# Girlfriend ranting (longer than I had originally thought) **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 23, 2002, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-ranting-longer-than-i-had-originally-thought/129282 "2002-09-23T15:48:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![KellyM](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/57b2e6/32.png) [@KellyM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KellyM)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2002, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-ranting-longer-than-i-had-originally-thought/129282/101 "2002-10-01T19:47:36Z")
Sorry, **Sauron** , but your punishment is decreed to be forced to continue living with the horrible guilt of knowing for all time what a total scumwad you are, and even worse, knowing that everyone else knows the same thing. ---
**Author:** ![Sauron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Sauron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sauron)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2002, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-ranting-longer-than-i-had-originally-thought/129282/102 "2002-10-01T19:57:39Z")
Really? Many of my closest friends and relatives would disagree with you. (Admittedly, some would agree, but for the purposes of this post, I’m ignoring them. If they want to pile on, they can log on to this message board themselves.) Again, I’m amazed at your level of insight and perspicacity, to be able to dissect me into a quivering mass via a few words on a message board, my horrible secrets laid bare for all to see. I’m particularly impressed with the “total scumwad” diagnosis – did you get that from your “Intro to Psychology 101” textbook? This may come as a total shock to you, **KellyM** , but there are actual levels of evolution when it comes to men. Some of us, granted, are grunting neanderthals whose sole purpose in life is to rape, beat and pillage. Others of us are pure, pristine, ready to be assumed bodily into heaven. But there are degrees of each that apparently aren’t dreamt of in your philosophy, Horatio. I pray that you come to this realization before your warped outlook on men in general creates so much bitterness that it cannot be contained. ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2002, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-ranting-longer-than-i-had-originally-thought/129282/103 "2002-10-01T19:59:00Z")
KellyM, do you actually believe the crap you’re spewing? Sauron is a “scumwad” because he would physically restrain the man fucking his wife? I have never in my life attacked a person for any reason, at any level, but I would say that a man fucking my (future) wife is likely to get a golf club up his ass. I don’t feel any “perverse” pride in saying so, it is genuine. Feel free to call me a violent neanderthal, or future rapist, or wife beater, I know the truth is so far removed that any such insults are laughable. ---
**Author:** ![DeadlyAccurate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ac91a4/32.png) [@DeadlyAccurate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeadlyAccurate)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2002, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-ranting-longer-than-i-had-originally-thought/129282/104 "2002-10-01T20:01:04Z")
I believe she and **lee** have a child on the way. ---
**Author:** ![DeadlyAccurate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ac91a4/32.png) [@DeadlyAccurate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeadlyAccurate)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2002, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-ranting-longer-than-i-had-originally-thought/129282/105 "2002-10-01T20:04:41Z")
Oops, sorry, I didn’t realize this had gone to page 3. I mean, **KellyM** and **lee** have a child on the way, in response to an earlier question. ---
**Author:** ![Tars\_Tarkas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Tars\_Tarkas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tars_Tarkas)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2002, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-ranting-longer-than-i-had-originally-thought/129282/106 "2002-10-01T20:05:27Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by KellyM \* > \*\ ***Tars Tarkas** : It doesn’t make **NPavelka** a wife-beating rapist. It merely indicates, sadly, that he is likely to be, or become, one. Men who use physical violence against the “competition” for sexual partners are also more likely to use physical violence against their partners. > \*\* Wow, it’s the “All Men Are Rapists” club rhetoric. Any man screwing my wife would be dead before he hit the floor. Too bad that makes me a rapist via logic so warped Spock’s brain would implode, but i’ll live with **KellyM** ’s disapproval, for i could not live with her acceptance based on her arguments here. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2002, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-ranting-longer-than-i-had-originally-thought/129282/107 "2002-10-01T20:41:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tars Tarkas \* > **Any man screwing my wife would be dead before he hit the floor.** Although I suspect this is just hyperbole, if your wife cheated on you, why would you want to kill the person she cheated with? He’s just some guy who said yes to an attractive woman. She’s the one who agreed to monogamy. Why not kill her? For the record, I disagree with most everything **KellyM** has said in this thread, and am not trying to argue on the same side as her. ---
**Author:** ![Drastic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Drastic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drastic)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2002, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-ranting-longer-than-i-had-originally-thought/129282/108 "2002-10-01T21:09:12Z")
> [@](#): > > Wow, it’s the “All Men Are Rapists” club rhetoric. Any man screwing my wife would be dead before he hit the floor. What if they were already on the floor? I’d duck and run, but I’m just saying, a fellow needs contingency plans lest implied killing contractual loopholes are slipped. ---
**Author:** ![Tars\_Tarkas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Tars\_Tarkas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tars_Tarkas)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2002, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-ranting-longer-than-i-had-originally-thought/129282/109 "2002-10-01T21:11:02Z")
> [@](#): > > Although I suspect this is just hyperbole, if your wife cheated on you, why would you want to kill the person she cheated with? He’s just some guy who said yes to an attractive woman. She’s the one who agreed to monogamy. Why not kill her? Yes, it is hyperbole, but i would still beat the crap out of him, and i am not sure if i how long i would go on beating before i stopped myself. As for my wife, contrary to a certain person’s opinion, i wouldn’t hit a woman, unless she was harming me or others. My wife would simply be divorced, and i would take the kids and head for a new life. (this is all hypothetical as i am not married and currently have no known kids.) ---
**Author:** ![BoBettie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@BoBettie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BoBettie)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2002, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-ranting-longer-than-i-had-originally-thought/129282/110 "2002-10-01T21:18:52Z")
> [@](#): > > Sorry, Sauron, but your punishment is decreed to be forced to continue living with the horrible guilt of knowing for all time what a total scumwad you are, and even worse, knowing that everyone else knows the same thing. Wow, you are off the fucking DEEP end. Seriously. Get a grip. For the record, regarding the OP, I agree with the folks that said she overstepped pre-agreed upon boundries and it’s good that the relationship is over. For what it’s worth, I’m not a rapist or a psycho (well, maybe psycho), but if some woman had her hands on MY husband she’d get more then a wrist lock, I can tell you that much, and I don’t give a shit WHO she is. “Friends” don’t grope each other sexually, that’s all there is to it. That’s the way it is is MANY, and I’d venture to say, most marriages/serious relationships. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2002, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-ranting-longer-than-i-had-originally-thought/129282/111 "2002-10-01T21:22:37Z")
I think that’s a natural reaction. Completely idiotic, but natural. But it’s nice to know that while you might beat a man to death for being seduced by your wife, you wouldn’t hit a woman. I mean, you’ve got to draw a line _somewhere_. ---
**Author:** ![Caffeine.addict](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f475e1/32.png) [@Caffeine.addict](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caffeine.addict)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2002, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-ranting-longer-than-i-had-originally-thought/129282/112 "2002-10-01T21:54:52Z")
**KellyM** , where are you getting rapist out of all of this. What the hell kind of drugs are you smoking and why aren’t you sharing? Just because someone loses his temper when he sees a guy fucking his wife and belts the guy doesn’t make that person a rapist. With regards to your claim that men who will use violence against a man fucking their wife are more likely to be rapists, do you have a cite from a reputable source that would verify this or is this merely your own opinion. ---
**Author:** ![Sauron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Sauron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sauron)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2002, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-ranting-longer-than-i-had-originally-thought/129282/113 "2002-10-02T01:59:01Z")
To be fair to **KellyM** , she wasn’t claiming that a man who uses violence against another man having carnal relations with his wife is likely to also be a rapist. (At least, I don’t think she was.) She was saying that **NPavelka** was a lesbian-hating potential rapist, because he used some amount of force in stopping a woman from making sexual advances toward his girlfriend of 4 1/2 months. Apparently, he’s also delusional, but I’m not sure where that came from. She was merely claiming that I (as the evolutionally impaired man who would physically object to another man having carnal relations with his wife) am a “total scumwad.” There was also the implication that I might beat my wife, but that wasn’t directed at me specifically. Now, it’s possible that in the **KellyM** lexicon, “total scumwad” and “lesbian-hating, wife-beating rapist” are synonymous, but that remains to be seen. Frankly, I await the next installment with bated breath. ---
**Author:** ![KellyM](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/57b2e6/32.png) [@KellyM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KellyM)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2002, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-ranting-longer-than-i-had-originally-thought/129282/114 "2002-10-02T02:45:28Z")
Wow, someone who actually reads what I say! Kudos for **Sauron** for being able to distinguish my words from those of Camille Paglia. Although, to be fair, I never said that **NPavelka** was a lesbian-hater. I think his main faults are lack of self-control and extreme jealousy. ---
**Author:** ![galt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/35a633/32.png) [@galt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/galt)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2002, 6:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-ranting-longer-than-i-had-originally-thought/129282/115 "2002-10-02T06:10:24Z")
Personally, I don’t like physical confrontations, but to equate **NPavelka** ’s removal of the friend’s hand from his girlfriend (when he understood that to be in line with his girlfriend’s desires) with _battery_ or violence in any way is just fucking absurd. It might not have been the most adult or the most effective way to deal with the situation (I probably would have asked the girlfriend if she wanted that to continue or wanted me to stick around), but it’s a far cry from making him a “scumbag” or warranting all the other wild conclusions people have jumped to. To further say that his admitted jealousy about the physical contact somehow means he’s probably a serial rapist puts **KellyM** squarely in the loony bin. **KellyM** , you repeatedly ignored the facts of the story and made idiotic judgements as if you had some kind of bone to pick with **NPavelka**. You’ve said some pretty awful things about him, all based on shit you imagined due to your apparently dismal view of male-female relationships. You act as though he’s some kind of monster, to the point of questioning how anyone can defend him, yet **you’re** the fucking monster here: you walked into this discussion choosing to believe the worst, and then decided to defame someone based on that. ---
**Author:** ![Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troy_mcclure_sf/32/4150_2.png) [@Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troy_McClure_SF)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2002, 8:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-ranting-longer-than-i-had-originally-thought/129282/116 "2002-10-02T08:00:58Z")
**KellyM:** > [@](#): > > Scum like this HAVE been known to beat up or rape lesbians for “interfering” with their right of access to the woman they’ve decided belong to them. I feel no sympathy toward him and hope his former girlfriend recognizes his inherent scumfulness and dumps him back into the excrement-filled pit out of which he crawled forth. Welp, you refer to scum known to rape lesbians and then insinuate that this is inherent in **NPavelka**. ---
**Author:** ![Zoff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/6de8d8/32.png) [@Zoff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zoff)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2002, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-ranting-longer-than-i-had-originally-thought/129282/117 "2002-10-02T15:00:58Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by KellyM_ > Wow, someone who actually reads what I say! Kudos for Sauron for being able to distinguish my words from those of Camille Paglia. > > Although, to be fair, I never said that NPavelka was a lesbian-hater. I think his main faults are lack of self-control and extreme jealousy. No. But you did strongly imply he was a domestic abuser and rapist. Remember this? > [@](#): > > They said they were just kidding because he started to attack one of them and I suspect they said they were just kidding because they were afraid that he’s either beat one (or both) of them up or even rape one (or both) of them. > … > Guys like NPavelka scare the shit out of me. Y’all can rot in hell. You waded in with an agenda. When you got called on it you did your “chaos has ensued” crap and left. Now you’re going with the “you guys aren’t smart enough to understand what I’m saying” schtick. If you’re now saying that NPavelka is merely exhibiting behaviors that _could_ indicate future violence you should at least be honest enough to disavow your earlier comments in which you made a judgment about NPavelka as an individual. And I’d appreciate a cite for some of your claims as well. ---
**Author:** ![KellyM](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/57b2e6/32.png) [@KellyM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KellyM)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2002, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-ranting-longer-than-i-had-originally-thought/129282/118 "2002-10-02T16:14:12Z")
**Zoff** , I never said that **NPavelka** was a rapist or had raped anyone or was going to rape anyone. Y’all came up with that one on your own. All I said is that his girlfriend and her girlfriend may have claimed to have been “just kidding” out of fear that he might go beyond mere physical violence against one of them and beat them both up or even rape them. This sort of thing does happen, and women often lie to men who are prone to violent outbursts out of fear that the truth will lead to more violence. I stated outright that, based on his reported behavior, he is at least somewhat prone to be or become a domestic abuser. I realize that neither he nor a lot of other men like to hear things like that, but it’s the truth. Women – smart women, at least – avoid men who act like him. I won’t take back anything I actually said regarding **NPavelka**. Nor will I take back any of the ludicrous claims that you load of woman-hating swine have falsely claimed I’ve said about him or anyone else. The “chaos has ensued” comment was mainly out of frustration with being asked to justify comments **I never made**. And I’m not really interested in arguing with people who seem to think that just because I’m a lesbian, I necessarily hate all men. Get your heads out of your asses. ---
**Author:** ![Blalron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/35a633/32.png) [@Blalron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blalron)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2002, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-ranting-longer-than-i-had-originally-thought/129282/119 "2002-10-02T16:37:19Z")
> [@](#): > > I have “joke flirted” with some of my closer female friends from college arround her and she was visably annoyed so I imediatly stoped and showed her the attention that was lacking… What I’m asking is it right for her to be able to get annoyed but not for me? I have the double standard game playing bullshit. (1) It’s not a double standard. (2) Try “joke flirting” with one of your MALE friends. If she gets upset, THEN you can call it a double standard. (3) It’s quite a fad for females to joke about being lesbian even if they are heterosexual. (4) Lesbian action is fun to watch!! Personally, I wouldn’t give a damn if my SO goofed around with other females. But with males? That would upset me, because the ACTUAL potential of infidelity would be there. ---
**Author:** ![Zoff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/6de8d8/32.png) [@Zoff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zoff)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2002, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-ranting-longer-than-i-had-originally-thought/129282/120 "2002-10-02T16:51:38Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by KellyM_ > Zoff, I never said that NPavelka was a rapist or had raped anyone or was going to rape anyone. My original objection was you wading in and adding facts to serve your conclusion. You seem to believe they lied to him because they were afraid, yet the physical contact happened after the flirting. Perhaps you’d cure this temporal problem by simply saying NPavelka is a liar or physically threatened his girlfriend earlier. But, this again would be creating facts to fit an agenda and a conclusion. I never said you called him a rapist, so it’s you who are putting words in mouths. What I’m saying is that your posts imply to me and many others that you see NPavelka as a potential rapist based on the removal of a hand from his girlfriend. Statistics are wonderful things, but you can only generalize from them. The tenor of your comments indicated to me and many others that you were going from the general to the specific to attack NPavelka. > [@](#): > > Nor will I take back any of the ludicrous claims that you load of woman-hating swine have falsely claimed I’ve said about him or anyone else. > … > And I’m not really interested in arguing with people who seem to think that just because I’m a lesbian, I necessarily hate all men. Get your heads out of your asses. Was this addressed to me or to the strawman? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-ranting-longer-than-i-had-originally-thought/129282.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/girlfriend-ranting-longer-than-i-had-originally-thought/129282.md?page=7)