# Girlfriend Question: I am overreacting? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 31, 2011, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592 "2011-03-31T02:16:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![ice1000](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a3d4f5/32.png) [@ice1000](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ice1000)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/21 "2011-03-31T03:35:27Z")
> [@colonial](#): > > Are you kidding me? > > You go on a _30-day_ vacation _without_ your girlfriend, and you expect her to be all over you as soon as you get back? > > And now you have the gall to suggest _she_ did something wrong? > > She should dump your ass. I wanted her to go. I invited her but she decided not to go. The trip isn’t for everyone. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/22 "2011-03-31T03:40:07Z")
What kind of trip was it? For a lot of people, a thirty day vacation simply isn’t feasible, in terms of work/expense. ---
**Author:** ![ice1000](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a3d4f5/32.png) [@ice1000](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ice1000)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/23 "2011-03-31T03:48:11Z")
A couple of clarifications: I wanted her to go on the trip. I invited her but she decided not to go. It was a long, hard hiking trip and she didn’t think she was up for it. The reason I couldn’t talk at length the first call was because I hadn’t slept in over 22 hours and was severely jet lagged. I did speak with her a bit in the first call but was not able to give her a full run down of the entire vacation until I got some rest. I don’t think I am particularly needy and I certainly do not want her all over me. When I had cell phone signals, I sent her a few update emails. This ended up being every 4-5 days or so. Thanks for the advice. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/24 "2011-03-31T04:14:11Z")
Man, tough crowd. I mean, they’re right. You should cool your jets, but yeesh. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/25 "2011-03-31T04:14:38Z")
Your girlfriend had probably been counting down the hours until she could talk to you…and then you say “eh, I’m gonna take a nap.” To me, that would definitely be a signal that you did not want to be in a relationship and it would start to be ultimatum time. Remember, for a moment, that it’s not all about you. I know you were tired, but you needed to have given some thought for how your girlfriend might have felt. If you had managed to talk for about 15 minutes and given her a concrete time when you’d call back, that would have probably more than satisfied her. But you were so selfish that you didn’t even think to do that. Between that and the borderline creepy call for “emotional commitment” without showing any sign of that commitment yourself kind of signals to me that you are not ready to be in a serious relationship. If you aren’t, stop wasting women’s time and making them wait months for you while you play hot-cold games. ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/26 "2011-03-31T04:19:51Z")
Maybe you should find a girl who is into hiking and does not have call waiting enabled on her phone line. I think things would go better for you then. ---
**Author:** ![PeskiPiksi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e495f1/32.png) [@PeskiPiksi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PeskiPiksi)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 4:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/27 "2011-03-31T04:25:41Z")
Wondering how old the OP is. This sounds like high school stuff to me, but I admit I could be wrong. I just think she hasn’t seen you for a month. Her life has gone on without you, as has yours. Depending on how serious the relationship was before you left, of course there’s going to be some distance between you at first. Cut her a break–what she did to you wasn’t any worse than what you did to her first. ---
**Author:** ![Angel\_of\_the\_Lord](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/angel_of_the_lord/32/2949_2.png) [@Angel\_of\_the\_Lord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angel_of_the_Lord)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 4:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/28 "2011-03-31T04:32:43Z")
You mentioned that she was on the phone with a friend. While they may not have been discussing anything super-important, it was something that she was already engaged it. Generally, it is considered somewhat rude to end a conversation with someone in order to talk to someone else. She may have been chomping at the bit to talk to you, but still, social order should be preserved. Is it understandable that you were a bit annoyed? Yeah. Honestly, in your shoes, I would’ve been a bit peeved. However, I would have realized that this was irrational, and accepted the apology. I certainly wouldn’t have brought it up unless it were some sort of pattern. Your email was, IMHO, pretty dickish. At worst, she suffered a momentary lapse of judgment; it isn’t the keystone to your entire relationship. I think you should apologize. I also don’t think she’d be out of line to dump you. What she did was at worst inconsiderate; what you did in response was downright disrespectful. What you should have done, IMHO, is phrased things with “I” statements instead of “you” statements. Saying something like, “how little you value me” is an accusation. Saying, “I felt hurt” or “I felt like a low priority” isn’t. And to those who are giving him grief over not talking when he got back; cut him some slack. He did call. After 22 hours of jet lag and non-sleep, I am pretty much an incoherent mess, and can’t manage a long conversation. IMHO, neither one is wrong here. However, if the actions _were_ wrong, “I was about to drop from exhaustion” is a more substantial reason than “I was talking to my friend.” Same with the vacationing alone thing; she’s his girlfriend, not his betrothed or his wife. The times in my life that I’ve been in a local, boyfriend-girlfriend relationship, vacations were taken both together and separately. I know that, were I in the girlfriend’s shoes, and I were asked to go on a month-long hike, my reaction would be, “Oh, hell no. You have fun!” ---
**Author:** ![Zulema](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/db5fbb/32.png) [@Zulema](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zulema)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 4:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/29 "2011-03-31T04:42:25Z")
She’s your girlfriend, not your wife. The level of commitment where one has to drop everything to talk to someone who just got back from vacation is closer to the wife level. It was not rude of her or insensitive to you to not drop her GF call to talk to you but it was rude of her to forget to call you back (unless you were rude to her when she said she would call you back). ---
**Author:** ![ice1000](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a3d4f5/32.png) [@ice1000](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ice1000)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/30 "2011-03-31T04:53:43Z")
> [@Angel\_of\_the\_Lord](#): > > You mentioned that she was on the phone with a friend. While they may not have been discussing anything super-important, it was something that she was already engaged it. Generally, it is considered somewhat rude to end a conversation with someone in order to talk to someone else. She may have been chomping at the bit to talk to you, but still, social order should be preserved. > > Is it understandable that you were a bit annoyed? Yeah. Honestly, in your shoes, I would’ve been a bit peeved. However, I would have realized that this was irrational, and accepted the apology. I certainly wouldn’t have brought it up unless it were some sort of pattern. Your email was, IMHO, pretty dickish. At worst, she suffered a momentary lapse of judgment; it isn’t the keystone to your entire relationship. I think you should apologize. I also don’t think she’d be out of line to dump you. What she did was at worst inconsiderate; what you did in response was downright disrespectful. > > What you should have done, IMHO, is phrased things with “I” statements instead of “you” statements. Saying something like, “how little you value me” is an accusation. Saying, “I felt hurt” or “I felt like a low priority” isn’t. > > And to those who are giving him grief over not talking when he got back; cut him some slack. He did call. After 22 hours of jet lag and non-sleep, I am pretty much an incoherent mess, and can’t manage a long conversation. IMHO, neither one is wrong here. However, if the actions _were_ wrong, “I was about to drop from exhaustion” is a more substantial reason than “I was talking to my friend.” > > Same with the vacationing alone thing; she’s his girlfriend, not his betrothed or his wife. The times in my life that I’ve been in a local, boyfriend-girlfriend relationship, vacations were taken both together and separately. I know that, were I in the girlfriend’s shoes, and I were asked to go on a month-long hike, my reaction would be, “Oh, hell no. You have fun!” Thank you. Great advice. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 5:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/31 "2011-03-31T05:08:53Z")
Where were you that you had “no access to a phone” for 30 days? That sounds like a load of crap to me. ---
**Author:** ![ice1000](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a3d4f5/32.png) [@ice1000](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ice1000)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 5:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/32 "2011-03-31T05:18:00Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Where were you that you had “no access to a phone” for 30 days? That sounds like a load of crap to me. I had a signal every 4-5 days. ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 5:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/33 "2011-03-31T05:23:49Z")
You need to stop, collaborate and listen. ---
**Author:** ![ice1000](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a3d4f5/32.png) [@ice1000](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ice1000)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 5:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/34 "2011-03-31T05:26:09Z")
> [@Isamu](#): > > You need to stop, collaborate and listen. Yes, I think so. Thanks. ---
**Author:** ![ENugent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/4af34b/32.png) [@ENugent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ENugent)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/35 "2011-03-31T05:36:36Z")
Dude, your only hope at this point is to send another email that says something like, “I’m so sorry! Obviously that nap wasn’t long enough, since I was acting totally irrational when I woke up. I love you and I don’t really doubt that you care about me, either - I just wasn’t thinking straight.” But she might dump your ass anyway. ---
**Author:** ![shijinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cc9497/32.png) [@shijinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shijinn)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 5:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/36 "2011-03-31T05:39:21Z")
yeah you need to invent something brand new that will improve your situation. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 5:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/37 "2011-03-31T05:45:14Z")
And then grab hold of it tightly, and let it flow like a harpoon, day and night. ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 6:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/38 "2011-03-31T06:09:10Z")
1: **You** blew your girlfriend off in the first instance when you insisted upon getting some kip after your trip. 2: As mentioned by **Angel of the Lord** , terminating a conversation with _anyone_ to speak to someone supposedly more important is Very Poor Form. Unless it was a life/death phone call, your GF was doing the polite and right thing to offer to ring you back. 3: What was her comment that “really pissed you off”? 4: “…she’s appropriately contrite…” ?? Good grief, you sound like a really special piece of manhood **ice1000**. :rolleyes: My advice would be to get down on bended knee, apologise for your overreaction and beg her forgiveness for being such a twat. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 6:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/39 "2011-03-31T06:19:49Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > Any relationship where either party has to prove their devotion has problems. Thank you, you took the ramble in my mind and said it perfectly. ---
**Author:** ![sugar\_and\_spice](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e8c25b/32.png) [@sugar\_and\_spice](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sugar_and_spice)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 6:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/40 "2011-03-31T06:22:21Z")
> [@kambuckta](#): > > 2: As mentioned by **Angel of the Lord** , terminating a conversation with _anyone_ to speak to someone supposedly more important is Very Poor Form. Unless it was a life/death phone call, your GF was doing the polite and right thing to offer to ring you back. Yeah I don’t think she did anything wrong, she was in the middle of a conversation. Whatever you had to say wasn’t important enough for you to delay your nap for 15 minutes, so IMHO it wasn’t so important that she couldn’t give her friend 15 minutes to finish the conversation. Yeah, I get that your nap was so very necessary. Some people think being polite to friends is also necessary. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592.md?page=3)