# Girl wanting to come over to my apartment for first date, is this normal? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 26, 2007, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-wanting-to-come-over-to-my-apartment-for-first-date-is-this-normal/409508 "2007-06-26T18:41:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![oft\_wears\_hats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/7993a0/32.png) [@oft\_wears\_hats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oft_wears_hats)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2007, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-wanting-to-come-over-to-my-apartment-for-first-date-is-this-normal/409508/1 "2007-06-26T18:41:40Z")
For those of you who followed my last post, I ended up asking the girl out to dinner. She said “I was wondering when you were going to get around to that.” She works until 9 tonight, and said she doesn’t really want to go anywhere, so she asked if she could just come to my apartment and we could have dinner and watch a movie. I said ok, but this struck me as odd. We talked for roughly ten minutes at our first meeting, and we’ve talked less than thirty minutes combined over a few phone calls since; she already is ok coming to my apartment. She’s been coming on pretty strong and I’m wondering if all this is unheard of amongst the fairer gender. It’s certainly not something I’m used to. Any thoughts? ---
**Author:** ![Projammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/projammer/32/559_2.png) [@Projammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Projammer)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2007, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-wanting-to-come-over-to-my-apartment-for-first-date-is-this-normal/409508/2 "2007-06-26T18:46:54Z")
Go for it. Just lock up the valuables first. ---
**Author:** ![wasson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/4da419/32.png) [@wasson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wasson)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2007, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-wanting-to-come-over-to-my-apartment-for-first-date-is-this-normal/409508/3 "2007-06-26T19:25:23Z")
Answer the door pantless. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2007, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-wanting-to-come-over-to-my-apartment-for-first-date-is-this-normal/409508/4 "2007-06-26T19:35:57Z")
Well, I wouldn’t do it on a first date, but maybe she’s just super comfortable with you. That’s cool - have fun! ---
**Author:** ![Tranquilis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tranquilis/32/3639_2.png) [@Tranquilis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tranquilis)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2007, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-wanting-to-come-over-to-my-apartment-for-first-date-is-this-normal/409508/5 "2007-06-26T19:42:07Z")
Ignore the scoffers. Sounds like she’s comfortable with you, at least provisionally. This is good. Clean the place. Don’t go nuts, though - clean enough for mother to visit, unless your mom is really permissive, is about right. Behave. find out if she has any preferences/restrictions. Make a nice dinner, but don’t go nuts. Some thoughtful touches, like fresh flowers, would be a good idea. Dont go nuts. Behave. Have a selection of beverages available, including water. Don’t go nuts. Have a small selection of movies available - again, ask her if she has any favored genre. Don’t go nuts. Behave. 😉 She’s comfortable with you, but this is also, intentionally or not, a big test. Don’t study too hard. Relax, if you can. Behave… Unless she takes the opening move. Have a good evening! ---
**Author:** ![Find\_Friends](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c37758/32.png) [@Find\_Friends](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Find_Friends)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2007, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-wanting-to-come-over-to-my-apartment-for-first-date-is-this-normal/409508/6 "2007-06-26T19:49:36Z")
[QUOTE=oft wears hats] For those of you who followed my last post, I ended up asking the girl out to dinner. She said “I was wondering when you were going to get around to that.” She works until 9 tonight, and said she doesn’t really want to go anywhere, so she asked if she could just come to my apartment and we could have dinner and watch a movie. I said ok, but this struck me as odd. We talked for roughly ten minutes at our first meeting, and we’ve talked less than thirty minutes combined over a few phone calls since; she already is ok coming to my apartment. She’s been coming on pretty strong and I’m wondering if all this is unheard of amongst the fairer gender. It’s certainly not something I’m used to. Any thoughts? [/QUOTE] Weren’t they just talking about the “home field advantage” in another forum? 😃 But seriously, as long as you don’t feel significantly uncomfortable, go for it. I wouldn’t presume any level of sexual activity, nor would I express to her that it seems that she’s coming on awfully strong. Just go for a good night kiss, and see whether she gives you an “Is that **all**?” kind of look. Take it from there, one step at a time. I wish you the best. * * * True Blue Jack (The edit was to change “tralking” by elininating the r. Ahr ahr!) ---
**Author:** ![stolichnaya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bcef8e/32.png) [@stolichnaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stolichnaya)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2007, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-wanting-to-come-over-to-my-apartment-for-first-date-is-this-normal/409508/7 "2007-06-26T19:53:25Z")
I’ll second the “don’t clean too much” angle. Wipe up urine, by all means. Eliminate smells. But your place should say, hey, I wasn’t planning on having company and I couldn’t be bothered to spend hours cleaning it. Other than that, women coming on strong should be encouraged- it is your duty to the rest of us men. ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2007, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-wanting-to-come-over-to-my-apartment-for-first-date-is-this-normal/409508/8 "2007-06-26T19:57:03Z")
How old are the two of you? I have a theory that this is less of a big deal for younger adults (might not necessarily have a lot of money for going out and you’re enjoying the personal freedom of having your own places), while older folk would be less likely to. ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2007, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-wanting-to-come-over-to-my-apartment-for-first-date-is-this-normal/409508/9 "2007-06-26T21:06:52Z")
Bom chika wow wow! ---
**Author:** ![Argent\_Towers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e8c25b/32.png) [@Argent\_Towers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Argent_Towers)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2007, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-wanting-to-come-over-to-my-apartment-for-first-date-is-this-normal/409508/10 "2007-06-26T21:08:51Z")
Man, the 70s are _over!_ M-tssss-M-tssss-M-tssss-M-tssss ---
**Author:** ![Noone\_Special](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/noone_special/32/2863_2.png) [@Noone\_Special](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Noone_Special)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2007, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-wanting-to-come-over-to-my-apartment-for-first-date-is-this-normal/409508/11 "2007-06-26T21:10:14Z")
I agree with the “This is a good sign. Don’t go nuts; behave unless she starts misbehavin’” crowd. But swing by the drug store and pick up a pack…, just in case you get lucky after all. Be prepared 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2007, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-wanting-to-come-over-to-my-apartment-for-first-date-is-this-normal/409508/12 "2007-06-26T21:14:22Z")
Hide your porn, first. ---
**Author:** ![oft\_wears\_hats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/7993a0/32.png) [@oft\_wears\_hats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oft_wears_hats)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2007, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-wanting-to-come-over-to-my-apartment-for-first-date-is-this-normal/409508/13 "2007-06-26T21:28:11Z")
I appreciate the advice so far, and behaving won’t be a problem. The thing is, I want to take things slow. I barely know this girl, and I would be rather uncomfortable becoming close with her without getting to know her first. ---
**Author:** ![Belrix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed655f/32.png) [@Belrix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Belrix)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2007, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-wanting-to-come-over-to-my-apartment-for-first-date-is-this-normal/409508/14 "2007-06-26T21:29:16Z")
In my post-divorce dating live, two women have joined me for a first date at my place. We had lots of conversation before this, mostly via IM & email, and I think they realized that I was, basically, safe. I made them both dinner, which they seemed to appreciate. And yes, stop through the pharmacy section before her visit. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2007, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-wanting-to-come-over-to-my-apartment-for-first-date-is-this-normal/409508/15 "2007-06-26T21:35:48Z")
She may have been burned by a married guy and she’s just checking to see if you have a hidden spouse. That’s your cue to stash the inflatable girlfriend in the closet. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2007, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-wanting-to-come-over-to-my-apartment-for-first-date-is-this-normal/409508/16 "2007-06-26T21:43:23Z")
It’s not _normal_, in my experience, but it _can_ be good… ---
**Author:** ![mswas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e99b99/32.png) [@mswas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mswas)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2007, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-wanting-to-come-over-to-my-apartment-for-first-date-is-this-normal/409508/17 "2007-06-26T21:48:34Z")
My ex-wife asked me to come over rather than go out on a date. It’s my only experience as such, but it was clear she intended for there to be sex on the first date. YMMV. ---
**Author:** ![Yag\_Rannavach](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/858c86/32.png) [@Yag\_Rannavach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yag_Rannavach)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2007, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-wanting-to-come-over-to-my-apartment-for-first-date-is-this-normal/409508/18 "2007-06-26T21:49:11Z")
[QUOTE=Kalhoun] She may have been burned by a married guy and she’s just checking to see if you have a hidden spouse. That’s your cue to stash the inflatable girlfriend in the closet. [/QUOTE] And, if you **do** have a wife, make sure you cut the face out of any pictures of her…if the new girl asks, just say that you’re learning voodoo. It’ll show that you can defend yourself from the arcane, and put a curse on anyone who tries to attack you. ---
**Author:** ![Not\_a\_Platypus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/d26b3c/32.png) [@Not\_a\_Platypus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Not_a_Platypus)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2007, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-wanting-to-come-over-to-my-apartment-for-first-date-is-this-normal/409508/19 "2007-06-26T21:54:13Z")
My first “date” with my current boyfriend was at his place. We’d chatted a little online for about a week before that, but it was actually the first time we’d even met face to face. I ended up spending the weekend there, but there was no sex and I slept on his couch that first night. So I wouldn’t say it’s exactly normal, but don’t overthink it. Maybe she’s just broke and wants to get to know you in a quieter, more comfortable, place. ---
**Author:** ![vetbridge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5e925/32.png) [@vetbridge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vetbridge)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2007, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-wanting-to-come-over-to-my-apartment-for-first-date-is-this-normal/409508/20 "2007-06-26T21:56:59Z")
She didn’t quote a price did she? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-wanting-to-come-over-to-my-apartment-for-first-date-is-this-normal/409508.md?page=2)