# Girl, what the fuck? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 4, 2004, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-what-the-fuck/222557 "2004-01-04T01:25:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Kurdt\_Kobain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/258eb7/32.png) [@Kurdt\_Kobain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kurdt_Kobain)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2004, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-what-the-fuck/222557/21 "2004-01-04T01:53:03Z")
NCB, In no way or form was I making light of his illness that affected him. I was just telling him I did not like his writing, and that he should stop posting like that. Maybe not the most appropriate place, but it had been a while since he posted a story thread in the pit and it might’ve been awhile for another. ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2004, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-what-the-fuck/222557/22 "2004-01-04T01:54:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by NoClueBoy \* > **He asked why people sniping at him when he posted about something bad happening to him, mere hours after he did the same thing to another Doper.** Didn’t know that. Can you provide a link? ---
**Author:** ![Jodi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7feea3/32.png) [@Jodi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jodi)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2004, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-what-the-fuck/222557/23 "2004-01-04T01:57:13Z")
I never understand these “what _is_ it???” pleas during a breakup. I mean, I _understand_ why we all feel the need to ask, but face it – chances are you don’t want to know. Why can’t we be together any more? Because while merely being with you used to be enough for me, now you bore me senseless. Because the way you twirl your hair/ can’t ever find your car keys/ chew your food/ grunt when you get out of a chair/ whatever, which I used to find so adorable, now drives me crazy. Because I have my eye on a hot guy or girl I’d like to spend time with, and he/she is not you. Because my feelings for you have changed, and I don’t love you any more. Or (variant): Because my feelings for you have _really_ changed, and I don’t even _like_ you any more. I’m not trying to be a heartless beyatch, but think about it: What could she possibly say that would not be hurtful? Other than “I’m moving to Outer Bumfuckistan” or “I’m joining a nunnery”? “Why are you breaking up with me?” is the obvious equivalent of “What’s wrong with me?” and there’s just no kind answer to that question. Breakups are the shits, but my experience is that trying to do autopsies on them only makes them worse. I’m sorry things didn’t work out for you, but trust me: Trying to extract “why” from her will only make things worse. She’ll either (correctly) refuse to tell you, in which case you’ll just get more pissed off, or she’ll actually try to tell you, in which case you’ll probably just get more pissed off, or hurt. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2004, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-what-the-fuck/222557/24 "2004-01-04T01:57:26Z")
Looking over your account of the conversation, it does seem clear that she’s more worried about your reaction if she tells you than your reaction if she doesn’t. Which is not to say that it’s your fault as such; merely that she may or may not be justified in anticipating a particularly bad reaction of some sort. What you need to do is talk to a friend who knows you well and knows how you normally react to things, and ask them what they think the issue might be. Get an honest appraisal from a trustworthy and knowledgable source, with the understanding that you may not like the answer. It may not save the relationship, but it might answer your question. Of course, this could all be completely on the wrong track and she may just have an irrational fear of long-term relationships and/or commitment. Some people are funny that way. ---
**Author:** ![Kurdt\_Kobain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/258eb7/32.png) [@Kurdt\_Kobain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kurdt_Kobain)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2004, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-what-the-fuck/222557/25 "2004-01-04T01:57:43Z")
“So, you’ve been actively posting here in the Pit for at least the past three and a half hours, mostly playing Pit-tag, but, now, suddenly, you remember that you want to tell us about getting dumped?” Screw off. Should I post my problems to some sort of schedule you set up? ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2004, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-what-the-fuck/222557/26 "2004-01-04T01:58:58Z")
That was an amazingly clear answer to my post, **Kurdt**. Any break up sucks, regardless of what side iniitiates it. Hope you heal from this one. And in the future, you might want to take some the advice about posting etiquette that has been offered in other threads. You might get better reactions form the Dope in general. ---
**Author:** ![Gadfly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/aeb1de/32.png) [@Gadfly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gadfly)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2004, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-what-the-fuck/222557/27 "2004-01-04T02:04:17Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Kurdt Kobain \* > \*\*You fuckers. > > I went thru something painful and you snipe at me? \*\* > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Kurdt Kobain, in a thread opened by Scylla, describing a painful experience of his._ > \*\*This shit sucks. > > Stop posting.\*\* Do unto others, motherfucker. ---
**Author:** ![nitroglycerine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c5a1d2/32.png) [@nitroglycerine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nitroglycerine)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2004, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-what-the-fuck/222557/28 "2004-01-04T02:06:08Z")
Hey Kurdt…I hear shotguns are on sale at Walmart. Maybe you could take care of your women problems like your namesake did. :eek: Did I just say that? Jon ---
**Author:** ![Kurdt\_Kobain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/258eb7/32.png) [@Kurdt\_Kobain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kurdt_Kobain)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2004, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-what-the-fuck/222557/29 "2004-01-04T02:07:55Z")
“Are you sure? How often do you “get angry”?” Not very often. I think I’ve only gotten angry at her, ie really yelling(and only that), one time, and that’s probably why we go to restaraunts to discuss things. Gadfly, did you notice a lack of me mocking his sickness? I was speaking of his writing. ---
**Author:** ![gluteus\_maximus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f17d59/32.png) [@gluteus\_maximus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gluteus_maximus)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2004, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-what-the-fuck/222557/30 "2004-01-04T02:08:09Z")
No, **Kurdt Kobain** , just a schedule that doesn’t require major suspension of disbelief. **Revtim** , [here’s](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=232586&perpage=50&pagenumber=1) your link. ---
**Author:** ![Gadfly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/aeb1de/32.png) [@Gadfly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gadfly)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2004, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-what-the-fuck/222557/31 "2004-01-04T02:08:40Z")
Of course, nitroglycerine, it was arguably Kurt’s woman that did the talking as far as Kurt’s death goes. ---
**Author:** ![Kurdt\_Kobain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/258eb7/32.png) [@Kurdt\_Kobain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kurdt_Kobain)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2004, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-what-the-fuck/222557/32 "2004-01-04T02:11:45Z")
Nitro, thanks for that advice. Did you know that wishing death on someone is a rule violation? ---
**Author:** ![eli\_the\_fanatic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ccd318/32.png) [@eli\_the\_fanatic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eli_the_fanatic)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2004, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-what-the-fuck/222557/33 "2004-01-04T02:12:09Z")
Kurdt, why exactly do you suppose you deserve sympathy from strangers you’ve only been a prick to? I think it a bit odd that you would have about five active pits against you, then expect us to rally around you because your girl dumped you. Sheesh, and double-sheesh. Go to your FRIENDS for support, if you have any. Leave us out of your dumb teenage dramas. ---
**Author:** ![wring](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/838e76/32.png) [@wring](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wring)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2004, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-what-the-fuck/222557/34 "2004-01-04T02:12:17Z")
**Gadfly** w/a/d/r and all, I wouldn’t have characterized **Scylla’s** thread as ‘painful’ in the same way as this one. **Scylla** wrote (in a humourous way) about an incident which **at the time** was frightening, but since it was in the past, he clearly knew he wasn’t seriously ill at all, and the bottom line was that he was embarrassed. **Kurdt’s** comments (I believe) were directed at the **type** of **Scylla’s** post (ie, writting a bit, then stopping, waiting and writing more of the story, in serial fashion), and I think it was clearly **not** a commentary about the ‘pain’ **Scylla** had experienced. so, no, I don’t see the situations as similar. Though I do agree (and expressed above) that it was foolish for him to have expressed this thought here, now. Unfortunately many of the dopers have posted as examples of why I so cautioned him. ---
**Author:** ![Kurdt\_Kobain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/258eb7/32.png) [@Kurdt\_Kobain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kurdt_Kobain)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2004, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-what-the-fuck/222557/35 "2004-01-04T02:16:22Z")
Well, it probably wasn’t the most appropriate time. But I needed to say something before my head exploded. I needed to express my heartache, even if it’s not very eloquently done. ---
**Author:** ![nitroglycerine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c5a1d2/32.png) [@nitroglycerine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nitroglycerine)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2004, 2:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-what-the-fuck/222557/36 "2004-01-04T02:20:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Gadfly \* > \*\*Of course, nitroglycerine, it was arguably Kurt’s woman that did the talking as far as Kurt’s death goes. \*\* Haha…Yeah, quite possibly, and as time goes on, it seems more likely that she was just nutty enough to do it. Jon ---
**Author:** ![Gadfly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/aeb1de/32.png) [@Gadfly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gadfly)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2004, 2:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-what-the-fuck/222557/37 "2004-01-04T02:20:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by wring \* > \*\ ***Gadfly** w/a/d/r and all, I wouldn’t have characterized **Scylla’s** thread as ‘painful’ in the same way as this one. **Scylla** wrote (in a humourous way) about an incident which **at the time** was frightening, but since it was in the past, he clearly knew he wasn’t seriously ill at all, and the bottom line was that he was embarrassed. **Kurdt’s** comments (I believe) were directed at the **type** of **Scylla’s** post (ie, writting a bit, then stopping, waiting and writing more of the story, in serial fashion), and I think it was clearly **not** a commentary about the ‘pain’ **Scylla** had experienced. > > so, no, I don’t see the situations as similar. Though I do agree (and expressed above) that it was foolish for him to have expressed this thought here, now. Unfortunately many of the dopers have posted as examples of why I so cautioned him. \*\* Okay, sure. Kurdt does have my sympathies, my post never claimed that he didn’t. But. For whatever reason, he sniped at Scylla. Repeatedly. And then continued his jackass behaviour, ad nauseum, until the thread was closed. After being asked politely to stop by Michael Ellis. The fact that he complains about this same behaviour, exhibited towards him, makes him a hypocrite. Look, Kurdt, this sucks, and ultimately, I’m sorry that it happened. But you have to expect some sort of sniping after your past behaviour. ---
**Author:** ![Kurdt\_Kobain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/258eb7/32.png) [@Kurdt\_Kobain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kurdt_Kobain)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2004, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-what-the-fuck/222557/38 "2004-01-04T02:21:22Z")
Wring, thank you for explaining it much better than I could. I am sorry Wring, I am trying to change, but I’m not very good at it. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2004, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-what-the-fuck/222557/39 "2004-01-04T02:25:19Z")
**Kurt** , I know that hurts. A lot of us have been there. But **Jodi** ’s right. It does no good to look for answers. Even if you got one, it wouldn’t satisfy you. Really, what answer would? You’re probably young (late teens, early twenties), so _she’s_ probably young, too. Her feelings probably changed. I know it hurts, but it happens. Time to move on and find someone else. Hell, in 6 months, you’ll probably be glad this happened. Young love is like that. ---
**Author:** ![gluteus\_maximus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f17d59/32.png) [@gluteus\_maximus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gluteus_maximus)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2004, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-what-the-fuck/222557/40 "2004-01-04T02:27:20Z")
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