# Girlfriend Question: I am overreacting? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 31, 2011, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592 "2011-03-31T02:16:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2011, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/81 "2011-04-01T03:40:00Z")
> [@Ibanez](#): > > You’ve noticed that as well. > > After some reflection he admits his reaction wasn’t appropiate and admits it and people are still pilling up on him. > > Maybe some people on the Dope aren’t that bright after all. Cue in the grammar nazis. I don’t know- think about it this way… the OP’s original post might remind someone that was experienced in these things of classic narcissist behavior. The rage at not getting attention at once, the overwrought reaction with the childish demands to recant and appease immediately, these are signs pointing to someone that maybe needs to look at the situation more realistically. Or not. Either way. ---
**Author:** ![treis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bc79bd/32.png) [@treis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/treis)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2011, 5:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/82 "2011-04-01T05:59:36Z")
I feel like adding on to the pile on because it makes me feel special. It doesn’t take 30 days to climb to Everest base camp. There should have been time in between somewhere to get to call her some way. Hell, I’m pretty sure the 2nd town on the trek has internet and you’re supposed to take a day there to rest. ---
**Author:** ![HazelNutCoffee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ac91a4/32.png) [@HazelNutCoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HazelNutCoffee)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2011, 11:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/83 "2011-04-01T11:53:30Z")
> [@](#): > > I will say this, I would expect a serious GF or BF to meet you at the airport if at all possible… My boyfriend was away for a month once (and it wasn’t like he was climbing Everest either). The day he came back, I took a day off work so I could see him the moment he got home. Yes, he was tired and went straight to bed, but I was happy enough to just curl up next to him and read. I understand that maybe it wasn’t feasible for her to take the day off, and yes, the OP’s email to her was out of line, but I also don’t think it was unreasonable for the OP to feel hurt if he felt she was less than enthusiastic to see him. Are the people in this thread claiming that they’ve NEVER said anything to their SO in the heat of the moment that they’ve later regretted? ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2011, 11:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/84 "2011-04-01T11:55:00Z")
No. We’re perfect. Our shit shits diamonds. Regrets are for chumps. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2011, 12:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/85 "2011-04-01T12:24:40Z")
> [@Alice\_The\_Goon](#): > > I don’t know- think about it this way… the OP’s original post might remind someone that was experienced in these things of classic narcissist behavior. The rage at not getting attention at once, the overwrought reaction with the childish demands to recant and appease immediately, these are signs pointing to someone that maybe needs to look at the situation more realistically. > > Or not. > > Either way. The OPs original post was honestly - scary. If I were the girlfriend’s girlfriend, I’d start asking those sorts of questions that ensure she is safe and actually happy in her relationship. I understand it was an overreaction, and yes, I’d overreacted myself - but if that is anything near typical - and the need to ASK if it was an overreaction - I’d council any girlfriend of mine in a relationship like that to run. (Yes, it pushed buttons - I flew four states on three hours notice to pull my sister out of a relationship where she was getting beat. And what the OP wrote to his girlfriend was a lot like her early stages of abuse.) ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2011, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/86 "2011-04-01T14:36:14Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > The OPs original post was honestly - scary. If I were the girlfriend’s girlfriend, I’d start asking those sorts of questions that ensure she is safe and actually happy in her relationship. Yeah, the “appropriately contrite” part gave me the heebie jeebies in particular. Despite the thread title, it was less about really asking if he was overreacting and more about him trying to think about the best way to punish her. ---
**Author:** ![Ostrya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/35a633/32.png) [@Ostrya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ostrya)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2011, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/87 "2011-04-01T15:08:24Z")
Oh please, the drama. She did not want to talk to him on the ph right then and deserved to be punished. ---
**Author:** ![Rune](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e68b1a/32.png) [@Rune](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rune)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2011, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/88 "2011-04-01T15:13:40Z")
> [@ice1000](#): > > How should I deal with this? Spank her. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2011, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/89 "2011-04-01T15:24:22Z")
> [@the lone cashew](#): > > Oh please, the drama. She did not want to talk to him on the ph right then and deserved to be punished. I don’t think it’s a question of stirring up drama. I think the idea of dating someone who thinks their SO must be “appropriately contrite” is scary. I’m a person, not a dog or a misbehaving toddler. You don’t get to mete out consequences or decide if I’m really sorry. ---
**Author:** ![Ostrya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/35a633/32.png) [@Ostrya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ostrya)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2011, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/90 "2011-04-01T15:48:03Z")
Okay, my post was tongue and cheek. Time to cut myself off from the posting for today. But assuming you’re serious, Freudian, I don’t understand the follow up. > [@](#): > > I think the idea of dating someone who thinks their SO must be “appropriately contrite” is scary. I’m a person, not a dog or a misbehaving toddler. You don’t get to mete out consequences or decide if I’m really sorry. I just don’t get how that applies to the original post, maybe I missed it though. It seems a bit overblown. ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2011, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/91 "2011-04-01T15:55:56Z")
> [@Rune](#): > > Spank her. And then me. And then… Wait, I think I’m in the wrong forum. ---
**Author:** ![ENugent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/4af34b/32.png) [@ENugent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ENugent)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2011, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/92 "2011-04-01T16:24:36Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > I think the idea of dating someone who thinks their SO must be “appropriately contrite” is scary. I’m a person, not a dog or a misbehaving toddler. You don’t get to mete out consequences or decide if I’m really sorry. > [@the lone cashew](#): > > I just don’t get how that applies to the original post, maybe I missed it though. It seems a bit overblown. From the OP: > [@ice1000](#): > > **She’s appropriately contrite** but if her gut reaction isn’t to stop and speak to me after not speaking to me after a month away, how emotionally involved is she in the relationship? Frankly, as far as I’m concerned, if she was contrite at all, it’s inappropriate. ---
**Author:** ![Ostrya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/35a633/32.png) [@Ostrya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ostrya)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2011, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/93 "2011-04-01T16:36:32Z")
Okay thanks, missed the word “contrite”. I don’t even know what that word means. (I mean, nobody uses words like that around here.) ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2011, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/94 "2011-04-01T16:55:22Z")
It means apologetic or sorry. If someone told me I didn’t seem happy enough to see them and that I had to be appropriately sorry about what I did wrong, I’d feel like a naughty puppy or a little kid who’s been made to sit in the corner. Not gonna happen! ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2011, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/95 "2011-04-01T17:08:36Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > It means apologetic or sorry. If someone told me I didn’t seem happy enough to see them and that I had to be appropriately sorry about what I did wrong, I’d feel like a naughty puppy or a little kid who’s been made to sit in the corner. Not gonna happen! But it means more than simply apologetic. Its connotations go far further than that. It comes from the idea that you have sinned against someone and are penitent in order to avoid eternal damnation. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2011, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/96 "2011-04-01T17:17:06Z")
Let it go. She could easily have been miffed at you for not taking 10-20 more minutes for her before you dozed off for some much needed rest after a gruelling vacation. Alternately, you could bludgeon her with this transgression if that makes you feel better. Comes down to: do you want her as a GF or not? If not, dump her now. If you do, enjoy the time you have together. ---
**Author:** ![ice1000](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a3d4f5/32.png) [@ice1000](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ice1000)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2011, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/97 "2011-04-01T20:15:24Z")
> [@treis](#): > > I feel like adding on to the pile on because it makes me feel special. > > It doesn’t take 30 days to climb to Everest base camp. There should have been time in between somewhere to get to call her some way. Hell, I’m pretty sure the 2nd town on the trek has internet and you’re supposed to take a day there to rest. There are a few ways to get to Base Camp. One is from Lukla to EBC and the other is from Jiri to EBC. Starting at Lukla will take about 15 days and starting from Jirir will take about 25 or so. There is internet connectivity in a few larger villages. I did communicate briefly while there. ---
**Author:** ![ice1000](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a3d4f5/32.png) [@ice1000](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ice1000)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2011, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/98 "2011-04-01T20:19:21Z")
> [@Inigo\_Montoya](#): > > Let it go. She could easily have been miffed at you for not taking 10-20 more minutes for her before you dozed off for some much needed rest after a gruelling vacation. Alternately, you could bludgeon her with this transgression if that makes you feel better. > > Comes down to: do you want her as a GF or not? If not, dump her now. If you do, enjoy the time you have together. Yes. You are correct. It has been let go & buried. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2011, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/99 "2011-04-01T20:30:05Z")
I think you are doing fine, ice. For what it’s worth, at 35, I wouldn’t be miffed at all about you taking a month long trip to Everest. I’d be all "Wow! I’m not coming but have a great time! Bye!’ At 25, I’d be a lot more insecure about it and upset. I’m not saying this is the case with your girlfriend; I am just saying people change with time. ---
**Author:** ![rogerbox](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/76d3ee/32.png) [@rogerbox](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rogerbox)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2011, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592/100 "2011-04-01T22:41:50Z")
This is another time where the social norms on the SDMB are completely out of line with my personal experience. If I had a friend whose bf/gf was home from a month long trip where they barely talked and they got a call from them in the middle of our conversation it would go like this: Friend: “OMG BF/GF IS BACK! I’LL TALK TO YOU LATER!” Me: “Yup. Peace.” This would be the farthest possible thing from rude. Do you people have to finish every phone conversation to it’s conversational conclusion before it’s polite to say goodbye? Jeez. So yeah I would be annoyed my GF didn’t get off the phone if I came back, but the email reply was over the top jerkish… if that is how you guys treat each other, you either weren’t meant to be, or you deserve each other. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-question-i-am-overreacting/576592.md?page=6)