# Girl you can never have **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 4, 2013, 5:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-you-can-never-have/667973 "2013-09-04T05:50:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![epbrown01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7ba0ec/32.png) [@epbrown01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/epbrown01)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2013, 12:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-you-can-never-have/667973/41 "2013-10-22T12:20:49Z")
> [@CMG](#): > > Now i honestly dont care about this. Pregnency/cheating any of it really. I dont judge and i have my own life to care about. Umm… ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2013, 12:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-you-can-never-have/667973/42 "2013-10-22T12:35:13Z")
I’m not sure if the OP is looking for an actual relationship with this girl, or just wants to fuck her. ---
**Author:** ![Kable](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ed655f/32.png) [@Kable](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kable)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2013, 12:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-you-can-never-have/667973/43 "2013-10-22T12:38:44Z")
CMG it would probably help you to learn up on what’s going on here. Depending on who you talk to you are an intellectual whore… > **[Urban Dictionary: intellectual whore](https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=intellectual%20whore)** > > A guy (usually) with unrequited lust for a girl. The girl may keep him around for a number of reasons, including self aggrandizement, intellectual stimulation or entertainment. See also wordintellectual pimp/word, wordcuddle bitch/word, wordninja... …an orbiter… > **[Urban Dictionary: orbiters](https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=orbiters)** > > A guy that wants to sleep with his female friend. He "orbits" her (hangs out with in a needy way) in the hopes of getting sex someday. If the girl is hot, she usually has many orbiters. …and maybe a cuddle bitch… > **[Urban Dictionary: cuddle bitch](https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=cuddle%20bitch)** > > (noun) A guy whom a girl chooses to cuddle, spoon, watch movies, and/or, but no limited to, sharing her feelings with. Note that the guy DOES NOT get to engage in ANY kind of sexual relations with the girl. The girl merely uses him to fulfill a lack... with a bad case of oneititis: > **[Urban Dictionary: oneitis](https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=oneitis)** > > Often confused with love, this is the feeling that a particular woman is actually special. This is just an illusion; she is the same as the other three or so billion. "Go fuck ten other women" is the most commonly prescribed treatment for this... Sounds like you are waterboarding yourself so absolutely you should move out, and date others. If you can do that in a cool/alpha way it might make her jealous and is your best chance at landing her too. Basically people want what they can’t have, so you probably need to turn that around. ---
**Author:** ![epbrown01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7ba0ec/32.png) [@epbrown01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/epbrown01)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2013, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-you-can-never-have/667973/44 "2013-10-22T13:17:47Z")
> [@Kable](#): > > with a bad case of oneititis: > > [Urban Dictionary: oneitis](http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=oneitis) Thanks for this one. I was wondering if there was a term for the phenomenon, as it’s so common in fiction, especially YA, where all the insanely attractive males wade-thru tons of available chicks - and not a little bullshit - to get one (supposedly) special girl. I somehow wound up reading “She Can Run” and apparently there wasn’t another attractive woman within three states of the protagonist - every male character was obsessed with getting in her pants. ---
**Author:** ![Kable](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ed655f/32.png) [@Kable](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kable)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2013, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-you-can-never-have/667973/45 "2013-10-22T14:00:35Z")
> [@epbrown01](#): > > Thanks for this one. I was wondering if there was a term for the phenomenon, as it’s so common in fiction, especially YA… And just about every romantic comedy film. And none of them gets the psychology of dating right, except maybe the “The Tao of Steve.” The OP should probably watch that one. ---
**Author:** ![fjs1fs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/9e8a1a/32.png) [@fjs1fs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fjs1fs)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2013, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-you-can-never-have/667973/46 "2013-10-22T14:02:32Z")
> [@CMG](#): > > If i came across like im a victim I dont feel that way at all. Ill take complete owner ship of my misery. She has never for a second led me on. The thing is i know objectively that we wont get togther and im fine if with it for the most part. Its just the emotional stuff that is driving me crazy. I’ve never really been emotional about most things in my life but this is out of the blue. Is it posible for the emotional and rational part of your brain to communicate. Dude, just lay your cards on the table, ask her out, and if she says no, get out cold turkey. ---
**Author:** ![epbrown01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7ba0ec/32.png) [@epbrown01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/epbrown01)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2013, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-you-can-never-have/667973/47 "2013-10-22T16:23:57Z")
> [@Kable](#): > > And just about every romantic comedy film. And none of them gets the psychology of dating right, except maybe the “The Tao of Steve.” The OP should probably watch that one. The OP is beyond hope, and has been since he moved to a new city to be with someone that finds him repulsive. He went over the edge a while ago, and these posts are just his final thoughts before the splat. That’s figurative - this is all mostly fantasy I suspect. ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2013, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-you-can-never-have/667973/48 "2013-10-22T16:36:44Z")
> [@fjs1fs](#): > > Dude, just lay your cards on the table, ask her out, and if she says no, get out cold turkey. Asked and answered. We’re well beyond that stage. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2013, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-you-can-never-have/667973/49 "2013-10-22T16:38:53Z")
> [@CMG](#): > > However i do have information that can hurt my roomate and this dude. With facebook and some internet searching i could probably blow up this whole situation and never be found out. > > thoughts lol This sounds like a very good idea. Do it! ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2013, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-you-can-never-have/667973/50 "2013-10-22T16:45:07Z")
The OP should extricate himself from this situation, move far away, and cut off all contact with his ex-roommate. No good will come from staying in it. Your life will only get worse unless you make a big change. ---
**Author:** ![Ranger\_Jeff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranger_jeff/32/2065_2.png) [@Ranger\_Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranger_Jeff)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2013, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-you-can-never-have/667973/51 "2013-10-22T20:47:12Z")
CMG, sorry my man, but you’ve been friendzoned and there’s no escape. It sounds to me as if she really doesn’t want a steady, permanent romantic relationship with a man. Other than you as a roommate with NO benefits. I think you should cut your losses and find someone who’ll appreciate you. But this girl? She’s your sister or your first cousin. It’s not going to happen. And you really want to be around for the drama when boyfriend’s babymama spawns and roommate gets the blame for ruining THEIR great love that should have lasted forever? Me? I’d try to find another place to live an someone who could take over your remaining lease on the place. I don’t think your landlord would mind that much if you broke your half of the lease if you had someone to take it over. ---
**Author:** ![Icarus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/icarus/32/72_2.png) [@Icarus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Icarus)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2013, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-you-can-never-have/667973/52 "2013-10-22T20:56:01Z")
First rule of holes - when you find yourself in a hole, stop digging! ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2013, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-you-can-never-have/667973/53 "2013-10-22T21:15:01Z")
Can you have pieces of her? ---
**Author:** ![CMG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a9a28c/32.png) [@CMG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CMG)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2013, 4:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-you-can-never-have/667973/54 "2013-10-23T04:25:51Z")
Well ive come to a decision. the past few nights she has had hour long phone conversations in front of me with this guy and while there not explicit there pretty flirty to say the least. now she could go into her room and had these talks but she seems to be choosing to have them in front of me. roomate wise she needs me more then i need her. i make enough to live on my own and not have to break my lease. she not so much. I think she feels that i’d never have the balls to have her move out. Anyway im sick of the whole situation and its not worth 650$ a month to be worried about all this nonsense. Obviously im too much of a puss to tell her this so ill just be so passive aggressive she’ll be forced to move out. My feelings towards her have been changing the past few weeks and my attraction is finally turning towards never wanting to see or talk to her again. I appreciate all the input for the most part. I’m in a new city and dont have many close friends and im glad at the very least i’ve had somewhere to vent. ill update in a few weeks about how it comes to an end. im guessing it’ll be a shit show she is going to have to move back in with her friend which i know she isnt keen on. thanks chris ---
**Author:** ![Locrian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/locrian/32/14146_2.png) [@Locrian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Locrian)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2013, 8:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-you-can-never-have/667973/55 "2013-10-23T08:14:32Z")
Getting your own place might be the best instead of having her move out. Maybe you could save the passive aggressive part and tell her you got a new job? Maybe you tell her you need to move closer to it? Tell her you got a promotion or something like that. Find a new place, pay the rest of the month, maybe even let her have the security deposit so she’ll have more time to find a new roommate? Plus, staying in the same place will only remind you of all this crazy nonsense. These are all just suggestions, but showing her that you can move on might make her do the same. Best of luck to you on this one. ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2013, 12:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-you-can-never-have/667973/56 "2013-10-23T12:17:47Z")
> [@CMG](#): > > I think she feels that i’d never have the balls to have her move out. She’s right. You need to move out. ---
**Author:** ![Sparky812](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eb9ed0/32.png) [@Sparky812](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sparky812)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2013, 12:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-you-can-never-have/667973/57 "2013-10-23T12:35:57Z")
> [@CMG](#): > > Well ive come to a decision. the past few nights she has had hour long phone conversations in front of me with this guy and while there not explicit there pretty flirty to say the least. now she could go into her room and had these talks but she seems to be choosing to have them in front of me. roomate wise she needs me more then i need her. i make enough to live on my own and not have to break my lease. she not so much. I think she feels that i’d never have the balls to have her move out. > Anyway im sick of the whole situation and its not worth 650$ a month to be worried about all this nonsense. Obviously im too much of a puss to tell her this so ill just be so passive aggressive she’ll be forced to move out. My feelings towards her have been changing the past few weeks and my attraction is finally turning towards never wanting to see or talk to her again. > > I appreciate all the input for the most part. I’m in a new city and dont have many close friends and im glad at the very least i’ve had somewhere to vent. ill update in a few weeks about how it comes to an end. im guessing it’ll be a shit show she is going to have to move back in with her friend which i know she isnt keen on. > > thanks > chris Dude, for once in this “relationship”! Man UP! Tell her what you really think about her and the situation and tell her to move out. Otherwise,tell her that she can take over the lease herself with the boyfriend or whomever. You don’t care, you’re out! Knock off the passive-aggressive bullshit, life is too short to mope around your apartment hoping she’ll notice and decide to leave. Most likely she’ll resign herself to ignoring you completely. Where do you live? I got half a mind to come over there and tell her myself. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Francesca](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/9fc348/32.png) [@Francesca](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Francesca)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2013, 12:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-you-can-never-have/667973/58 "2013-10-23T12:43:12Z")
You don’t “have” women. Women are not possessions. ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2013, 1:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-you-can-never-have/667973/59 "2013-10-23T13:02:20Z")
> [@Sparky812](#): > > Knock off the passive-aggressive bullshit, life is too short to mope around your apartment hoping she’ll notice and decide to leave. Most likely she’ll resign herself to ignoring you completely. From experience, I can tell you that passive-aggression has absolutely no effect on assholes, like this girl obviously is. In fact, they seem to enjoy it. ---
**Author:** ![Kable](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ed655f/32.png) [@Kable](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kable)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2013, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-you-can-never-have/667973/60 "2013-10-23T13:53:42Z")
> [@Sparky812](#): > > Dude, for once in this “relationship”! Man UP! No shit. This passive aggressive aggressive crap will get him nothing more than orbiter status on another semi-good looking babe and at best bossed around in a real relationship some day with a fatty. Moving out with a fake story about a better opportunity is a pretty good plan. Moving out with no story is a pretty good plan (maybe the best, you don’t have to lie and women dig mystery). Telling her the truth and moving out is a pretty good plan. All plans should be followed by quitting calling her. Any of those would at least show he has a pair, and gives a remote chance she’ll miss him and come back. Passive aggressive is the worst case scenario and will only reaffirm to her why he wasn’t date worthy in the first place. I think the psychology and evolutionary biology at play here is interesting and CMG couldn’t be coming across more beta if he tried. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-you-can-never-have/667973.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girl-you-can-never-have/667973.md?page=4)