# Girlfriend Question: I am overreacting? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 31, 2011, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592 "2011-03-31T02:16:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/61 "2011-03-31T14:54:43Z")
Never repeat what you did/said to your girlfriend to her or anyone else. And apologize if you haven’t already. As noted above, it’s rude to abruptly cut off a conversation (emergencies excepted, of course). As my manners-obsessed mother would say, “It’s just not _done_!” Expecting your girlfriend to do so is jerkish. The importance of her conversation is completely irrelevant. I understand you were tired and probably wanted to talk to her so you could get some sleep already. That’s still no excuse for communicating with her the way you did. She has a life, as do you. You took a 30-day vacation. She probably wasn’t waiting by the phone, breathless, waiting for you to call. If she had been, that would’ve been creepy. Get some more sleep, take a Xanax if you must (well, not really) - just don’t do that again. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/62 "2011-03-31T14:55:41Z")
Dude…ya fucked up. Never, under any circumstances, criticize your girlfriend until after you’ve had the welcome home sex. If you don’t get welcome home sex, then you need a new girlfriend. ---
**Author:** ![ice1000](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a3d4f5/32.png) [@ice1000](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ice1000)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/63 "2011-03-31T14:57:12Z")
> [@overlyverbose](#): > > Never repeat what you did/said to your girlfriend to her or anyone else. And apologize if you haven’t already. As noted above, it’s rude to abruptly cut off a conversation (emergencies excepted, of course). As my manners-obsessed mother would say, “It’s just not _done_!” Expecting your girlfriend to do so is jerkish. The importance of her conversation is completely irrelevant. > > I understand you were tired and probably wanted to talk to her so you could get some sleep already. That’s still no excuse for communicating with her the way you did. She has a life, as do you. You took a 30-day vacation. She probably wasn’t waiting by the phone, breathless, waiting for you to call. If she had been, that would’ve been creepy. Get some more sleep, take a Xanax if you must (well, not really) - just don’t do that again. Si Señor ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/64 "2011-03-31T14:57:34Z")
> [@ice1000](#): > > That problem never crossed my mind. Thank you for bringing it up. > > HazelNut, about 1 year. 🙂 Just make it up to each other. A year is still pretty young in the relationship and it takes time to iron out the wrinkles. You have to compromise and constantly work at a relationship, but thankfully the rewards are well worth it. A good relationship is one of the sweetest things on this Earth. ---
**Author:** ![Renee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/renee/32/287_2.png) [@Renee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Renee)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/65 "2011-03-31T15:06:17Z")
Let’s give the guy a break. Although he sounded like a total jackass in the OP, he’s handled all the criticism thrown at him here with admirable restraint, and he seems to be taking the advice to heart. I don’t think he needs any more people piling on and telling him what an idiot he was. Good for you ice1000, for being mature enough to be instructed not to be so immature. ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/66 "2011-03-31T15:38:17Z")
> [@overlyverbose](#): > > She probably wasn’t waiting by the phone, breathless, waiting for you to call. If she had been, that would’ve been creepy. Son, calling mother: Ma, how are you? We haven’t talked in 3 weeks. Jewish Mother: Not so good. Son: What?! You sound awful, what’s wrong? JM: I haven’t eaten nearly a month. Son: Have you seen the doctor? Why haven’t you eaten? JM: God forbid I should have food in my mouth when my only son calls me! ---
**Author:** ![Sicks\_Ate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Sicks\_Ate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sicks_Ate)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/67 "2011-03-31T17:09:45Z")
> [@Renee](#): > > Let’s give the guy a break. Although he sounded like a total jackass in the OP, he’s handled all the criticism thrown at him here with admirable restraint, and he seems to be taking the advice to heart. I don’t think he needs any more people piling on and telling him what an idiot he was. > > Good for you ice1000, for being mature enough to be instructed not to be so immature. I agree, having been one of the first piler-onners. I am genuinely impressed with his demeanor in the rest of the thread. ---
**Author:** ![stpauler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@stpauler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stpauler)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/68 "2011-03-31T17:29:57Z")
> [@Sicks\_Ate](#): > > I agree, having been one of the first piler-onners. I am genuinely impressed with his demeanor in the rest of the thread. Very much so, although one point that hasn’t been piled on is bugging me. [QUOTE=ice1000] After much thought, I think I was so upset because I had a very strong desire to share my experiences with her. AND I did speak with her a bit in the first call but was not able to give her a full run down of the entire vacation until I got some rest. [/QUOTE] Of course you don’t express everything in posts of all the things you’re thinking about, but it sounds from those two bits of posts that you were eager to share what happened to _you_ but not really excited to hear what’s been going on with her for the last month. I could totally be reading into something that’s not there, but it seems a bit selfish. ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/69 "2011-03-31T17:37:59Z")
> [@stpauler](#): > > Of course you don’t express everything in posts of all the things you’re thinking about, but it sounds from those two bits of posts that you were eager to share what happened to _you_ but not really excited to hear what’s been going on with her for the last month. I could totally be reading into something that’s not there, but it seems a bit selfish. Heh, I noticed that too. Between her BF and GF, she could be tired of hearing people talk about themselves and their needs, without never asking about her. ---
**Author:** ![Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spectre_of_pithecanthropus/32/12343_2.png) [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spectre_of_Pithecanthropus)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/70 "2011-03-31T17:44:11Z")
> [@Sicks\_Ate](#): > > She sent me an email a bit later (where she admitted what she did was wrong) and this was my reply: > Quote: > Yes, what you did was very wrong. I am extremely pissed off at you. If you did miss me, I would expect a degree of eagerness to speak with me, which was not the case. Your actions do in fact let me know how little you value me, and talking to me, even after an extended absence. > > Tempted to take this to a level which would be more appropriate for the Pit. But I’ll just just leave it at this: > > Douche. > > And she’s not emotionally involved. Why would she be. She’s probably f\*in someone else and you deserve it. In addition to what **Twickster** said, it’s _very_ important to properly credit quotes. To someone reading your post at random, it wouldn’t even be clear that you are quoting–a quote of a quote. From reading subsequent responses downthread, it seems that some people may be confusing you with the OP. You should always use the quote tags, or use the quote icon to wrap selected text in quote text. ---
**Author:** ![Sicks\_Ate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Sicks\_Ate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sicks_Ate)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/71 "2011-03-31T17:56:19Z")
> [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](#): > > In addition to what **Twickster** said, it’s _very_ important to properly credit quotes. To someone reading your post at random, it wouldn’t even be clear that you are quoting–a quote of a quote. From reading subsequent responses downthread, it seems that some people may be confusing you with the OP. > > You should always use the quote tags, or use the quote icon to wrap selected text in quote text. Apollylogies. Will I get a warning if I call myself a douche outside of the Pit? ---
**Author:** ![ice1000](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a3d4f5/32.png) [@ice1000](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ice1000)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/72 "2011-03-31T18:59:33Z")
Thanks for the feedback guys & gals. I called her up and everything is ok. This time, I was appropriately contrite. (That original sentence in the OP didn’t come out the way I intended). ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/73 "2011-03-31T23:13:47Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > I just want to say, I had a budding relationship completely fall apart when he went to India for a month. It wasn’t that I was mad or that he was. Just when he came back, too much time had passed and we weren’t really that interested anymore. I’m not saying this is happened to you quite, but absence doesn’t always make the heart grow fonder - sometimes it makes it forgetful. And you have to rekindle what made you two get together. I’ve got a few of these at the back of my mind, too. India, Nepal, Thailand, ‘backpacking through Europe.’ A month isn’t that long, but if you’re young and haven’t been together long, it’s an eternity. Especially since these trips are so often about (groan) ‘finding yourself.’ To the OP, sounds like you were just cranky and jet lagged (a few words in I honestly thought this was going to be about the girlfriend getting pissed that you didn’t contact her right away), and that email was over the top, but you sound pretty rational. Keep in mind, though, that however supportive she was, and however cool she thinks your experiences were, they’re _yours_, and she may feel jealous or resentful that she didn’t go. I know I’m being presumptuous here, but if all of your stories are starting ‘When I was in Nepal…’ after a few weeks, try to cut back. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2011, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/74 "2011-04-01T00:54:56Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > I just want to say, I had a budding relationship completely fall apart when he went to India for a month. It wasn’t that I was mad or that he was. Just when he came back, too much time had passed and we weren’t really that interested anymore. I’m not saying this is happened to you quite, but absence doesn’t always make the heart grow fonder - sometimes it makes it forgetful. And you have to rekindle what made you two get together. I had a similar thing happen. He went to Malaysia for six weeks…he was gone thinking of me. I was sitting at home with a social life where I met other people. One of whom was very interested in me… ---
**Author:** ![ice1000](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a3d4f5/32.png) [@ice1000](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ice1000)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2011, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/75 "2011-04-01T01:24:00Z")
> [@Cat\_Fight](#): > > I know I’m being presumptuous here, but if all of your stories are starting ‘When I was in Nepal…’ after a few weeks, try to cut back. Another very good point. I will make a note of this. Thanks. ---
**Author:** ![Ibanez](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a4c791/32.png) [@Ibanez](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ibanez)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2011, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/76 "2011-04-01T01:28:05Z")
> [@HazelNutCoffee](#): > > Jesus. Dopers get so self-righteous sometimes. You’ve noticed that as well. After some reflection he admits his reaction wasn’t appropiate and admits it and people are still pilling up on him. Maybe some people on the Dope aren’t that bright after all. Cue in the grammar nazis. ---
**Author:** ![Hippy\_Hollow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hippy_hollow/32/4841_2.png) [@Hippy\_Hollow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hippy_Hollow)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2011, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/77 "2011-04-01T01:37:41Z")
Some of the responses here slay me. This seems a case of both people not really seeing the other’s point of view and perhaps a little overreaction on the OP’s part… But it’s understandable. **Ice,** this board loves a pile on, as you can see. This is a good time to discuss expectations - when you haven’t seen each other for some time, how do you handle the first convo? Are you going to share everything that happened then and there, or have a special dinner and do it then? I will say this, I would expect a serious GF or BF to meet you at the airport if at all possible… ---
**Author:** ![Hippy\_Hollow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hippy_hollow/32/4841_2.png) [@Hippy\_Hollow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hippy_Hollow)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2011, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/78 "2011-04-01T01:39:47Z")
> [@Isamu](#): > > You need to stop, collaborate and listen. I never say this… But this won the thread, yo! ---
**Author:** ![Zulema](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/db5fbb/32.png) [@Zulema](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zulema)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2011, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/79 "2011-04-01T02:54:40Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > I had a similar thing happen. He went to Malaysia for six weeks…he was gone thinking of me. I was sitting at home with a social life where I met other people. One of whom was very interested in me… Yep. My husband used to travel overseas for most of the time. This was before cell phones so we never talked. He would be gone, missing us, and we would be having our own life making things work just fine without him. He would get home and expect us to be glad to see him but he was always suffering from jet lag and would be extremely cranky so it took a while to actually be glad he was back. ---
**Author:** ![Snnipe\_70E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5a626/32.png) [@Snnipe\_70E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snnipe_70E)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2011, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/80 "2011-04-01T03:34:06Z")
> [@colonial](#): > > Are you kidding me? > > You go on a _30-day_ vacation _without_ your girlfriend, and you expect her to be all over you as soon as you get back? > > And now you have the gall to suggest _she_ did something wrong? > > She should dump your ass. I was thinking that he should do the GF a favor on move on. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592.md?page=5)