# Girlfriend Question: I am overreacting? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 31, 2011, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592 "2011-03-31T02:16:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleeps_With_Butterflies)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 6:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/41 "2011-03-31T06:22:32Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > I can’t recall the last time an OP has passed my “If you have to ask…” test so thoroughly. Get a grip, please. Missing you doesn’t mean she has to immediately stop whatever she’s doing to talk to you. Absolutely this. I can think of quite a few descriptions I’d hang on what is written in the OP. Overreacting is the least of them. Jaysus, calm down. ---
**Author:** ![ice1000](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a3d4f5/32.png) [@ice1000](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ice1000)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 6:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/42 "2011-03-31T06:35:44Z")
I guess I did overreact. The general consensus seem to point to that and after the benefit of time, I agree. After much thought, I think I was so upset because I had a very strong desire to share my experiences with her. Before I left, she was very supportive of the trip even though she knew it wasn’t for her. It doesn’t help that this friend is one of those toxic people that have useless drama in their life. When she didn’t want to talk, it set up a competition in my mind as to what is more important to her. For those of you who were wondering, I took a month long hike in Nepal to Everest Base Camp. It’s not exactly roughing it, but it isn’t comfortable and very difficult. Yes, I think I could’ve worded the email much better but intelligent communication was not at the forefront of my mind when writing the note. Thanks for all the constructive advice. ---
**Author:** ![bucketybuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/898d66/32.png) [@bucketybuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bucketybuck)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 7:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/43 "2011-03-31T07:53:11Z")
Yo, Ice, I will totally write out a reply to your question, but I am writing a reply to a thread in the Pit right now, so Im just gonna finish that and then I’ll be right with ya. (Edited to add: Can a Mod please remove the question mark from the thread title?) ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 8:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/44 "2011-03-31T08:56:52Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Where were you that you had “no access to a phone” for 30 days? That sounds like a load of crap to me. When I was hiking in the Himalayas I had zero access to any form of communication whatsoever, the entire time I was there. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 9:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/45 "2011-03-31T09:09:57Z")
The OP overreacted and he should give a brief apology and never ever ever mention it again. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 9:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/46 "2011-03-31T09:17:17Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Man, tough crowd. > > I mean, they’re right. You should cool your jets, but yeesh. Are you the real **MeanOldLady**? ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 10:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/47 "2011-03-31T10:17:24Z")
I’m the sexy robot she’s hired to post in her place. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 10:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/48 "2011-03-31T10:22:08Z")
You are being both a baby and a bully, not a good combo. A mature adult does not throw an infantile tantrum because someone is trying to juggle phone calls. That you expected her to immediately and without delay blow off the friend she was talking to is astounding, but that you follow it up with that venomous email is the mark of someone who is enormously high maintenance and needs someone they can dominate. The fact that you are such a self centered sulky child that you have dialed your reality distortion field to 11, and made this her faux pas instead of you being a needy jackass is astonishing. More astonishing is that you would relate this story to others looking for validation. For God’s sake look at what you wrote below. You come off like the whiniest, most puerile piece of crap imaginable, and you really think that normal people are going to take your side in this? You are insanely immature. Seriously, read what you wrote as a grown man and be ashamed of yourself. You should be a better person than this child. > [@](#): > > Girlfriend Question: I am overreacting? > > * * * > > I have been on an extended vacation for about 30 days. During this time, I had limited access to the internet and no access to a phone. > > I returned home yesterday, and called my gf up to tell her I was ok but I needed to get some sleep since I had been up for almost a day traveling and that I would call her to catch up in a few hours. > > I call her after I wake up and she tells me, ‘I’m on the one phone right now, can I call you back?’ > > She was talking to a female friend of hers who undoubtedly, had nothing important to to say. (The lack of importance was later confirmed.) > > She sent me an email a bit later (where she admitted what she did was wrong) and this was my reply: > > Quote: > Yes, what you did was very wrong. I am extremely pissed off at you. If you did miss me, I would expect a degree of eagerness to speak with me, which was not the case. Your actions do in fact let me know how little you value me, and talking to me, even after an extended absence. > > Her comment really, really pissed me off. I mean, she ‘said’ she missed me and yet she’s too busy to stop talking to her friend and talk to me? > > How should I deal with this? I have no clue. She’s appropriately contrite but if her gut reaction isn’t to stop and speak to me after not speaking to me after a month away, how emotionally involved is she in the relationship? ---
**Author:** ![Ostrya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/35a633/32.png) [@Ostrya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ostrya)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 10:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/49 "2011-03-31T10:59:57Z")
Wow, can’t believe this is not the Pit. What a pile on. ---
**Author:** ![ice1000](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a3d4f5/32.png) [@ice1000](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ice1000)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 11:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/50 "2011-03-31T11:31:42Z")
> [@astro](#): > > You are being both a baby and a bully, not a good combo. A mature adult does not throw an infantile tantrum because someone is trying to juggle phone calls. That you expected her to immediately and without delay blow off the friend she was talking to is astounding, but that you follow it up with that venomous email is the mark of someone who is enormously high maintenance and needs someone they can dominate. > > The fact that you are such a self centered sulky child that you have dialed your reality distortion field to 11, and made this her faux pas instead of you being a needy jackass is astonishing. More astonishing is that you would relate this story to others looking for validation. > > For God’s sake look at what you wrote below. You come off like the whiniest, most puerile piece of crap imaginable, and you really think that normal people are going to take your side in this? You are insanely immature. Seriously, read what you wrote as a grown man and be ashamed of yourself. You should be a better person than this child. I never said I wanted people to take my side. I wanted advice. Read my post above and you will see that I have given my actions much thought based on the constructive feedback given. ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 11:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/51 "2011-03-31T11:45:15Z")
> [@Sicks\_Ate](#): > > Douche. > > And she’s not emotionally involved. Why would she be. She’s probably f\*in someone else and you deserve it. Calling someone a douche outside the Pit is not allowed. Don’t do it. > [@Cell\_Guy](#): > > Seconded. Seconded. No warnings issued. **twickster** , MPSIMS moderator ---
**Author:** ![HazelNutCoffee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ac91a4/32.png) [@HazelNutCoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HazelNutCoffee)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 12:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/52 "2011-03-31T12:44:52Z")
Jesus. Dopers get so self-righteous sometimes. I’m still curious - how long have you been dating your present girlfriend? ---
**Author:** ![Meatros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Meatros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meatros)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 1:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/53 "2011-03-31T13:08:58Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > And then grab hold of it tightly, and let it flow like a harpoon, day and night. Wow, are those the words? I’m not sure what I thought they were, but now the song has gotten _just that much_ lamer. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/54 "2011-03-31T13:34:33Z")
I just want to say, I had a budding relationship completely fall apart when he went to India for a month. It wasn’t that I was mad or that he was. Just when he came back, too much time had passed and we weren’t really that interested anymore. I’m not saying this is happened to you quite, but absence doesn’t always make the heart grow fonder - sometimes it makes it forgetful. And you have to rekindle what made you two get together. ---
**Author:** ![ice1000](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a3d4f5/32.png) [@ice1000](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ice1000)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/55 "2011-03-31T13:40:59Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > I just want to say, I had a budding relationship completely fall apart when he went to India for a month. It wasn’t that I was mad or that he was. Just when he came back, too much time had passed and we weren’t really that interested anymore. I’m not saying this is happened to you quite, but absence doesn’t always make the heart grow fonder - sometimes it makes it forgetful. And you have to rekindle what made you two get together. That problem never crossed my mind. Thank you for bringing it up. HazelNut, about 1 year. ---
**Author:** ![bucketybuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/898d66/32.png) [@bucketybuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bucketybuck)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/56 "2011-03-31T13:44:35Z")
> [@ice1000](#): > > HazelNut, about 1 year. And you discuss problems in your relationship via email? This is an internet thing isnt it? Tell me, have you actually met this girl yet? ---
**Author:** ![ice1000](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a3d4f5/32.png) [@ice1000](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ice1000)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/57 "2011-03-31T13:45:59Z")
> [@bucketybuck](#): > > And you discuss problems in your relationship via email? > > This is an internet thing isnt it? Tell me, have you actually met this girl yet? 🙂 This happened while she was at work, so I sent an email. Yes, we have met. ---
**Author:** ![MN\_Maenad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e95f7d/32.png) [@MN\_Maenad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MN_Maenad)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/58 "2011-03-31T13:52:24Z")
> [@ice1000](#): > > When she didn’t want to talk, it set up a competition in my mind as to what is more important to her. Eh, you’re not the first one this has happened to. This may be a good warning flag for you to work on an insecurity or two. ---
**Author:** ![Nawth\_Chucka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c57346/32.png) [@Nawth\_Chucka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nawth_Chucka)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/59 "2011-03-31T14:46:33Z")
I’m so glad you worked this all out in your head to your satisfaction; it’s been a valuable reminder to me not to write anything important when I’ve been awake for 20+ hours as I have the same problem. Looking back to when you returned, it would have been a sweet gesture if you’d offered to come over and sleep at her place; of course she’d have insisted you go home to rest, unpack, bathe but if I were her I’d have appreciated the thought. Good luck in your relationship and keep talking it out! ---
**Author:** ![ice1000](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a3d4f5/32.png) [@ice1000](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ice1000)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/60 "2011-03-31T14:54:38Z")
> [@Nawth\_Chucka](#): > > I’m so glad you worked this all out in your head to your satisfaction; it’s been a valuable reminder to me not to write anything important when I’ve been awake for 20+ hours as I have the same problem. > Looking back to when you returned, it would have been a sweet gesture if you’d offered to come over and sleep at her place; of course she’d have insisted you go home to rest, unpack, bathe but if I were her I’d have appreciated the thought. > Good luck in your relationship and keep talking it out! Thanks for the encouragement. I am going to attribute this behavior to lack of sleep, jet lag, travel stress and just move forward. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592.md?page=4)