburrito)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2000, 6:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-friend-to-girlfriend/13544/18 "2000-02-09T06:34:00Z")
Thank you all for the advice. But I think I should have been more clear in my origional post. As many of you have said, we have been out alone before, so it is not the awkardness of asking her out that I am concerned with. Its more that I also don’t want to lose a good friend. ---
**Author:** ![Poysyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Poysyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Poysyn)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2000, 6:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-friend-to-girlfriend/13544/19 "2000-02-09T06:48:00Z")
Been there twice, on the receiving end, one worked out good, one worked out very bad. here are the stories: I was really good friends with this guy for a number of years. I had heard that he was interested but didn’t really do anything about it. When he asked me out the first time I said no. Amazingly enough we stayed friends. But this planted a seed in my brain. I saw him differently and asked him out a few weeks later. We were together a year and a half. Bad story: Best friends with this guy. I had a boyfriend at the time, but he was away. We spent a lot of time together, but still just friends. The day before I left to go and visit my boyfriend, he told me he had fallen in love with me. My honest reaction? What do you expect me to do with that? If I don’t love you back the friendship’s over, if I do my relationship is over. I thought it was very selfish of him at the time. Looking back I know i should’ve been nicer. We did stay friends for a number of years, but deep down, I think he was just hoping he would get a chance. It’s a tough, tough move. As soon as it happens it can totally destroy the friendship. I’m just grateful I have never been on the other end. Good Luck! ---
**Author:** ![HeadlessCow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/db5fbb/32.png) [@HeadlessCow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HeadlessCow)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2000, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-friend-to-girlfriend/13544/20 "2000-02-08T19:01:00Z")
Pixoid: In Chasing Amy the reason Alyssa is going to shoot down Holden is because she is lesbian. It’s a very cool movie about “forbidden” love.